Serious Hipocrisy at its finest.

[Pink_Nymphetamine]

Imagine you're a nice person: you have a nice bunch of friends who've got your back and you think you can count on them for good and bad times. They know your points of view, they know you pretty well, or at least that's what you think so.

You thought that they've got all the indirect signs. you thought that they already knew and they still loved you.

You bring up the topic once. Maybe twice.

"Homophobes should fuck off. There's nothing wrong with being different." They all nod in agreement, smiling, laughing. You think that you're safe.

But you're not.

One day, you just hang out, being yourself. Go to a bar, you don't drink, but you flirt with a nice person of the same sex. Your friends watch you in silence, you think it's all cool. You think that there's nothing wrong.

"Are you really gay?" one of them asks.

You're a bit off with your friend's question. You explain. You laugh. Your friend doesn't laugh along, but smiles at you with slight discomfort.

Days pass by. They don't talk to you anymore. You try to contact them in any way, ask them what's wrong. Whenever you try, they just ignore you, they don't deal with you.

They abandon you.

You thought it was okay. They were your friends, they accepted your geeky side, they were next to you when you went through that stupid 'goth-phase', they supported you when you've failed your exams, they offered you comfort when your beloved pet died...

Why did they leave you behind, then? Did you do something wrong?

You really thought that it was okay. Your sexuality wouldn't turn them away, when none of what happened before did. You were a fool.

They just agreed to be 'okay' with other people being gay, cause they knew how much I despised homophobia, though they never really thought that it was personal. The popular acceptance to homosexuality was just a mild influence, they neversaid anything wrong about being gay, cause popular media hate homophobia. Homophobes are now meant to be hated. They just went along with the flow, hiding their real thoughts.

Now you're alone. You've got no friends who can accept that thing from you. Maybe your brother is okay with that, maybe a couple of fellow colledge friends are okay with that. But now you've lost most of your friends.

Was that the price you had to pay for being truthful with yourself? Or you've just paid the price of being too naïve?



---
I'm sorry for bringing up such a long story, but I believe it's okay to post it here. I'm no longer that sentimental, that shit happened a while ago, I'm fine now, but I just needed to take it out.
But I'm not here seeking for comfort. I want you to think about the last question: in these 'modern' times, is it safe to be homophobe? I mean, I despise those kind of people, but I understand it's still their choice to disagree. One of the hardest things you'll have to face when you're like me it's that you can't possibly change everybody's minds about your own choice. You can't stop homophobia, that's a fact, but all we can do it's to repress it.
There's people out there who just say that they're okay with gay people, cause they have a public image to take care of... but they could just be hiding their true colors. People nowadays just bash any homophobe who comes across the media... there's no longer c choice for them left, right?

How's all that?




And I apologize for the crappy english.

 

[Stoic Hero]

Let me ask you a question. Why is it wrong for them to dislike your sexual choices? As with any choice you make, there will people that are on your side, and people against you.

Homophobia is a strange word, anyway. It literally means an extreme and irrational aversion to homosexuals. It's used in a very general way to describe anyone who has any problem with homosexuality. I can assure you that many people who dislike homosexuality are quite sane and rational, while others may not be. That's with any situation you encounter, like how some people dislike spiders for a rational reason, and others have an irrational fear of any and every spider.

Here's something I've figured out:

You can't blame someone for reacting to what you've chosen to do. If you choose to dye your hair blue and cut it into a mohawk, you open up an invitation for people to comment, sometimes in disgust, about your choice of hairstyle. It's just the way it's going to be, and you've got to learn to live with it. Your choices are your own. Be confident and strong in what you believe, and don't forsake that for what anyone else tells you. Only with a sound mind and a discernible conscience should you consider other alternatives.

My point in all this is that you shouldn't be upset that some people dislike your choice, as that is the way life is meant to be. Free will is a glorious thing, and they deserve it just as much as you do. What you CAN do is be confident in your choice, forgive them, and find someone who shares your opinion on the subject.

There's no reason to hate them for reacting negatively to what you've done, even if they hate you for it. Hate begets hate, and that doesn't help anyone.

 

[CassinoChips]

When you say "choice," do you mean the choice to tell the friends, or the "choice" to be gay?

As far as hating homophobes, there's a reason they get bashed in the media. It's a ludicrous position to hold, and virtually impossible to defend. Frankly, they deserve to be ridiculed. It's one thing to "disagree" with or disapprove of homosexuality, it's another thing entirely to, for example, drag a gay man behind your truck, tie him to a post in the middle of nowhere in Wyoming and leave him for dead. All simply because he's gay. So it just depends on a lot of different factors.

 

[Stoic Hero]

The choice to be gay. While you (usually) can't choose your feelings, you can always choose your actions. A priest, whether straight, gay, or otherwise, chooses to be chaste despite being a sexual creature by nature. He still gets sexual desires, but has chosen to ignore them. Having the desire or urge doesn't make you whatever you're talking about, the action does. If you have gay sex, then you've chosen to be gay, though you can always refrain in the future. If you have gay thoughts, that doesn't necessarily mean you're gay, as you can choose to repress them. Just like if I have thoughts of murdering or raping someone. That doesn't make me a murderer or a rapist unless I act on those thoughts.

 

[Roland_Deschain]

I have to agree with some of the other posts, but in a different way I guess.

I don't know how long you had these feelings before this story, but perhaps your friends felt a little abandoned by you as well, if you had never told them before hand.

It is one thing to say homophobes should fuck off and them to agree with you, but this was before they knew you had those tendacies. I appears that if they were homophobes, then they did exactly what you said, they "fucked off".

I have no problems with homosexuality, I have had a few Bi sexual friends even though I recieved heat from other friends. The difference is that those friends made a clear point about how they were before continuing a friendship with me, which made it a lot better. This provided them with honestly, and gave myself a chance to fully explain just how straight I was.

I don't know how long your friends knew you, but perhaps it was something you should have explained a lot earlier, or perhaps maybe to them a night out on the town is a chance to pick up chicks. Maybe they just decided you did not fit in with their personal setting of "going out".

I don't know how your friends actually feel about you, because I don't know your friends. All I can speculate is that in the future to avoid this happening again maybe its better to be straightfoward from the beginning rather then drop a bomb after they have grown to know you.

 

[asm]

Let me ask you a question. Why is it wrong for them to dislike your sexual choices? As with any choice you make, there will people that are on your side, and people against you.

Homophobia is a strange word, anyway. It literally means an extreme and irrational aversion to homosexuals. It's used in a very general way to describe anyone who has any problem with homosexuality. I can assure you that many people who dislike homosexuality are quite sane and rational, while others may not be. That's with any situation you encounter, like how some people dislike spiders for a rational reason, and others have an irrational fear of any and every spider.

Here's something I've figured out:

You can't blame someone for reacting to what you've chosen to do. If you choose to dye your hair blue and cut it into a mohawk, you open up an invitation for people to comment, sometimes in disgust, about your choice of hairstyle. It's just the way it's going to be, and you've got to learn to live with it. Your choices are your own. Be confident and strong in what you believe, and don't forsake that for what anyone else tells you. Only with a sound mind and a discernible conscience should you consider other alternatives.

My point in all this is that you shouldn't be upset that some people dislike your choice, as that is the way life is meant to be. Free will is a glorious thing, and they deserve it just as much as you do. What you CAN do is be confident in your choice, forgive them, and find someone who shares your opinion on the subject.

There's no reason to hate them for reacting negatively to what you've done, even if they hate you for it. Hate begets hate, and that doesn't help anyone.

This post would be very agreeable, but it's because you probably take a dozen stabs at saying homosexuality is a choice, when you actually do absolutely nothing to substantiate that ...it is just that?

Also, it's pretty barbaric that you actually post later on, and say people should abstain from sexual relationships (a completely 100% absolutely natural trait), because you can abstain from murder. You're actually comparing consensual sex between two rational adults by voluntary choice, to an act of malice which by the very definition of the word, is a criminal offense and a nonconsensual one.

But, I'm sure you'd repress any sexual desires of any kind you have regardless, simply to be respected by your peers.


edit: To the OP...

I guess it's not much of a comfort, but who the fuck would want friends like that anyway? Again, not much of a comfort but in the end you can be certain you'll be much happier being true to yourself without phony friends, than being dishonest to yourself while surrounded by morons who you hide yourself from because of a completely indifferent question when it comes to having friends. If your friends are that shallow, they really weren't your friends to begin with.

 

[VanillesHope-FXIII]

If people are willing to leave you for something you cant choose, then they are not worth knowing anyway, i know you probally would of been there for them and laid down ur life for them, but this sort of situation will prove if there your real friends or not, i hate this damn world ( im not suicidal ) i just mean people make me sick,

 

[Shu]

Here's what I think it is, and call me whatever you wish afterwards but know I'm very open minded about "the gay" subjects. In my head Homosexuality has always been there in nature all the way back to the Latin/Roman days. Bath houses and such.

I think what your friends had happen was.. they may not have seen you as totally open to them. As in, if you are just now comfortable about flirting with a same sex individual but you just do it without them knowing you were in the first place, well it takes a lot of maturity to say "well.. I guess that's okay, even if he didn't tell us." I think people tend to question their own sexuality if they accept someone is gay even if before they thought they were straight.

I think what happens often times is there is a mental block of communication between Heterosexuality and Homosexuality. When you are already known as gay, well heterosexual folks tend to watch what they say more. Aka not inviting or misleading an individual. No offense, but no matter what people say, no one has perfect 100% gaydar. I know a lot of feminine men for example who I could even question sometimes, but I know they are whatever they are, not what they choose to be.

Gay I don't ever believe was a choice (speaking for men here), you either are limp and it groses you out when you think about other men, or you have a strong feeling for dominant/passive males. I still never will be able to stomach it, but it's not my place to understand the sexual side. Though I do know the gay friends I've had in my life have been very adamant about talking about their sex lives.. and in general.. are man whores. Even if they date for 2 months+ they are still doing things on the side. I've never seen a long lasting homosexual relationship to be honest. So I'm a bit prejudice about it.

With heterosexuality there are the same head games, drama, and whatever else your partner and you puts each other through. Though I can say this.. about your friends.. I don't know how long they will put you off. I think it's a trust thing. I think in the end they either don't want to be associated out of fear of what their peers think of them with a gay guy in public, or they just don't trust you since you never disclosed it to them in the first place other than acting on it this one time. I'm at no place to judge, but I would say.. talk to them individually.. if they don't want to talk to you, then it's safe to say, these friends weren't good for you anyway.

 

[unadulteratedawesome]

Your sexuality should be a non-issue. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a bigot, by definition. There's no reason you needed to volunteer that information because it shouldn't bother people in the first place.

I'd recommend speaking to them on an individual basis and confronting them about it to see what the deal is. It may all be a misunderstanding, who knows. Stranger things have happened, so it's better to go into a talk with them without preconceived ideas.

As far as what you said about homophobes... well, yeah, they have the right to think whatever they want. At the same time, there's no reason we should be tolerant to such asinine beliefs. I mean, are people tolerant to racists or sexists? Should they be? No and no.

And the notion of comparing homosexuality with murder and rape is hilariously stupid at best, horrendously ignorant and bigoted at worst. Anyone who does so is a sick individual.

 

[Ayumi Hamasaki]

The choice to be gay. While you (usually) can't choose your feelings, you can always choose your actions. A priest, whether straight, gay, or otherwise, chooses to be chaste despite being a sexual creature by nature. He still gets sexual desires, but has chosen to ignore them. Having the desire or urge doesn't make you whatever you're talking about, the action does. If you have gay sex, then you've chosen to be gay, though you can always refrain in the future. If you have gay thoughts, that doesn't necessarily mean you're gay, as you can choose to repress them. Just like if I have thoughts of murdering or raping someone. That doesn't make me a murderer or a rapist unless I act on those thoughts.

Excuse me?

I'll hold down my bile at reading you mentioning "choosing" to be gay in the same paragraph as "choosing" to rape or murder someone because frankly they don't make words that can describe how ridiculous that is.

Your sexual orientation is not always a choice. I did not choose to be gay, and I am gay, my dear friend, rather I am fucking a guy or sitting at home watching Melissa and Joey on Netflix. It makes no difference, it is a part of my being, not something I do every other weekend in September.

People should respect who you are as a whole, and not ridicule you for something that they don't understand. Gay sex is not, and never will be I hope and pray, considered the same or even on the same frequency, hell same layer of the earth as rape or murder. Homosexuality is not harmful in the least, no more so than heterosexuality.

Fake acceptance is nothing new, but it shouldn't bother you in the least. I am gay, whether or not someone wants to accept it or believe it. It's a part of my physical state of being, like the color of my eyes or hair. Like those things I could choose to hide it, but that NEVER changes the fact that it is the true nature of myself.

And sorry if that seemed like a (slightly I hope) off topic rant.