I Think I'm Starting To Fall In Love

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Prince Oberyn Martel

Prince Oberyn Martel

The Red Viper of Dorne
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I've recently started having thoughts and feelings of the 'romantic' kind for a good friend of mine. Now wouldn't be a problem, but I've gotten involved with a friend before and it ended up going to the shitter very early, caused a lot of pain and I don't really wanna go there again....but at the same time I do >_<

Bad.
 
Omfg, everyone has had this problem. Shitting hell, I'm the same right now.

The only piece of advice you're going to get, in whatever way people say it, is to just tell her and soldier on through the aftermath, or reap the rewards. Despite it being the only piece of advice ... it's some bloody good advice =)
 
I could do that yes, but then she might freak out and distance if she doesn't feel the same way. and considering the last couple of years I've had, distancing will not be good. But then if things did go well, theres the point of things getting weird and then distancing, which'll be worse. >_<

Or not say anything and hope to god this really is just a minor phase because i've been single for quite a while :huh:
 
I think you could possibly use some female advice on the subject matter. If you're having feelings for her and you guys see each other often and are good friends, you shouldn't hide them from her. If you hid the feelings from her, it might make her upset in the long run that you didn't tell her in the first place. Be open and honest. I wouldn't think she'd distance herself from you, but I could be wrong, that's just coming from my views since I'm female.

Have you seen any signs or hints from her that she might feel the same way? Is she flirtatious at all with you? Why not try and pursue it? If you don't then you'll never know what'll happen. You could be walking away from something that could really benefit both her and yourself in the long run? There's always going to be a point of awkwardness, despite the situation at hand, but how will you know what's right and what's true if you never tell her?
Sorry if that sounded weird :P I'm still half asleep.
 
Lady Aerith said:
I think you could possibly use some female advice on the subject matter. If you're having feelings for her and you guys see each other often and are good friends, you shouldn't hide them from her. If you hid the feelings from her, it might make her upset in the long run that you didn't tell her in the first place. Be open and honest. I wouldn't think she'd distance herself from you, but I could be wrong, that's just coming from my views since I'm female.

Have you seen any signs or hints from her that she might feel the same way? Is she flirtatious at all with you? Why not try and pursue it? If you don't then you'll never know what'll happen. You could be walking away from something that could really benefit both her and yourself in the long run? There's always going to be a point of awkwardness, despite the situation at hand, but how will you know what's right and what's true if you never tell her?
Sorry if that sounded weird :P I'm still half asleep.
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We are both fairly flirtatious in general anyways, its hard to notice genuine lust when we are concerned lol but I get what you mean.

However im staying over hers tomorrow night to watch scary movies, drink cider and making use of a free house whilst parentals are out the country. Jive :)
 
Oh man, free house of hers? Well, dont do it whislt youre drunk, BIG NO-NO!!! Watch the scary movies with her and keep her close if she gets jumpy, can make a nice atmosphere. But dont get drunk and tell her. Tell her how you feel beforehand.
 
I won't. Done that before with someone else a couple of years ago and it still stands as the worst night of my life, I have no intentions to top it just yet ha! But tonight im just gonna make do with keeping it casual as per normal, probably tease her a bit with Micheal Myers of Halloween (she seems quite jumpy at the thought of him in her big house).
 
I agree with SapphireStar on this. Tell her how you feel before the drunkeness starts. Also have a nice chat with her about stupid, boring stuff that's really funny.

I once told a friend how I felt about her. We ended up being more than just friends after that. She told me later on that she was glad that I told her what I thought. I asked her if she had the same feelings about me before the time that we ended up being more than just friends, and she said, "I've never thought of you in that way." Now look at me: I'm gettin with a girl that I otherwise would have never gotten with if I had never said anything. So telling her how you feel can only be a good thing in my opinion.
 
Well, I've had to deal with these kinds of problems before. My friends often come to me with these problems. I'll try and offer what good advice I can.

The first thing you should think of is what you value more. Her friendship, or a possible relationship? Remember that, if it does work but ends, you might lose her friendship. I know bitterness can arise after a relationship, and it's on the odd occasion that people are friends after a relationship. The longer the relationship lasts, the less likely it is that you'll be friends after.

You should also ask yourself whether it could last, if you're worried about losing her as a friend. Could you imagine it lasting forever? It is too soon to be sure if it can work, but can you at least envisage it, or can you only imagine it ending eventually? Good friends are for life.

Also ask yourself why you want a relationship. Do you just want a little bit of fun, a chance to have someone to hold, a chance to kiss and, well, more... Or do you simply want to share something more with her? To (and forgive the cliche-ness here) love her and know she loves you back. To give her your heart, and have hers in return?

As for her reaction to you telling her...

You are ultimately the better judge, for you see her and we don't. No one here can give you advice based on their experiences 'cause their experiences have been with different people. What kind of person is she? Is she the type to turn and run if she doesn't like you back? If so, it might be better to think of waiting until you know more.

Go for it if:
  • You think it's worth risking the friendship for the possibility of something more.
  • You see it lasting.
  • You want to share something more than friendship with her because of how she makes you feel.
Don't go for it if:
  • You value her friendship more.
  • You don't see it lasting.
  • You want a relationship for the sake of a relationship.
  • She's the kind of person to run if she doesn't feel the same way.
 
Moonchild said:
I've recently started having thoughts and feelings of the 'romantic' kind for a good friend of mine. Now wouldn't be a problem, but I've gotten involved with a friend before and it ended up going to the shitter very early, caused a lot of pain and I don't really wanna go there again....but at the same time I do >_<

Bad.
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Go for it if it feels okay, I'm not really good with the advice thing, personally I'd say "OH FUCK NO MOONIE!" but that's cause I'm currently in the shit myself with that sort of thing(girlfriend finished with me on monday)

Also dependant on how good a friend she is.(Or he, I mean you never know these days)
 
Lirael said:
Well, I've had to deal with these kinds of problems before. My friends often come to me with these problems. I'll try and offer what good advice I can.

The first thing you should think of is what you value more. Her friendship, or a possible relationship? Remember that, if it does work but ends, you might lose her friendship. I know bitterness can arise after a relationship, and it's on the odd occasion that people are friends after a relationship. The longer the relationship lasts, the less likely it is that you'll be friends after.

You should also ask yourself whether it could last, if you're worried about losing her as a friend. Could you imagine it lasting forever? It is too soon to be sure if it can work, but can you at least envisage it, or can you only imagine it ending eventually? Good friends are for life.

Also ask yourself why you want a relationship. Do you just want a little bit of fun, a chance to have someone to hold, a chance to kiss and, well, more... Or do you simply want to share something more with her? To (and forgive the cliche-ness here) love her and know she loves you back. To give her your heart, and have hers in return?

As for her reaction to you telling her...

You are ultimately the better judge, for you see her and we don't. No one here can give you advice based on their experiences 'cause their experiences have been with different people. What kind of person is she? Is she the type to turn and run if she doesn't like you back? If so, it might be better to think of waiting until you know more.

Go for it if:
  • You think it's worth risking the friendship for the possibility of something more.
  • You see it lasting.
  • You want to share something more than friendship with her because of how she makes you feel.
Don't go for it if:
  • You value her friendship more.
  • You don't see it lasting.
  • You want a relationship for the sake of a relationship.
  • She's the kind of person to run if she doesn't feel the same way.
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I'm slightly scared how clued up about these things at just 17. :P Fair play, I'll keep this in mind indeed.


Anyways, work commitments prevented last night going ahead as planned, will be doing it Saterday instead, hopefully. She still txted me after watching a film anyways saying shes too scared too sleep and wished i was there with her in the bed but there we go....FUCKING WORK!!! >_<
 
I'd say go for it. You'd be surprised that perhaps she already has an idea that you have a thing for her. I can always tell when a guy likes me, but at the same time I am also somewhat older and have had a lot of experience with men and how they act in certain situations. If she really values you as a friend then even if she doesn't have the same feelings for you she will want to keep the friendship up. But if she is casually flirting with you for "fun" then I think, perhaps, that she feel the same way you do and is to afraid to say anything. Just take it slow, but make sure to be honest with her. =)
 
Moonchild said:
I'm slightly scared how clued up about these things at just 17. :P Fair play, I'll keep this in mind indeed.
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It all seems like logic and common sense to me. T_T I'm not so clued up when it comes to other topics/problems, but I would've probably said something similar at just 15. xP
 
This is a so-so subject for me as relaionships have never went well for me. Though that was cause other outside factors got involved with my most recent relationship and when I was younger I was immature and could not control my emotions well enough.

Anyways if you like her tread the waters carefully. Yes it is a good idea to tell her how you fell but make sure it's the right time. You know maybe just have a couple of casual dates if you havent already and get to know eachother on a more personal level. See what it's like to spend that kind of time with someone, then tell her how you fell. I mean this way you know where you stand, cause if you just do casual dates and I mean dates as friends you can get an idea of where you two could go with oneanother.
 
tell her and if she says no then understand and slllooowwwly ......MAKE HER YOUR XD!!!! ahh jk tell her then acknowlge how she feels :) then make the better of it
 
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