FFF - Big Brother

[Misty]

Day 1 - Saix admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Bambi, telling Mark he thinks she looks a bit masculine. Mandi strides in wearing only a pair of fluffy dice and announces she wants be a glamour model. After half a glass of wine, hairdresser Sum41 admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality, and hints at a sordid story from his teenage years.

Oh man did I laugh my freaking ass off when I read the first line.

2 - The housemates sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Mark creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Bambi, feeling grumpy due to a lack of Sprite, hits him with a Spoon.

Mark, this is very unbecoming of you...

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Taj Mahal out of Bagel. After much persuasion by Mark, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

Hahaha

4 - Training for the Taj Mahal task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Sum41, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the fattest, laziest housemate, eats half the Bagel. Bambi is furious and throws a bucket of water over Sum41.

Sum you naughty boy!

5 - Today is the day when the Taj Mahal task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Sum41 farts and blows Taj Mahal over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Mitsuki cries.

You bastard, you made our Mits cry ;_;

6 - The housemates sit in the Jacuzzi and compare toenails. Mandi spends most of the afternoon exfoliating her Ladygarden. Not the most exciting day of live television.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Mitsuki admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a Spoon. Sum41 sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Mark.

I KNEW IT SUM!

8 - Today is the first day of nominations. Saix goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Bambi and Mitsuki are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Saix.

You scheming bastard Saix

9 - Bambi and Mitsuki are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Mandi sings them a song - Umbrella - and flashes her boobs in an attempt to make them feel better. This just makes Bambi worse and she threatens to walk out unless someone gives her a bottle of Sprite.

Bambi does not appreciate your bewbies Mandi!

10 - The public vote Mitsuki out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Mitsuki leaves.

=[

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Mitsuki's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's building task. Mandi has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Bambi is visibly depressed and is comforted by Mark, who tries to touch her Ladygarden.

.....

12 - The Big Brother psychologist replays the footage of Mark touching Bambi's Ladygarden over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumference of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

I bet it was..

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Sum41 refuses to run because his Willy hurts a bit. Mandi accuses Sum41 of being a Big Brother mole who has been planted in the house to make them all fail. Sum41 shrugs his shoulders, scratches his Willy and walks off.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Sum41 finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. The housemates are treated to a party and Mark gets so drunk that he ends up being sick all over Sum41. Sum41 strips Mark to his Y fronts and spends the rest of the evening 'rubbing him better'.

RUN MARK RUN!

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Saix tells everyone individually that he thinks Bambi is a slapper who would sleep with anyone in exchange for some Sprite. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his luxury apartment when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Bambi and Mark are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Saix.

Hohohoho...ho.

16 - The nominations are announced. Bambi can't believe she's been nominated two weeks in a row. Mark is equally stunned and they turn to each other for comfort. Bambi confesses to Mark that until three months ago she was a Portuguese bricklayer called Carlos, and gives Mark a manly hug. Sum41 is distraught and confesses to Mandi that he thinks he is in love with Mark.

I KNEW IT BAMBI!

17 - The public vote Mark out of the house. Bambi says she is gutted and even gives Mark her surgically-removed Willy in a jar to prove how much she cares. Sum41 is also devastated but keeps his Willy to himself. Mark leaves.

....

18 - Big Brother’s special under-duvet heat-seeking night cameras catch Saix becoming the first housemate to masturbate. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother psychologist who proclaims that it gives us an insight into the working of Saix's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.

We already figured out he was a wanker love.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of England in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

: O

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of England sounds like but Sum41 says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Saix as the one who must complete the task.

YOU CAN DO IT SAIX!

21 - Saix successfully burps not only the National Anthem of England but also God Save The Queen, Umbrella and the theme tune to Jeremy Kyle. He is proclaimed as a hero by the other housemates, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

Pfft, no surprises there

22 - Nominations are due and Saix announces to everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Later that day Saix fondles Mandi in the Jacuzzi and tells Sum41 that he’s his best mate in the world. Sum41 and Bambi are nominated.

23 - Mandi and Saix celebrate being safe from eviction by crawling under the kitchen table for some hanky panky. They both take their microphones off and the only audible sound is Mandi moaning something which sounds like 'urgh, it tastes like Bagel'. Mandi later admits that nothing happened because 'her mum might be watching'.

I..like...bagel...

24 - The general public spend most of the day debating whether or not Saix and Mandi had sex under the table. Despite questions being asked in Parliament and numerous slow-motion replays, nobody is quite sure.

Thrilling!

25 - Despite the fact that her sex-change heroics have captured the heart of the Portuguese transgender bricklaying community, the rest of the British public vote Bambi out of the house and she storms off in a huff. Just for a change.

The public are tossers!

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Elephant dung using only a Spoon. Saix is unsure but Sum41 is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

Oh mai..

27 - Completely out of the blue, Sum41 breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Elephant incident from his childhood. Mandi tries to persuade him to stay but Saix sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Sum41 decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Elephant dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Mandi from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden. Even after the carrot wine, Mandi doesn’t give in to Saix's advances and he is forced to relieve himself under the duvet again.

Poor Saix

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Saix asks Mandi to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Saix nominates Mandi to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Mandi.

Mandi...voted Mandi?

30 - When the nomination is announced, Mandi graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Saix is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she finally agrees to have sex with him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Saix takes his winnings and runs away to England. Nobody, including Mandi, ever sees him again.

------------------------

Yes, damn long post I know, but I could not stop laughing at this, it made my frigging night

 

[Daenerys]

Olawl. It all makes sense now

 

[Davey Gaga]

Who the shit wrote this?

 

[Daenerys]

She used a random name generator thing.

Or at least that's what she told me xD

 

[L]

tl;dr

am i in any of this? =[

 

[Mitsuki]

What the hell...o.o

 

[AddleBoy]

Wtf?

 

[Casanova]

tl;dr

am i in any of this? =[

I don't think so...

 

[Dark Tidus]

Where am I in all of this?

 

[Soul Saver]

Roflcopters. XD XD XD XD XD XD

 

[Misty]

Only allowed 3 male and 3 female names in the generator thingy

 

[Soul Saver]

Do another one!

Unless it all comes out the same, in which case, don't.

 

[AddleBoy]

Use me!

 

[Misty]

So...what parts do you like the most?

I KNEW BAMBI WAS A MAN ALL ALONG, I KNEW IT D;

Mark, how dare you touch a LADYGARDEN 8D

 

[Fusionist]

 

[AddleBoy]

I find it funny how often the word "ladygarden" was used.

 

[Bambi]

hahah was it all random? Because if it was it got Saix down to a T xD

 

[Roy Mustang]

Assholes.

CONFUSED OF MY SEXUALITY??

STRIPPING MARK??!!

WHY DID I BREAK DOWN!!!???

gtfo dis fourm iz bad 2 mi i r goin 2 tell ma mum!

 

[Bambi]

I KNEW BAMBI WAS A MAN ALL ALONG, I KNEW IT D;

Mark, how dare you touch a LADYGARDEN 8D

That made me lol xD

I like how I was grumpy all the time aswel, bloody PMT I tell you xD

 

[Bambi]

gtfo dis fourm iz bad 2 mi i r goin 2 tell ma mum!

My mum just laughs at me ;_;