Serious Getting Married

To be honest, if you feel like you need the time to think about this sort of stuff, you should take all the time you need. Yes, of course it will hurt being rejected, but at the same time, he loves and respects you and your decisions, right? A good partner will stick by your side even if you tell them no, because the "bond" you two have is stronger, than a piece of paper ever will be.

If after a while you think you might want to, sure, why not. Even if you're completely sure about spending the rest of your life with someone, things can happen, things always happen, for better or for worse (no pun intended). Do what you think feels right.

I wish you all the best with whatever you two decide. =)
 
Hmm, I had a long drawn out.. what if summary (literally 8 paragraphs) but then I said fawk it.

All I can say to you is this. Marriage is commitment and only commitment. Not the boyfriend and girlfriend commitment but the ability to trust in each other and at the end of the day come home to someone without dreading it. It's not complacency. It's not being stuck in a rut for months on end. It's all about living a life as one, and not separately. It's being with someone who respects you and doesn't judge you for your life choices. It's someone that doesn't expect things of you, if you've done it more than once. It's all about being able to step back and relay that most of today's problems are actually not yours but other people's. When shit gets hard, you two try on it, and don't break up like a typical boyfriend and girlfriend. Marriage is work sometimes, but well worth if the other person isn't a complete toddler in their head.

Marriage is not about being locked down to the other person. You still have your personal space. Don't allow that person to lead your life for you, but rather together. They have input, but are not the final outcome, otherwise you are controlled. You need your time apart. Go out and drink with your lady friends and shoot the shit. And if you are a guy like me, go out with your buddies and rag and drink and be stupid as shit! You need your space! Marriage is all about recognizing you can be with someone and they let you have your space.

If not, then you should of figured that out before you were married. I don't care that I'm not able to fuck another person. It's not making me cringe. The only thing that even puts it out there, is the media. So it's a system of control for folks. In oxford there are model type women at bars pretty much every night.. it's not tempting.. due to I need to get away from women as a whole period sometimes to clear my head. Too much estrogen makes a man lose his shit or chop off his balls. You pick.

So to summarize, what does this all mean to you? You need to be absolutely on the same page, when talking about marriage. It has to be an absolute. If it never was, it will never be. If you are meant to be alone, you will always be alone, I hate to say it. I know people that are seen on the outside as good! people, but for them.. they know that they can never be with someone for more than 2 months at a time, due to their lifestyle. They would never pick the other person over them.

So I would advise you this. Don't lie, don't put this off. You need to tell him to his face, and I'm surprised you haven't before this (assuming you haven't). Do yourself a favor and have "the talk" now.. so you don't torture him. Because right now.. he's probably lost deep in his head. Thinking you don't really love him and blah blah. He might be even thinking 2nd thoughts about you, sorry that's just honesty. He might need some space after this.. but you need to respect him, because you just told him no. Give a sec.. let it sink in.. and then if you still feel the same.. tell him.

Later, yo.
 
Perhaps you should be telling him this instead of us? But I don't blame you for feeling unsettled about being asked to become the missus.

I personally have no plans to get married until I'm close to my thirties. If I'm not the man that I need to be by then, I'll probably never get married. Needless to say; I sympathize in the thought that marriage may not be the most attractive concept in the world.

But really, talk to him about it. Giving him a reason is better than "I don't know" (not to bust your balls or anything... or ovaries in this case I guess).
 
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