Christmas Jokes! Voting thread.

Dionysos

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Please vote to let us know which of the jokes you think deserves to be in a cracker!


Here are the entries which we received (mixed order):

Entry 1:
What did Aerith and the Virgin Mary have in common? They both died Virgins.

Entry 2:
There was once a pom-pous Moogle who studied the stars. He discovered that the planet revolves around its star and that everything in the world revolves around Kupo Nuts. His name? Kuponicus.

Entry 3:

Zidane once said no Cloud or Squall could stop him. Guess he forgot to mention a Typhon could sneeze him away.

Entry 4 (click the image):
5MEg8WS.jpg

Entry 5:

One evening in the Quicksand tavern in Ul'dah, a Miqo'te, an Elezen and a Hyur have had a few to drink. The ale is strong and the week has been a drag. For some reason, they decide to engage in a discussion on the topic of birth control.

The Hyur, who is a proud White Mage, happily declares that she casts Protect. It's very cheap, doesn't cost much and always provides that useful bit of mitigation. She tried using Stoneskin once, but her boyfriend didn't exactly respond in the most appreciative way as you can probably imagine.

The Elezen states that her family runs an Ishgardian apothecary in the Jewelled Crozier. They have a wide catalogue of potions and tonics. She often spikes her hubby's drink before sex with silencing potions so he wouldn't be able to properly cast his spell at the critical moment. She also makes it a ritual habit of taking a tincture of antidote on a daily basis. All of which are designed to minimalise the risk of pregnancy.

Her two friends are impressed and quickly make a note of this strange and unorthodox Ishgardian method on their napkins. The Elezen then asks the Miqo'te what her preferred method is. The Miqo'te's ears twitch excitedly and she proudly declares "I use the stool method!"

The Hyur and the Elezen look puzzled. "What is the stool method?"

"Oh, I'm married to a Lalafell" replies the Miqo'te, "whenever he's about to finish, I just kick the stool out from under him!"

Entry 6:
"Doctor, Doctor! I'm paranoid that moogles are after me!"

"You must be nuts."


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Cast your vote now. You have until the 27th/28th December to decide on a winner!

Do not vote for your own entry!


The competition entries might be in, but the ha-ha-ha-HA never ends. You can tell a joke at any time of the year. Do continue to tell jokes to each other.
 
I want to vote for Entry 5 because I think I sort of get it, but I sort of don't. :wacky: It sounds hilarious anyway.

...What does kicking the stool mean, exactly? I know it's a sex joke (tall vs small) but I don't get it! I'm trying to imagine it but maybe I'm imagining things the wrong way?
 
I want to vote for Entry 5 because I think I sort of get it, but I sort of don't. :wacky: It sounds hilarious anyway.

...What does kicking the stool mean, exactly? I know it's a sex joke (tall vs small) but I don't get it! I'm trying to imagine it but maybe I'm imagining things the wrong way?

I've heard other versions of this joke. Essentially the couple are standing up to do the deed. The guy is short in height and stands on a stool. To avoid getting pregnant the girl kicks the stool at the critical moment and the guy supposedly falls to the ground and doesn't get the girl pregnant.

I hope that helps your imagination! :brahneto:
 
Voting ends tomorrow/the day after tomorrow (time zone depending).

Please don't forget to vote if you plan to. We only have two votes so far!
 
Laughing often happens in pairs. We have Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello, Morecambe and Wise, Tidus and Yuna...

This year's Christmas Jokes! competition is no different for we have two winners!



The winning entries:

Entry 5 - By Linnaete Mr. Hanky
One evening in the Quicksand tavern in Ul'dah, a Miqo'te, an Elezen and a Hyur have had a few to drink. The ale is strong and the week has been a drag. For some reason, they decide to engage in a discussion on the topic of birth control.

The Hyur, who is a proud White Mage, happily declares that she casts Protect. It's very cheap, doesn't cost much and always provides that useful bit of mitigation. She tried using Stoneskin once, but her boyfriend didn't exactly respond in the most appreciative way as you can probably imagine.

The Elezen states that her family runs an Ishgardian apothecary in the Jewelled Crozier. They have a wide catalogue of potions and tonics. She often spikes her hubby's drink before sex with silencing potions so he wouldn't be able to properly cast his spell at the critical moment. She also makes it a ritual habit of taking a tincture of antidote on a daily basis. All of which are designed to minimalise the risk of pregnancy.

Her two friends are impressed and quickly make a note of this strange and unorthodox Ishgardian method on their napkins. The Elezen then asks the Miqo'te what her preferred method is. The Miqo'te's ears twitch excitedly and she proudly declares "I use the stool method!"

The Hyur and the Elezen look puzzled. "What is the stool method?"

"Oh, I'm married to a Lalafell" replies the Miqo'te, "whenever he's about to finish, I just kick the stool out from under him!"


Entry 6 - By Dionysos

"Doctor, Doctor! I'm paranoid that moogles are after me!"

"You must be nuts."


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Both winners shall receive a Santa Hat, 5 CT, and 5 GP.



There can be no second and third places since this time but 1 CT will still be distributed to each participant.
 
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