Survival of the Funkiest

[Aztec Triogal]

Kupo kupo my negros! Sup!? My name is Geoffrey the Moogle and I'm a freak of Darwinism. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm a bastard of the universe. Here is a recent photo:

Notice that while I speak in a dialect that humans can understand, the only word I can actually pronounce is "kupo", which is pretty fucking useless. My ears are far too small to be of any use whatsoever. I have a soccer ball on my head for god knows why... and my feet are far too small to either run away from anything or to catch it as prey. Even if I did catch something, I have no distinguishable mouth. My eyes are so slanty I might as well be named "ping pong" and my forehead is so large you could hand a 747 on it.

While I myself am a bundle of cuteness and joy, I have noticed that my existance serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever. I have no idea how long I have live and no clue how long I shall continue to live. I feel I am doomed to be one of the most useless and evolutionary insignificant creatures ever to be born. However, at least I'm not a big fucking mutant chicken like my good friend Charlie the chocobo.

Discuss Square-Enix making creatures that could never ever survive in the real world.

 

[Big Casino]

Hmmm cant say i ever cared about moogles at all to be honest. I did like them in IX however, they could talk and you sometimes got some very humourous conversations with them when delivering letters. I found the reason behind the meltdown of mognet central quite amusing. Moogles never played that big of part in any other ff game really, IX was sorta their moment of fame so to speak, and they did not bad i can say.

 

[Aztec Triogal]

I have a feeling no one gets what the fuck this thread is suppose to be about... so lemme try again to explain the premise...

I find it very odd that a lot of characters/animals in the Final Fantasy series are just so odd. There is no way any of them would be able to survive in reality. Beasts that do incredible damage to your party are beast that would never make it a week in real life, with the possible exception of the Midgar Zolom. I was just looking for you to discuss weird creatures in the FF universe that you thought would fail at life. lol

 

[Dionysos]

I have a word from my pal on this...


"Hey there. I am Bob the Bomb.

It is a sad life, being a bomb. Not only can we not eat without our food burning to a crisp as it enters our mouths, but water evaporates as it runs down our throats. Besides, if it didn't then we'd be put out anyway by the water. We are doomed never to eat or drink, and so we cannot get energy in this way.

*inflates*

A simple gush of wind could put us out if at the right moment. And we have to make sure that not too many of us are in the same place at the same time, for fear of using up all of the oxygen, and being put out.
The only way we grow and gain more energy is by sucking in more fire, which makes us bigger. However doing this seals our fate, and we are doomed to epic fail and blow up.

*inflates*

Oh, did I not mention that eventually our eyes pop out from the heat, and our brains can't work properly because they're sort of on fire all the time?

*inflates*

Our life span is short as a result. We...we... WEEE..."

*boom*


R.I.P Bob the Bomb.

 

[Big Casino]

Ohhhh well why didnt u say so at the start of ur thread
I guess really none of them would survive in the real world, imagine marlboros down the local park, guess that would be handy tho for scaring away all the underage neds that gather on a friday night. Uhm yea as i was saying they wouldnt last here, global warming would render them extinct moogles would be a rare breed due to the trade in illegal fur and cactaurs would be used as plants in the summer.
Gotta love the world that is final fantasy :monster
U never see cows or any normal animals do you? so im guessing all the meat they eat comes from the monsters that roam.

 

[Mikko]

I can imagine seeing Cactaur's as roadkill. XD Still in their shape, with faces, just flattened.