Serious Teenage Love

[Pandora]

The reason I'm posting this is because lately on my Facebook, I've been seeing a LOT of status updates from a lot of friends all about breaking up, heartaches, I-hate-you-but-love-you, I-LOVE-[insert name here] x1000 more updates, and so on forth, and the majority of these kids are around my age (17 and under). I remember back when I was a child and my grandparents would always tell me I'm not aloud to date until I'm 18, and back then I would think it was unfair. But now I kind of see it as a good thing they're telling me this. Now, I've already been in a few relationships (as my boyfriends/girlfriends being in disguise as just a friend to my grandparents) and I was always aware of those boys and girls that always seem to claim they love their boyfriend/girlfriend the very second they start dating. Well I wasn't like that. I don't think I could really love a person unless I've been with them for at least two years, and before that time's even close, everytime someone would tell me that they love me, I would get kind of uncomfortable because: 1. I still barely know them. and 2. They probably think they're in love but really aren't. And I've noticed that only a very few number of teen couples last for anymore than a year (like one or two of them.). The majority of the people here that are in a relationship don't seem to last any longer than 6 months. The longest I've been in one was for 4 years (I ended it last March) and I've had some pretty deep feelings for the guy, but I also thought at this age, with work, school and everything else to worry about, it wasn't easy maintaining a relationship. So bottom line for me is that I believe that teenage love doesn't exist, and that we really don't know what love is until we're 18 and have more things to experience to help aid in our search to what it really is. I want to hear thoughts.
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[Demon]

I'm not really sure what's up with so many young marriages ending in divorce, but personally I think that if one doesn't marry early in life, they'll run the risk of marrying late in life. I guess that's okay for some people.

I guess the longer I wait to be married, the more likely I am to find someone who is mature in their feelings, since I probably won't be dating anyone much younger than myself. I kind of see a difference between 18-19 year old (somewhere in that age range) women and 25-27 year old (somewhere in that age range) women, but I'm not really sure how to describe it.

 

[Shu]

So bottom line for me is that I believe that teenage love doesn't exist, and that we really don't know what love is until we're 18 and have more things to experience to help aid in our search to what it really is. I want to hear thoughts.
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Meh, I disagree and I'm an old fart around this site. What is love anyway? What do you characterize it as? Is it a real concept or just something that you are pulled to believe in? Do you know what love is if you have never been there before? Do we characterize it as 2 old people who have stayed together through the test of time?

I do agree that teenagers shouldn't have "real" relationships, and should just primarily date. The reason being is because when one needs to actually start his or her life with enough schooling experience, being bothered by a relationship can halt ones ability to grow. Think about some of your friends that are older, and have been in a relationship forever but didn't marry. Well sometimes they split up and all of the sudden get hired into a nice job because they have spent time on themselves and furthered themselves in life.

Though what if you are a 16 year old mother who doesn't have the income from the mom and dad to raise the kid, because you thought the boy you were with would be your one and only. Such a common thing that occurs, and now because of it their intelligence is dwarfed due to the fact they could not have the same opportunities due to spending over 8k on a kid per year, with a minimum wage.

Kids are naive about sex as well. It's more or less the feeling than experience when they are in their teens. When they progress into their college years, they still hold that overwhelming mentality that being with their boyfriend/girlfriend could mean one or more Uh Ohs which could basically alter ones life entirely.

Let me get back to the real issue at hand though concerning love, because all that before was just situational.

I describe love as a connection in which if you around a certain person that, you feel the need to do more with your life. You feel the need to want to give them everything, despite what you physically or mentally have. When you have a shit day, you don't want to put it on them, despite sometimes doing so. You can get lost for a bit with them, and not have to think for one damn second. So can this occur at a younger age? I'm sure it could, now is it true love, I'm sure it is. The question is from a maturity aspect, most people can't maintain it due to the outside stresses in life, or the need to be overly around each other until they smother one another. Making one 13 or 50 people still incapable of grasping what a relationship is or how to maintain one without their own narcissistic needs to be fulfilled within one. Being younger, just means more naivety. I just tell people, that you shouldn't limit yourself at so young of age. You should experience life, before commiting to a full on relationship. The pressure of a relationship should hinder the actions of the youth, I say.

 

[Dee]

I don't agree that love for teenagers doesn't exist, but rather since they are in a different phase in their life (from a psychological standpoint) that it is different because of their, most likely, lack of experience with it, who they've dated in the past and are dating currently, what the age of their significant other is, their significant others experience with love, so on and so forth.

Depending on the age of the teenager, the younger they are, the less likely--I believe--that love in the present is going to last. In rare cases, some kids stay together as "high school sweet hearts" and end up getting married, but during that phase in life, teenagers are going through some drastic changes. We tend to call this stage puberty, finding ones self or "identity", imitation (though different from in the early years of life; many kids are now imitating the media/friends, etc). They are transitioning into becoming independent individuals, learning responsibility, and exploring the world and what comes after babysitting, er, I mean high school.

:3

In any case, there is a whole lot of change going on there and self-discovery. The reason why young love tends not to last is because it is simply an experiment (first encounters with romantic love). One might think they have found THE ONE, but that is most certainly not the case and they come to realize that over time, after having certain experiences, through the influence of others, etc.

In fact, I wouldn't put an age on knowing what love is because it depends on each individual (some influencing aspects can be culture, tradition, friends, family, media, society). Sometimes a kid at 17 will know exactly what they want and sometimes they won't (most likely not, though). Heck, even a 40 year old might not know what they want and end up getting a divorce, remarried, make the same mistakes, divorced again, etc. The point I'm trying to make is, while age is definitely a factor in how one defines love, it is not the main aspect.

 

[Ayen]

If I wanted to date I wasn't allowed to until I was 16. Even then my dad recommended I not until I was 17, it was just their way. I've seen several people under the age of 16 go on about having boyfriends and girlfriends I just shake my head. They're growing up too fast if you ask me but meh. Not any of my business.

That said I don't think there is any right age if this true love thing really exists as we're led to believe. I've seen more mature people under the age of 18 than I have over the age of 18. That's right a lot of the immature people I've met are 18 + so I doubt they'd be more educated on love than the mature people under the age of 18.

I'm not in a hurry to be in a relationship and I don't think other younger people should either. If you're 14 or something you have your whole life ahead of you still. No need to be rushing into a relationship and professing your love to the first person you meet because believe it or not I think love takes more time to develop than a single glance. That's why I don't believe in "love at first sight" for example.