Time to yourself

SapphireStar

SapphireStar

♥ FFF's Matt Bellamy Pervert ♥
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Lately my boyfriend has said he needs more time to himself as he barely gets a minute to himself as he has a busy life. I told him that he needs to make time for himself and hes been trying really hard lately to do so.

But I told him about the incident with my ex, at which point he asked how it went and I told him. I even placed a blog about it on MySpace, which I have now deleted as I got a text message from my boyfriend that didnt sound right. It was sent after he logged off saying "Im having another early night. See you tommorow hun."

Now I knew something was wrong as that was very blunt and not like him. So I thought "Crap, Ive upset him cause I made that blog." So I deleted it and asked if he was okay. He repiled back 20 minutes later saying:

Him: "No Im not. Having some me time has got me thinking and now I cant sleep."

Me: "Sorry if its about *ex's name*, I shouldnt have mentioned it to you."

Him: "Its not about *ex's name*, I dont mind you mentioning him. Dont worry, I'll be fine. Letting my mind take its course on me. Sorry, I shouldnt have said anything, dont want you to worry."

I basically think he needs a week from work because hes in there 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and its affecting his health, mentally and psycially. Ive just told him this and I doubt he'll ask for time off cause he needs the money, but what good is money if youre going to be too ill to spend it?

I keep thinking that his me time may be good, but I keep thinking it may be bad for us as he may think we should end it. I dont know.
 
Is this a blog? xD

Yea, this same predicament happened to me. Well, it revolved around the fact that I stayed up until one AM or so doing homework. All because I spent more time with my girlfriend in the afternoons, since I never got to see her anyways. I asked for time to get my work done and get rested, but she got REALLY annoying by complaining everyday that homework was more important than her (which it was). In turn, I couldn't handle the late nights anymore and I couldn't handle her complaining about it. So, in turn, I left her. God it was such a relief.

I guess it's similar. I work 5 hours a day about 5 days a week after school, so I can relate to your current boyfriend. It just needs a good relaxing period before his energy, like mine, gets rejuvenated.

I hope that helps. @_@ If I made it worse, I am sorry.
 
Hmm, well look at this way. Clearly, you've unintentionally upset him by posting that blog. He probably felt jealous, of course. So, he needs his space and you should respect that. I suppose in the long-run, it might help you guys out - relationship-wise.

However, the fact that he's wasting too much of his energy just because of work might be a bad thing. This is where hectic schedules come to play, and that can indeed affect a relationship, in my opinion. So I suggest that you talk to him about it and have him take atleast a few days off, and still promise that you'll give him his space. Sometimes that is exactly what most people need, yet don't really receive from their partners, and so it frustrates that person who needs it.

I know you didn't mean to hurt your boyfriend, but what can you do now, right? Just offer him your support. His health should be your main concern at the moment, let the days play out, and see what happens. If you constantly push the subject on his plate, he might get annoyed. =/ (Like Stryfe)
 
@Stryfe: Ha ha ha ...


He said he doesnt mind me mentioning my ex and said that had nothing to do with it. Just that his mind was on overtime. Hes going to ask for a day or two off, but hes not annoyed at me mentioning my ex. He hasnt asked for space and to be fair, he only sees me at the weekend, so he gets whole week of space. Ive told him if he wants to talk Im there for him and Im concerened abotu his health.
 
just let the guy have his time he probably does not like being swarmed all the time but it could be something mentally wrong maybe he is just getting stressed between work and his outside life just give him some breathing room but check up on him every so often send him a nice text message or something to let him know you care for him and want to help but dont be too clingy sometimes guys dont like that they feel threatened by it
 
How can I be clingy when I barely see him? I dont bombared him at all, I only send a text when hes sent one so I dont pester him.
 
I think you might have upset him a bit with the blog thing... He says he doesnt mind, but a think he is not telling the complete truth. Just let him have his break and check up on him now and then send him a couple of txts now ect. Don't worry about the whole thing too much im sure it will be fine after he has had a break. Keep us posted with the outcome.
 
Can I just clear this up please?
IT IS NOT A BREAK AND WE ARE NOT HAVING TIME APART!

Yes he probably is upset over the blog, which I deleted and apologised for. So he has acknowlegded my apologie and said that has nothing to do with how he is feeling at present. He is stressed from work and is concerned over his mental and pysical health at work.

When I said he wants his own time, I meant he doesnt want to go out after work so he can play computer games or sports. Just have time for himself. I didnt mean it in the context of us having time apart. Im sorry if people have taken the wrong end of the stick, but we are not on breaks, giving each other space or time because there is no need. We only see each other at the weekend. He has said sorry for last night and is just worried about himself metally and pysically.

I thought the time alone would be a bad thing as he may start to think its best to end the relationship. It has happened in my previous relationship, but he was also cheating on me. But maybe the him time may help him with work. Thanks for the advance given, but it was because people were getting the wrong idea.
 
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I apologise for snapping, its just I dont know how I could have made it clearer and by break I thought you meant it as in Ross/Rachel break thing from Friends. But he is consulting work for a day or 2 off, but its the enviorment he works in. 8 hours in front of a computer screen, poor ventallation (sp) and bosses buggering him every 10 minutes for results. Hes 21 and its draining the life out of him. Hes been with them for 3 years and they are just complete dicks with him.
 
Well, he came down to see me for the weekend and we were fine. But today hes completely changed his MySpace profile and its gone completely depressing! The thing with him is that he has always put people first and Ive recently told him to stop doing that and to sort himself out first before others. And he has been doing this, yet he seems down still.

I dont pester him and only see him at weekends, so really he hasn the space and him time during the week, yet I cant help but feel as though he'd rather not be in a relationship. Plus I dont want to ask him how we are as thats me pestering him. Its probably just me OTTing and getting upset over nothing.
 
a week off work can do wonders i work 8hours a day 5 days a week like ur lad and it gets me so pissed off sumtimes, i took a weeks holiday like a month ago and i felt so much better. tell him to take a week off cuz that will definately help
 
He said they wont let him have a week, but we're meant to be going to Blackpool on the 24th for the day and he was going to ask for 2 days off. Hopefully we can both get them. I just cant help but think something is wrong and he wont tell me.
 
hmm maybe, duz he enjoy his job??
cuz a shitty job u dont enjoy can bring u down.
maybe u could fone in sick for him
 
Hes already on report, I suggested that idea already. He hates his job, hes been there for 3 years and hates it as its affecting his health mentally and physically.
 
then maybe his job is the problem then.
maybe the best thing for him to do would be too quit and start doing something he enjoys. There nothing worse than doing something u hate.
 
Its not like he hasnt been trying. He has handed in so many CVs and application forms and yet no one has taken him on.
 
Perhaps he should go and talk to his doctor. Stress is a very serious issue and from the sounds of it he is very very stressed, to the point where his mental and physical health is suffering. His doctor can put him on the sick and if it's stress related his boss can't do a damn thing. If they sack him he can have them for unfair dismissal.

Short of that he could just quit. Yeah he'd have less or no money, but I am sure that his view on life and his health would pick up straight away. What's more important to him and you? His health and wellbeing or the wages in his pocket? I know what I would choose.
 
Of course his wellbeing is more important, but he lives with his parents, needs to pay rent and drive his car. So he has to work in order to keep his life afloat. He said this morning he is "messed" in the head and its best to leave him alone for awhile. And Im not to worry about him.

Personally I keep wondering if theres any point to our relationship. We've only been together for 3 months, but since we started dating, hes gone like this. Cant help think that it may be the end of us, although he has admitted lately that he does have feelings for me. But

Of course his wellbeing is more important, but he lives with his parents, needs to pay rent and drive his car. So he has to work in order to keep his life afloat. He said this morning he is "messed" in the head and its best to leave him alone for awhile. And Im not to worry about him.

Personally I keep wondering if theres any point to our relationship. We've only been together for 3 months, but since we started dating, hes gone like this. Cant help think that it may be the end of us, although he has admitted lately that he does have feelings for me. But if its me or sorting his health out, its pretty obivous which he'll chose.
 
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