Parents Sheltering their Children

[Shu]

Growing up we all had different avenues and such, but there are certain people who were raised under almost a regime. The way they acted, dressed, spoke, who they dated, how long they could stay up, what they could listen too, what they could watch on the big screen, etc... were governed by their parent.

Do you think it's completely wrong for parents to shelter their kids? or Do you think sheltering kids is vital in today's society/world?

 

[Cruentus]

Personally, my girlfriend lives a very sheltered life. So sheltered that she wasn't even allowed to watch the Loony Tunes because it was too "violent". She is 17 years old, and still must be in bed by 10pm. When we are allowed to go out(once a month because of her parents), she must be home before 7pm. Unfortunately for them, their sheltering has turned her into quite a monster when she is let out. Not a monster in the drinking/drug use kind of way...but more in the slutty kind of way. Her parent's dislike me because I have long hair, and I smoke. The first time we dated, because of her parents we broke up. Now that we are back together, I believe they kind of get the point that we are staying together, and have let her loose just a little.

I do believe that sheltering is okay to a certain extent, but you should always be open with your children. I have a friend, whose parents don't allow certain things in the house. (Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes etc) They do not care if their son uses drugs, or drinks or smokes, as long as he tells the he is going to so they can keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. I believe this is a much better way of leading a child into adulthood. (Mind you he is 18 now.) He grew up with great values, and was able to try things and learn from his own mistakes, whereas certain kids will go off the deep end as soon as they are let loose from their sheltered life. He has turned out to be a great kid, and maintains a fantastic relationship with his parents. He's an A student, and is very popular. Thanks to his parents he has learned the difference of right and wrong through his own actions, and not what was drilled into his head.

 

[ribbit]

I think parents have every right to have control over their children, but when it comes to the point that they don't know what sex is at age 15 or can't learn from their own mistakes, it becomes a problem. The way I've been raised by my mother, I have quite a bit of freedom and privacy at 17, and have for a while now. I'm allowed to do what I want as long as my mom knows what I'm doing, which isn't a problem since I rarely do much outside my house as it is. Most parents become over protective as well, fearing that their children will make the same mistakes they did, instead of letting them mess up and learn from it. There's nothing wrong with rules, but the more restricted children and teenagers are, the more they grow to resent their parents. I have a friend on another forum whose parents stalk her facebook and believe that everyone on the internet is a rapist out to get her and that the forum she goes to is a virus. It's difficult to begin your own life when you're oblivious to how the world works or your parents don't even give you a chance to try. I've lived in both environments, over protective and free reign, and I prefer the latter. I believe that you should protect your children from things like drugs and the other bad things, but after they turn 18 it's their choice, and they don't need to be sheltered past the age of 10.

 

[Bambi]

my mums always pretty much just let me do what i want, make my own decisions and the like, but not like, let me run riot. As long as I wasnt being a twat or giving her shit, then she essentially just left me too it. I'm pretty much going the same way with Ellie, as long as she's not up to no good, why try to restrict her doign what she wants?

If shes being a little shit, or wont chill out, then sure, she loses privilledges and stuff, shes kept in line, but im not the molly coddling type, i dont believe children need wrapping up in cotton wool, as long as youre sensible about it, you can have the right amount of control over what your kid gets up to without being suffocating and a balloon about it.

Whats the point in giving them something to rebel over? They are gunna be arseholes when they are teenagers anyway, why give them extra ammo haha.

 

[seddy-0]

i know some people who were sheltered for years. what it does. it long term harms their social skills and makes it harder for them to interact with people. my old landlords son was sheltered and the parents actually tried to break him outta it. but he was already 23 so they figured they would ask me to take him around people since i have a diverse group. every place i took him to was just an awkward situation after another. the worst and i blame myself for this one.. i took him to an art show, that a friend of mine had.. it was a photography show.. that is what i told him.. well it was..lol anyway.. one little detail i forgot to tell him.. it was an erotic photography show and the models were lesbian friends of mine.. i think i accidentally scarred that boy for life.. to this day he does not forgive me..
for people who are sheltered, their parents try to do something necessary but to a point of obsession.. by keeping the harms from the world way from them , but in my opinion.. kids need to see that world is a scary place and they need not fear it.. but go forth head first and make your own changes in life and experience new things..

 

[Tucker]

I was never very sheltered growing up, I was allowed to go far from home, play some violent video games, and some members of my family liked to swear

However my mom gave me lots of guidelines, teaching me what was right and wrong. So I could make all my own decisions about it. I think that made me a pretty mature person, and also a pretty moral person.

I think some kids are so sheltered these days, a lot of the families I babysit are so overprotective. I think you need to give your kids freedom, even when they are young, but make sure they know what they are doing. If you don't tell the kids what is in the world, it will make their lives a whole lot harder when they actually meet it.

 

[Sepalcure]

I was considerably sheltered growing up in Brooklyn although I think that was due to the high levels of crime in my neighborhood. Flatbush was an unforgiving place and it wasn't the sort of neighborhood where you could leave your child unattended on the sidewalk for long. People did get shot. I did hear gunshots. I had one of those childhoods where I allowed to explore and stray pretty far from my house. I would walk to my friends' houses during the daytime when I was around 5 or 6 unaccompanied by an adult. Sometimes I'd bike or just run there, what ever caught my fancy. However when ever it started to approach noontime I was always called back because that's when the gunshots in my area started. Now? Now I'm not really sheltered. I was always told from when I was younger what to expect of the world, allowed to make my own choices, and exercise my freedoms, etc. Obviously I had restrictions growing up on how late I could stay out with my friends or whatever but that was also because I was always unpredictable.

I always had a knack for getting myself into trouble somehow. Now I exercise cautions when I do take advantage of my freedoms.

As for my own spin on things? I think a child should be allowed to safely explore their environment. There were times where I let my cousin Amanda "off the reins" so to speak and she was able to run around or whatever. Obviously she was always within my range of vision. I was wary of her talking to too many strangers when she was in public because she was reputable for being too friendly, you know, one of those kids who just goes up to anyone and says "hi!" and then strikes up some random conversation with them? Yeah, she's one of those sorts of children. I mean friendliness is all good and well but some people are scary and when her mom was sick and I cared for her I let her know of that. I'm pretty sure I'd be the same way if she were my own child. As Bambi said, as long as she didn't do anything ridiculously stupid like give out her home address to some random bum on 42nd Street then it was all good. She could question me about whatever and run around and go crazy ... just if she did it where I could see her then we'd have no problems.

I think too much sheltering can lead to an overly coddled child and an overly coddled child leads to naivety and a general lack of awareness of the world. That is bad. Sooner or later you'll have to turn your child loose and with a firm shove let them off into the world. Lol. You can't hide your child from drugs, alcohol, and other illegal substances and crazy situations for long. Life has a funny way of throwing things at you once you take the plunge. Like for instance, my mother told me about sex from when I was like ... 15 years old or so, so I knew what to expect, and I abstained from it until recently. She was always open with me and I think that allowed me to slowly develop into that sort of blunt, no-nonsense person that I am now--and an independent free-thinking one at that.

 

[Lirael]

I think it's very important for parents to strike a balance between letting their children develop into independent thinkers and preventing their children from following a dangerous/harmful lifestyle.

Parents who protect their children obsessively run the risk of damaging their chances in the future. I do know a couple of people whose parents are very protective and they struggle to think independently. They struggle to adapt as their surroundings change, struggle to engage with new people and are more easily phased by issues they face, whether it's something as small as an argument with a friend or something more monumental, such as which course to take at Uni. :/

We all need to make mistakes to learn - and very few mistakes are the end of the world. It would be safer for the parents to be honest and to trust their children. If the children do something dangerous or immoral, by all means reign them in and reinforce good behaviour, but let the children make choices first.

When it comes to hiding things like drugs and sex from children...well yeah, parents could do so until a certain age - although I don't think parents should fear being open about 'grown up' topics - but there comes a point when children need to learn about these things. Every parent wants their children to stay young for as long as possible, but the world just doesn't allow it. Better the parent be the first to discuss these things. Mollycuddled children whose parents shelter them from anything negative may fail to understand quite how dangerous certain actions or substances can be.

I haven't really discussed 'wild' children here, but I haven't had a lot of experience with them. Children who spin out of control have already been given a chance, though, so in that case, the parents should find a way of reigning them back in, but they should be balanced about it to avoid pushing their child away.