Serious Difficult in laws

Rydia

Throwing rocks at emo kids
Veteran
Joined
Jan 21, 2007
Messages
3,212
Age
38
Location
The Land of the Summons
Gil
0
So, I'm a little worried about a situation I could possibly be in after getting married. Basically, I could have a very difficult mother-in-law.

Ok, my fiance's older brother is married to a girl their mother can not accept. And I do not understand why because she is a very girl and she tried her very best to please her mother in law.

Basically, my husband's mother can not let her children go. She still calls them by childish names. (Jeffy and Jay-Jay) she randomly volunteers them for tasks when they are way to busy during their day, she wanted her oldest son, who is thirty years old, to be a judge at her school's science fair (she is a fourth grade teacher), and she gets upset because the older brother and wife do not visit that often. They are also expecting their first child and she has shown virtually no interest in it. She never asks her daughter-in-law how she is feeling or has even gotten her any gifts. and you think she'd be happy to have her first grand child.

After talking to my boyfriend, he said that his parents did not want their kids to have any children because they were afraid that they would have to raise it. (Stupid thought because their KIDS would be raising their own children)

Also, she is very controlling. If her kids do not want to do something, she will say things like "don't you love me," "I had to carry you for nine months!"(Get over it lady that is your own damn fault) or "I had to raise you!"

Finally, she wants her daughter in law to attend every family gathering even though her husband is a nurse and often works on the holidays. Attending these family gatherings is often very awkward for her because it involves the entire extended family. And one year she wanted to attend her family's party that was taking place at the same time because relatives that she never sees were attending. Her husband's family threw a fit over this.

Last Christmas, she made it clear that she would not be attending a family christmas party because her husband would not be there and she was tired from her pregnancy. Even after that, her husband's family kept calling her during the party to asked if she was coming. She avoided answering for several hours. In fact, she and her husband both often don't answer the phone when his parents call.

Ok, so I'm worried about this happening when I finally marry my fiance. He has already made it clear that he does not care for his mother that much and would not mind cutting ties with his family altogether, but I do not want him to do that. I just get the feeling that she thinks that me and her daughter in law are stealing her sons away from her. Though so far, I get the impression that she likes me, unless that is just an act.

Blah had to get that off my chest! Anyone else have difficult relatives? Any advice on how to deal with difficult in laws?
 
Truthfully, though it will affect you, it's not your problem, it is the parents problem. In time they may accept and learn to like you, and if not, then truthfully it is their loss to not be apart of things. Do what your heart tells you and you will never have any regrets. Thats how I live anyways.
 
Got to agree with Nocturne on this one. She has to know when to let go, and if she can't accept that, well it's her loss.

She's never going to learn unless someone tells her. I mean, what did she do when it came to her parents (in this case, your fiance's grandparents)? if that's a touchy subject, avoid it. But let her know somehow that she has to let go. Also, tell your fiance it's okay to say no sometimes. She can't make her oldest son do anything she wants him to do just because she says so; she has to ask, not tell. You're all grown-ups, right?

That's just my two cents, so if you don't follow this piece of advice is just fine with me.
 
Hey I know where you are coming from for one. Not for me but for my fiance. She has over 18 tatoos, and yes while you effin crazies might call my mom crazy.. most old folks are generally not accepting to tatoos in general so get used to it. So my parents are always, I mean always questioning me about marriage and if it is right or not.

I've thought about it many times. I don't mean to sound harsh or nothing but in order to make change in an older person or for them to like another they have to accept them for who they are. The controlling part you need to watch out for. If your fiance can not keep this under control, then there is no point of being married to him.

You will be miserable after 7 years of being controlled by the mother. This isn't 1950-1970 anymore. This is a new generation of mothers and daughters. Just think for yourself, don't let her hinder you. If your fiance questions you about it.. then you need to start questioning your fiance right back if you get the hint that his mother is manipulating him.

So that's my two cents. Bless ya Rydia.. I know its hard. Hopefully ya'll make it in life without having to deal with an overlord.

The whole reason of me not getting with an Ole Miss girl, was the fact that I would be lying with myself. I don't see eye to eye with most people on this planet let alone college sorrority girls. I need folks who have more of a brain than I know what to do with. So my parents being parents, and my mom being a mom about it .. she needs to go find some guidance in her own life before judging my girl.

So I can see where you are coming from about pressure as well.
 
Oh don't worry, My fiance will stand up to his mom once he has enough money for an apartment or condo. And he already doesn't like his parents. I'm mostly worried about wedding drama which I do not want espeically with the family. And I also don't want to explain to my future children why we never see "Daddy's mom and dad"

My future inlaws, (fiance's brother and wife) are going to have a long talk with both this parents this weekend about certain issues. Hopefully it goes well but I'm afraid that it will make things worse for them :(

Thanks for all the responses. :) They made me feel better.
 
Back
Top