Cousins pregnant

[SapphireStar]

I got a phone call from my cousin about 40 minutes ago telling me shes pregnant. Im still in shock, just hasnt sunk in. Im 22 and shes only 6 months younger then me and shes been seeing her boyfriend for almost 5 years, on and off. Plus its my grandmothers first great grandchild.

Now you're probably thinking so what? Arent you happy? And God yes, Im very happy for her. Yet to me shes still a baby herself, she can just about look after herself. She sees herself as mature, yet shes never lived alone (I have), changes jobs almost every month and just doesnt seem like the parenting type to me. She reckons she'll be a great parent, but shes fond of going out almost every night and getting drunk. She told me she has gone for 2 weeks without drinking and I dont think she'll manage the whole 9 months.

What gets to me is she was on the same contraceptive pill as me and she was on it since she was 16. Me, I was on since I was 17, but had a 6 month break last year after I split up from my ex. She stopped taking it because it gave her spots! But I see that as a vain reason to stop taking it. And she said that your meant to change the pill brand when you get older. Ive asked my mum if this is true, and shes told me to stay on the one Im using now.

So she must not have used other protection, ie condoms. Which does not sound like her at all. I was just hoping that my body wont become immune to the pill Im taking. Im all over the place at the moment. Im wondering why she didnt use any protection and if she did what happened. Because we were on the same pill, thats why Im worried.

You probably think Im over reacting, but I get easily worried and uspet when it comes to pregnancy and such as I had a scare once about 2 years ago.

 

[Rasputin]

Yeah, like you're so much more mature for taking contraceptives. At least she was using sex for it's intended purpose- having kids. If she honestly DIDN'T want children, she would just have an abortion or put it up for adoption after it was born- why are you so worried about your cousin, anyways? It's not your life she's screwing up.

 

[Aztec Triogal]

I've had this coversation with a now old friend of mine... I honestly don't know how women get pregnant without trying to. I understand the whole process, don't get me wrong. But it seems a little hard to manage, honestly. Other than simply getting unlucky while using some form of protection, how do you even manage it? If she drinks a lot, that I could understand. Getting drunk and trying to control how you act is much harder than just doing the act sober. But even so, if you're not going to use protection, it's not very difficult to decide what your choices are. "Pulling out" is the only choice, other than abstinence. It might be hard to do in the heat of passion... but it's should be pretty high up there on the checklist of "things to do". The only real thought I had was if you were in a "difficult" position while reaching that climax. Car, for instance. But even so... I'd easily ruin my dashboard if that's what it took. Whatever the case may actually be, it is apparently much easier than it looks...

Other than that, I'm not really sure what to say. Hurray, your cousin's having a baby! I'm sorry, your cousin's having a baby! I hope she's happy with him? I'm pro-choice? I hope it all works out in the end? I really don't know. Good luck with it though.

Yeah, like you're so much more mature for taking contraceptives. At least she was using sex for it's intended purpose- having kids. If she honestly DIDN'T want children, she would just have an abortion or put it up for adoption after it was born- why are you so worried about your cousin, anyways? It's not your life she's screwing up.

Holy cow, how about saying something a little dumber next time? lol Sheesh. What'd you do? Make a list of the most insensitive pointless reply you could come up with and post it? Like "Wow, she's going through something serious... I should really take the time out of my day and insult her for no apparent reason whatsoever." If you're against sex before marriage, good for you. But randomly insulting people and belittling their problems, grow up pal.

 

[SapphireStar]

Yeah, like you're so much more mature for taking contraceptives. At least she was using sex for it's intended purpose- having kids. If she honestly DIDN'T want children, she would just have an abortion or put it up for adoption after it was born- why are you so worried about your cousin, anyways? It's not your life she's screwing up.

Im sorry but are you being sarcastic in your first sentence? If so, why? The whole save sex for marriage deal? Get with the times, how many people do you know who save sex for marriage? It may be different for you, but some of us dont stay behind in the past. Why do you think the pill was created anyway? So women could have the freedom to have sex without the fear of getting pregnant.

Having kids? She isnt married to her boyfriend and this wasnt planned. Are you saying thats right of her? And she doesnt want an abortion because she believes she can look after herself and this child.

I would never have a child unless I was married and could look after myself first. Then I would consider having a baby.

 

[BustaMo]

Having sex before marraige isn't about "getting with the times". It's not something that is more acceptable jsut because we advance in the future either. Will murder be that way? You may say no, but look at what we can consider murder nowadays and it's approved of: Abortion, war, euthenasia, self-defense, etc... Decades ago much of this was unheard of (barring war), but do we don't say "get with the times" now when someone says abortion is wrong.

Now I'm not saying pre-marital sex is anything bad like murder since I myself fall into the category of having had sex before marriage with a few different girls, but just because the timees changem, doesn't mean it's "right".

I'm saying this because I think you have no right to tell Adamant to "get with the times". he's probably more on track with his reply than you were.

As for your cousin, try not to get all over-hyped about it. My little sister is going to be 19 here in a few weeks and she's getting married this summer. It's a huge step for her too but she's mature enough (hopefully) to handle it now since she's been with her fiance, and she knows and has known about the consequences of getting married young. I support her decision 100%, so I'd suggest just being a pillar of strength for your cousin in times of need.

 

[SapphireStar]

I'm saying this because I think you have no right to tell Adamant to "get with the times". he's probably more on track with his reply than you were.

But him being sarcastic because Im taking the pill is okay? I think thats more mature then getting pregnant when youre not ready. It came out wrong when I said get with the times. I wasnt looking for someone to be sarcastic at me when Im doing something mature. Would people rather I dont use protection,g et pregnant and have an abortion, which Im agaisnt? Or not have sex till I think Ive found the one?

 

[Rasputin]

Holy cow, how about saying something a little dumber next time? lol Sheesh. What'd you do? Make a list of the most insensitive pointless reply you could come up with and post it? Like "Wow, she's going through something serious... I should really take the time out of my day and insult her for no apparent reason whatsoever." If you're against sex before marriage, good for you. But randomly insulting people and belittling their problems, grow up pal.

Yessir, because talking about your drinking issues is a REAL intelligent response to her problem! I'm so sorry for giving her a dose of reality- her cousin is CLEARLY old enough to have a kid, and SapphireStar's judgment that she somehow knows more about her cousins maturity than her cousin does is not "caring", it's selfish. If she honestly cared about her, she would leave her cousin alone. If you consider my post "randomly insulting", maybe you should step outside once in a while- it's everywhere!

Im sorry but are you being sarcastic in your first sentence? If so, why? The whole save sex for marriage deal? Get with the times, how many people do you know who save sex for marriage? It may be different for you, but some of us dont stay behind in the past. Why do you think the pill was created anyway? So women could have the freedom to have sex without the fear of getting pregnant.

Notice how I didn't mention ANYTHING about pre-marital sex in my post. If you want to have kids before you're married, all the more power to you. No creature other than humans uses sex just as some quick means of cheap pleasure. If you honestly think the ability to use contraceptives give you the right to ignore this simple fact, you really should think about saving your OWN financial hide right now than worrying about hers.

What in the world do you want us to tell you to do? Ever tried TALKING with her about why she shouldn't have a kid? If you honestly think that you would do such a better job taking care of her kid, why don't you just pay child support? I'm sure she would have no problem accepting it. And the drinking issues? Get with the times, girl, nobody waits until the legal drinking limit anymore, right? Yes, those mentally disabled kids are REALLY "with the times", aren't they?

 

[SapphireStar]

Yessir, because talking about your drinking issues is a REAL intelligent response to her problem! I'm so sorry for giving her a dose of reality- her cousin is CLEARLY old enough to have a kid, and SapphireStar's judgment that she somehow knows more about her cousins maturity than her cousin does is not "caring", it's selfish. If she honestly cared about her, she would leave her cousin alone. If you consider my post "randomly insulting", maybe you should step outside once in a while- it's everywhere!



Notice how I didn't mention ANYTHING about pre-marital sex in my post. If you want to have kids before you're married, all the more power to you. No creature other than humans uses sex just as some quick means of cheap pleasure. If you honestly think the ability to use contraceptives give you the right to ignore this simple fact, you really should think about saving your OWN financial hide right now than worrying about hers.

What in the world do you want us to tell you to do? Ever tried TALKING with her about why she shouldn't have a kid? If you honestly think that you would do such a better job taking care of her kid, why don't you just pay child support? I'm sure she would have no problem accepting it. And the drinking issues? Get with the times, girl, nobody waits until the legal drinking limit anymore, right? Yes, those mentally disabled kids are REALLY "with the times", aren't they?

Oh yes very mature of you there, the whole drinking thing, get with the times. Grow up. You said my cousin is using sex for its purpose - having kids. So what does that say to me? It says saving yourself for marriage, what other way is it to be said?

Im selfish becuase I see myself as more mature then her? Maybe try knowing me or my cousin may help you there. How can I be selfish when Im concered for her? Abortion or adoption is out of the question for her, she wants that child. I never said my cousin wasnt old enougb to have children, I was saying IN MY EYES she is still a child cause Ive helped bring her up and look after her. She can get pregnant whenever shes wants, but I just think right now when her life is begining and shes almost in higher education, its not the best time for her.

 

[Aztec Triogal]

To Adamant:

Yea, it's an issue that is important to her. Belittling that problem, no matter how you feel, is not cool. Just because you have "edgy" opinions doesn't give you the right to be rude. And there was only one sentence about drinking and it didn't even refer to anyone at all... what were you reading?

 

[Rasputin]

Oh yes very mature of you there, the whole drinking thing, get with the times. Grow up. You said my cousin is using sex for its purpose - having kids. So what does that say to me? It says saving yourself for marriage, what other way is it to be said?

I thought I made it pretty obvious. If you're having sex for the sole purpose of pleasure, whether you are married or not, you have no right to criticize people who use sex to have kids. I didn't say anything about pre-marital sex because I honestly don't think it makes a bit of difference in a good relationship whether you are married or not.

Im selfish becuase I see myself as more mature then her? Maybe try knowing me or my cousin may help you there. How can I be selfish when Im concered for her? Abortion or adoption is out of the question for her, she wants that child. I never said my cousin wasnt old enougb to have children, I was saying IN MY EYES she is still a child cause Ive helped bring her up and look after her. She can get pregnant whenever shes wants, but I just think right now when her life is begining and shes almost in higher education, its not the best time for her.

It's your right to be happy that she's having a kid. Becoming a parent is the most important part of many people's lives. Hell, if I found out that I was going to be someone's uncle, I would be surprised too, but I would NOT immediately post about why she shouldn't be having a kid in the first place. I may not know everything about your situation, but I do know a thing or two about human nature- telling a relative that they should not be having a kid because they aren't mature enough to do it rarely (if ever) works. My concern right now would be trying to HELP her PREPARE for childhood, not trying to prevent it from happening. Show her http://moneycentral.msn.com/content/CollegeandFamily/Raisekids/P37245.asp, she needs to know the basic costs of feeding+sheltering a child, plus she needs to be able to supply this on a regular basis. Would she be willing to bring her child to work every day? If not, she needs to find a babysitter. Is she near a school? If not, she might need to relocate. These are the things you should be worrying about, not whether she is capable of being a parent- because clearly, she is.

Yea, it's an issue that is important to her. Belittling that problem, no matter how you feel, is not cool. Just because you have "edgy" opinions doesn't give you the right to be rude. And there was only one sentence about drinking and it didn't even refer to anyone at all... what were you reading?

She reckons she'll be a great parent, but shes fond of going out almost every night and getting drunk. She told me she has gone for 2 weeks without drinking and I dont think she'll manage the whole 9 months.

Her connection with drinking and being a bad parent is pretty obvious. If she just wanted comfort, she wouldn't have put this in a debate forum.

 

[Koloth]

As for having a child when you are not ready. I believe by the time somebody hits 21, they should be adult enough to take care of a child. But unfortunately a lot of people are not ready. I have no idea what would be good advice. But the issue should be that the child needs mature parents. If the parents are not up to it, maybe the child should be given away for adoption. I would not suggest abortion since there are a lot of couples who would more than love to adopt a baby.

 

[SapphireStar]

@ Adamant: I posted here for advice, not a lecture. Simple as. Ive posted threads in this section before and every last person has posted something posertive and helpful. And I was not crtisicing my cousin for having children. I said it wasnt planned, she didnt plan for this to happen. Therefore she was having sex for pleasure and this happened. I am happy she is having this child, but shes preparing for university exams and is not in a great job at the moment. Im worried it'll be difficult for her to cope and yes I will be there for her. But she has struggled to get into university and now it will just be harder because she will have to see to her child first.

Her connection with drinking and being a bad parent is pretty obvious. If she just wanted comfort, she wouldn't have put this in a debate forum.

What? So one minute youre saying my cousin is mature enough for a child, now her drinking makes it obivous shes going to be a bad parent?

 

[Mitsuki]

To be honest, I really don't think age doesn't matter. A girl can be 15 and be mature enough to have a baby...because it's simply a choice of whether she wants to be mature about it or not. Sure, it's rare to see such cases like that, but it is possible.

I, myself, got pregnant when I just turned 17. I wasn't really mature before I got pregnant, but as soon as I found out I was having a baby, plans, future,and such came through my head. I chose to be mature enough about it.

Now, as for your cousin...I'm sure she can choose to be mature about it if she really wants the best for her and the baby. I mean, who knows? Maybe she WAS already mature enough about it in the first place. As for her drinking and stuff, well I hope she stops for the baby's sake. It's great to hear that she hasn't drank in the past two weeks. Congrats to her, by the way.

EDIT: And I can understand why you're so worried about her. It's okay to think that of your cousin. It shows that you care for her and wants to help her out. My friend was worried that I might not be able to handle a baby because I was so young and naive, and yes, "not mature enough." I didn't take it as criticism because I knew the truth. So, I chose to change and prove to them that I can be mature about the whole thing. And I did.

 

[Koloth]

In my eyes, I do not think it is very mature to not consider the consequences. It could be worse, she could become HIV positive. When you have sex, you should consider the fact that supposed protection is not 100% foolproof. You should realize that there is a chance that the woman can become pregnant. You should be prepared.

Yes, Mitsuki, age should not matter. A person can always work through any situation and succeed.

 

[BustaMo]

It does all depend on the person though in all actuality. Mitsuki provided the information that she was able to view what was going on in her life, and adapt to it like-wise. It's a real reality check of course as I think I graduated in '04 and our class already had tons of kids by the time graduation rolled around. I saw many unfit mothers out fo the group, but I believe that if a person keeps their travels on the straight and narrow path ahead of them and make the best interests of the child her own best interests as well. Then you've got someone who's willing to take a step of faith, and closer to being ready to become a mother/parent.

 

[SapphireStar]

In my eyes, I do not think it is very mature to not consider the consequences. It could be worse, she could become HIV positive. When you have sex, you should consider the fact that supposed protection is not 100% foolproof. You should realize that there is a chance that the woman can become pregnant. You should be prepared.

Yes, Mitsuki, age should not matter. A person can always work through any situation and succeed.

Thats the reason why Im on the pill also, just in case the condom splits. But I could never have sex without protection, ie HIV like youve mentioned. Yes your right it could be worse.

And thank you Mitsuki for that. It was interesting and thank you for understanding where Im coming from. My cousin may be an amazing parent and I could be just over reacting. Like I said I see her as a baby still and I know I shouldnt cause she has gone and done something life changing.

 

[Aztec Triogal]

As true as that may be, you still can't argue with the fact that the more security you have in your life, the easier it would be to raise a child. At that age you simply just don't have any of that security or support.

 

[Deanogee]

As true as that may be, you still can't argue with the fact that the more security you have in your life, the easier it would be to raise a child. At that age you simply just don't have any of that security or support.

i agree with this however a little...

at a young age you can still have sercuity... from your family!

 

[Dean Winchester]

I will only expose my opinion with this simple thought:

"There's a time for everything...There'r a time for joy, sadness, pregnacy, work, life death, etc...."

If she is going to be a parent (and in fact she IS), she should deal first with her little "drinking problem". A person that drinks doesn't mean that it will be a bad parent, but it can make things worse on some situations, like if he/she gets drunk.

I am no one to judge, I am not GOD, I can't do anything to change her situation her, and neither can you, the only thing that you could possibly try to do is help her to become a good parent.

She is now responsible for her life, and the life of her baby.

 

[Aztec Triogal]

I think the problem with the drinking is not so much her drinking when the child is born as it is while she's pregnant. Neither are good... but if she drinks while the child is developing it may end up um... er... with physical and mental deficiencies...