Serious Surgery

[der Astronom]

But you know how it works, most parents are so involved in this "leading" role that they end up wanting to choose what is best for their children believing them to be too inexperienced to be taken into account. Which is absurd since you need to make mistakes in order to get experience, that's how "trial and error" works. It's like wanting to live in a moral plastic bubble, the less exposed you are the more you'll most likely fail at the first trial. I guess we have a few religions and years of conservatism to blame for most of the failed marriages these days.

And that's the thing; claiming to know better than your children simply because they're inexperienced is technically an ad hominem; children can still have good sense in certain areas where their parents might not; they might occasionally be correct where their parents are wrong, and being inexperienced doesn't prevent them from being right every now and then. But again, as it is with religion, it's quite hard to convince them they might be wrong when their children are right.

And sneakerpimp441, I hope you'll be able to get a phone in the future that you can actually lock with a password. Failing that...there's learning a second language, but that may take awhile, and I think I'm actually one of the only few people who are crazy enough to do something like that. It works on my parents though; my entire computer is in German, and they won't touch it with a 10 foot pole. Or I'll tell my dad that my phone is in German, so he can't read it unless I switch the languages back. He swallows it, hook, line and sinker, and he isn't a gullible person.

 

[Valvalis]

And that's the thing; claiming to know better than your children simply because they're inexperienced is technically an ad hominem; children can still have good sense in certain areas where their parents might not; they might occasionally be correct where their parents are wrong, and being inexperienced doesn't prevent them from being right every now and then. But again, as it is with religion, it's quite hard to convince them they might be wrong when their children are right.

This, exactly. So many times, parents try to pull the "older = wiser" crap, and it's a travesty. There are plenty of 80-year-old people out there who are less logical and have less common sense than teenagers. Experience and intelligence are not mutually inclusive.

And good grief, your parents sound invasive Sneaker Definitely not trying to legitimately do what's best for you. If they're doing things like making a huge scene, reading your text messages, and then telling relatives about this etc, they're obviously more concerned about having a "good parents" image than actually practicing good parenting. I.E. they want to be able to say they "tried everything they could" to make sure you "turn out good," so that if you ever did something bad, they wouldn't be able to take the blame for it It's a shame people have to think that way, but it happens, unfortunately.

My advice in all this: stay strong, and get the hell out of there as soon as you possibly can. And move far enough away that you can't be expected to visit them regularly and vice versa.

As far as your BF, if there's any way you can move out soon, maybe he'd feel more comfortable being with you, but I think if he does really care about you, like it sounds, he's probably just trying to make things less hard for you at home. If he knows your parents are giving you crap because of him, he probably doesn't want you to have to deal with that, and feels like you'd be better off without him. And hopefully if you try talking to him about it, you'll be able to convince him otherwise, but some people do take a lot of convincing. And he may need a little time also. But I doubt he would just want to stop being with you because of this when he put so much effort into trying to make sure you're okay.

 

[der Astronom]

About them visiting her, I think you can deny them from taking you anywhere or being obligated to visit them if you're legally independent from them, and still have to live in the same area, as it's within your rights to deny them access to your home and to deny going anywhere with them. And if you feel they're invading your privacy, you can make it a legal issue if you are no longer living with them.

 

[Sepalcure]

Well I talked his ear to death and he thinks it's best that we go our separate ways for now. I'm not happy obviously. He's not happy having to make the decision but we're both really stubborn. I still think he shouldn't let their words influence them, especially when they're not concerned about the well being or the status of our relationship. He feels that them liking him is an important pride thing but whatever. I'll just have to focus on myself and hope that in the near future we can get back together properly. I mean we love each other a lot but dealing with this is ridiculous. My parents are just being ridiculous and no, I'm not happy with them.

 

[Dean Winchester]

Well I talked his ear to death and he thinks it's best that we go our separate ways for now. I'm not happy obviously. He's not happy having to make the decision but we're both really stubborn. I still think he shouldn't let their words influence them, especially when they're not concerned about the well being or the status of our relationship. He feels that them liking him is an important pride thing but whatever. I'll just have to focus on myself and hope that in the near future we can get back together properly. I mean we love each other a lot but dealing with this is ridiculous. My parents are just being ridiculous and no, I'm not happy with them.

Well some men, take seriously the "being accepted" by their fiancée's parents. It is like the last wall to conquer. Not much about pride, it is about being acknowledged by the family of the person you love. It doesn't matter how much love you have for each unless you live far from them because your family will always be getting involved. Believe me, no man would find pleasant to be hell-adjacent.

Taking a time away would be smart for now, at least until you can get some independence and move away from your folks. The most likely thing to happen is that you two won't together because time, distance and stress kill relationships, but at least you'll have something to look forward to. If the love is strong enough -and not not entering in that Beastly, Twilight, romantic cliché crap - then you'll both endure this. If not, then it was good whilst it lasted.