Serious Screw Up

[Starships]

For a while now, I keep on screwing up my friendships. It always falls into the same patten and always keep on loosing friends like flies. Because I screw and mess everything up.

I always think that people hate me. But they kept it quiet, because they feel sorry for me. In friendships, I always keep on thinking, that he/ she/ they are speaking behind my back and saying bad things about me, and that they're only pretending to like me, so they don't upset me and then feel bad.

A girl said to me that people dislike me, but they don't have the guts to say it. Whenever a new friendship comes around, those words that she said just play on repeat over and over.

Before people have pretended to be friends, and have said mean things, and have actually walked away. So just I think in my head that it's going to happen again and they'll do the same.

When people hear that I think that they're only pretending, they get pissed off and or walk away, or call me a attention seeker or a drama queen. Then I just feel even more hated than before.

It's.... hell.

 

[Moogles]

You shouldn't let the words of that girl get to you and affect your relationships. Clearly, she didn't like you. Not everyone will. She said that to get this same reaction out of you.

Rather than obsess over what you think people are thinking about you, try to put it out of your mind and be yourself. At the very least, don't let people know that you're assuming the worst about them and their feelings towards you. If you ever have a "friend" that does think poorly of you, then it's likely you'll be able to find out by what you can observe--not what you think.

 

[Coco]

I think the problem here is that you think people are all the same. I'm terribly sorry if you've had friends in the past who have used you, talked bad about you behind your back or have just simply left you hanging. Though you have to understand, not everyone is like this. Just because a few people were jerks, doesn't mean you should treat your current and future friends the same, especially if they haven't done you wrong.

From the point of view of your friend, I can see why they'd be upset. If I'm being genuine to someone and yet they think I'm only pretending, it's like...an attack to my character. It's the same as calling me fake.

Past experiences have a way of sticking to us, even after they're long gone. Try to forget what that girl told you about 'people disliking you'. While you break friendship after friendship, that girl has long forgotten those words she said to you. It was downright mean, yes, but it's also pointless. By dwelling on it, by you actually losing friends because of what she said, you're giving her exactly what she aimed for.

Chin up. Keep making friends and give them the chance to show you they can be good ones.

 

[Linnaete]

Don't let a few individuals permanently damage your ability to trust others you consider as your friends. The key is essentially to just give the people you now know and closely associate with a chance. Trust is of pivotal importance in any kind of relationship with other people and little will improve if you allow the events of the past and one bitchy girl's taunting remark to affect you this much.

If you come across startling evidence to suggest that an alleged friend is unpleasantly muttering about you behind your back unreasonably, then fair enough, everyone comes across their fair share of idiots now and then in their lives. It isn't fair though, to instantly assume just from this experience earlier on that this applies to every one of your existing or future friendships. If you can't seem to sufficiently trust someone - and in their perspective, for no actual established reason - then you're the one who's treading on the unreasonable ground here and they will simply lose trust towards you in return.

There's little more I can actually add that hasn't already been discussed, but I think there is quite the unanimous consensus to suggest that you shouldn't allow what you experienced in the past to continually haunt you. Stop for a moment and consider that only because you've known some bitchy people in the past, it doesn't mean everyone you befriend will be a bitchy person. You can't know that unless there is actual incriminating evidence to suggest so. If you allow yourself to believe otherwise, you'll just help to repeat the cycle and likely to continue to screw up.

 

[Stoic Hero]

The key to confidence is innocence. The difference between confidence and cocky can, at times, seem small, but cockiness is caused by a false sense of pride and will eventually lead to your own embarrassment, while confidence will allow you to lead a successful life.

Remain innocent and oblivious to all of their cruel jokes. Don't even bother worrying about whether they are talking behind your back. If they are, it will catch up with them eventually. It always does.

You just need to remain steadfast and innocent. Find peace in yourself, and let others see how confident you are in your own skin. Don't exude cockiness, as that will turn people away, but have a bit of swagger in your walk. Let everyone know that you know who you are, and you're perfectly fine with it. Be kind and generous to others and listen to what they have to say. Give more of your time and less of your opinion. Be there when they need you. I guarantee you'll make some fast friends that way.

That said, of course people get pissed off when they find out you're questioning if they're real friends. No one, especially a good friend, likes to be asked things like that. If you're asking them to their face, why? And if you're talking behind their back, then you're doing exactly what you don't want them doing to you.

 

[Gabe]

Man, I can relate.

Especially since I have friends who are good friends with people who hate me for the most ridiculous reasons. I constantly pester these friends about talking about me behind my back, and they deny it. But I honestly can't believe that, myself.

Based on what I see here, we're a lot alike. I over react to everything, and feel over dramatic towards many situations and conflicts. So the trick is (which I have learned the hard way) is to try to keep most of your worries to yourself and if you want to ask your friend something, deliver it in a very subtle way so they don't feel like you're stepping on them like an ant or being too demanding. If you can establish a big enough friendship with someone, perhaps they will have more sympathy for you and understand you more, which is a very VERY large privilege.

Also it helps to be a friendly person. If you believe someone is a good enough friend towards you, be nice and do them a favor, take them out for dinner, buy them a gift. If they come to visit, tell them to make themselves at home. Because in the long run, if they're a decent enough person, they'll do the same in return. That would be a great friendship right there. Avoid those who are irresponsible and act like stupid high school students (I could be considered a stupid high school student, but I act to avoid being given that title) and find someone you can share stories with and each other's problems.

If you look hard enough and test people's trust, you'll have a good friend. I'll be your friend

 

[Howl]

I always think that people hate me. But they kept it quiet, because they feel sorry for me. In friendships, I always keep on thinking, that he/ she/ they are speaking behind my back and saying bad things about me, and that they're only pretending to like me, so they don't upset me and then feel bad.

Well this is predominately true of most "friends". Everyone talks behind everyone's back. This is especially true of your friends because, (if that's what they are), your life will be a frequent conversation topic due to the fact that your life is more relevant to them than say...some random passerby.

Also, it's rare to find people (not just friends) who don't criticize. I'm personally of the opinion that mouths were intricately formulated in order to digest food and occasionally make sexual encounters more enticing. There really should be an alterior means of communication.

A girl said to me that people dislike me, but they don't have the guts to say it. Whenever a new friendship comes around, those words that she said just play on repeat over and over.

Actually, odds are that there's more than just one girl who doesn't like you.
Who gives a rat's ass. If you told me to list all of the people that I don't like, it would be an incessant ramble because there's just...litterally no end to it.



Yeah, I think your an attention seeker just in lieu of the fact that you made this thread. I guess the big question here is...why do you care what other people think or say?