Butterflies and Lightning Bolts; Physical Chemistry

[Channizard]

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less... than butterflies."

The spark. The lightning bolt. Chemistry. Or in the words of the late and oh so great Carrie Bradshaw- the zsa zsa zsu. That indescriable, undeniable, perhaps purely physical connection between two people, that marks our friendships from our romances, our mild flirtations from our all out flings and our polite “Good night” from our one-night stands


We've all felt this at some point in our lives I'm sure. For most, it's the beginning of any new relationship, that new 'Honeymoon Period' where that first kiss that doesn't need to promise more, and at that moment, in that single one moment, makes the world stop spinning, or spins for only us.

However relationships don't always last, but it's those wonderful moments that make us feel like, as short lived as it was, it was worth it.

But what about the relationships that do last? Is there still a spark? Did it start off with a spark and it slowly replaced into a better, warming, companionship? If the spark's faded and you're left with your best friend, is it still worth persuing?

But my question is this- if, as I’ve recently stumbled upon in the dating jungle, you find the shared interests, the compatibility, the respect, the affection: someone you can talk to for hours, someone who challenges your world view and opens you up all kinds of possibilities but there is, no matter how hard you try, how much you flirt, how many times he reaches out and caresses your hair with his fingers absolutely and utterly not even a glimspe of the zsa zsa zsu, is the relationship worth pursuing?

Is a relationship a relationship without the zsa zsa zsu?​

 

[Jquestionmark]

Not even a little. Sounds like an opportunity for a fantastic friendship, but if there's no chemistry, then there's no point at all.

Without that spark, there's not really a relationship (in the intimate sense of the word) to be had. Personally, I've never tried pursuing a relationship when there was no spark, but I've watched a friend try to do it, and it was just sad. Him and the gal got along wonderfully when just talking, hanging out, etc., but as soon as anything came up that involved being close (kissing, hugging, anything really) it was just awkward.

But then again, who knows? Humans have been around for a long long time, but we still do new things on a regular basis. The rules change constantly. Who's to say it can't become a great relationship?

It's worth a try, I suppose, but I wouldn't do it.

 

[Aeris]

Without some romance involved, there is only a fling or friendship. If happiness can be found in it then it is worth having. However, a serious relationship? I highly doubt it but every person on this planet is different and cope in many ways I don't understand. If it works then it works. And you never know, maybe it will later develop into that relationship. Late blooming.

I've been with Leo for almost 8 years. I met him just before I turned 14. I will be 20 in April on the 15th. And I feel that without that romance, we would have never lasted and I would have never been happy. I adore feeling loved but even more so, KNOWING that I'm loved. To me, a relationship is something on an emotional level. It's something that is meant to last. If it were purely physical or just a friendly connection, people grow bored and move on rather quickly from my experiance.

I'm just one of those people who hold onto emotion.
I place it very highly. While others might not.
It depends on the individual, I guess.

Some people hate romance or just don't feel comfortable.
Or simply, don't believe in love or long lasting relationships.
As you said, most relationships end.

 

[coffeecup]

That sounds like a friend to me. For me, I need the zsa zsa zsu for a real ltr. Without the zsa zsa zsu, it's nothing more than being friends or having casual sex. But I've got to be careful as a guy since a lot of my zsa zsa zsu intially come from physical attraction. But I've learned that if this is all that the zsa zsa zsu was made of, then it's going to die within a year or so (or maybe sooner). But zsa zsa zsu complemented by an amazing personality really is something else.

Put it simply, after having a zsa zsa zsu relationship I don't see how you can possible revert to a non-zsa zsa zsu relationship. It just doesn't compare.

 

[Squid]

I think even without the butterflies it could turn into something, you just need to give it a chance. Sometimes People develop the butterflies later and sometimes you can have butterflies to begin with and then realise they have disappeared a little while into the relationship!

Everyone is different and I find that once you get to know someone really well you like them a lot more! Maybe there are no butterflies yet because you're just unsure?

anyway, I say give it a go, and if it doesn't work out and no harm has been done, you can always stay friends!

 

[Channizard]

Personally I couldn't have a ltr without the zsa zsa zsu (lol and it's refreshing to hear a guy talk about it too). I mean, you need that right away.. that initial physical chemistry where you just don't even want to look at another person. And sure it does melt away after being together for a while, maybe a year or three into the relationship, but if you don't begin the relationship at least with that urgency where you can't look at them without smiling at how lucky you are, then what do you have?

Shallow as this may be, but initially, I think, relationships should start off with a strong sense of physical attraction, if not be helped by it greatly. Otherwise you look at someone differently, than if you looked at them and needed them right there.

p.s. This isn't meant to be strictly sexual

 

[Tmoo]

I think even without the butterflies it could turn into something, you just need to give it a chance. Sometimes People develop the butterflies later and sometimes you can have butterflies to begin with and then realise they have disappeared a little while into the relationship!

Everyone is different and I find that once you get to know someone really well you like them a lot more! Maybe there are no butterflies yet because you're just unsure?

anyway, I say give it a go, and if it doesn't work out and no harm has been done, you can always stay friends!

I agree. Not all relationships start out with physical attraction. While it is a factor, it is not always the deciding factor, nor is it always an important one (to certain people). There are people who are friends for years until they realize that they match each other, etc. This question will get different answers from people of different age groups, cultural background, upbringing...and so on and so forth, depending on what they prioritize in a mate. Many times its sexual attraction, and that's not good or bad. Others might go for those whom they already share a strong bond, and that again is neither better or worse than the former. It just depends on what you're looking for.

As for two people who barely know each other and don't share physical attraction to serve as a glue...their chances are slim.

 

[Valvalis]

This actually reminds me of that Vertical Horizon song, "He's everything you want, he's everything you need, he's everything inside of you that you wish you could be, he says all the right things at exactly the right time, but he means nothing to you and you don't know why..."

I certainly think it's possible to develop feelings for someone you have a non-spark connection with over time It may be less likely, but still possible. I can admit to having felt it a bit in the past through verbal communication over the internet, where I didn't even know what the person looked like and still felt like I clicked with them somewhat. It didn't end up working out, for other reasons , but still...

I guess the big question is whether or not you'd want to wait and save yourself for the non-spark person to see if it happens, or if you'd rather just keep them as a good friend while you date other people. If you date others and find you're not satisfied, but this person sticks with you through thick and thin, then over time, you might find yourself subconsciously comparing them to people you've dated and start to realize that they are right for you, or just realize it flat out But, you could also know them your whole life and just never feel anything but platonic towards them. I think it really depends on the people and situations involved; it sort of just boils down to a feeling in the end, and it's a bit hard to explain why it isn't there sometimes.

 

[Ilyena]

I don't think a relationship is worth pursuing if there's no spark between two people. If you get along great with someone but have no spark or romantic feelings for them, then it's a friendship, imo. Sure, friendships can develop into something more but it's probably better to wait until you feel some sort of spark before getting involved romantically; if those feelings never develop, it will probably end badly and then you've lost a friend.

My first boyfriend was right after high school. We had been friends since tenth grade and we got along great. He liked me but I really didn't have any romantic feelings for him. We got involved in a relationship anyway and I always felt awkward after that because I didn't really feel the same way he did. He eventually went off to college and we sort of just stopped talking. I've always felt bad about it because I felt like I should have just said no to begin with.

So yeah, I just don't think it's worth pursuing a relationship if there's no spark or interest.