Serious Ugh!- Too Shy...!!

[.Tifa]

Uh it's been a while since really been in love with somebody since moving on from the past..

At Valentines day this year hanged out in the park with close friends and kinda met this guy and when saw him thought- Oh my gosh, he is really attractive- don't stand a chance..

He joined our group of friends and we really never spoke much to each other, we where just always on opposite sides and we never really had a chance to speak or anything..
Till a friend wanted to plan a party, and then we both randomly mentioned that it would cool to do a ball themed dance during the party..

But then his ex-girlfriend came along and basically ended up joining the group too.. and really didn't notice that they both dated in the past till she kept on mentioning things like you shouldn't really trust him, he cheated on me, couldn't really stand his lies..
But then a male friend in this group mentioned " Well spoke to [ Pika-Chew's crush] before you came along and he said that you cheated on him..." xD

Thought that it was best to ignore the fighting between them and started to know this guy even more during this time. We started to talk for once and he even didn't mind hanging out in a public mall and sharing lunch together and even dancing when the party came along..

But kind of worry that maybe was a little slow because kind of worry that this crush might be now dating somebody else. The Friend that planned the dance-party is kind of like next-door neighbors almost to the crush and they basically have more time to hang around and get closer/ know each other, while I live a few towns apart from him..
Not to mention during the dance she was more confident to ask him for more dances..

But still crushed over him shyly in the corner and didn't really worry much till the party-planner mentioned that she had a boyfriend..
Though don't know if she is really dating the crush or not, mean when they were speaking together he mentioned that " You really are a good friend " to her..
But just worry that they could be dating, and have missed out on a chance to be with him..

He is also more good at making female friends than rather male meaning that he easily hangs around with heaps of other women at once, he isn't a ladies man and he treats them with care..
But it also makes things confusing on the whether he likes me in return kind of thing..

I really like this guy- he is sweet funny caring supportive and makes me laugh so much..
But don't know how to really-.... " Go for him ...." just don't know what to say or do..
Or to find out if he is dating a close friend or not... [ and then should really step away slowly..]
But been hurt so many times, but also sick of being the one stuck on the sidelines and watching close friends or people nearby easily waltz up and take distance crushes..

... Don't know what to do..

Thought about maybe taking friends out to coffee and maybe bringing him & her and see what they are up to now because really haven't seen them or met them since the party..

But don't know if could handle anything bad if they are dating...

:[

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

I had a situation similar to this one when I was in highschool.

I really liked this guy and even when I got my friend to tell him he still didn't want to know me. =/

I was always jealous of this one girl who was the prettiest girl in my grade. She always used to hang around him and walk with him to the car park at the end of the day to get picked up by their parents and such.

It just made me sad to see them talking, while I had to watch and knew that he didn't ever want to speak to me. =/

Though if you don't put yourself out there and speak up a bit more, you don't really get noticed and no one really knows much about you.

Because I was a shy girl in school, he never would have got the chance to see the type of person I was and probably thought I was bit strange.

That's not to say it's an excuse, it's that people usually judge a book by it's cover whether they are the nicest people in the world or not.

A few years down the track I had had enough of being ignored and knew that if I didn't act and try to get what I wanted I would always be lonely.

So when my latest boyfriend (Steve) said when we first met that he'd call me after our first meeting, I was annoyed when he didn't and thought that maybe he was lying.

But instead of making things up in my head that probably weren't true, I went and got his number off my girlfriend who had Steve's mate number, who in turn gave me Steve's number. <- Sorry if that confused you. XD

As it turned out, he didn't have any credit and had to wait for his next pay to buy some more.

If I had of sulked about it and not done anything, I probably would have never called him and he might of not called me, (considering we'd only just met on the train) and then we wouldn't be here two years later!

You shouldn't let being shy get in the way of what you want. I had to learn the hard way plenty of times.

And if you think about it, if he denies you a date or doesn't like you in that way, you don't live anywhere near him, as you said before. So chances of running into him are slim.

The worst he can say is 'no'. =)

 

[Shu]

He is also more good at making female friends than rather male meaning that he easily hangs around with heaps of other women at once, he isn't a ladies man and he treats them with care..

Well I'll mention this, because I've heard of similar guys, but first you got to ask yourself. Is he straight? Second.. is he worth it?

It doesn't mean a thing if he's dated women before, hence the reason some men get married to cover up being in the closet.

Moving on though... if he is straight..

Being shy has it's big disadvantages, but if you really like the fella, sooner or later you have to confront him about it. Life isn't a fairytale, first off, the women sometimes have to be the ones who are aggressive. If you say you like him, well it can only go two ways.

If it doesn't go well, well at least you confirmed your fears and can get some closure. If it does go well, just make sure the ex isn't right about his lying cheating ways. I've seen many of men weasel their way into a woman's life and use her for sex, or some type of trophy until one day moving on to other sexual relations.

So is he worth it.. you gotta ask yourself, and if he is, just be sure to not get hurt in the process.

 

[blakstang98]

Well, I think there are a couple of things here that need to be considered before you try to persue a relationship with this guy. As Shu mentioned, is he gay? In my lifetime, I've noticed that when a guy tends to only befriend female friends, then this is usually the case, not always, but usually. The other major concern here is that he cheated on his ex. Generally when someone cheats on a relationship once, they're very capable of doing it again. Only befriending female friends could also mean he's trying to get closer to these other gals. It's not to say that if you have a relationship with this guy that he will cheat on you in time, but I think you should at least consider that he may do the same to you if it comes down to that. Just be aware of both things.

Another factor here is the ex. It's entirely possible that he never cheated on his ex, but she puts that out there to those who don't him so she can prevent them (and you) from getting close to him. Why would she do this? There could be many reasons really. Most simply, she may still have feelings for him and doesn't want anyone else to capture his heart, so she puts a bad thought into everyone's head so he can't move on. So be very wary of her activity as well to see if she still has feelings for him.

I think the best thing to do to figure out what his deal really is, would be to simply wait a little longer and pay a little extra attention to the guy, his ex and any potential interests of the guy. You can always ask his potential interests if they know a little more about the guy and what they see in him. Maybe it's possible one of them knows a little more about this guy that can be very informative to you. But I'd say that you should wait it out a little longer to scope out the situation better before running in and possibly making a big mistake.

If when all is said and done that you do decide to date the guy, I'm not so sure I can be very informative as to how to go about that. I suppose simply conversing with him and getting to know each other better would be a good start and at least build some sort of foundation. Once you can find some comfort with the guy, then it wouldn't be too hard for either you or him to ask the other out.

But as I said, it's better to be prepared and have all the information in front of you before moving in so quickly. Best of luck in your endeavors, hope things work out the way you want them to dear!

 

[.Tifa]

Thanks for the advice guys :3

[Kandy- Suger-] Is going to try and be more confident around him and will try and be more...upfront about him and try not to hold back on anything.. and if feel if he is right to maybe take up a relationship up with him, then will try and not end up going through life with the regret of not asking him and that question of "what could if happened if had asked him " ?? kinda question... Yeah, going ask him and be more confident around him if reallly start to feel like he could make a really good partner in a relationship then will ask him out..
Otherwise like you said good miss out on something great and a really amazing chance..
:]

[Shu]-Whut and Whut ? O__0... Oh like Elton John how he pretended to like a woman and even married her and then a few years later he said " Oh by the way, I'm Gay .." ? xD
Guess will watch for signs of him being more attracted to males but pretty sure he is Bi-Sexual or Straight..
Was thinking about it today and if he does say no to he reply at least we will have friendship..
About the lying and the cheating really can't take one person's side and going to have to bravely work out everything on whether he is a lying cheater or is just getting thrown upon by his ex for her being angry that she lost the relationship with him...
If he does end up cheating or lieing during the relationship guess would have to tell the other girl that he is cheating on and dump him quickly.. >_>

He can't be sneaky or over-charming to gain free sex because as a Christian and the whole can't have sex before marriage thing, he just won't be able too..
Because is going to say no everytime- no matter how much he begs or charms..

[Blakstang98] You think that he might be Gay as well ? Really have to check on the "Is he Gay thing " first before " Who's right him or the Ex about Cheating thing.." xD

It's unknown if he has cheated and don't know the whole story. The Ex says that he cheated while the crush of course... says different...

Think you are right maybe waiting longer, because a few moments later on might be awkward between us if ask him out and he says no. Plus reckon it would be wise to do wait and see if he interested in women return and wise to see if can really trust him before heading into something really big and huge like a relationship..

Thanks for the help so far ^__^

 

[Shu]

He can't be sneaky or over-charming to gain free sex because as a Christian and the whole can't have sex before marriage thing, he just won't be able too..
Because is going to say no everytime- no matter how much he begs or charms..

You are a strong woman if you stay by this. Most women and men know the feeling of it already and are addicted to it, so that's why a lot of people are bad at giving advice. Just be careful, tis all I'm saying.

 

[.Tifa]

....Found out today that he has gone back with his ex-girlfriend..

They had made-things up and have started to give things a second try and a second chance..

It hurts alot inside and can feel like something inside is being ripped apart from some strange reason..

It's going to be really hard to see the both of them in public together..

Want to hit self for not being confident enough when had the chance...

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

Don't beat yourself up for it.

You'll only make things worse for yourself.

It's natural to feel like this of course. Finding out out that your crush is back with his ex can't be very pleasant news.

But there are plenty more fish in the sea and even though it's easy to say, you really do need to move on and focus on the future and before you know it someone else great will enter your life. =)

You just need to look out for them and next time hopefully you'll be a bit more confident to reach out and grab one. =)

This is coming from my personal experience. I wouldn't write any of this if it weren't true.

 

[blakstang98]

Well, I think you have to look at it as, there were a lot of questions and it was inconclusive as to who he really was. Remember when I said that she probably told everyone that he cheated on her and that there was a possibility that she still had feelings for him and didn't want anyone else to take him? Looks like my thought may have been spot on. Now you know!

So there were some questions answered then. It would seem she did still have feelings for him. With that said, he probably never cheated on her. He may have, but would she really be friends with him and want to get back together if he did? I've been cheated on, and I wasn't happy about it at all, I never talked to her for years after that just because of shear betrayal.

Him befriending lots of women may have been a way to rebound from his failed relationship. So he may not have been gay to begin with. But naturally that doesn't tell the whole story, so who really knows?

All in all, I think it may have been for the best. If you would have been less shy and persued it, then the ex would be all over you all the time and would probably try to create drama from your new relationship. So sadly enough, waiting it out is probably still the best idea. Generally when a couple breaks up, then gets back together, it falls to the deep end pretty quickly, so you may still have a chance in a reasonable amount of time.

I'm sorry you feel the way you do. It seems like you may have developed feelings for him. But given the situation how it was, I still think it was best that you took your time, even if it hurts now. There is always time still, so don't beat yourself up for it. I think if you hang on for a little while, you may still be rewarded handsomely for your efforts. I hope it all works out for you in the long run, you deserve happiness dear.

 

[L]

It hurts alot inside and can feel like something inside is being ripped apart from some strange reason..

That's because you're beating the shit out of yourself for not being able to do good enough; and it's silly.

Don't beat yourself up, somewhere along the line someone else will be willing to do it for you.

This is what, like 1 guy out of the other 2 billion dudes in the universe? And you're ragging on yourself for not being able to get with a guy who probably has his own share of personal relationship problems?

You said it yourself, he and his ex are patching things up and trying to fix their problems... I know if I was him, I wouldn't have even considered getting back with my Ex if I didn't already want to.

I think that's enough to indicate that he was never really looking to get with anyone else. And if he was, it wouldn't have been good enough for you, it would have NEVER lasted and you would be 3x as upset as you are now.

It don't matter how good someone looks, they can still be a reckless and hurtful assbag.

But don't get hung up on a single disappointment. Dust yourself off and get back in the ring, wait for an opening, and take the gold...

It's like blakstang said... They are trying to patch this thing up, but just because someone's trying to fix their problems don't mean they're actually making any progress in fixing them.

Just don't set your heart on anything, or you're probably just going to end up going chasing your tail, though....

'cause see... even if their relationship patch-up does fall out, it doesn't mean he's gonna be looking to hook up with anyone right away.

 

[.Tifa]

Not going to give up on him..

Found out a few days ago that this ex-girlfriend is the most fake thing that has ever graced this earth and has been pretending to like close friends only grab information off them and has been acting sweet & innocent but underneath she is sneaky and manipulative as hell..

She is controlling him like some kind of human puppet really..
And she manipulated him so close female friends can't get close to him or never near him..

Is honestly going to try and make him see the light and hopefully make him see the true colours of his girlfriend. Even if we don't end up together as boyfriend & girlfriend and he ends up being with somebody else. Won't mind because really anything is better than being with the girl he has now. And would prefer him to be in a happy relationship rather than just broken again..

Hope this all works out.

And if it doesn't then yeah. Plenty of others out there unless there is a huge atomic bomb and the whole entire male race expect him is wiped out tomorrow... =p