Relationship titles; why do we need them?

[CPancer]

Relationship titles,

I do not know how long they've existed for, and why it's necessary to use them till this day. I feel like having a title in a relationship is a form of ego-boosting and a need for acceptance in one's social circle to equal or better themselves over people who established the same titles or are still single.

There's no need to be offended by my opinion on the subject as I am not attacking anybody I know on here, I am simply bringing this up from my own knowledge of what i've experienced as well as others that are close to me.

So what do you think? Why do you put a title over your relationship with your partner? Why don't you?

Sub-topic: Is marriage overrated?

 

[The Master]

So, by titles what are you referring to?

Like boyfriend/girlfriend titles or like name calling titles? i.e. Baby, sugar, sweety...

Marriage wouldn't be overrated if it were not recognized under the law...

 

[Ethics]

Well, I think you're partially right. It clearly has devolved into a shell of what it used to mean (or so one is told), in part to be accepted but more so because many simply don't want to be alone. A man is his own worst company, etc.

Why we have them, though? To quickly relay the information. "Partner" "Spouse" "Husband" etc. are simply faster than saying "I am currently in a legal mating contract with such and such" or "I already have a person who I am with." Simplification of speech, is all.

In regards to why I did, that is a good question. I did not for a long time, Kira and myself were together for a long time before I "officially" asked her out. It was not really needed, aside from confirming what one means to the other. It could be done without the title, sure, but it's a tried and true offer of a commitment. It works. It's unneeded, yes, but it works and that is what it ultimately boils down to.

Yes, marriage is overrated. Currently, it's only real practical use is for the government to try to "confirm" that you are with someone for whatever purposes needed. Inheritance, immigration, etc. Plus, marriage is expensive to end.

 

[Nocturne]

Many people see these titles as an definite sign of commitment.

I feel if people arent willing to do so then they arent completely serious about said relationship. We live in a society that is very noncommittal now and I feel it's a terrible aspect to have in many different aspects of life.

 

[Artemisia]

I've been involved with a fellow for about 4 months now, and we have yet to place a title on our relationship. There are many factors that have led to our decision to not attach a title to it, and at first it bothered me terribly, seeing as a sign of non-commitment, but over time I began to realise and be glad that we are not "boyfriend-and-girlfriend". With an official title comes a set of expectations and protocol, which would be strained by our current circumstances and perhaps even lead to a complete dissolution of our relationship. As far as I'm concerned, he is the guy I'm seeing and involved with, and whether we refer to each other as bf/gf is immaterial to me right now. My friend who divorced 2 years ago has been living with her new guy for over a year now, and they have both agreed to not place a label on their relationship. She says it's the best thing they could ever have done. But, as in any situation, the matter is highly subjective. If there is nothing stopping you from being exclusive or officially partnered with a title then it's up to the people in the relationship whether it is matter of importance or not. Clear communication is vital here; a lot of people are scared to say what they feel because they fear losing the one they are in love with as a result.

 

[Lirael]

I don't think relationship titles are about ego-boosting, acceptance or being better than others. At least, I've never met anyone who's in a relationship for an ego boost. Those I know who want an ego boost more often avoid relationships and instead flirt with several members of the opposite sex. They may sleep around too. As for those who want to be accepted...well, I'd say they instead mould their behaviour after the type of person others appear to like. As for those who want to be better than others... The people I know who are like that tend to put others down and will occasionally show off.

For me, a title is about commitment. An official relationship in which you call your partner you 'boyfriend/girlfriend' suggests that you're committed to being with one another. You and your other half are a team, in effect, working through life together, supporting one another, seeking new experiences together! You're loyal to one another and aren't intimate with other people. This doesn't mean you can't do things separately too! Independence is important in a relationship, but at the end of the day, you will return to one another. You confide in one another. You are devoted to one another. You can rely on one another.

Occasionally, people do use titles to 'own' their partner, to ward off others. I have one or two friends whose exes wanted to claim them as their property. They weren't loving or thoughtful towards their partner. They just didn't want their partner associating with any other men. =/ This is not a good use of the title. Relationship titles should be mutual.

In terms of whether or not marriage is over-rated... Well, I don't think it's necessary! but others have their reasons for getting marriage. The best I've heard = 'it makes you into an official family.' Sometimes marriage occurs for practical reasons like finance, which is fair enough as long as you truly love your partner.

'Married' can certainly be used as a glamorous title. Some people feel that being married shows others that you are a real couple! That's not necessarily true... Whether or not you stay together for life does not depend on getting married. It depends on commitment, hard work, loyalty, love, selflessness, a bit of selfishness and empathy - amongst many other things.

Sometimes people want a huge wedding, which can be for the sake of their ego and/or in order to come across as better than others. I don't think this is very common, but it does happen.

If I get married, it will be because I want to make that final leap and truly bind myself to my partner for life. I do dislike the terms 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' as they seem a bit highschoolish... Calling the love of my life 'husband' sounds nice. I wouldn't ever want a big wedding... the idea of having anyone there is actually horrible! I don't want to be the centre of attention and I don't want to plod through a long, arduous day. I'd rather have something very small, followed by a meal at my favourite local restaurant. =D Followed by years of happiness, hard work, commitment, loyalty, happy times, sad times, angry times - but overall, in the end, unconditional love.

 

[Bambi]

Im just not single, so if someone asks, i say i have a boyfriend, which is true, we live together we're in a realtionship, we're getting married. not sure how else id describe it than saying im in a relationship if were asked, i dont prance around announcing it, or going on about him/it etc.

actually, he's technically my fiancé lol... i suppose, for me, its just if someone asks, im with someone, thats it really. i dont need to flaunt my relationship in other peoples faces, i dont know why anyone would feel the need to do that, but i suppose some people do.

 

[Nocturne]

I don't think relationship titles are about ego-boosting, acceptance or being better than others. At least, I've never met anyone who's in a relationship for an ego boost. Those I know who want an ego boost more often avoid relationships and instead flirt with several members of the opposite sex. They may sleep around too. As for those who want to be accepted...well, I'd say they instead mould their behaviour after the type of person others appear to like. As for those who want to be better than others... The people I know who are like that tend to put others down and will occasionally show off.

For me, a title is about commitment. An official relationship in which you call your partner you 'boyfriend/girlfriend' suggests that you're committed to being with one another. You and your other half are a team, in effect, working through life together, supporting one another, seeking new experiences together! You're loyal to one another and aren't intimate with other people. This doesn't mean you can't do things separately too! Independence is important in a relationship, but at the end of the day, you will return to one another. You confide in one another. You are devoted to one another. You can rely on one another.

Occasionally, people do use titles to 'own' their partner, to ward off others. I have one or two friends whose exes wanted to claim them as their property. They weren't loving or thoughtful towards their partner. They just didn't want their partner associating with any other men. =/ This is not a good use of the title. Relationship titles should be mutual.

In terms of whether or not marriage is over-rated... Well, I don't think it's necessary! but others have their reasons for getting marriage. The best I've heard = 'it makes you into an official family.' Sometimes marriage occurs for practical reasons like finance, which is fair enough as long as you truly love your partner.

'Married' can certainly be used as a glamorous title. Some people feel that being married shows others that you are a real couple! That's not necessarily true... Whether or not you stay together for life does not depend on getting married. It depends on commitment, hard work, loyalty, love, selflessness, a bit of selfishness and empathy - amongst many other things.

Sometimes people want a huge wedding, which can be for the sake of their ego and/or in order to come across as better than others. I don't think this is very common, but it does happen.

If I get married, it will be because I want to make that final leap and truly bind myself to my partner for life. I do dislike the terms 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' as they seem a bit highschoolish... Calling the love of my life 'husband' sounds nice. I wouldn't ever want a big wedding... the idea of having anyone there is actually horrible! I don't want to be the centre of attention and I don't want to plod through a long, arduous day. I'd rather have something very small, followed by a meal at my favourite local restaurant. =D Followed by years of happiness, hard work, commitment, loyalty, happy times, sad times, angry times - but overall, in the end, unconditional love.

I agree with pretty much all of this

 

[Squid]

I like relationship titles.
They give confirmation on what you actually are as a couple. Without them everything is so uncertain haha. Also it's just something to call whatever it is you're in. Otherwise how do you explain it to someone when they ask?

It's just like any other title, eg: Mr, Mrs, etc.

 

[Mr. Zombie]

I don't know for how long they've existed too, but I think they only describe many levels of engagement that have existed, well, since we exist. It's just a matter of simplication, as Pocket said.

Although I can't agree with the "ego-boosting" nature of a relationship title, I think people feel better or complete with the company of who they love, which may be similar to a ego-boosting sentiment, though some people may think like you as well, and seek a relationship believing they will be accepted (by whom? only by themselves, if you look closely).

Is marriage overrated? In a world dominated by superficial people with shallow principles, yes, it is.

 

[Apricots]

Humans have a natural need to give a name to everything, that includes relationships. Every bit of interaction we have with anything in our lives, whether it's another living being or not, has a "title". That's why we speak languages and such. It's just how it goes.

 

[Catnip]

We need them so we know where we're at. It's an organized method. It's how the human mind works, naturally. I think if you don't want titles, it's more of a decision to not have anything to do with them.

Marriage is not overrated. Weddings are.