Serious In need of some good advice

[Lord Raptor]

Ok..
So for the longest time now I've been single and its starting to effect me and i really need some advice, and before you give it I'd like you to know a bit first.

I'm 15, a bit big 5'9 and 197 pounds.
I've had several short relationships and few long good ones, and a horrible long one.
The best girl i ever had i only got to see her at school, cause her parents hated me cause of how i dressed. I'm very kind at most times and i never did anything to her family. Until her brother pulled her, and note not just pull but PULLED her away from me and hurt her. Personally i didn't take it well and i don't like people getting in my face. So ..it ended not too good for me even thought all i got was a bruise, but that wasn't the bad part because they moved shortly after that and i didn't get to say good bye......

And the worse was, i was cheated on by a girl that i dated, that dumped me and then begged, well not beg but to hard to explain, and then cheated on me the second time around.

...Well after these experiences its scares me into confusing of if to ask this girl who I really do like (i say like because love comes later on
) a lot. We hug, and we play around a lot i don't get to see her as much as i liked and we agree on a lot, but the main reason, Im scarred is cause i don't want to put my heart back together cause Im scarred, i"ve gone into the friend zone
So I need some sensible advice from both genders around my age and kinda understand why I am scarred to try to give love another chance to grow.

 

[blakstang98]

You're looking from advice from someone your age, and unfortunately I'm not, but I may be of assistance. I've had my heart broken before as well. Even to this day I feel like I could never find a girl who was as awesome as the girl I loved. But I can't wait around hoping that she'll come around, so I had to move on to look for someone else. I'm not a big believer in soulmates and there is 1 person for everyone, I just feel like I need to find someone similar to her, but 1 I can love and will love me.

I'm going off on a tangent about my love life (or lack thereof), but my point is, you'll get your heart broken in time, it happens to everyone. The best thing to do is pick-up and move on. It may be difficult, but you just have to be confident that you'll find someone that you'll love even more, and she'll feel the same way about you. And also, don't try to rush that process, think carefully about committing to a girl instead of trying to create something about nothing.

But hey, hopefully that helps somewhat, hang in there and be patient!

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

Geez when did you start dating in order to have all these different short and long relationships?

I really don't feel comfortable giving advice to someone who should be concentrating on other things in their adolescent life but I will. <_<

In my opinion you don't need a relationship at all at this stage in your life. What you need is to give yourself a chance to grow up and learn to live with yourself and love yourself before you even consider dating anyone else.

If you're not happy with yourself then you won't make the next person in your life completely happy and there goes another relationship.

Honestly at your age, it's a rarity to find anyone that is mature enough to even want a long and loving relationship. Not impossible but very rare. If you date too much in highschool and allow yourself to be set up for several other possible heartbreakers, then chances are you will be very scared about letting anyone else into your life relationship-wise once you've left school.

Fair enough if you really do like this girl and you're not just looking for someone to fill a gap in your life. That's all well and good.

Just ensure that you take things slowly as you're both only very young and getting hurt isn't what either of you want. You should really think about what kind of relationship you want.

* Whether you think this girl is someone you want to be with for a very long time.
* Whether she's a girl you only really want to be with during highschool.
* Or whether it's just for fun.

Then consider asking her how she feels when things get more serious so you each know where you stand.

Getting sexually involved should be put on hold for at least a year as well in my opinion and from experience. <_< Rushing into anything like that isn't very smart as it kind of cancels out all the hard work you two could have been doing getting to know each other.

Most girls generally like to know the person they're getting into bed with and don't like to be pressured, so keep that in mind too.

Hope I helped in some way.

 

[Estella Vanilla]

Honestly it sounds like you're growing too dependent upon relationships. You do not need to be in a relationship to be happy, especially with yourself.

You said it yourself, you're a good, kind person. I suggest you take time being single and just have fun being you, gain confidence in yourself, and put off dating for a bit.

You're 15, you seem mature to me for your age. But other people your same age are most likely not.

 

[Shu]

As these girls (great advice by the way) have said, dependencies in relationships are never a good thing.

All I can say is, just slow it down a bit. You have plenty of life to live. I have been through the ends and outs. From long term (2 years) to short terms (2 weeks), and it kind of wears on you after a while.

I wish honestly I had waited before jumping like a frisky dog onto the next relationship, but honestly.. I learned. I would encourage you to take it slow to be honest, and let whatever happens, happen. Ask a girl out only who you truly become friends with first.. and get to know.

My mistake is beauty and a little brains at first make me think the girl will be perfect. Then I figure out she is angry at every other person in the world, or just has a paranoid sense that I will cheat with any girl I talk to. So.. whatever you take from what I've said.. hopefully you understand it.

 

[Lord Raptor]

Well its hard not to want someone to love when your alone most of the time. Most of the people in my schools freshman class are idiots, but not all. And I'm not wanting to depend on a relationship its just so hard when i don't have a release or something to take my mind off of the days that are ....Well basically shit.
And for the put off dating part of the advice given, thank you I've heard it a lot, and personally I've been single for a year now, next month. I'm tired of not having someone to give affection to, and not friend or family affection.
For the part about liking myself I'm proud of me, i wear black i look like a trouble maker or a freak from what Ive heard but i make B's and A's most of the time. I play an instrument in the band, Im second chair and i made 5th chair at all region. The only time im trully down on myself is when i fail my self, cause I'll build myself up, Im ready to do it and the I'll just give up and let my self plumet.

 

[Rockman X]

Well, there's already been alot of good advice said in this thread, so I won't echo that.

Well its hard not to want someone to love when your alone most of the time. Most of the people in my schools freshman class are idiots, but not all. And I'm not wanting to depend on a relationship its just so hard when i don't have a release or something to take my mind off of the days that are ....Well basically shit.

Video games are good for a release, as are other hobbies. I wouldn't be surprised if you have depression though, considering how much it bothers you that you're single.

For the part about liking myself I'm proud of me, i wear black i look like a trouble maker or a freak from what Ive heard but i make B's and A's most of the time. I play an instrument in the band, Im second chair and i made 5th chair at all region. The only time im trully down on myself is when i fail my self, cause I'll build myself up, Im ready to do it and the I'll just give up and let my self plumet.

Why exactly do you feel the need to dress so um...off-putting? You might be hurting your own chances just by dressing so differently. I know we're always told to not judge a book by its cover, but that's what people do, it's natural. People are going to avoid someone who looks like they could be trouble, nobody likes to take chances if they don't have to. Now I'm not saying you should dress like a prep or something, but dressing a little more normally could do some wonders for your image. Not many people are going to take the time to get to know you if they think you look like dangerous or whatever.

 

[MVP]

I don't what really happened in your past relationships, but the only way to build your confidence in things, and possibly ask someone out again, is by giving it time. If you meet someone that you really enjoy being around, then don't ask her out within a week. Let the relationship grow, and see what happens, then when you feel comfy enough, you can ask her out.