Serious Are they real Friends ?

[.Tifa]

sometimes wonder if my friends are actually well, real. Have known these guys since 2008.
First met them during a picnic a old highschool friend wanted me to meet them. However when arrived, it was a clash. Everybody gave me strange, almost horrible stares/ glances " Like what is she doing here, she is running the group ew.. " Kind of thing. Or " Is that was she really looks like, yuck.. " Kind of thing. And the vibe in the air was just terrible/ It was a nasty vibe, that a] wasn't wanted and b] they all wanted me to leave..

Keep on hanging out with them, and got to know some people more. Though only got along well with two of them. The others just ignored me, or when spoke about something they all said nothing. Like was invisible, or something. Went to the girl that got along with
[ Let's just call her Susan ] Birthday Party. During the Party went to the bar for a drink, and basically was gone for hours. Only the guy that I got along with well stayed and chatted.
When went back to the party, Susan cried out " Oh, you have been gone for hours. Where did you go. " ?
I * faked * laughed, and said. " Oh, went to the bar for a drink. "..
And then she laughed in return, and went to speaking/ chatting to the others.

Sometimes we head out to play DS games, and eat some food [ any food xD] and is usually just sitting there, not doing anything and heading out is almost borderline pointless. And bring food for them too, and they don't even know who brought it..
One time, the bread was used for a food fight... Can I headesk myself, right now..?

Though sometimes lack so much in confidence, and usually struggle to speak up and when was suffering through the mental depression they have been nice. Though when started to almost recover, they head back to their old behavior...
Trusted two girls in August and thought that they were great friends, one ended up trying to rip apart my relationship with Susan and the other tried to make me look like a terrible faker in front of everybody and a lieing backstabber, and then when one friend that was close to her told me to apologize, she stole $20- $40 out of my fraggin wallet and then left, she seriously left and have not seen her since October......

Even though have started to make some friends there and get along with them. They just seem fake. One even locked me outside when was visiting her house for crying out loud.
Whenever invite them over for coffee and games, the say things so they can't come.
Ie- I have to go to the dentist !

Though have made hangout plans in the past, and even have planned birthday parties for them and they mostly all fail because of the low confidence, didn't have any strength that they were going to pass. And when planned a 21st for a Friend found out that she went up north, and didn't bother to tell anybody or me about it till the day before..

When was suffering through depression, they were nice and when was having thoughts about suicide or cutting. They automatically changed face, and all decided to help. But when then started to recover, they would head back to the ignoring/ or chatting being goofy/ crazy with others and just basically sitting there isolated or eating food...

Though sometimes wonder if they only see a depressed girl who was bitter/ rejected people/ made failed plans and would be prone to start randomly crying or think about killing myself, or think about cutting/ attacking self. And do lack the confidence to be social with others sometimes, and sometimes *want* to speak up, about something,. but never do. Sometimes wonder that isn't being ignored, but is so quiet/ shy that they miss.

Or maybe it's because they have others to support them and most my old Highschool Friends who are Friends with them too, they are to sensitive to say anything and worry.
While others are like, I will hang around with you and make sure your not alone idea.

When was upset about something during a Christmas Fes they made. Went outside, to mope over the lack of sleep and terrible week and basically was gone for a long while and none of them really noticed, but when I came back in they all said " Ohh, where did you go '? And it was like, did you ever maybe bother to check outside, maybe ..?

Thought that if you had a true friend, and somebody was gone for hours. You would maybe start to panic a little bit and search for them ? Just a thought, or have been mislead on this one..??

Don't know, do have other friends so it won't be too much of a pain if walked away from these guys. But wonder if these people are real, or they are just pulling out a act ?..

Thanks, if you can help.

 

[Cricket]

I'm usually really critical of people like that so beware... but.. Honestly? I'll keep it short and sweet.

Those are some sucky friends. If that's indeed who they think they are >.>

Sorry

 

[HighwindPilot]

If they are as lousy or as fake as you imply, I almost wonder if they would even go out of there way to do things like comfort you when you're feeling suicidal or depressed. Solely for that reason, I feel more inclined to believe that they're friends, just generally shitty friends.

In either case (fake or crappy), they're not people that I think you'd really want or need in your life. Ignoring you and all the sorts. With things like that, it just seems like you'd be better off without them. As you said, they're not your only friends - I doubt you really need them.

On the other hand, I do wonder if you may be excessively paranoid about things or allow your esteem to effect your judgement? Constantly throughout this, you point out things like your lack of confidence or low self esteem. Are you sure that these thoughts don't derive from factors like that? For instance, these "friends" really could be busy at times. And as you said, the girl didn't tell anyone that she was going out of town, it wasn't just against you. And is it this lack of confidence that really keeps you feeling isolated and out of the conversation when you're all together? I'm just wondering, but if you feel this is not the case, and it is simply the way they act (especially given how they treated you upon your arrival), then I say ditch them. You can do so much better.

 

[.Tifa]

In either case (fake or crappy), they're not people that I think you'd really want or need in your life. Ignoring you and all the sorts.

Sometimes worry what they would do with personal information, and sometimes worry if something bad occurs, they would just leave me there.. <ouch>..

On the other hand, I do wonder if you may be excessively paranoid about things or allow your esteem to effect your judgement? Constantly throughout this, you point out things like your lack of confidence or low self esteem.

Yeah, it's true. The week after was no longer depressed, gained some kind of paranoid disorder, so yeah suffer from high amounts of nightmares/ bad hallucinations/ and things that would effect judgment/ thoughts in the mind. Oh, was just wondering like you said if the mental illnesses were affecting this thought of them being fake or are they really fake ?..

.And is it this lack of confidence that really keeps you feeling isolated and out of the conversation when you're all together?

Yeah, probably- most likely.. my voice sometimes comes out quiet or weak and then I get ignored/ then feel ten time worse. And really don't have the confidence to be myself, and don't think anybody could hang out somebody who is a bit- lost ?

(especially given how they treated you upon your arrival), then I say ditch them. You can do so much better.

Might try and work up the confidence, and maybe then if they still act unreliable..
Really ?, Thanks ^-^

I'm usually really critical of people like that so beware... but.. Honestly? I'll keep it short and sweet.

Those are some sucky friends. If that's indeed who they think they are >.>

Sorry

Lol, it's okay Bethany. Everybody is entitled to their own opinions ^^ [ and I asked for your opinion ^^ ~]

 

[Shu]

Everyone has a different approach at this subject, but mine might be pretty straight forward. If you feel as if you don't even know the friends for who they truly are, they in fact might only be acquaintances that you hang around. I mean I have plenty of acquaintances.. they are the folks I go to the bars with, go to sporting events with, but really we only have a good time. Now if say something were to happen in my family, I would hardly turn to them for consoling.

I mean if you just like the feeling of belonging to a certain group of people, then these might be them, but otherwise I don't think these people are truly friends. It just doesn't seem fit with the stories you've been telling us. So it's really up to you how you handle it, I mean if they make you umm happy, then so be it. If not, well I'd say axe them (other words push them away) and move on.

Good luck to you.

 

[Tmoo]

groups tend to look down on outsiders - coupled with your experiences i'd say that they're just not very good people to be with. it looks like they have not accepted you, and IMHO it's looking like they never will. people can be very cruel that way. best thing for your health and well-being is to stay away from them if they give you doubts like these.

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

I wouldn't even be calling them friends for a start.

I've hung around people like this before and usually the only reason I would hang around with them for as long as I did, was because they were too scared to tell me that they didn't want to be my friend anymore as they feared that they would come across as a bitch or whatever, and so I just kept hanging around them totally clueless for a while.

Though this was during highschool and eventually you start to learn what a true friend is and so I ditched all of the people I once classed as 'friends' and decided that I was better off on my own until I found someone decent to hang around.

It doesn't matter how many friends you have either. Quality over quantity.

I only have one person in my life that I would class as a true friend and I would much rather invest my time and such into her then anyone else.

They either like you or they don't. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it sounds like these girls don't like you that much, or they're just like that to everyone they hang around.

Either way, they're obviously not what you're looking for in a friend and you should cease hanging with them in my opinion. =/

 

[.Tifa]

Have been doing some thinking and have noticed that Shu is right and most of these guys are just randoms that appear and only meet/ smile and turn up, but they haven't became a proper friend yet and have been trying to get along with people that haven't built up a proper friendship up with yet or have been thinking that random acquaintances are actual friends... is going to try and bump up the confidence offline, and try and be myself more often because sometimes in public is like a moving human block.. like, there is hardly no personality coming out..

But is going to go through the next past few months and group them from friend, acquaintance or dump, and will try and rejoin a college or join a sport or art group and try and collect a stronger group of friends and only hang out with this certain group of people if is desiring a anime fix. I'll be myself and if they still don't like it, then they are reaaally not worth it, and will dump them all totally together...
Thanks for the help and advice everybody !

 

[Six]

To be honest, it's completely understandable to be uncertain of who your real friends are.

I have the same. I have my moods where I just like to hang out by myself, and not be bothered by anyone else, just either stroll around outside or on the forum. I got lectured last week by a friend of mine, saying I was self-centered. So I asked why they thought that, and their reason was ''cause you spend a lot of time on your own, and don't want anyone involved with whatever you do.'

It didn't make a whole lot of sense. Needless to say, they got pissed and left. Oh well... I'm... not gonna apologize for wanting my own time?

Either way... I've always been reserved with who I consider friends. You get cautious when things go wrong too often, so...

It's people and them whoring out the term 'Best friends', you don't consider someone that, until they deserve it, and you feel like you deserve it yourself.

In my opnion anyways.

Friends. Heh.

 

[blakstang98]

I have my moods where I just like to hang out by myself, and not be bothered by anyone else, just either stroll around outside or on the forum. I got lectured last week by a friend of mine, saying I was self-centered. So I asked why they thought that, and their reason was ''cause you spend a lot of time on your own, and don't want anyone involved with whatever you do.'

Yeah, I'm the same way. No matter how many friends you have or how popular you may be, it's always a good idea to take a breather from them. If this "friend" thinks you're self-centered, then they are obviously an idiot. The whole point of being friends isn't to smother them. At the very least, they should just be there for moral support when needed and to do activities every now and again.

Personally, I was never a popular guy, I was went about my business unnoticed. I only have 1 real life friend, and whether he realizes it or not, he's always been there when times were troubled for me, and I've been there for him as well. Being the popular one may empower a person in a sense that so many people want to be a part of their life, but for most, it's only surface. The question a person must ask themself is, "will this 'friend' be there when I need them most?". There's a good chance that if you have many friends, the answer is no. Everyone has a best friend, a person they can trust to always be there and to talk in confidence with about personal matters.

And for internet friends, one must take it as it is. Internet friends are never exposed to the real life you, and can only relate on matters so much. I've tended to acquire many internet friends over time (even a girlfriend), but I'm always on my guard with them because I know some small circumstance can change them quickly. I've managed to never turn a friend into an enemy as a result. If a person changes their way and decides not to talk to me anymore, I don't fret over it, I simply allow them to go their own way. I've experienced this on both forums I've been (and am) a part of. I will always offer to be helpful in any way, shape or form I can. If this isn't enough for someone to want to stay friends with me, then that's their problem. People are very easily led and manipulated on the internet, even if they don't realize it. No matter how good of a person you may be to someone, it still comes down to how the other person feels about you. If I suddenly become irrelevent, then have a nice life.