[V5] What's Your Mood?

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Mood: Nostalgic and, to be creative
It's has been a long time since International Labour Day last year and I have a habit of refreshing my memory on this day. I will try to summarise one of my memories briefly, hope so.
I used to be a staff in a small cinematic group. After Covid came and destroyed the team, I've had to work in a different job to not be unemployed, even the salary isn't as good as before. I don't need to be very creative to do this new job but honestly, I'm not used to it yet. Two days ago, my wife was just approached by a man returning from the virus hotspot, but thank God she told me that man now has a negative result. If not, I will choose the sad mood here. I feel everything seems ok so that having free time (not much) to think about what I've done in my life. Honestly, I often create ideas for the team from my memories in real lìe, and creativeness is my interest in the work.

Back when I was a child, my mother, until now, really doesn't like me to play any video games. I tried to convince her that most of my stories written in class are based on those games but impossible. Then, she read one story and allowed me to play some games, but in case of sitting behind me. Day to day, I showed her the Sims then Commandos, Age of Empires which my father gave me as gifts, and Final Fantasy. Everything was fine until FF. Aerith was stabbed by Sephiroth and my mother just screamed out. Since then, I've attempted to play video games in secret. If my mom discovers, my sleep at night will be gone due to her angriness.
Now I feel that terrifying moment is quite fun. My mom likes to watch action movies with me so I have a responsibility to find out some good things for her. Most of them are rather brutal but definitely more than that FF7 scene. One day I chose the John Wick franchise to watch due to its good reviews, I saw John had a very normal life without any desire, but he turned out to be a veteran soldier who has been retired and then got caught up in an assassin's war because of his dogs. The whole 3 movies, for me, are frightfully violent when the characters are stabbed by many katanas and be shot many time. Luckily, my mom still enjoyed all parts of the film. She explained to me the problem in a movie or a game is not how they look violent in some scenes, but how a character avoids death and overcomes the situation to protect for self, people or something he or she loves, instead of choosing death as a way of resolving and then finally makes someone suffer for the rest of life. I suspected she was referring to the scene of Aerith and understood the reason why she has tried to stop me from playing games since then.

At the moment I just lay down on the bed and think of if one day FF game can show up a character like John Wick (certainly not like exactly in the movie but his life). As a hobby, I imagine that guy has a beautiful wife and a smart kid but under a very crazy timeline, where a conflict between magic side and the hi-tech is in progress. Although this guy is very talented in many aspects such as singing, cooking, sometime doing poem etc, but the war with disease and pandemic makes any workers, even him, be completely unemployed. Every mornings some guys go to his house to encourage him of joining the army but he refuses. Every mornings he runs on the beach because this place is the only one he can feel safe and not be disturbed by those guys, while the wife is preparing the breakfast and cleaning the house before going to work. He hasta go back quickly to empty out the rubbish and spends the day taking care of the kid. One morning, he comes back home and sees his wife looking at his diary, which describes the enemy and how to take them down by assassinating, capturing and torturing. Of course she feels shock when discovering her husband turns out to be an secret agent before, not a normal worker in a factory. She even tells him magic side is mysterious, dangerous but at least they are human, not like those Androids and machines in the other side. He tries to convince her of thinking about their kid's life and promises that he'll find out a decent job soon. Because of their kid, she temporarily trusts him. One day, an old friend of him drops in at their house. When the wife return to the kid's room, this man shows a contract , askes the husband if he want to get back the job, but as a security guard for a machine in space. He doesn't take this contract due to the "top secret" on it, so he sends off his old friend. Before leaving the old man tells him he'll soon regret. The next day his family is attacked by a mysterious group who use magic. They tell him will not stop until they have killed him and all of his friends in this timeline. He succeeds in defeating them to protect the family, but their house is completely destroyed. The Android has been unusual to not interfere on time so he is very angry. After sending the family a safe place, he comes to meet his old friend. While listening the old man explain how the machine is important to defeat the magic side and save the timeline from the doom, he agrees to the contract putting on the table but with only one condition: let him assemble his colleagues and office workers, also friends, who are working in factories and companies, to his team again and work in space together.
Well my word is quite long now and it's certainly too much for a mood. So hope that you guys finally have a good time no matter how you feel good or bad today.
Mood: Drained

I think the past couple of months have been... something else. I keep thinking "Why are you so easily annoyed?" Or "Dang, that reaction was quite unnecessary, wasn't it, Kira?" but just taking the time to look back on it, even a little bit, makes me realise, that no, it actually makes sense.

It's been go, go, go for quite some time now and I've not taken the proper time to sit down and do things I enjoy to unwind. It's one thing after another constantly, which prevents you from doing things you enjoy, because, well, you don't enjoy anything because of stress. Duh.

So here I was hammering away, forcing myself to do things I "enjoy" without actually mentally taking the time for it.

Genuinely, it's so important to tune in with your mental state.

First step taken by unloading some responsibility where possible. Good job me.

*checks off task on to do list*
Mood: Pretty good actually!

Reason: With it being a bank holiday over here in the UK, it meant an easy day at work and an early finish! Woop! Also, one of my bosses are off this week so things are a bit more lax. I think like Kira above, I haven't given myself time to myself without feeling guilty so I've been playing tonnes of Bravely Default 2 and watching a load of Sword Art Online/Superstore :ryan:.
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Mood: Alright

Feeling a little better than I have the past few weeks. Properly picked up my planner finished the May setup, which definitely gave some peace of mind with all that's going on and needs taking care of. Also ordered my new one for July. Since these notebooks are flying off the shelves these days. The stress of them being out is gone too. As much as I enjoy the creative aspect of these notebooks, it's definitely a productivity tool first and foremost for me.

Aside from that just trying to unwind with everything going on.

I will say I'm sick of people being shitty people, though. Haven't sorted a cure for that yet.
Mood: Jinxed myself :dry:

Can a girl catch a break please, thanks.
Mood: (y)

It's been a roller coaster of feels the last two weeks. I was on a solid :hmph: for a while over various things (especially after eBay guy and then the puke fiasco) but had a few good days in between. Today I feel super icky because I slept wrong in the night (& was a bit dehydrated on top of it) but we just got word yesterday that my kid got accepted into the school we were in a lottery for. Huge relief & we're so happy for him, plus if we have any more children they'll automatically get placed in this school as priority.

The other day I also managed to get the new lilac iPhone 12. We were looking to switch carriers since we were paying so much for a plan that wasn't even with unlimited data. Our bill will still be roughly the same, price-wise, but now we have unlimited & they also covered the cost of both our phones. It's pretty normal for phone companies to do so for new customers but I was still happy over that. :-)

Then last year I won a prize on Toreba & was super excited to get it. Waited & waited but unfortunately, in combination of bad tracking info & Covid, it got lost in the mail. I emailed a few times over the span of 7 months but really didn't get my hopes up in ever getting it. So much to my surprise, 1 year & 19 days later, I finally got it :o It's just a noodle stopper figure but she looks really cute sitting on my computer.

Another weird thing that happened is that I bought Pokemon Snap through Target since they had a photo frame for preorder bonus. The game shipped out to me but the photo frame never got sent out despite it having its own shipping info & such. We contacted Target customer support about it & they assured us it would be there tomorrow, or at the latest 3 days from the day we were talking. Still never got it, blah blah. Was super annoyed with Target already since they sold us a used gray Nintendo Switch that got placed back on the shelf as new. Then today we were talking with customer support again and apparently we're getting refunded the entire cost of Pokemon Snap & still getting shipped a new photo frame for the inconvenience. 👀 We actually asked three different times for clarity, so 100% surprised. We still saved the text conversation 😅

So far 2021 hasn't been too terrible compared to 2020, but it's still been very strange for us. Still hoping for my husband to get a call for his new job but we'll see. The situation over this job is a little weird to explain, but from our perspective it isn't surprising we haven't heard anything as of yet. Though we did get an update from a friend that works with the company. As of now his name is still on a (short) list of people they're still considering so 🤞Hopefully will hear back soon, if not at least a courtesy call explaining they went with a few people more qualified.
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Mood: Worn out

Seems to be one thing after another this year and it genuinely makes you wonder how much nonsense one person can take. I feel on edge about everything, I worry about everything, I don't really even know how to "relax" in these times, and I should probably be taking more care of myself than I currently am, but even that is proving difficult.

I think the worst thing is that I'm just really disappointed in people on top of it all. Just people in general, gross.
Mood: Really grand!

Reason: Currently in the middle of a week away from work and today was such a good day! Picked up two of my mates and drove over to a cinema that was a bit further away. Watched the new Saw (which was shite but fun enough) and had some prawny and chickeny pasta (alfredo) in Frankie & Benny's. Felt well happy with myself since it was a journey I knew that the others didn't; t'was near where I used to go to uni, you see :monocle:.
Mood: Overwhelmed

If I've said it lightly before, I definitely don't mean it lightly now. There's so much going on IRL that it's just kinda... becoming laughable that's how unreal it all seems. Like how much shit can hit the fan at once? Well, a lot, let me tell you.

On some days I feel "alright", until the little nagging in the back of my mind just snowballs into full blown panic mode and I am stuck with worrying about shit I can't control for the rest of the week.

Anxiety, despite what anyone says, is NOT your friend. :cautious:
Mood: Frustrated

They say the mind can't be anxious and grateful at the same time. So I'm sitting here trying to remind myself of all the things I should be grateful for to get rid of anxiety, but that seems quite toxic in itself. Anxiety isn't necessarily a bad thing. Often times people want to get rid of it because it's seen as a negative emotion, and trust me, it definitely can be, but instead of trying to convince myself of things I can be grateful for, I'm not arguing with myself as to why I want to pretend and not acknowledge the anxiety, but I'm sick of acknowledging the anxiety... It's a struggle you see.

Inner dialogue:

- Cat's been puking for two months, may have to sell a kidney on the black market to keep up with the vet bills.
------ But you can at least go to the vet. There's a vet semi close by, even though the one even closer to your home moved away, you still have something nearby.
- Which is a pain to get to, and double the consult cost. 50 euros to just walk into their vet clinique and have them look at him. Are you mad?
------ But at least you can afford it.

Fucking helllllllllllllllllllllll. Give a girl a break on top of everything else the past few months. It's just turning into a joke now. 😒
Moodlet: Tense

I haven't been able to decompress lately, and when I do get some rest it's like it isn't enough. I've been running on 12% battery life. 🥲 Super irky to boot, especially with loud noises and a few other things. Just reminds me of the feeling you get when you're trying to sleep but someone/something keeps making these loud noises that keeps you from falling asleep despite how tired you are.

I've got a disastrous closet I've been wanting to clean out now that I've got some new storage containers.. but I've been too tired by the end of the night (when my kiddo goes to sleep) to clean it. I don't particularly like cleaning but it's somehow relaxing just sorting crap out & cleaning everything. I think it helps me mentally compartmentalize & decompress my brain some, buuuuuuut :dead:

It seems so weird & petty reading it all back, but I dunno. It's hard to write it all out & translate well into words how it's been. Anyway, hoping this week is different, but at the very least hoping to start August off more positively. Just ready for this hot weather to be over~

Edit: :| I pretty much just got sick the day after I posted this so I guess that explains 90% of everything.
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Mood: Nostalgic
Reason: I joined this place back in 06, when it had that simple gray template and not even half the features it has today. Can't believe it has been over 5 years, and about 3 years since my last post. I am glad nobody took my username. Back then there was a habit of making you "FFF User" to liberate a username for someone else.

Wow, I remember the old forum wars, moving from one forum to the next and back, the surprise hacking, that time someone in Admin Staff thought funny to make us all then-Staff Agent Smith clones...

I remember this place with fond memories but have not had the time to pick up the pace and post regularly. I guess growing up does that, and in my case too many commitments at home and work leave very little time for good o'l forum life. Made good friends, lost others (RIP Koloth), and lost touch with others, I am FB friends with some IRL.

Heck, I do not even own a game console anymore and now opt for emulators on my phone. Replayed FFVIII, LoK Blood Omen 1, Legend of Dragoon, Castlevania SoN, I am now playing FFIX at snail pace.

I am really glad seeing what has been done with the place. It looks amazing. Some of my best online memories are from this place and I am happy to see it is still standing to this day. Kudos to Staff and Owner(s?) for what has been done with the place.

Edit: And Bambi is STILL top poster? Oh my God! That is what I call commitment.
Mood: :thehead:

I'd say that I've reached a weird and unusual stage of my life, but I think life has been like since the pandemic began if I'm honest. I'm sure the same is true for many people to varying degrees, but yeah. Always lots of important decisions to make, all whilst my brain is firing in random directions with ideas that could pepper the cosmos. And if I don't grab my ideas and tether them to something meaningful then they'll float away from me forever.

I don't often know how to express my thoughts in a way that makes sense, but I'm mostly here to reply to this:

I am really glad seeing what has been done with the place. It looks amazing. Some of my best online memories are from this place and I am happy to see it is still standing to this day. Kudos to Staff and Owner(s?) for what has been done with the place.

Edit: And Bambi is STILL top poster? Oh my God! That is what I call commitment.

Great to see you back! I do remember you. I hope you're doing well.

Thank you for your feedback on how the forum looks. We do our best. I'm quite proud of some of the work we've done in recent years, in spite of the changing fortunes of the forum board concept in general. We don't often get feedback, so this is appreciated more than you can know. :argor:

And yeah, I think Kelly/Bambi is unbeatable. We gave her an 'award' for it once in our digital magazine! :D The fact that she came up with the idea herself and requested it in person when I met her at KupoCon was only part of the reason why we did it... her undefeated status deserved recognition anyway!
I’m doing okay, for realzies. Probably a bit stressed about uni but otherwise fine. I think.

On a more personal note, the last month or so has been interesting. I’ve put a lot of time and energy into online communities these past few years and it’s odd seeing everything change so quickly. I certainly hate to complain - my real life is quite fine, really - but there’s a certain feeling of dissatisfaction and almost hurtfulness watching it all unfold. I’m not sure why I feel that way, but I do. I think a lot of it is due to the XIV stuff - people I spent years playing with just moving on and cutting ties without batting an eye, and then the decision of dissolving the FC from FFF without involving me in the final discussion - both as a former member of staff and the FC leader for the last whatever amount of years. Or even just a friend, yanno? It’s all just like… okay. But that’s probably just my insecurities talking. I’ve put too much emphasis on online friendships in the past I suppose. None of this even makes sense anyway, I’ve not even been super active this year. Who knows man

Honestly at this point I’m 50/50 on whether I should just get myself banned here so I can’t return 🙃 I’ve seen people do that before

Ahem. Anyway. Ignore this vent post and look at this picture instead:

Finally have a flower blooming after almost two years. It’s nice
Mood: Bewildered

Without going into a full on rant, I find myself at one of those moments when I look up and think, "When did everything stop making sense?" I mean, obviously life is life, and having any modicum of control is a minimal, fleeting notion, but it feels that what little consistency there once was has abandoned ship. It's hard to keep up, be it in my personal life, social life, or with the silly office politics that actually bore my brain into full numbness. It feels like a prolonged Evie Hammond moment from V for Vendetta: "I don't feel anything any more", (love that line, it always lands a knock-out blow). Just needs to be said, it's incredible the hands we receive and deal out to others in life, it would be nice it we could figure out a way to find some sort of inner peace (if you're one of those who have, I'm genuinely happy for you - sorry for projecting :lew:).

Anyways, I hope you folks are doing well and hanging in there after some difficult times. The one consolation I think is that people are indeed trying their best :)
Mood: Tired

Man, mentally I am drained. It's been such a ridiculous year that I don't even know where to begin when I try and un-frazzle my brain.

A couple of days ago one of our cats puked 3 times, didn't the next day, the twice again the next. Thankfully I had some tablets laying around for him still that the vet gave us, and just gave him one of those. There doesn't seem to be an actual cause for it, or at least, none they could really pin point after 1200+ invested in vet trips, and it's stressing me out. He's not stopped since he's been on his prescription food, but it was "a little better" than say May-June-July.

My mom's health has been up and down this year which is always a massive worry.

That on top of everything else just uh.... Yeah. I'm tired. :lew:
Mood: Tired, probably got a cold coming.

Reason: Not sure. I've been in bed early the last few nights, watching netflix and playing Doki Doki. Should be full of energy lmao. I haven't even noticed Christmas coming which is worrying...I still have the odd present to buy :/.
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