Serious Should I be worried?

[SapphireStar]

K, well my best mate was dumped on boxing day after 2 and half years with the guy. The guy I went to high school with and have known for years, but Im still pissed at him.

Now she and my ex were sorta best mates before I came onto the scene according to him and he admitted he fancied her like rotten but ignored how he felt. Now we have been apart for 5 months and still hang out, flirt, talk, etc. We both still love each other and have feelings, but its not going anywhere.

Now he hasnt left her alone since she was dumped. I spent today with her and he wouldnt stop texting her. Now Ive been trying to make arrangements with him and its like talking to a brickwall with piercings! But wont leave her alone. Well this how a convo went:

Him: What you up to today? X
Her: Im staying in and having a DVD day with Lauren You? xxx
Him: Oh cool. Say hi for me. Im stuck in work all day x

Now I got pissed as I got a Hi and nothing for days before off him. As I asked my mate this, my phone went off and surprise it was him saying we could meet up, etc. But I was so angry I shouted at my mate about it. I didnt mean to, but it was like I was invisible and she was more important. I know I shouldnt have acted like that, but I was so pissed off. She doesnt care if the relationship has ended to be frank, yet my ex wont leave her alone. Also hes been going on how he hasnt had sex in the last 5 months to her!! What the fuck?! This happened before she was dumped, but why the hell is he telling her this? Its way too personal and to me bang out of order! I dont tell my male friends this as its way to perspnal for their ears!!

So basically I said he better not coming sniffing around her. I have a feeling he may. Now I said this to her:

Me: But even if he tried, youd tell him to fuck off wouldnt you? You wouldnt go near him with a 10 inch pole right?
Her: (nothing)

Should I be worried?? She was on her laptop at the time so maybe she didnt hear me, but Im worried about this now as I dont want them to get together. My ex and best mate, no fucking way!! Makes me sick thinking bout it.

 

[Martel]

Surely they would both consider your feelings before they did something like that? You've made it pretty clear to your ex you don't want him near her, and I think she would consider how you'd feel about it before she did, right?

In any case...from what you've said, I think its pretty clear that he's trying to sweep in and claim her, such as it were. My advice would be to ignore him and pay attention to her, to see how she reacts - is she giving any signs of being interested at all? I would have thought she'd take your feelings into consideration, but...well, you tell me. I wouldn't be too over-protective, though - the more you attack your ex for pestering her, the more he will pester her, just to spite you.

In short...unless she shows signs of being interested in him, I wouldn't be too worried about it. After all, it has to go both ways~

Hope this helps a little, and I hope things sort themselves out soon~

 

[SapphireStar]

Thanks hun. Im hoping she would take my feelings into consideration. Thing with my mate is if any guy gives or shows her attention she laps it up. Im not sure if she would stop herself if he swooped in and tried it on with her. Her homones are all over due to something that kinda happened with our ex boss and him telling her how he hadnt had sex in 5 months makes me unsettled in this situation.

I want to confront him about it, but I know, as you said, he will pester her to annoy and upset me. Get a buzz off it if you will. I havent really told him to leave her alone, I havent spoken to him cause Im pissed off at that text from him. OH YEAH! Also she sent him a photo on her phone yesturday of her and her mates pet dog saying how much it looks like his dog and he was like aww, how cute! What the hell, Im getting the back seat here.

Im angry at them both right now. Sorry guys for ranting. Im tempted to ignore them both as now my mate whom I spent the day with is trying to get out of the house for few hours! As if my company wasnt good enough. I cant help but think something will happen. And if it is, they are both dead to me.

 

[Martel]

Well, if you haven't already, just tell her that you wouldn't approve if she had a relationship with your ex. After all, if the two of them DID get together, she at least wouldn't know you'd disapprove if you didn't tell her you would. That sort of thing SHOULD be obvious, but a lot of the time it isn't...especially if she's hormone-crazed, as you've mentioned.

I wouldn't bother confronting him about it, because I would think he'd be of a mind to just ignore you and go for it. Since she's your best friend, she should be far more willing to listen to you and take your feelings into consideration. If you are worried about it and fear the worst, then ask her straight out how she feels about him and ask/tell/request that she not to have a relationship with him, because it'd make you uncomfortable/annoyed. She, at least, you should be able to reason with. I might be giving your ex the short end of the stick, but I'm only going by what you've told me from his behaviour...and I agree, telling your friends about your sex life is far too personal.

Also, try not to read too much into it - there is the element of a self-fulfilling prophecy in this, I think. If you get angry at the two of them, you could end up pushing them into the one thing you're trying to prevent. Life has a way of being a right bitch about things like that, after all. I don't know anything beyond what you've told me, so obviously my perspective and understanding of the situation is limited, but I don't see too much of an issue with her sending him a picture of a dog...the two of them are friends as well, right? Just keep as much of a level head as possible - obviously its easier said than done in situations like this - and tell her how you feel if it looks like its going that way.

Sorry for the miniature lecture/advice column ^^;

 

[SapphireStar]

I wish I had listened to you and my grandmother. I confronted him bout telling her bout the sex thing. I just didnt find it right to tell her that. This is basically it:

Me: Hi, its Miss Invisable or not so important. Why you telling (friends name) that you havent had sex in 5 months?
Him: Why you care!
Me: Well I officially dont give a flying fuck. Go shag whoever you want then seeing as though they are banging down the door!
Him: Lol fuck off. I never wanna hear from you again!
Me: Fucking same to you (exs name)! You never spoke to me anyway!


...


So yeah, it blew up. Ive told my gran if they do date then they are both dead to me. They both have been made redundant so they cant chat to each other daily as they did before. But I find anything out what theyre doing behind my back, theyre dead. And now they will get together just to piss me off. I cant tell my mate not to go near him as she will take mega offense to it. Deep down Im not sure if she would or wouldnt. Which isnt the feeling I should be having.

My ex has been bugging me to sleep with him since we split and Ive refused all the way. So then he goes and says this to her. As if hes gotten fed up with seeing if I change my mind. But she was in a relationship when he told her that.

 

[Tmoo]

to be honest, it sounds like your ex cares for nothing but sex. i can't say for your mate. it's crude to base my assumptions off a few posts, but it really looks like he's just another hormone-crazed sex-monger who views you (and your friend) as meat. sorry if i sound blunt... if i were a woman, i'd give him the finger and drop him.

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

Hun a guy that was truly in love with you wouldn't do this to you. =(

I know what it's like to have ex's going after someone you know. It hurts. Even if I didn't really care for the guy anymore, it was the point that they were getting it on with someone else when I knew that they knew I would hate it.

I just erased them from my life. There's no need to put up with that and if they do do this to you, then they clearly do not care about you as much as they reckon they do.

It must hurt seeing her getting all this attention from the guy you love. She's clearly loving the attention and maybe she's loving that you're jealous. It might be making her feel like the better woman or something. But really, guys don't care who it is when it comes to getting sex.

He's tried getting you to do it and now he's found someone else. It's not personal for guys, it's just physical when they're not looking for anything more than sex.

Just make it clear to both of them that you're serious when you say that you will not speak to either of them again if they do anything behind your back to hurt you.

It's not fair that this is happening to you and I truly understand your pain. It fucking sucks!

 

[Shu]

But really, guys don't care who it is when it comes to getting sex.

He's tried getting you to do it and now he's found someone else. It's not personal for guys, it's just physical when they're not looking for anything more than sex.

While I agree some guys are like this.. I believe you must be messing with the wrong patch of fellas if you say this about all of us. Guy and girls are the same on their sexual needs, it's just some of us fellas are a bit more retarded about how they are getting it. As are some women.. man you gotta hate/love sluts. They weed out the weak minded men / think with their member men.

Though it is his problem if he can't get any in 5 months though.

Now to the OP - You might consider this as a revenge type of sex. Anything you might have done in order to make him want to poke your friend? I've seen the same thing occur vise versa with women too. They want to hook up with the ex's best friend out of spite or just because they knew them on account of it.

I wouldn't put it past your friend that she might sleep with him. Let's be real, as you said some women like the affection even if it is from this desperate ass. Make sure she knows good and well what will happen if she sleeps with him. It's your ex for god sakes.. she's asking to break off the friendship if she gives in.

Sorry I couldn't give more loving advice, but seriously.. this guy sounds like a loser. Kick him straight in the balls if you see him.

 

[SapphireStar]

Well my ex and I had a HUGE text fight that went on for 2 hours last night. Nasty names were used as was what happened between us. He said he still cared for me, blah, blah and short version is we are having nothing to do with each other naymore rofl.

I spoke to my mate who was upset over what happened with me and him. But reassured me she would knee him in the nads if he tried anything with her. So Im glad she has said this. I know she loves me and wouldnt do that to me. Him ... hes a jerk whom Im not speaking to. Lets see who cracks first into talking lol. Thanks guys, last night was just so horrible and the thoughts I had were pure evil.

 

[Serah]

Honey, it's obvious that for one, he's not a real man and for two, you are WAY too good for this creep. It's good that your best friend assured you that she wouldn't do anything with him behind your back. In fact, I think she'd be crazy too considering what type of guy he is. It seems to me that all he's doing is looking for a piece of ass. You need to just forget about him. I know it hurts and I know it sucks, but if you don't get away from him and don't forget about him, you're never going to be able to move on and find yourself somebody else in life.