Parents and their involvement in their kid's lives

Rydia

Rydia

Throwing rocks at emo kids
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Have you ever met parents that seem to be way to involved in their child's life?

I remember in high school, there was a mom that would go out an party with her daughter and her friends every weekend. She would go to parties and dance with all the kids including dirty dancing with all the boys. She dressed like a teenager and if her daughter ever did something wrong, the mother would make up an excuse. There was even a time when her daughter put one of her friend's lives in danger with reckless driving and the mom just laughed when the friend's parents complained. In the end she wanted to be the cool mom and a teenager again. She was also the one who would buy the alchol for all the teens at the party.

And on the opposite side of the spectrum, another parent was very strict with her teen. If she was anything less than the best with school, she would get grounded. She had to have straight A's and when she went from 1st in the class to fourth in the class, her mom had a huge fit grounded her for a month. If she did anything the slightest bit wrong, even things that were no big deal, her mom would throw a fit. This mom was also invovled in every one of her daughter's after school activities. She was the cookie mom in girl scouts, and was one of the main parents in band where her daughter played the clarinet. And she loved to talk to others how great her child is.

And of course you have those annoying parents that want their kids to be popular or beautiful. There was a mother on the Tyra show that would take her five year old daughter and six year old son to a spa every friday. I'm lucky if I get to go to a spa once a year. They would get massages, facials, pedicures, and the girl would get manicures. The mom would never let her daughter out of the house with a chipped nail and now the daughter will not leave the house if her hair and nails aren't perfect. And does anyone remember that TV show "I Know My Child is a Star." Terrible parents.

How involved do you think a parent should be in their child's life? Do you think it's ok for parents to push their children in activities and school? Is it ok to be your child's friend?
 
I say it's okay to be your child's friend but, back off.

I can relate in the sense that my dad was very strict while I was growing up and he was a very controlling parent. There was a period of time where I just didn't want to even be near him. I mean, I say parent's shouldn't be too involved but, they should be involved enough to know that their child is doing okay etc etc.


Parent's should push/ encourage their children to do things but, not force them. If your child isn't interested, well (at least i know i wouldn't) force my child to do whatever it is that I encouraged them to do.

I say with the right amount of discipline and love it shouldn't be too much of a problem.

And yeah, that one TV your talking about-- they do look like horrible parents :ffs:
 
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I think that it always depends on ho you approach the subject matter.
I grew up with my mother as my only parent and she was very involved when I was young but let go once I got to what I think would be junor high in America.

From that point on she got more passive and actually let me do things my way and didn't set many boundaries. Though that strangely took most of the temptation out of the forbidden things for me, but made me be friends with my mom till the end.

But looking at my brother who lived with my dad and his mom and who recieved the same treatment but grew up to be a annoying, self involved and just plain spoiled twat I think that the involement of parents should always be adjusted to the kids perosnallity. I mean everyone is different and you can't just raise each kid according to the same rules.

As for activities, I think one should find a ballance between guiding them towards activities they might like and forcing activities upon them oneself likes. None of the people I know who were forced to learn piano or soccer, still do that stuff...

And of course parents can be friends with their children, but they should wait untill their kids have been through puberty to try to, cause doing so before just leads to the kids hating their parents and the parents loosing their authority.
 
I agree, to a certain extent, to all of you. Sometimes parents are too involved in a kid's life, and a kid has to learn social skills on his/her own.

But at the same time, they can't leave kids alone for too long. Or they can't afford to be too passive. One time I saw a little boy kick dirt on a tame goat in a local petting zoo, with the mom simply turning a blind eye without a care in the world. I can't blame the kid for doing what he did; bad behavior, regardless of age, comes from bad parents. (The goat turned up okay. :) )

Simply put, just teach the kids the difference between right and wrong ASAP. You don't need to be cool (or too cool) or strict, but I believe to teach discipline when it's needed. I think it's okay to hit kids (not too hard) to teach them whatever they're doing is wrong. Grow too passive, and the kid won't care about anything (like the life of another living being, man or animal). Become too strict, and they will only be miserable.
 
good god, a mother dirty dancing at a party full of teenagers with her daughter present. someone hasn't grown out of their teen years. that's just nasty IMHO. i'll take the overly strict parent over THAT any day.

parents should generally follow the rule of positive reinforcement. they need to give space and let the kid grow, but that growth should be under the guidance of the parent - there has to be a level of authority.

'hey dad, i'm going out to bob's house'
'isn't he the one who was caught smoking pot behind the school?'
'well yeah...'
'no. you are not going to his house. period.'
 
I don't think parents should try to be friends with their children, because if they are they can't make decisions without worrying that their precious kiddies will dislike them. I think the role of the parents is to raise their child to the best of their ability and that's all.
I thought this would be about parents getting children involved in their own religion. Most children are indoctrinated into Christianity etc. Whilst it's not really something I agree with, I don't think you should force parents to raise their child in a particular way.
 
At my old work (Pizza Hut) my boss told me a story about some guy he used to work with. Basically this guy had been under constant pressure from his parents to become a doctor for as long as he could remember. He went to Uni, got his degree and even practiced as a doctor for several years until one day he just snapped, walked into Pizza Hut and asked to be a delivery boy. Apparently he said something along the lines of "I want to deliver Pizzas, I JUST want to deliver Pizzas and I want my parents to know I am JUST delivering Pizzas!" He got hired and apparently he loved working there. This is a classic example of parents getting too involved in their children's lives, at the end of the day it just resulted in resentment.

I don't think a parent should try to be their kid's best friend. Kids have their own friends for that. A parent should be a parent, plain and simple. They should be there for their children, offer advice, keep them out of trouble etc.
 
Sash you hit it spot on mate!

What teens require from parents is trust and freedom, to do what they want to do, act how they want to act and suffer the consequences when they go out side of things you are willing to accept and what the law expects of them.

Freedom to do what hey want......support them from the wings but the choice of there activities or lack of activities must be there choice, in the US there stories all the time of cliched parents who are to involved in there kids lives going back decades. In sure they exist in other counties but there is just more exposure int the States to this kind of thing.

Thats not a bad thing but it takes an outsider to see where it happens, the worst kind of suport is the ind that leads to exploitation of the child for the sake of financial reasons, like the chance to make big in a professional sports league.

Another aspect of.....mindful parenting is the knowledge your kids may have that you will be there to support them when the it hits the fan. I know people who have regreted having children and take minimal responsibility in there lives,some parents are fucking worse than useless and what worse is they will more than pass these traits on to there kids!

The worst possible example of parents being bad influences is the phenomenon of Squatting, it maybe called other things else where but in Australia we have people so devoid morality that they seem to care nothing for other peoples homes and the Home Owner cant kick them out because of some stupid law from the 1800's.

Off topic I know but these people are allowed to have parents it should be licensed.
 
There certainly has to be a right blend of parents being involved and letting kids have their freedom. Finding that happy medium isn't always easy, but it's necessary for a good upbringing.

Parents should always be there for their children in a manner of spending time with them. This is something that should subside a little when they become a teenager and then when they become adults. But during the younger, more formative years of their lives, parents should have a high involvement in their kids lives. But not so much that you strap them into the house completely and never let them have a little freedom.

The freedom factor, more than anything, is letting the kids make their own decisions in life. This will lead to independence and some degree of satisfaction is if the right decision is made. Making their decisions for them will rob them from their later years, when they don't know what's the right choice or wrong. Unfortunately, mom and dad won't be around forever, so it's best the kids learn as early as possible what its like to make decisions, even if they aren't necessarily important decisions.
 
I know women whom dress and act like a teen when around their sons and daughters friends. Personally I find it sad and embrassing. My parents have really left me to it and would encourage me with anything I wanted to do. If I was going to a party, my mum would get cheap alchi-pops for me and my mates. Or food to take to the party.
 
My mom is one of those girls that is 47 and dresses like she is 20. yeah its embarrassing, and shes not really strict on me. I guess she is that typical mom that were talking about. But she still taught me wrong from right and although she didnt discipline me super hard, she still gave me pretty much a taste of what will happen if i do mess up, and i guess that worked cause ive never had problems with the law or a screw up.

But anyways i think Dead Fantasy nailed it with.
DeadFantasy said:
I say with the right amount of discipline and love it shouldn't be too much of a problem.
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