It is nice to help out other people now and againbut sometimes it can get to a point when helping people or being helped by other can get pretty annoying. I don’t want to get so caught in other people’s problems that I completely forget my own but at the same time, I could help someone when they genuinely need it. Is there a point where helping hurts? Is it wrong not to interfere with othjer people’s business?
When helping hurts?
- Thread starter Guernsey
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I think helping someone who either asks for help or looks like they are in need of it is never a bad thing. If you can cope with helping others, do it as often as you can, but make sure that you have time for yourself as well.
If the people you try to help have the same problems all the time then it can be very, very draining. For example the person is so self-centred, and every time you meet him (or her) he talks about the same problems he has had for the past year, and repeats it again and again, multiple times even in one night. Meet my friend.
Its people like that that never change, don't seem to be changing, and don't seem to have really changed much before you met them that I can understand if people didn't want to help them. However I guess it depends on your own threshold for that sort of thing. I still sit there and listen to what my friend says, and luckily I don't see him that often anymore (some of my other friends fell out with him as he was just too insane for them)... And I give him advice when he pauses and actually lets me speak for a bit (he literally talks none stop all the time, not even pausing to hear my thoughts on his problems) but he doesn't ever take it. I seriously fear for his sanity these days as he seems to be slipping and turning even weirder and unpredictable.
Basically what I'm getting at is that with some people they are "difficult cases" that can't be helped easily, if at all, and that while it isn't good to just ignore them and cast them off (people that do this need to wonder how they got like this in the first place), there will be very little you can actually do for them.
I do agree though helping can hurt in these draining-type cases, where the people you try to help takes all the time, and gives little support to yourself. If you are going through a bad time yourself then this is probably going to be damaging to your own wellbeing. That said, I don't believe abandoning said people is a good thing to do either, but I guess there needs to be a line somewhere, it's just hard to draw it.
As for people that you could consider somewhat sane and with problems, I don't see helping them as a bad thing, so long as it isn't all the time. It's sometimes a bad idea to present yourself (intentional or not) as a sort of Jesus who will help anyone who asks for it as then ALL certain people will ever talk to you about is their problems. But like I said before it depends if you can take it or not.
If the people you try to help have the same problems all the time then it can be very, very draining. For example the person is so self-centred, and every time you meet him (or her) he talks about the same problems he has had for the past year, and repeats it again and again, multiple times even in one night. Meet my friend.
Its people like that that never change, don't seem to be changing, and don't seem to have really changed much before you met them that I can understand if people didn't want to help them. However I guess it depends on your own threshold for that sort of thing. I still sit there and listen to what my friend says, and luckily I don't see him that often anymore (some of my other friends fell out with him as he was just too insane for them)... And I give him advice when he pauses and actually lets me speak for a bit (he literally talks none stop all the time, not even pausing to hear my thoughts on his problems) but he doesn't ever take it. I seriously fear for his sanity these days as he seems to be slipping and turning even weirder and unpredictable.
Basically what I'm getting at is that with some people they are "difficult cases" that can't be helped easily, if at all, and that while it isn't good to just ignore them and cast them off (people that do this need to wonder how they got like this in the first place), there will be very little you can actually do for them.
I do agree though helping can hurt in these draining-type cases, where the people you try to help takes all the time, and gives little support to yourself. If you are going through a bad time yourself then this is probably going to be damaging to your own wellbeing. That said, I don't believe abandoning said people is a good thing to do either, but I guess there needs to be a line somewhere, it's just hard to draw it.
As for people that you could consider somewhat sane and with problems, I don't see helping them as a bad thing, so long as it isn't all the time. It's sometimes a bad idea to present yourself (intentional or not) as a sort of Jesus who will help anyone who asks for it as then ALL certain people will ever talk to you about is their problems. But like I said before it depends if you can take it or not.
I think that, while helping others is a great and good thing to do, if it gets to the point where the person you're helping is totally reliant on you, then it hurts them to help them. People need to be independent, you don't want a situation where someone is reliant on and helpless without you being there. If it gets like that, you need to back off and let them help themselves.
And, there are some problems that people just need to sort out by themselves, otherwise they might never learn how to deal with these things or may, again, become dependent on you to do it for them. So, I'd say then that it would be wrong to help someone, if it's something that they need to do by themselves.
And, there are some problems that people just need to sort out by themselves, otherwise they might never learn how to deal with these things or may, again, become dependent on you to do it for them. So, I'd say then that it would be wrong to help someone, if it's something that they need to do by themselves.
Its not like you have to help people out though, i mean your entitled to stay to your own business. I like to think of myself as a helpfull person, if im asked for help by one of my friends i wont turn them down but i can limiit myself. Im not gunna help someone whos merely taking advantage of my kindness, thats me being a people pleaser, not helpfull.
Id of course expect help in return when i need it though. but to be honest im not really the kind of person who asks for help. I prefer to work things out by myself.
I often lend my friends money when they need it. By now though i know which friends to lend money and who i shouldnt. The majority will always pay me back on the day i ask for it. There are a few however who will make excuses for not having the money when i know theyre just keepin it so they can go to the pub, that results in me being out of pocket for a few more weeks.
Helo those who deserve it, thats what i think.
Id of course expect help in return when i need it though. but to be honest im not really the kind of person who asks for help. I prefer to work things out by myself.
I often lend my friends money when they need it. By now though i know which friends to lend money and who i shouldnt. The majority will always pay me back on the day i ask for it. There are a few however who will make excuses for not having the money when i know theyre just keepin it so they can go to the pub, that results in me being out of pocket for a few more weeks.
Helo those who deserve it, thats what i think.