Original My 1st ideas of the book

Haruwolf

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Haru
First Name: Haru
Middle Name: Storm Moon
Last Name: Wolf


Unemployed/Ex-Deepground

Race: Tsviet
Age: Assumed to be 18
Home Town: Bone Villiage
Residence: Neo-Midgar
Blood Type: Unknown


Physical Appearance

Height: 7'2
Weight: Unknown
Build: Muscular, over-built in the arms, but not overtly disproportionate.
Hair Colour: Dark Blue
Eye Colour: Dark Red

Distinctive Marks: ‘Lone Wolf’ tattoo on left arm, tattoo on neck signifying Deepground origin with Electric blue tattoo lines run down the arms and torso


Apparel
Hair Style: Short at front, long at back SpikyFacial Hair: N/A
Body Jewellery: Dog collar around neck, with Deepground test tag attached
Upper Wear: Black turtle-neck jumper with dark Steel shoulder spaulders
Hand Wear: Black fingerless gloves with spikes on the knuckles
Lower Wear: Deepground SOLDIER pants
Foot Wear: Deepground Leather boots
Accessories: PHS headset Haru also still wears the broken handcuffs he had from his escape from Deepground.

Weaponry
Close Combat Weapons: CQC (Hand-to-hand combat), Parasite Eve II, Vanishing Star (gunblade)Long Distance Weapons: Parasite Eve II, Vanishing Star (gunblade)
Materia: Steal as Well (Support), Deathblow (Command), Haste (Time), Life2 (Revive), Bio3 Ma

History:
One time a test member of the fontDeep ground Soldiers Haru was one of the best ever seen for his gun blade skill with his hand to hand combat but it did not get him out due to his anger problems after seeing his family get killed off. The Test turned him into a best just like the Tsviet Azul the Cerulean due to his age he would not been as big as Azul or have the same power but he would be much better in the long run because of his age he would pick more xp up in battle
Haru was tested more because they wanted to make a super SOLDIER one that remember and improves from battles and his body to have the ability to adjust for the style of combat which would make him unstoppable.
That was there plane but they had no Idea that there drugs that made the test subjects tack was having no effect on Haru the drugs sprees any feeling of family right and Wong it erased there will to be free and they lost all memory’s of there way of life.
Now all alone Haru looks to rebuild his life and fight the Deepground if they should every wish to came back he will be waiting to pay them back for the pain they gave him with that Haru was looking to join Shin-Ra to get his revenge on Deepground.
 
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Amizon

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The right section now, but I'm afraid to say that it can relate to the RP section - considering that it's in the form of a template. However, I don't think that could be a problem at all. So you have your character, but there are other factors to think about should you be openly seeking advice.

However, I have to persist on this. Is this fanfiction or is it an original story?

If it's fanfiction, it's fine. However, if it's the latter, then I'm afraid to say that you cannot take names such as "Shinra" and "Deep Underground" because they technically don't belong to you. There'd be issues of copyright claims if you ever did manage to publish your story for real.

So considering that this is a fanfiction, I hope ...

Is there a setting to your story? A town? City? Village perhaps?

Does your character interact with other people?

What will be the conflict that arises in the story? Remember, there will always be a conflict that crops up in every kind of novel; it can be resolved in one book or even over a few books.

Will your character change due to his history?

Think about questions like that and see if you can come to some form of answer.
 

Ezio Auditore

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Ahh, I moved it before you put all this stuff, please tell me if this is for an RP character or a character sheet for a story you're writing?
 

Dragon Mage

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I'm going to assume this is a book, but I'm giving the benefit of the doubt. Keep in mind that, though you're obviously drawing off a game, your goal is to make the setting your own and remove it from the game so much that it no longer is obviously a fanfic. This is called a 'springboard fanfic' where you basically take the basic premise, then make it your own. The key is to remember that this is always your ultimate goal: To make it your own.

A few pointers:

You're character is just too B.A. to be a character.

As a reader, you must make me interested in a character. Reading the description itself just turns me away. He's far too unreal, far too cool and badass, to be of human interest.

Here's a tip: The best heroes don't look like it. The way your character is set up right now, it's a wonder he doesn't just glare at the enemy and they all die from fright-induced heart attacks.

I can also tell you this: I've never, ever, ever, seen anyone dressed even remotely like that. In short: Scrap the costume and come up with something far more realistic and not so obviously announcing to the world "I'm a B.A. die in fear of me!!" In short, get rid of all the black leather and spikes and whatnot and give him what you would wear on a normal day--This makes the character and world much more relatable to the reader. And normal hair too.

Make him shorter, at least in the 6' range. 7' is just ridonkulous. Especially for an 18 yr old, super-soldier or no.

Don't, please god, DON'T give him a Japanese name!!!! This automatically screams "TOOL!!!" and turns away readers (for me at least). And give him an actual weapon that exists in THIS world. Such hybrid weapons are very... well... dumb for your purpose here.

Give him a very human weakness, not just an emotional one, but that is also a must-have. Giving him an innocent phobia is the best way to do this. Perhaps he has a morbid fear of spiders, or closed spaces, or even the moon or rope! These all give you a lot of leverage as an author to put your character into tricky situations that only makes him seem more real and thus, more appealing.

Also, consider giving him something to like: Maybe, this tough, killing soldier has an overpowering weakness for cats. Everyone has something they irrisitably like: Characters are no different.

Also, about a theme--if you feel you must give him a theme, than do so, as long as it pertains to the story. But I absolutely forbid you to give him the 'lone wolf' theme. It is far too cliched and smirching off of Cloud to boot. You want to separate your story from the world you're drawing it from, and this connection will only prevent that. Perhaps a bird of prey would suit your needs better--it indeed has a lot of room for interpretation, giving you a lot of flexibility.

One time a test member of the fontDeep ground Soldiers Haru was one of the best ever seen for his gun blade skill with his hand to hand combat but it did not get him out due to his anger problems after seeing his family get killed off.
Don't make your character awesome from the get-go. If you do that, there's no where else for your character to grow. Make him a little behind what he could be, a very promising student or whatnot, but don't make him perfect--you'll just write yourself in a corner and give up. Trust me--I've done it. Not. Fun. Always remember that a story is about the growth and change of a character(s) and the story is basically a documentation of that.

The bit about is family is a bit too final, though. From what I understood in the game, the family members weren't just slaughtered. It'd be a lot better if your character's goal was to reunite with his family (because he doesn't know what happened to them, and that sets up a journey of which you are to write) and his anger is due to the fact that he was separated from them, leaving him with only fond, faded memories. That puts the reader on the character's side of things--a lot of people frown on revenge, no matter how justified. This will lever the reader right where you want them.

The Test turned him into a best just like the
Tsviet Azul the Cerulean due to his age he would not been as big as Azul or have the same power but he would be much better in the long run because of his age he would pick more xp up in battle


DO NOT USE GAME TERMS IN REAL WORLD STORIES.

That is The Rule.

Remember, you want separation from the game to make it more real. Do everything in your power to do this: Starting with abandoning any game terms/mechanics.

Like I said, don't make him a B.A. right off. Make him a... Sargeant, or other minor officer, which implies that he is still growing and has a ways to go. He is a young character after all.

Haru was tested more because they wanted to make a super SOLDIER one that remember and improves from battles and his body to have the
ability to adjust for the style of combat which would make him unstoppable.
That was there plane but they had no Idea that there drugs that made the test subjects tack was having no effect on Haru the drugs sprees any feeling of family right and Wong it erased there will to be free and they lost all memory’s of there way of life.
Now all alone Haru looks to rebuild his life and fight the Deepground if they should every wish to came back he will be waiting to pay them back for the pain they gave him with that Haru was looking to join Shin-Ra to get his revenge on Deepground.


Okay, this is rather good, with the drugs simply not affecting him like the others. It implies he is different, sets him appart, and can be a good thing for your hero and gives him freedom from what binds everyone else.

Now, keeping in mind of what I said would make for a better story, you could easily alter this bit here to suit your needs. Like, he's a very promising subject of a super-soldier program, right? And Shin-Ra would go through Hell to get him back if he escaped... right?

Well, there ya go. Now you've got a powerful motivation for the character and reader, a hopeful goal for the reader to look forward to (killing off the family makes me ask, as a reader, 'Then what's the point? There is no hope except bitter revenge') and a very plausible explanation of why the Shin-Ra are hounding him, adding more conflict to the story. With this, it would be best to start the story with him making his escape, plunging the reader right into it without any stops for explanation.

However, these are only suggestions, and you can take them to heart or fart on them if you so wish. This is just my opinion on what you CAN do to make an ideal story with what you have in mind. I speak only from my own extensive experience in such matters. There's some heavy revision, yes, but once you get into it, it'll be all very easy to do. And I'll keep a close eye on the progression of this story--if you so wish--and aid you in every way I can to make your writing and your story even better.

I truly hope this helps and I look forward to a rewritten character bio soon! Good luck!
 

Haruwolf

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ok to put every ones mind at rest this is more of an online thing just for fun you could say its traing for the mind if you like i as so see this as a good icebracker with new people.
 

Dragon Mage

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WHAT!? No story!!! I've been waiting for a year for this and you just get on and post to say it isn't real!

No fair!!! D:

I wanna story. *pouts*
 

Haruwolf

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Ok few things one I like to say I just got back on this was posted hell of a long time ago I only remembered due to a birthday email from FF Lol so this was posted a young age at that Tims I think I was at the age were there was no real understanding of too unreal or to badass Lol I'd also like to thank every for the advice and like to relook at this with new age and understanding now and I would take all the help I could get :)

And I made this up with elements from FF far I remember I hope I did not offend any one with this
 
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