Jokes

Tielknight

Tielknight

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ENJOY!

A first grade teacher was trying to stimulate creative thinking in her pupils. She stood in front of the class with her hands behind her back and said, "I'm holding something behind my back. It's round and it fits in the palm of my hand. Who can guess what it is?"

Billy's hand went up and he asked, "Is it a baseball?"

"No, Billy," replied the teacher, "It's not a baseball. But you're thinking, and I like that."

Suzy's hand went up and she asked, "Is it an orange?"

"No, Suzy," replied the teacher, "It's not an orange. But you're thinking, and I like that."

Then Johnny spoke up: "Hey, teach, I don't know what you got in your hand, but I got something for you in my pocket. It's long and hard and pink on one end."

Shocked, the teacher cried, "Johnny, that's disgusting! You march yourself to the principals office right this instant!"

"Hey, relax," said Johnny. "I was talking about my pencil... But you're thinking, and I like that."
Click to expand...
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides
to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides
to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and
says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
Click to expand...
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.

She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."
Click to expand...
 
they're good and all, but wouldn't they have better use in the 'Jokes' thread I started...

unless its been archived already :panic:

pretty fuckin' hilarious though :neomon:
 
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