Online Dating Makes You A Better Real Life Date?

[OmniscientOnus]

I ran across this link from Yahoo!'s home page. It glamorizes online dating in a way I've never seen presented. Go ahead, read it. I'll wait...

No, seriously, you need to read it first to see where I'm going with this...

OK? Ok.

This article is essentially about how online dating makes you better at "real life" dating. I'm interested to hear your opinions on this. Do you believe that online dating really is good, or at least acceptable/plausible, simulation for real life dating?

Personally I need to think about it a little more before I come up with a definitive answer. At first glance I can already see pro's and con's to this theory though.

Online dating does give you at least some extra confidence when it comes to things like flirting and "pick-up lines". You get an idea of what seems to work, and what doesn't. It also allows you to get a feel for what kind of person you would like to meet, and what people you would rather just ignore all together.

The only part of the article I can agree with completely at this point in time is that reading online profiles, talking to people online, reading IM's, and e-mails gives you a sort of "sixth sense" as they referred to it as. You do actually become better at reading between the lines; determining the difference between what is being said, and what it really means. There are numerous ways in which reading online profiles makes you a better people reader. Come to think of it, that topic alone would make for a good side discussion.

Anyways, I'd like to hear your opinions on the subject and I'll add my own as we go along.

If for whatever reason the above link does not work, copy/paste this into your location bar:
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/s...pLWxlYXJuZWQtZnJvbS1teS1jb21wdXRlcgR6egNhYmNk

 

[Rockman X]

Well, I never thought I'd see an article like that, but I have to say it's largely true. I've had a couple online relationships, and they've actually been more pleasant than the real life encounters I've had. Not only that, but they give you valuable experience just on how to handle relationships. If you can handle an online relationship fairly well, you're ready to step up to real life. If you can't...well, you fail.

There's no validation like free validation, and online dating can give you lots. When you take the time to write a profile that accentuates your individuality, and when you make the effort to post a picture that flatters your physicality, you'll garner interest. And interest, whether in the form of icebreakers or emails, is flattering.
Sure, there can be times when even the most confident dater suffers dry spells, but usually all it takes is tweaking your profile or posting a new picture for that drought to clear. This experience -- getting attention and not getting attention -- can help you realize your own attractiveness as well as your control over it. There's nothing as attractive as confidence, and online dating can boost yours. Confidence, in real life or online, attracts and empowers.

Oh so true. Before the internets, I always figured I was a normal guy. Not good looking, but certainly not bad looking (I had plenty of kids in my high school to assure me that I was faaaaar from ugly or awkward). But thanks to meeting people online (both friends and gf's) my confidence was boosted. Granted, it took a good while for it to sink into my head because I was still emo until a year ago...but well, now that that's gone it's definitely sunk in. So thanks to that I've gained quite a bit of self-confidence, probably too much since I'm a bit of a narcissist xD 'Course I've also figured out I don't want a relationship at all, online or IRL. It's just too tiresome to feel obligated to spend time with someone or that you cant go out to the mall or hang with people lest they feel lonely or jealous.

So yeah, online dating is a good thing. And it bugs me when people say how it doesn't work out. I and my parents know people it's worked out for, hell, one of my old managers has a successful marriage (including a 3 year old child) with someone he met online (and boy did he score, she's quite the milf). Hopefully as time goes on people will stop making fun of it and the people who do it, because it can have good results.

 

[Mitsuki]

Do you believe that online dating really is good, or at least acceptable/plausible, simulation for real life dating?

Well, that depends on the person you're asking the question to. I do know that online dating works for a lot of people, even as far as having a positive effect on their real life dating situations. In general, however, I'll have to disagree about how the whole entire article presented itself to readers. Maybe it's just me, but I got the feeling that the article is screaming, "Online dating is good for everyone, you should try it! Here are the reasons why."

Now, I am a firm believer that in the end, it all comes down to common sense. In the article, it stated, "In both endeavors this idea holds true: the better you are in front of your computer model, the better you will navigate real-world experience." Not necessarily so. Why do I think that? Because think of all the other people back then. Yes, back to the times when computers or internets did not exist. Heck, the majority probably had better relationship back then than your typical modern ones. (Well, I'm not sure about that, but it's a thought.)

My point is that I do not think that dating online is a necessity in order to have a better relationship in real life. One can date online if he or she chooses to and also have a great relationship in real life. But, another also may have never experienced online dating and still have a great relationship in real life.

So you see, it actually depends on your personality, as well as your partners'. I believe that if a couple wants it to work out between them in real life, then most likely, the turn-out would be a positive one - with the occasional ups and downs along the way, but isn't that what relationship's all about? Failing a relationship in real life can be a drastic measure for many people, but that is when it really gives us the strength to move on in life and learn from experience. Yes, I believe that the whole "learning from experience" (from real life relationships) is a better alternative than tips and lessons you may experience from the virtual world.

Now, I'm not saying that the article is entirely flawed. Like I stated earlier, it works for some people and many may see it in that perspective view. That's fine, good for them. I mean, if it would really help them in real life relationships, then dating online wouldn't hurt at all.

I just happen to have a different view of the matter. I suppose it has to do with how the article was written - sort of like a unique and beautiful way of advertising online dating. Sure there's really nothing wrong with that, but I perceived as if they are trying to say dating online is a better alternative to make a real life relationship work...when it really doesn't work that way for many people.

Some of you may not agree with my views, but there you go, that's my whole intake of the matter.

 

[Fusilli]

I think it depends on the people, really. Online dating may work for some, but obviously with others it's not for them, because they may feel that the physical side of a relationship is just as if not more important.

I agree with what you say here though:

The only part of the article I can agree with completely at this point in time is that reading online profiles, talking to people online, reading IM's, and e-mails gives you a sort of "sixth sense" as they referred to it as. You do actually become better at reading between the lines; determining the difference between what is being said, and what it really means. There are numerous ways in which reading online profiles makes you a better people reader. Come to think of it, that topic alone would make for a good side discussion.

The whole online profile thing can be really helpful when learning about someone, because you are basically just finding out more about them and their interests. And people usually tell the truth more on these things than in real life. What I mean by that is, if you are talking to somebody in person, then it is really easy for them to lie to impress you, whereas on somebody's profile they won't aim it directly at you, so they are pressumably telling the truth.

Some people can be really prejudiced against people having online relationships, and these will more often be people who have never really bothered to speak to people online. Like, some of my friends for example, they tell me that I shouldn't be getting 'close' to people over the internet as they assume that they are all stalkers and paedophiles. Personally, I have came across a few people who I would consider to be in that category (mainly when 40 year old men add me on myspace sending me strange messages saying 'I think we should get to know each other '), but I know the people who I can trust aswell, and sometimes you just know when they are telling the truth. It's no different from trusting people IRL, really.

Anyway, I think that the internet can be a great place to meet people. For a start, it is easy to meet people with similar interests to you, and you can get to know them in a more relaxed manner, without constantly worrying about your looks. And it is usually less superficial aswell (although not always I'm sure, because some people can still be shallow about tastes in music and things like that online). This might help you to be less shallow about relationships in the future aswell.

I wouldn't say that in all cases it is better than real life dating, it just depends on a lot of factors. The kind of personality you have, for a start. And also, at the end of the day you are just trying to find somebody who is ideal for you, and that person may happen to live a further distance than your little legs will take you, so the internet is your best chance at finding these people.

 

[Mitsuki]

Some people can be really prejudiced against people having online relationships, and these will more often be people who have never really bothered to speak to people online. Like, some of my friends for example, they tell me that I shouldn't be getting 'close' to people over the internet as they assume that they are all stalkers and paedophiles. Personally, I have came across a few people who I would consider to be in that category (mainly when 40 year old men add me on myspace sending me strange messages saying 'I think we should get to know each other '), but I know the people who I can trust aswell, and sometimes you just know when they are telling the truth. It's no different from trusting people IRL, really.

I know what you mean by this. I know a few people who are quick to judge online dating. They think it doesn't work out at all, but I've known and seen many others who were in an online relationship and managed to work it out well as you would in a real-life relationship. I would hear many people say "how can you be sure that you're not talking to a 40-year-old pervert and not a teenager?" Gee, I just know. There's really no right explanation for it.

Personally, I've never actually dated online. I used to say, "It's not really my thing"...but now that I think about it, I actually just preferred dating in real-life back then. Either that or I never really spent enough time online back when I was still single, so I never got to experience and venture more on the subject myself. Nothing against dating online at all.

 

[Lirael]

Online dating doesn't help people in and of itself, but meeting people who can build your confidence certainly does, and I think it's easier to find these people online. It is also easier to open up online because there's a barrier... Not having to speak to others face to face does wonders for someone who finds face-to-face interaction daunting.

When I was 15, I certainly found it easier to interact with people online. I went to a girls' school... Few people shared my interest in games, and some even thought me odd for liking them. The friends I made online shared this interest, so I always had people to interact with who understood my interests and valued the same form of entertainment that I valued.

The people at school were also able to see me...and I was overweight then, so they rejected me for being unattractive. This made me believe that no guy would ever like me, so I didn't really try to make myself look any better. I wore clothes that simply didn't flatter me and refused to wear make-up.

The people you meet online are only able to see the pictures you choose to make public. Their comments can reassure you. With the comments I received, I started to value myself again... I found the confidence and the determination to lose weight.

I suppose online dating could be slightly more beneficial than general interaction. People are generally more open to the people they're dating, so they may reveal qualities that they feel less confident about, then discover that someone views that quality as special. Either that, or they discover the quality isn't as bad as the originally feared.

Any boost in confidence will improve the way most people behave on a date. Confidence can be taken a step too far, but I'm thinking about people who have little or none and therefore find it difficult to connect with others...