What I'm going through

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Razberry Knight

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So I finally attempted to just disapear....this is not a threat...it something that I tried, and passed, and failed.

Will I try again? For your sake and keeping the thread alive, I'll say "no". I will not try again.

But I decided to share how much I HATE this world. And I also wanted to share the persons life that mattered to me the most.

We both were good friends for a very long time. I was bi, she was a lesbian. I had feelings for her during highschool. And our interests, goals, and values kept getting in sync.

She wanted to be a film director. She actually worked on a small project related to star wars. But ultimately she was a person who spoke the same way I did. Even if she didn't make it 100% clear. Always speaking in metaphors and always being genuine.

Most importantly, she never lost an argument. When she called BS, she didn't wait for it to fester until it's too late. She was a great person...when we debated though, it was just to understand where we are coming from. I loved that about her.

I didn't have anyone else growing up. And don't get me wrong, I've tried. But no one really wanted to understand me. But she did. She and I eventually dated during our junior year in secret. Lgbt was trending, but that's as much as we could say at the time.

We didn't try to alienate anyone either. We really did try keeping a connection with people. It never worked out. And honestly, I think people just lazy. That's what I think it is.

The only way someone will genuinely want to understand you if they get paid by the hour. And even them some of those people do a lazy job. Therapy should be used to get your frustrations and all the negative energy that's boiling in.

But I hate this world with a passion. I truly do. Ever been on a date before and you say something he didn't quite understand? You would think he was a nice guy and then say "can you clarify what you mean". No, people just stay confused. I get the "I don't understand you".

I just really hate this world. I currently a ghost writer. Helping others in projects they are working on, and get zero credit. I also had plenty of ideas that I want to share of my own. But hey...

Honestly I'm also living in a world where people eat up all the lies a company can say. And even when they know they're lying, I'm still the only one saying it. I never get support even when people know I'm telling the truth.


I'm not here for advise...I'm not here for your "answers". I'm not even asking for tips. No one here can help me. No matter how much I share with people what the problem is, no matter how many times I have to say what it is. People come up with drastic conclusions about me.


People have such a. Positive outlook at life. I hate it. Maybe because they devalue my pain and suffering. That this is just one big "phase". But I wonder, was the holocaust just a phase for them? Or the people who starve to death in third world countries?

Most importantly, I ask myself. Did the woman I loved have a happy ending? I'm not here for help...no one here truly got what I was asking for before.
 

Shu

Spiral out, Keep going..
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Lamia
This has been shut down and closed. To isolate you, I need to suspend you as well.
 
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