Serious Depression anyone?

I only sometimes suffer from depression. It's like the whole world is happy but me, and thats how it is going to be for the rest of my life. It's all because of my mom. Shes always treating me like crap. She treats me like child, and I can't get away from her. And the worst part is, I can't bring myself to hate her. She makes me feel horrible, but she also makes me feel guilty if I don't visit, or talk to her. It makes me feel like such a fucking fool someimes. Plus, I haven't had a real relationship. I know that it's silly, but it makes me feel unwanted and alone a lot of the time. But! I have friends I know I can count on, so that always makes me feel better.

I'm a lot happier than I used to be. I used to be such a train wreck.
 
Yeah, depression sucks. Ive been down, and had alot of shit happen, i still dont know who iam or which direction to take in life. I feel like a vagabond, a rebel without a cause. I have no place, and i wonder if ill ever find a place i belong. I'd never take my own life though, as mundane and sheltered as it has become. I could ramble endlessy about the shit in my life, the feelings i try to understand and the misfortunes ive had. But, theres always somebody out there whos had it worse and i should be thankful for many things i have that they dont. Many people dont even have the luxury of a bed, let alone a computer with internet.

Envy is one the 7 deadliest sins, and for a good reason. But i still want, i still desire and crave. I still long...for her touch. I know it's too late though, i had my chance and now shes gone. It was never meant to be. Why is everything so complicated =(
 
I had somewhat of a breakdown a few years ago, over some stuff that was going on. I pretty much didn't want to get out of bed or anything, and I cried alot. It was really lame, and I hated it, but I managed to fix the things that were wrong, and, with help from others, was able to get past things. Now, I've never been happier. But I do still sometimes get sad, just not as bad as then. I don't ever want something like that to happen to me again.

I was certified as being depressed by a doctor, and I had to undergo therapy. I wasn't just feeling sad. It runs in my famliy, and it's a horrible thing to have. I wasn't just feeling sad, or thinking that my life sucked. A doctor actually told me I have depression, just like both my mother and my father.
 
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You know, I hate to the be the one to sorta bust through all the ice in here, but I think a lot of people are getting actual depression mixed up with just feeling down or sad. Feeling down or sad or whatever else about yourself is something completely different than actual, clinical depression. Have you been to the doctor? Were you diagnosed with actual depression? If not, then don't say you are depressed.

It frustrates me to no end when people go around whining about how much their lives suck and how depressed they are and how life is sooo hard, they just wanna die, etc... Real, clinically depressed people don't talk about it, with ANYONE, let alone coming onto a forum and posting about it publicly to the world. Real depressed people keep all those thoughts to themselves and don't express them. You have to practically crack them to finally see that they are depressed or make them talk. I just thought I'd point that out.
 
Kikyo said:
You know, I hate to the be the one to sorta bust through all the ice in here, but I think a lot of people are getting actual depression mixed up with just feeling down or sad.
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This pretty much sums up what I feel. If we take it from the DSM's view (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) which is what a lot of diagnosis is based on, most people wouldn't meet the 5 criteria needed (of 9) to be classed as depressed. I generally think that feeling depressed is being mixed up with actually being depressed. I'm not saying that's the case for everyone here, from what I've read some people have been diagnosed with depression. Personally I'm an optimistic person, I try to see things in a positive light. Furthermore, I think the term "depressed" is used loosely. The way I see it, there will always be people worse off than you, take third world countries for example, they suffer from poverty, starvation, dehydration, AIDs epidemic etc but they still get on with it.
 
Back when I was in high school, 9th - 10th grade only, I was really depressed. I only had one friend, and I didn't even talk to him about it. I talked to no one about it. And the fake wall of happiness that I was putting up was working great. At the time I was living in complete and utter misery. I still don't like talking about it, but most people I get close to nowadays eventually hear the story.

Only two people knew that there was something wrong. The school councilor, whom I started to hate because she was being nosy, but ended up forgiving her because she really helped me out, and Master Sergent Reyas from the ROTC program. (Having your step-father threaten to kill you then throw a knife at you takes a lot out of you when you're 15. -__-)

Without those two people, I would have never become the Founder, Owner, and CEO of Tsukianei Inc. (my own company) and I wouldn't be the arrogant bastard that I am today! :D
 
I might have bi-polar depression. But I'm very hesitant to say that until I get fully diagnosed by a doctor.

There are days where I'm pretty neutral and I'll chug along with life and whatever happens, happens. There are other times where something random will happen and I'll want to kill myself, and then I mentally beat the snot out of myself until I stop thinking that.

I used to take medication but it didn't do anything, so I quit. Now I just remind myself of various things I've learned over the years that make it quite a bit easier to deal with random crap. But not really.
 
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A few months ago I sort of was suffering from depression. I was so busy with school that I had no time for my friends, I was constantly at my computer doing school work, and I had to skip out on family gatherings. towards the of the school one of my friends had a nervous break down and a girl I was close to at work attempted suicide.

Then summer came along and my best friend went to take a job in another state, I had to work long hours and my boss was a bit of a dick. It got to the point where I just did not want to do anything. I wanted to drop out of school and quit work and sit at home and do nothing. I couldn't see my life going anywhere at that point because graduation seemed so far away.

Then last fall it suddenly lifted up and I was fine. I set aside time that was "just for me" and I well... didn't do all the readings I was supposed to do for school which really helped because it gave me more free time. (We often had to read 80 pages a night and I am a slow reader)

I don't know if you would really qualify that as depression or just stress. I only thought about suicide maybe once or twice and it was never serious. More of a "would it all just stop if I wasn't here" type of thing.
 
I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but recently it hasn't been displaying itself much if at all. Not on any medication for it either, so I guess I've managed to beat it myself for the most part. But we'll see, I guess.
 
I used to think that I suffered from depression, but after years of trying to figure it out without outside help, I think I've finally realized that it's actually some bizarre variation of obsessive-compulsive disorder in which I worry about silly things so much that I become depressed about them. I had my share of crap to deal with growing up just like anyone--overweight, shy, the guys I liked didn't pay attention to me, overprotective OCD mom who contradicts herself etc. (still a problem!)--but I also was privileged in a lot of ways that most kids weren't--I got to go to assloads of concerts and meet almost all of my favorite bands. The problem, as cliche as it sounds, really just seems to be the concept of "the grass is greener on the other side". I did lots of fun stuff, but I was lonely. My best friend had a new boyfriend every five minutes and plenty of friends, but her stepdad was a @#!% and wouldn't let her go out and do anything--at one point I actually snuck chocolate to her at school because she wasn't even allowed to have junk food. I don't know if anyone else finds this kind of thing to be true for them, but the way I see it, Fullmetal Alchemist hit the nail on the head--"equivalent exchange" seems to be a totally believable concept. :ed: And I think if you try to see things that way, you can conquer a lot of depressed feelings--maybe not all of them, because for many people it is a physiological problem, but it at least helps. I think at any moment in your life, even if something great has happened to you, you can always find something to be depressed about, but except in severe cases I think the same is true for the opposite. A great example I just had--I just dumped a disgusting amount of money into fixing my car only to find that it still needs $1200 more worth of repairs, which I can't come close to affording. Now the only way for me to get to work other than riding my bike is to get up 40 minutes earlier, drive my husband to work before I go to work, and then drive 20 more minutes each way going to pick him up in the afternoon. I was originally pissed about the extra driving time because it takes time away from the stuff I need to do at home, but at the same time now I get to see my husband for that much extra time each day. A lot of times when stuff seems crappy, if you just hold out and try to make the best of it, things do work out in the end. And if they don't...well, that's what video games are for :)

And, if it is a clinical problem, there are people who can help you in a lot of cases. My husband had to see a therapist for a while before I met him for some pretty serious things he was going through, and I never would have known unless he'd told me, he's that much better now. If you can tell that you have a problem, that's probably a good sign that you can eventually get it under control too--sometimes when I have my OCD moments and start getting depressed, I step back and realize, "Hey. I'm getting upset about something that's totally retarded. This crap is just in my head. Does this logically make any sense?" And the answer is usually no--after I get over it, I'll be absolutely shocked that it was even possible for me to get upset about whatever it was. So, if you can tell that you're depressed, and don't truly believe the things that are going through you're head, I think that's a good sign. I know in my case I do have a genuine problem--I go through something like this at least once a week, and sometimes it can be really debilitating--but just sitting down, thinking about it, and realizing exactly what it is has helped loads as far as getting over it.

Or, if that doesn't work, you can always listen to this song, it worked for me just now :mrgreen::

http://www.suturesound.com/stwpt/tracks/0320_shoot_the_zombies.mp3
 
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