Serious Kind of in a tough pickle

Sexy Beast

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Okay, so for those of you that might be confused when reading this, I am Bisexual.

Okay, now onto the tough pickle I'm in. My friend of four years admitted to have been in love with me for over three years. It's not the fact that we have been friends this long that gives me the stress, it's the fact that he has known I was(now out publicly. I've had similar feelings to him for about a few months now. I really don't want to ruin such a great friendship, but also I don't want to break his heart. He even told me that I mean the world to him. Even if it's a dirty thought or me saying something nice to him, it makes his day.

Yeah, I know it sounds like he's just flat-out in love with me. Where the problem lies is that I'm just now getting comfortable with myself and actually embracing my sexuality. I just don't know what I should do. Yes, I've tried talking to him about this, and hell, I am doing that right now. I am just so unsure about all of this. On one hand, I want to explore this, and see what will happen. On the other hand, I just don't want to ruin a good friendship on something that might not even be worth the risk.

I just don't know.
 
The key in this situation is certainly communication. You both need to talk through how you feel and the options, doing your best to be balanced as you reflect on the situation. :hmmm: I wouldn't recommend rushing into anything that could make you feel uncomfortable.

Am I right in thinking that you only recently told your family? If so, you are no doubt adapting to this. You are still trying to work out how your sexuality will fit into your life and theirs. Furthermore, telling others has possibly made your sexuality feel more concrete and real as you've opened up about it. This can be extremely daunting at first, so you shouldn't feel bad about being unsure. You should be very proud of the fact you're trying to think about things carefully! *hugs*

How does he make YOU feel? What do you admire about him? How would you feel if your relationship developed into something more intimate?

If you would like to pursue a relationship with him but feel you need time to embrace your sexuality first, be honest about this (as you said you are trying to be! :)). I'd tell him that I was interested but that I had to learn to accept my sexuality first. I'd keep the doors of communication open, confiding in them about how I perceived myself and how I felt about others knowing. However, I wouldn't necessarily continue to reiterate my feelings about him. :hmmm: Tell him once perhaps, but tell him that your emotions are also very hazy. Tell him that you don't want to hurt him further down the road by making a hasty decision.

Based on how close you are to this friend, I am guessing he's able to be mature whilst discussing matters. However, people aren't always able to think or behave rationally when emotions come into play. When people who are close to one another start feeling strongly for one another, things do get complicated. :sad3:

I really do wish you the best of luck and don't hesitate to get in touch if you need any further help/someone to talk to. *hugs*
 
Meh. Falling in love with your best friend is a pain in the ass, it can turn out real good, or it can really bite you in the ass - whether it's a straight relationship or not.

No communication ruins a relationship, so if you don't have that to start with, you definitely might want to work on that if you both want to enter a new kind of relationship. It's really a key thing to have when you want things to work, if you can talk to your best friend, that's something you'd want to keep.

Treat them like your best friend, know they're more is a good thing to keep in mind. You always want a way to sort things with your best friend, that's the view you should have on your 'relationship' as well. Make sure you both want the same thing out of it.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.
 
The key in this situation is certainly communication. You both need to talk through how you feel and the options, doing your best to be balanced as you reflect on the situation. :hmmm: I wouldn't recommend rushing into anything that could make you feel uncomfortable.

Yeah, with something this severe and quite shocking, we are both in agreement to not rush into anything. At least, until some things are resolved.

Am I right in thinking that you only recently told your family? If so, you are no doubt adapting to this. You are still trying to work out how your sexuality will fit into your life and theirs. Furthermore, telling others has possibly made your sexuality feel more concrete and real as you've opened up about it. This can be extremely daunting at first, so you shouldn't feel bad about being unsure. You should be very proud of the fact you're trying to think about things carefully! *hugs*

To be more specific, I just came out this week. Yeah, he sure picked one hell of a time to tell me. Yeah, I'm still adapting to the fact I am actually out, and that there are going to be some things I still need to figure out myself. Not saying that i haven't already figured out somethings, but there's also some more "personal things I need to think about. Which is why this makes the whole ordeal a little harder on my part.

How does he make YOU feel? What do you admire about him? How would you feel if your relationship developed into something more intimate?

If you would like to pursue a relationship with him but feel you need time to embrace your sexuality first, be honest about this (as you said you are trying to be! :)). I'd tell him that I was interested but that I had to learn to accept my sexuality first. I'd keep the doors of communication open, confiding in them about how I perceived myself and how I felt about others knowing. However, I wouldn't necessarily continue to reiterate my feelings about him. :hmmm: Tell him once perhaps, but tell him that your emotions are also very hazy. Tell him that you don't want to hurt him further down the road by making a hasty decision.

The greatest thing about him, he's not even expecting anything from me, which it makes it even harder. Because of that very thing, I find myself even more stressed than I should be. He says he's ruined our friendship or in the very least, made things awkward. This is something I kept telling him that's not true.

Based on how close you are to this friend, I am guessing he's able to be mature whilst discussing matters. However, people aren't always able to think or behave rationally when emotions come into play. When people who are close to one another start feeling strongly for one another, things do get complicated. :sad3:

Yeah, we're pretty close. I can talk to him about anything. Even when I'm not in the best of moods, he makes me laugh, and I forget about it all. Yeah, pretty much what I said above, things are awkward, but i don't think things are too complicated. Sure he said I mean the world to him, and any kind of feeling that leads me to thinking of up is what he wants. It's just kinda of stressful when he says I have power over him, how I can easily shatter him based on what I say or don't say.

I really do wish you the best of luck and don't hesitate to get in touch if you need any further help/someone to talk to. *hugs*

Thanks. And thanks for the wonderful advice. <3


Meh. Falling in love with your best friend is a pain in the ass, it can turn out real good, or it can really bite you in the ass - whether it's a straight relationship or not.

No communication ruins a relationship, so if you don't have that to start with, you definitely might want to work on that if you both want to enter a new kind of relationship. It's really a key thing to have when you want things to work, if you can talk to your best friend, that's something you'd want to keep.

Treat them like your best friend, know they're more is a good thing to keep in mind. You always want a way to sort things with your best friend, that's the view you should have on your 'relationship' as well. Make sure you both want the same thing out of it.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Like I said above, I am definitely talking to him so things don't get too awkward or too distant between us. The thing about it all is that I don't want to ruin this great friendship I have by saying something that might not be what he's hoping for.

Yeah, I'm not gonna rush ANYTHING about this. Just gonna go with the flow, and if something happens, then it'll happen on its own accord.
 
well this kinda thing is something i can specialize in as i have had a few friends come out the closet in the past few years..well since i was 16.

well i can agree with six, that situation can either turn out to be the best thing to ever happen to you or it could tear you two apart. you have made a good decision as to take things slow. now..one thing are you out out..like everyone knows or are you kinda out as in only close people know. because its gonna be a tough transition being totally out in the short term, but as you accept your sexuality more and more.. the stigmas and speds judging you wont matter to you. if you need, i am certain there are support groups to help you at anytime. also you are gonna learn who your true friends are. a few of my friends had people abandon them as soon as they came out.

your friend has not ruined everything telling you how he feels. you now know you have some one who will be there for you no matter what. its not true that you have power over him.. he has his own mind and free will.. you need to let him know this. see.. i kinda feel close to this. as i posted a while back about me liking a friend (girl) who i learned was poly. i even posted about it on the site here. the whole situation is strikingly similar. me and her can talk about anything to each other. and i mean anything. now she shot me down but because of how i felt about her. my heart did not let me walk away from her. instead after i told her how i felt and got shot down. we became closer than we were.. so nothing between you two is ruined. just continue being friends and if the moment flows to making a move.. make a move. if it doesn't..then don't push the subject.. .

like i said. i have had friends come out of the closet and well i was in a similar situation with a friend.. so if you have any concerns or questions.. hit me up i can help. :)
 
I guess at this moment I would say friendships are meant to be broken & you shouldn't walk on eggshells or deviate majorly off course for fear of damaging or ruining things.

If you buy a new car and pamper it and constantly worry about scratching it or getting into an accident, you'll be miserable. :elmo:

If you're afraid of offending people or losing friends, its possible you'll never have the freedom you need to live your own life. I would say don't worry about it. Losing friends isn't necessarily a bad thing.

While it is true mixing business with pleasure and friendship with romance can be bad sometimes, there are people who do it and still remain friends afterwards.

In your case, its not as if you'll have a one night stand, he'll get pregnant with your baby, you'll realize you're incompatible then have a custory battle for the child and possibly pay child support. A lot of the main things that can plague heterosexual relationships are things you'll never have to worry about.

I don't necessarily advocate taking advice from me, also. ;))

Make your own decisions, you'll be better off for it.
 
The way it sounds, there is something between you and that's good The only real problem it seems here is that it's a rather awkward time for you. From the sound of it, you're already sure of your own sexuality but there's a few things you still need to work out. The best solution I see, is to work them out him. It sounds like you guys have a great relationship and a bit of time won't make a difference. Sounds like he's out already so you can see a path ahead, it just how close or far you want to walk it.

My opinion done, Riddick above me is quite correct.
 
Having been one myself before, I believe it's okay to follow what you truly want and desire deep down for the both of you. You just need to be sure that you and this fellow have a future together or have come to an understanding that you can make this work out. I'm just worried this could be merely a fling and you will end up unhappy. We can't call the shots for you, just point you at the right path from a moral and proper stand point that will not greatly make you break your heart or force you to make rash decisions.
 
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