Serious Teenager Problems.

[Ryvius]

So I've not always been the shining beacon of light I am now, but I straightened up for a woman like most people do. I met my girlfriend when I was 16, and eventually decided I was in love. We've had our ups and downs but mostly we've been happy. I gave up drugs and self-mutilation, dealt with long-repressed memories, and have been happier than I've ever been. She wanted to wait until marriage until sex, and I agreed because what's important to her is important to me and such. eventually she decided she did want to have sex, and we did, and it was wonderful for the most part and finally knowing sex and love combined into one delicious candy gave me a peace I'll never be able to express.

But today her mom found out somehow about it and said she'll make sure she never sees me again and that kinda sucks. I'm hoping that once she calms down I can talk to her and everything will eventually be okay again, but what really gets to me is part of me secretly hopes it just won't work out so I can just give up on being a good person. Because living for yourself is a lot simpler. But yeah, I'll let ya'll know how that turns out.

Don't know why I'm whining on a forum, but writing it all down helps and it adds to the post count. Any comments are welcome, as well as sharing your own similar stories. I'm sure this sort of thing is pretty common.

 

[Tipsynaruto]

So, her mum thinks she can keep you two apart?

I doubt it. What, like she's going to tail her for the rest of your life? Bloody hell. This is common, but its all talk on the parents behalf. If she does love you,then no matter what the parent does, she'll find a way to see ya.

but what really gets to me is part of me secretly hopes it just won't work out so I can just give up on being a good person. Because living for yourself is a lot simpler. But yeah, I'll let ya'll know how that turns out.

i lol. Temptation to be a prick.

 

[Ryvius]

Yeah, she seems pretty dead set on making us work. I do think things will work out one way or another. I'd like to be able to have a good relationship with her mother too though. If only because she's a super dependant momma's girl.

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

Yeah, she seems pretty dead set on making us work.

If this is how your girlfriend feels then you too should also feel this way.

If you don't feel this way 100% you are not ready to commit yourself to this relationship and give your girlfriend the full love and attention she needs to make the relationship work.

If one person is doing all the work while the other 'kind of hopes' it all falls apart for their own selfish reasons, then the relationship won't last that much longer anyway. =/

You either want to be with her or you don't. Don't make it difficult for your girlfriend.

You wouldn't want her to go through all that hard work and fighting against her mother and then for you to just give up on her in the end because it's easier.

Her mother will only turn around and say, "I told you so." to your girlfriend and then your girlfriend will either rebel or do exactly as her mother says for the rest of her life etc.

I mean most people's very first relationships make a big part of who they are in the future and the ending of it determine a lot of their decisions they make after, depending on how the relationship ends.

I've had my fair share of very horrible relationships. It really scars you if they end badly.

My first real boyfriend was perfect until he got selfish and deceiving and then ended it without a care for me in the world.

My decisions thereafter were not made under the best judgment and landed me in a lot of trouble etc.

So before you start thinking of yourself and your needs, think of your girlfriend, sit down and have a talk with her and whether you think you two can work things out, before secretly thinking of ending it all (without her knowledge) in the back of your head.

 

[Shu]

Well you are 18, and I'm not saying that you are too young, because even a 13 year old isn't too young to be "in love." I've heard so-called adults say otherwise.. but let me give you a bit of advice.

You don't have a chance in hell for this relationship to work. You are young enough to move on, but don't do it in a crappy way. Why am I being so blunt to begin with? Well you said it yourself you want to be alone again, and fall back to your ways. Its selfish, but then again it would be stupid to keep a relationship going just because she wants it.

What people don't realize even at that age, a relationship will always, no matter who you are have its ruts. You will never find a constantly spontaneous person, a beautiful person inside and out all the time, one who will f--- your brains outs all the time, whatever else you are looking for in the opposite gender.. or even same if you swing that way..

So if she wants something you are merely wishing "it won't happen" then I'd say be a man and grow a pair and end it now before you hurt her later. Her mother is not right in the first place by distancing you from her, but honestly relationships are how you make of it. If it is merely platonic then that's fine, but she sounds like she wants a bit more.

Now take this as a grain of salt from a complete stranger, but be honest with yourself first and in turn her.

 

[blakstang98]

I met my girlfriend when I was 16, and eventually decided I was in love.

Well, this was the part that stood out to me most. Love isn't something you decide to do, it's a feeling you get that comes naturally with the one you love. And the fact that on some level you want it to end is another sign that you aren't in love as well. It's pretty tough to fall in love at such a young age anyways, so you shouldn't look at it as a bad thing, but morely knowledge you've gained for the future.

You said you gave up things like drugs and self-mutilation. Well, I'm not exactly sure what you mean by self-mutilation, but for now I'll leave that as is. As for drugs, if it's weed, then I'd say it won't do you any harm and there wouldn't be an issue of going back to that. I'm guessing you gave this up for your girlfriend? I'm not a fan of the fact that she is making you change things for her, if this is the case. I know it's not easy to just say "you won't change me", but typically things don't work out for the best when 1 of the 2 people involved constantly has to change themself in order to make the other happy. If doing drugs and self-mutilation is something you like doing, then by all means don't stop it.

Anyways, hope that helps. Best of luck buddy!

 

[Prometheus]

Well considering you are 18 (and i presume your girlfriend is too), how can her mom really stop you 2 from being together?

 

[Ryvius]

I didn't read most of the posts in here, because I'm an asswipe who doesn't value the opinions of others, But I figured an update's fair as long as I'm back here for a minute.

the short version is, it worked out.

 

[Dee]

Yeah, she seems pretty dead set on making us work. I do think things will work out one way or another. I'd like to be able to have a good relationship with her mother too though. If only because she's a super dependant momma's girl.

My only advice for you is to think about it from her mom's point of view.

That's her baby girl. If she's getting so upset, she quite obviously loves her daughter and wants to protect her even if the is overreacting. You guys are still very young, though, so I'm sure she's probably thinking she doesn't want her daughter to face the chance of getting pregnant at a young age. Plus, you took her virginity, which her mom probably thinks is something sacred. The whole purity thing, mom wanting her daughter to be with the right guy in her eyes, blah blah etc etc.

What I'm saying is you cannot automatically think she hates your guts and is trying to make your life miserable. It may seem that way, but she's really only doing what mothers do: protecting their offspring.

I think you should be very understanding of this. Think about it as though you had a daughter. What would you think if a guy like you did your daughter? Would you be the least bit concerned? Would you be worried about the consequences? Would you be worried she's rushing into things and making a huge mistake? That's probably what her mother is thinking.

Just be respectful of her opinion because she really does have merit for it. What you should also do is stand firm in your belief that you love this girl and want to make the relationship work. You shouldn't have to back down if you really, truly do love her, but do not try and butt heads with her mother.

As a matter of fact, you should have a nice talk to your girlfriend as well so that you're both on the same page.

 

[Tmoo]

I didn't read most of the posts in here, because I'm an asswipe who doesn't value the opinions of others, But I figured an update's fair as long as I'm back here for a minute.

the short version is, it worked out.

congrats mate. concerning what others said, there is always the temptation to go back to being a loner. it's your choice, but i see you've made it already so good luck to you and your girl. here's some wishes of happiness from a stranger.

 

[Ayumi Hamasaki]

Wow, I'm sorta late to share!

Anyway, I'd say that if the mother doesn't like you, and your GF is commited to her, it would never work itself out to a really happy conclusion, at least from what I've seen. If she loves her family then most of the time another person can't compare. I know I wouldn't give my famliy up for someone else I loved, not without a very strong relationship I was certain was going somehwhere.

That being said, I don't really know what to tell you, other than do what you think is right, not what you feel is right. Don't act on your emotions alone as that leads down a bad path. Once you've though things through, then stay devoted to whatever you decide, and eventually it will work out. Or not, but at least you tried.

To your update, I say good luck and wish you well!! I hope it works!!

 

[Apparent Amarant]

When you make a big change for a woman it is common to at times wish things were back to their simpler ways. I've never been with anyone without at times thinking how much easier it is to only have to take care of yourself, but then I remember how fleeting of an experience that feeling is and how she has enriched my life in more ways then I could even attempt counting. Maybe that's not how it is for you, but anyone who tells you the feelings aren't common is dead wrong. You may not belong in the relationship or it may be right where you belong but that occasional feeling alone isn't very telling of anything.

Most likely if she really cares about you and her mom isn't completely insane her mom will realize this and begin to like you and treat you well or at the very least pretend to like you for her daughters sake as long as she doesn't think you are using her daughter or hurting her. So don't give up if it's what you want.