Van Magus, Byron

Mehaha

Blue Mage
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Jun 20, 2009
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[I put plenty of explanations all over the place]

ORPG/URPG/RPB - ORPG/URPG/RPB

Name – Van Magus, Byron
[Middle name is van meaning the in I believe German]
[Magus is Latin for magic]

Title – Blue Mage, Biomagologist
[Biomagologist is a made up word meaning studier of a living beings magic]

Alignment – Neutral

Race – An al-bedh at birth. They have tan skin from desert life. And due to tedious work also have well tones bodies. Though toned they aren't large being average human height. Their eyes are a green but a light green. They most commonly have black hair. They are notable for their skills in engineering and the Al Bhed language that they speak.
[Didn't like the concept of swirled eyes LoL someone would yell sharingan and I'd smack them]

Gender – Male

Age – 23 Years Old

Appearance –
652637290a5a388651925a19d0e9e7a6.jpg


Attire – See Above^
Bryron's hair is short, black and stands up like a pillar while being spiked at the top. This dark shade complemets his tanned yet still caucasian skin tone. Followed by his green eyes. He is known for dressing in the typical Blue Mage fashion. This being a blue captains hat and pirates jacket complimented by animal parts in the case having a fur lining. This coat is high enough due to the fur lining to create a shadow covering his face. Added to which by a white frilly nobles shirt. And formal dress pants and shoes, to which the pants are a mud brown and shoes black. Among bodily marks he has a scar reaching from his right hip to the left side of his chest.

Personality – Byron is a nerdy kind of man. One minute he is full of pride and fierce and another he is a nihilistic abuser. This makes him among the few people who cannot be predicted and even harder to control. Among these he is very self-serving and hard to intimidate. This even worsens interaction with him. Mostly because he'll wiggle himself to getting all that he pleases or at least try. Though as bad as it is no one notices because he is also very charming and can bad experiences with him seem pleasant. This is due to the fact that he is good with how he presents his words and himself. He loves learning and often yells "DATA ADDED" when he does. It seems to be some sort of unnatural sometimes obscene obsession. He is the type to shirk off most insults unless they go too far. Also He is great and rather caring yet still unpleasant when near friends.

First Impression – Calmly replies to most questions. But can outburst and seem hyper and energetic. But his reactions also vary thus mostly undescribable. Physically though he at first glance is rather intimidating. This is because of a dark even somewhat mysterious "aura" he personality and body type mix seem to present.

Strength – Byron is of average strength. He can give a hurt but not to an exaggerated point.

100/500

Speed – Even at top speed in term of running he isn't that fast at best average. He can't keep up at all with those who are gifted runners etc and would be described as below average. On the other hand he can side-step and control his area alot better. Giving him good attack speed and good evasion. The speed to which he can side-step and other such short range tasks allow him to fight in a selected area with notable agility.

Endurance – Byron's shining glory is his ability to take a hit Most strikes he can shirk off. More over can even endure pain rather well as well. When it comes to actions requiring quick bursts he can keep it up for a good amount of time. But extended periods of activity such as running doesn't last long.

Reflexes – He has a fast reaction time. He is quick in defending himself and attacking. But he isn't fast enough to react to a bullet. At best he could move before the gun is fired.

Fighting Style – He is an in your face type of fighter. His style shows experience but not much discipline. It is very acrobatic. And is mainly for evasion and defense. Up until he enter an offensive in which he continually shows aggression. Though for the most part it seems very honest he'll sneak in a trick and seems like a mix between a war vet and a street brawler.

Weapons
Zuliqfar - Sabre Worn on Side
88sts.jpg

His sabre allows him to identify monsters and the info about them. This is only possible on monsters and all other races are unaffected by this ability. It is done through a telepathic link in which when he sees a monster the sword scans it through his eyes. This scan isn't some lazer just a well look. Afterward the scan is translated to info and sent to the brain.

An arabian styled blade. It has a shiny silver blade that is curved in such a way as a katana. The sword has a silvery gold cross shaped guard which ends in a "J" shaped copper handle. The sheath is also copper with 3 brass studs. Two of whom possess rings from which the sword is worn in the same color as the guard.

Armour – For the most part he wears no armors so as not to hinge movement and whatnot. But his clothing has enchantments commonly seen on robs. For the most part it is a slight defense against magic. This is because magic is used for most of the weaving process on the fiber creating a slight barrier.

Abilities -
Study - This is a skill of the blue mages. It allows them to learn magic by watching it being performed by monsters. It can be learned instantly if hit directly. Otherwise he has to see it a minimum of 3 times.
-This is only possible with a Mod approved monster and spell and the monster cannot be controlled by me. If the requirements for said spell are to high he may learn it but not cast it.

Magic
Acid Sludge - The user spits out a spray of green acid. It can corrode armors and weapons weakening them. It can slightly burn skin inflicting harm. The user gets one spray per cast. The skill takes little energy to perform. The skill has no waiting time. Learned from a Slime of whom represents strength in simplicity.

Hot Tomale - The user casts it which takes about 3 seconds. Afterward the target is bathed in red light. This skill only hits if the user is within close range of the target. This red light earlier mentioned has two effects. On allies it makes them angry and increases their strength but only slightly. On foes it makes them angry and draws their attention to the caster. The skill takes slight energy but because it has to be done in close range and requires 3 seconds they could be hurt before it finishes. If caster is hit during casting the spell is canceled. Learned from a Tomato Doll whom represents strength in numbers.

Other Skills
Rest - When sleeping Byron's health and magic slowly rise. This is automatic every time he sleeps. He can still be woken up. If somehow poisoned or burned ETC the health bonus cancels it out. But this skill is also canceled out. Doesn't remove any status ailments and they will still exist unless cured. In basic terms when asleep and not poisoned or some other ailment that would cause continually harm him he heals himself. If he is suffering such an ailment it won't affect him but he won't heal, affectively allowing him to remain in the same state without dieing.

History – Byron was a researcher. And early on he was also a Nihilistic Sadist with a god complex. So when the monsters reached his door he didn't flee. He fought many and won. But his injuries were serious. A beast with some sort of ability to remove memories of magic gave him a blast. Though it was tended to he then lost the ability of standard magic and yet still many more of the spells he knew were lost to him. As the battle continued he continued to be injured. And in the end he received a concussion that would rob him of his memory.

He appeared as a very intimidating human rather. And so at battles end he was knocked into the sea and found by pirates. Seeing as how he had no memory, money ETC they locked him in the hull waiting for a chance to make use of him. Here he figured that if luck were this bad to him he didn't want his memory. Afterward the ship was found by a captain and they believed him to be a civilian. And so they rescued him and let him off in a city.

Being drawn to the idea of magic he now studies it in hopes of learning as much as possible.

- Learning Hot Tomale -
Byron had went to the tavern early that afternoon. He liked the cool air and wood bar. He stared at the stone walls that followed the stone floors all about the room. The bartender a female came about and looked at him. She dressed with a skirt made of purple and orange veils. She wore a bandanna with coins dangling from it. These were followed by the traits of brown skin, black hair and gold rings that gave her away. She was an Al-Bedh as made as apparent her green eyes. But no one bothered her about it. By the way she dressed it was probably because she was most likely a gypsy of sorts.

She looked at Byron as he stared her down. "You seem angry... If not then let me tell you that that look won't frighten anyone here. I do so you can stop. Why are you here?" She had let out.

"I heard of a creature that looks like a doll with a tomato. Sorry if I was misleading I am neither angry nor trying to intimidate anyone. It's just how my face is. Deceiving... Anyway I came here to meet you. I hear you have info on the whereabouts of such a creature. Can you help me?" He began to say.

She handed him a scroll before she walked off.

He looked at it's contents full of joy.The creature was called a Tomato Doll ironically enough and was to be found in the south dessert. The sand is where they lived and they hibernate for most of this season. But the males would stay up and guard the females. The females were interesting but the males were the show.

Byron ran out of the Tavern. He could only imagine what skills they had. He quickly ran towards the sands. He didn't keep it up and quickly slowed down. Even still he was whistling and smiling his way along. He reached an area where he thought he might find them. He thought to himself From this scroll it says they won't act aggressively unless they believe the females are in danger. I'll have to make noise... Aggressive fighting noises.

He drew his blade Zuliqfar. The blade had done him good in the past. He began to yell as well afterwards. This was followed by violent noises like growls and roars. This might not be enough... He began to slash at solid nearby objects. This had to attract something.

Byron had made enough noise and some how attracted not Tomatoes but... A bear?!?! He watched it from afar. And soon the Tomato Dolls he was looking for came running around it. Byron scanned the tomato using his swords power.

They were all weak and looked as though they were guaranteed to lose. But then the oddest happened just then. The used a magic of some sort and the bear grew furious. But so did the tomatoes. This was followed by all of them attacking the bear. They gathered around it attacking it from all sides.

It got bloody and violent. All the tomatoes overwhelmed the bear. Using even weapons from previous adventurers who have fallen to them. Getting so bad that some were seen beating the bear with cacti in the nearby area. This was obviously not a fight he wanted to get into. He quickly ran while he had the chance.
 
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Ok, since you opted for a "crit" as you called it, as well as an approval, as I have the powah to do both I will look at it for approval ^^

[I put plenty of explanations all over the place]

ORPG/URPG/RPB - Not sure about the abbreviations but fighting and comical use some serious things.
ORPG – Original Role Playing Game: Basically, this is a world that is created by the RP’leader and is not based on a game or movie or anything like that.
URPG – Unoriginal RPG: This is the opposite of ORP, this is where the rp is set in a world from a game or movie, like any of the FF games, perhaps in the Halo universe or even in a Lord of the Tings movie/game.
RPB – Role Playing Battles: The simplest way to describe this is a Duel, between yourself and another player, for example me. RPB will also cover tournaments and the like; due to this it will require a deeper sense of detail for balance and such issues.


Since you mentioned Battling, I will consider that you plan to use this char in RPB’s as well, and base my nagging on that.
Name – Van Magus, Byron
[Middle name is van meaning the in I believe German]
[Magus is Latin for magic]
So, basically: Byron the mage. ^^
Title – Blue Mage, Biomagologist
[Biomagologist is a made up word meaning studier of living magic]
Erm, do you mean studying of magic that is alive in itself, or studying of magic that alters life?
Alignment – Neutral

Race – An al-bedh at birth. They have tan skin from desert life. And due to tedious work also have well tones bodies. Though toned they aren't large being average human height. Their eyes are a green but a light green. They most commonly have black hair.
[Didn't like the concept of swirled eyes LoL someone would yell sharingan and I'd smack them]
Where Im not completely sold on you using the Al Bhed as your race, as this might put some players off allowing your char in your RP, this is your choice.
As this is a “different” race per se, it will need more detailing.
I for one have played FFX, but not everyone have, so you might want to add some more detail about them, starting with their own language ^^
Gender – Male

Age – 23yrs
Please, don’t use short words like this, that also means don’t use “u” instead of “you” and the like. There is nothing wrong in itself, it just lowers the quality of the read ^^
Appearance –

Attire – See Above^
Not shown in picture
-Brown dress pants
-Black dress shoes
Ok, what will happen here if someone could not see that image that I just removed for some reason?
A picture is nice, but it would be better if you describe him in text as well.
An example of this is our very own “Damon” current member name “Teddie” (he is a RPG staff, not RP as I am but RPG) When he is at college, which he is often, they block photobucket as well as many other sites. Then he would not be able to see the image.
This will go for every picture in the bio, Look at the picture and look away, try to describe it to such a level that one that have never seen the image can clearly picture it in their mind.
Personality – Byron is a nerdy kind of man. One minute he is full of pride and fierce and another he is a nihilistic abuser. This makes him among the few people who cannot be predicted and even harder to control. Among these he is very self-serving and hard to intimidate. This even worsens interaction with him.[] Though as bad as it is no one notices because he is also very charming and can bad experiences with him seem pleasent. []He loves learning and often yells "DATA ADDED" when he does.[]
This is somewhat thinly spread out.
You mention several things, but do not deepen in anything.
Personally I’d like to see how he reacts to insults, and how he is around people he considers his friends.
Add a few examples to every “part” you mention there, I have added a [] at the points that I’d like an example ^^
First Impression – Calmly replies to most questions. But can outburst and seem hyper and energetic. But his reactions also vary thus mostly undescribable.
Im not sure if it is my personal view on this tab, but I consider the first impression to list the FIRST impression one gets from any char.
So, what impression would my char get from your char?
Start with the obvious, every first impression is made on the visual thing, so what does my char see, what details might he lay note to? What thoughts might be get from looking at you… etc.
Strength – Byron is of average strength. He can give a hurt but not to an exaggerated point.
260
Ah, this needs to be deepened.
260 of how much? Of 300 that is insanely high, of 10’000 it is insanely weak ^^
Instead of using numbers, use examples.
Can he punch though a wall made of wood, brick, lumber… etc.
How strong would a common “knight” type person need to be to withstand a full punch to his chest without any armor? Such things.
Speed – Even at top speed in term of running he isn't that fast at best average. On the other hand he can side-step and control his area alot better. Giving him good attack speed and good evasion.
This needs deepening.
How fast can he run? You don’t need to add it in mph or kmh, but add a rough speed estimate to his running.
Add some detail to his “area controlling” ^^
Endurance – Byron's shining glory is his ability to take a hit Most strikes he can shirk off. More over can even endure pain rather well as well. When it comes to actions requiring quick bursts he can keep it up for a good amount of time. But extended periods of activity such as running doesn't last long.
This is actually not too bad detailed.
Reflexes – He has a fast reaction time. He is quick in defending himself and attacking. But he isn't fast enough to react to a bullet. At best he could move before the gun is fired.
Ah, finally one that details a gunshot and states that he cannot avoid it, I think you’re one of the few that did that ^^
Fighting Style – He is an in your face type of fighter. His style shows experience but not much discipline. It is very acrobatic. And is mainly for evasion and defense. Up until he enter an offensive in which he continually shows aggression. Though for the most part it seems very honest he'll sneak in a trick and seems like a mix between a war vet and a street brawler.
Nifty style or rather lack thereof.
So basically he is one that wings it after what is needed, using his experience in the battle.
Weapons
Zuliqfar - Sabre Worn on Side
[Image removed]
His sabre allows him to identify monsters and the info about them.
This “ability” should not be used, considering that it can then be used against players, which will reveal weaknesses and whatnot, which enters a state called “Meta Gaming” which basically means that your char has info about my char that he should not know.
Also, you should explain the appearance of the weapon even if you have an image.
Hidden Dagger
[Image removed]
A hidden dagger is fine, but where is it hidden? how large is it, how heavy is it?
detail, detail, detail ^^
Desperado - Revolver Hidden in waistband
[Image removed]
I like this gun, but we are back to the description alongside the image.
Also, you should add how many bullets it has, as I cannot see the picture (lying for sense of argument) I might not even know what it looks like.
Also, a revolver of this size is not “hidden” away easily. This one will at least be around 25-30cm long, so you cannot hide it anywhere but under a cloak ^^
Armour – For the most part he wears no armors so as not to hinge movement and whatnot. But his clothing has enchantments commonly seen on robs. For the most part it is a slight defense against status effects. But a complete immunity to poison and blind.
In any normal RP, Poisons are not allowed to be used against other players as it can be considered G’modding in some sense. So a resistance towards it is not really needed. This goes for Status effects as well.
However, if you do want the effects for story purposes where you control and NPC that uses said skills on you, you need to detail HOW it is able to defend against these things.
If you try to blame it in “magically enchanted” then I say; what if he is in an Anti-Magic field, will it sill work?
Abilities -
Study - This is a skill of the blue mages. It allows them to learn magic by watching it being performed by either monsters or opponents. It can be learned instantly if hit directly. Otherwise he has to see it a minimum of 3 times.
This skill is a BIG no no.
Say my character has CREATED a spell; say he used 300 years to master it. Say it uses up a mana amount that one needs to be training for 200 years to be able to cast. Can your char learn this?
Also, this skill will effectively allow your char to steal my char’s skills, so I am instantly denying this skill.
This can also be used for a “Oh, I need skill X, let’s have a random NPC cast it on me, making me learn it”
So, as it is detailed for now, this skill is NOT allowed. If you remake it differently I might allow it, but again for now it is not.
Magic
Acid Sludge - The user spits out a spray of green acid. It can corrode armors and weapons weakening them. It can slightly burn skin inflicting harm. The user gets one spray per cast. The skill takes little energy to perform. The skill has no waiting time. Learned from a Slime.

Crush Mage - Add the ability to damage 1/4 of an opponents magical energy. The users weapon or even fist is coated in a blue energy. Afterward he'll strike if it is blocked or dodged it is unsuccessful. This strike is a one hit move. As in it will wear off if it hits or fails once. This skill takes no energy to perform. This skill can be perform without a waiting time. Learned from a Soul Eater.

9 Lives - Automatically bring target back to life if they die after it is used on them. The user will have a yellow glow which fades after a few seconds. This skill is auto-hit if the user can see his target. It takes a decent amount of energy to perform. The spell has a 3 second wait time. This is followed by a 15 second cool down. Learned from a Panther.
http://www.finalfantasyforums.net/the-heroes/the-heroes-guidelines-20493.html
Note rule 4.
Im not 100% on these skills, if you got them from any of the FF games, but they look very from there ^^
Also, Crush Mage is WAY wrong, it is overpowered like pheck.
To add more, all skills have no chance of missing, so they are all instant hit. Well, the 1st one can miss, but everything is under detailed.
Also, resurrection in any way on any other player then yourself, is G’modding. Ressurection of yourself, is Powergaming ^^
Other Skills
Rest - When sleeping Byron's health and magic slowly rise. This is automatic every time he sleeps. He can still be woken up. If somehow poisoned or burned ETC the health bonus cancels it out. But this skill is also canceled out. Doesn't remove any status ailments and they will still exist unless cured.
First of all, Status effects are not allowed unless you take it upon yourself.
Second of all, every spellcaster regenerates mana when they are not casting and is asleep.
Third, You should detail it more, as Im sort of confused. IF he is posisoned sleeping cures it, but if he has a status effect, it will not be cured?
Anywhoot, the whole cure thing is not needed me thinks. As status effects is not allowed to be used on other players. ^^
History – Byron was a researcher. And early on he was also a Nihilistic Sadist with a god complex. So when the monsters reached his door he didn't flee. He fought many and won. But his injuries were serious. A beast with some sort of ability to remove memories of magic gave him a blast. Though it was tended to he then lost the ability of standard magic and yet still many more of the spells he knew were lost to him. As the battle continued he continued to be injured. And in the end he received a concussion that would rob him of his memory.

He appeared as a very intimidating human rather. And so at battles end he was knocked into the sea and found by pirates. Seeing as how he had no memory, money ETC they locked him in the hull waiting for a chance to make use of him. Here he figured that if luck were this bad to him he didn't want his memory. Afterward the ship was found by a captain and they believed him to be a civilian. And so they rescued him and let him off in a city.

Being drawn to the idea of magic he now studies it in hopes of learning as much as possible.

Short story is short. Though it explains the base of his life.
The story itself is fine, but you should check everything I have mentioned so far, as I'm afraid this bio is [NOT Approved] for now.
 
1.Fixed
2.Yup sounds cool and is too the point
3.Fixed
4.I am spanish and albedh always looked closest to a perto rican I've seen so I chose it... Also you wouldn't notice it off the bat he is too well covered and it also adds some secracy in some cases...
5.I fixed but I have a habit to abbreviate so if you see anymore don't hesitate to ask me to change them
6.Well added a bit to the description
7.I did that to more freely use him how I like as to help prevent writers block
8.Is the new first impression better?
9.Well I felt that would best describe his strength
10.Hope I fixed the speed
11.Thank you
12.Dodging bullets is too matrix
13.I have seen a fight like that also the versatility of such a style seemed best. Most styles though tough lack versatility and when you can easily adapt to most situations you are tougher than a kung foo master.
14.I hope that helps it a bit... I felt an ability like that would be good for a blue mage type
15.Daggers were a good idea but I changed my mind
16.I liked the gun as well but it doesn't fit him now that I think of it...
17.Is that any better?
18.I hope I fixed it now?
19.The spells were effects of FF games but the names were original and the rules said that the mandatory is a unique name.
20.Think Rest from pokemon minus the status heal...
21.Is the story good enough?
 
Im sorry, but I will not approve the way you have listed the appearance.
Before I go over everything else, Id liek you to rewrite it into a paragraph format.
Not hte list effect you have now

It is still underdeveloped, firstly it does not detail YOU.
Here, let me use an example of my bios, please don't think this is me bragging.
Ok, well, the 1st link is, but not the 2nd one.

http://ffhome.atspace.com/rp/alumarloren_updated.htm

http://www.finalfantasyforums.net/t...of-dudes-with-attitudes-26697.html#post476248

Try and change the way it looks to that format.
It does not have to be that detailed at first, we will get that later, first make your "list" format into a paragraph format.

NOTE, I have not looked at anything else, so leave that as it is for now.
 
Ah yes, the appearance tab is now much better detailed.
Now, let’s have a ramthourgh of it, shall we? ^^
As last time, I will remove the images for the sake of being an arse ^^

[I put plenty of explanations all over the place]

ORPG/URPG/RPB - URPG/TPB
The hell is TPB?
Im assuming it is a typo.
Also, since you have listed it for URP, you might as list to for ORP as the “rules” for approval are almost the same for those ^^
Name – Van Magus, Byron
[Middle name is van meaning the in I believe German]
[Magus is Latin for magic]

Title – Blue Mage, Biomagologist
[Biomagologist is a made up word meaning studier of a living beings magic]

Alignment – Neutral

Race – An al-bedh at birth. They have tan skin from desert life. And due to tedious work also have well tones bodies. Though toned they aren't large being average human height. Their eyes are a green but a light green. They most commonly have black hair. They are notable for their use of machina (prohibited by the dominant Yevon religion) and the Al Bhed language that they speak.
[Didn't like the concept of swirled eyes LoL someone would yell sharingan and I'd smack them]
So, basically, this character will not be used outside any FFX RP’s?
As how this is listed now, it might not be let in every place.

In this case, it might actually be better to leave out some details.
You have the appearance, both of the eyes and the skin, the use of machine could be swapped out for that they are good engineers, and they speak their own language. Doing this will make your char usable in other RP’s that are not FFX connected.
Gender – Male

Age – 23 Years Old

Appearance –
Attire – See Above^
Bryron's hair is short, black and stands up like a pillar while being spiked at the top. This dark shade complemets his tanned yet still caucasian skin tone. Followed by his black eyes. He is known for dressing in the typical Blue Mage fashion. This being a blue captains hat and pirates jacket complimented by animal parts in the case having a fur lining. This coat is high enough due to the fur lining to create a shadow covering his face. Added to which by a white frilly nobles shirt. And formal dress pants and shoes, to which the pants are a mud brown and shoes black.
This is not bad to be honest; the only thing I seem to find myself wondering about is if he has any scars and the like. Also, you mention black eyes, but in the race you mention green eyes ^^
Personality – Byron is a nerdy kind of man. One minute he is full of pride and fierce and another he is a nihilistic abuser. This makes him among the few people who cannot be predicted and even harder to control. Among these he is very self-serving and hard to intimidate. This even worsens interaction with him. Mostly because he'll wiggle himself to getting all that he pleases or at least try. Though as bad as it is no one notices because he is also very charming and can bad experiences with him seem pleasant. This is due to the fact that he is good with how he presents his words and himself. He loves learning and often yells "DATA ADDED" when he does. It seems to be some sort of unnatural sometimes obscene obsession. He is the type to shirk off most insults unless they go too far. Also He is great and rather caring yet still unpleasant when near friends.
Ah, there we go.
I think you have most, if not all, covered here.
You can go further with it if you wish, but the personality tab in itself is ok as it stands now.
First Impression – Calmly replies to most questions. But can outburst and seem hyper and energetic. But his reactions also vary thus mostly indescribable. Physically though he at first glance is rather intimidating. This is because of a dark even somewhat mysterious "aura" he personality and body type mix seem to present.

Strength – Byron is of average strength. He can give a hurt but not to an exaggerated point.
260/500
You might not notice it, but this is actually insanely strong.
I have a character that is best described as Mr. Muscle, he is a really buff man weighing over 130kg, and even he cannot do more damage than 120 or so, out of 600. This would actually make your char be stronger than him.
If you are of average strength, I would recommend a rough 70-90/550-600. Whereas that seems really weak, it is stronger than you believe.
Lets say this is against a hardened and trained knight type person, that damage, depending on where you hit, can easily level him.
If you consider it, a punch that would normally not even break a .3cm board of wood, can level you if I hit correctly.
Speed – Even at top speed in term of running he isn't that fast at best average. He can't keep up at all with those who are gifted runners etc and would be described as below average. On the other hand he can side-step and control his area alot better. Giving him good attack speed and good evasion. The speed to which he can side-step and other such short range tasks allow him to fight in a selected area with notable agility.

Endurance – Byron's shining glory is his ability to take a hit Most strikes he can shirk off. More over can even endure pain rather well as well. When it comes to actions requiring quick bursts he can keep it up for a good amount of time. But extended periods of activity such as running doesn't last long.

Reflexes – He has a fast reaction time. He is quick in defending himself and attacking. But he isn't fast enough to react to a bullet. At best he could move before the gun is fired.

Fighting Style – He is an in your face type of fighter. His style shows experience but not much discipline. It is very acrobatic. And is mainly for evasion and defense. Up until he enter an offensive in which he continually shows aggression. Though for the most part it seems very honest he'll sneak in a trick and seems like a mix between a war vet and a street brawler.

Weapons
Zuliqfar - Sabre Worn on Side
His sabre allows him to identify monsters and the info about them. This is only possible on monsters and all other races are unaffected by this ability.

An arabian styled blade. It has a shiny silver blade that is curved in such a way as a katana. The sword has a silvery gold cross shaped guard which ends in a "J" shaped copper handle. The sheath is also copper with 3 brass studs. Two of whom possess rings from which the sword is worn in the same color as the guard.
I still wonder HOW it does this though ^^
The description here should cover it, if nothing else it does give me the mental image close to the image you have so it is not bad ^^
Armour – For the most part he wears no armors so as not to hinge movement and whatnot. But his clothing has enchantments commonly seen on robs. For the most part it is a slight defense against magic. This is because magic is used for most of the weaving process on the fiber creating a slight barrier.
Heh, nifteh.
You used the even so subtle effect that we humans use in vaccination. Bu inserting a weak version of the disease we are to be immune to, you let the body build up a resistance to it.
In the same way, inserting small amounts of magic into a robe, might create a “noise barrier” around the cloth, effectively working as a very weak barrier ^^
Abilities -
Study - This is a skill of the blue mages. It allows them to learn magic by watching it being performed by monsters. It can be learned instantly if hit directly. Otherwise he has to see it a minimum of 3 times.
-This is only possible with a Mod approved monster and spell and the monster cannot be controlled by me. If the requirements for said spell are to high he may learn it but not cast it.
I just broke it up to make the explanation a part from the other explanation.
Thing is you don’t need to have the monster Mod approved, as this would technically be only within the RP you learn it in.
If you intend to add it to your character sheet later on, you will need to have it re’approved.
Though, again, if you learn spell X in RP Y, as long as the Rp’leader have OK’ed it there should be no issue as long as you don’t use it outside the RP’s walls ^^
Magic
Acid Sludge - The user spits out a spray of green acid. It can corrode armors and weapons weakening them. It can slightly burn skin inflicting harm. The user gets one spray per cast. The skill takes little energy to perform. The skill has no waiting time. Learned from a Slime of whom represents strength in simplicity.
In my previous nag, I just mentioned that it sounded like a FF spell, as I know that most names have been used in the games I will not lock out the spell itself.
This spell has no instant hit, and it basically makes it up to the target, if not a NPC, to decide to get hit or not so that pat is fine.
You have an energy cost, where the cost is very little, so is the spell’s effect unless used correctly, so this is fine.
Other Skills
Rest - When sleeping Byron's health and magic slowly rise. This is automatic every time he sleeps. He can still be woken up. If somehow poisoned or burned ETC the health bonus cancels it out. But this skill is also canceled out. Doesn't remove any status ailments and they will still exist unless cured.
Hmm, so, basically, if he sleeps, he can get rid of poison X or disease Y?
History – Byron was a researcher. And early on he was also a Nihilistic Sadist with a god complex. So when the monsters reached his door he didn't flee. He fought many and won. But his injuries were serious. A beast with some sort of ability to remove memories of magic gave him a blast. Though it was tended to he then lost the ability of standard magic and yet still many more of the spells he knew were lost to him. As the battle continued he continued to be injured. And in the end he received a concussion that would rob him of his memory.

He appeared as a very intimidating human rather. And so at battles end he was knocked into the sea and found by pirates. Seeing as how he had no memory, money ETC they locked him in the hull waiting for a chance to make use of him. Here he figured that if luck were this bad to him he didn't want his memory. Afterward the ship was found by a captain and they believed him to be a civilian. And so they rescued him and let him off in a city.

Being drawn to the idea of magic he now studies it in hopes of learning as much as possible.
Yes, there is nothing wrong with the history, normally the history tends to be longer but it is not needed in itself.
Your history is fine.

Sad thing is that I cannot approve him, this time it is almost only due to his strength.
Fix that up, and whatever small details you might wish, and there is a large chance you might have an approved char next time I get around ^^
 
1.I put all three
2.Mainly FFX... But I would also use him for other stuff I guess...
3.Added that... And fixed eyes ETC
4.It's fine how it is
5.Fixed his strength?
6.I made up some random explanation to the swords power
7.I was actually thinki9ng of vaccinations when I wrote that it only has that ability to prevent his clothes from being burned off
8.I will ask mods to have the spells added bit by bit I like the concept of actually learning from the monsters... Also he will learn different virtues from the monsters as well such as simplicity from the slimes...
9.Rewrote rest...
10.I reveal history through RP that is my proffered method...
 
Well, after having another look at him, he seems much better now.
Things are detailed and not as overpowered as the seemed.
He is still rather strong, but not too much over, I assume the rest will be fine tuned in game.
I have no problem with the history being revealed in game, I have done this myself at some points and Im far from the only one that does this.

You have only one magic skill per se, so that wont need much look at since hte skill itself is far from overpowered or under detailed.

You yourself stated that if/when he learns anything new from a monster with his Study skill, you would have it approved by a RP mod before it is added, so that is fine. Just remember that it have to be a RP moderator, as there are differences in who does what where ^^

I found myself laughing a little when I read how the sword's scan worked, but it is all fine.

I hereby Deem your first RP character at FFF [Approved]
Congratulations ^^

::Topic moved to right location::
 
::I have been PM'ed with explanation of additions to this character.
After going though them, the character is still Approved, so no changes.::
 
Mehaha's Approved Characters

ORPG/URPG/RPB - ORPG, URPG and RPB

Name – Van Magus, Mortalia
[Van is German for the while Magus is mage or magic in Latin. And Mort is French for death]

Title – La Reina de Muerte, Noir
[First mean The Queen of Death in spanish the second means Black in French yes she is evil]

Alignment – Evil/Chaotic

Race – An al-bedh at birth. They have tan skin from desert life. And due to tedious work also have well tones bodies. Though toned they aren't large being average human height. Their eyes are a green but a light green. They most commonly have black hair. They are notable for their skills in engineering and the Al Bhed language that they speak.
[Didn't like the concept of swirled eyes LoL someone would yell sharingan and I'd smack them]


Gender – Female

Age – 21 Years

Appearance
61ae288392bb1034941d607a60d8d6a6.jpg


Mortalia's appearance starts off as simple stated dark. He hair is a dyed blue and seems to swim down to her shoulders. Her eyes are a shade of blue close enough to being oceanic, rather peculiar her races green is in there but in mere slivers. Her skinned is Caucasian in natural shade but has an affective tan. Her eyes have deep black shades of eye liner and her eye lids posses a unique shade of blue vaguely matching her hair. She stands about 5'6 and weigh about 120lbs.

Attire – Mortalia wears very form fitting clothes. Clothes that show her curves well. It starts with a simple paper flower in her hair. But more or less it rises in intensity. The preferences she has is a dark blue dress, of course adorned with light blue prints of kanji and flowers. This is followed by black leather pants that are rather tight yet unhindered, also adorned by light silver stripes and kanji. This is all wrapped together by piercings. One on her lip and four on her belly.

Personality – She is in a few words a bitch. The type you want to meet until you speak to them. Afterward you regret it. She is cold cynical and an all around asshole. And she prefers not to interact unless she gains something out of it. She prefers to be disruptive and destructive. She also has her gay moments where it seems as though she might be coming on to someone. This is her just messing with people to get her way. She takes much enjoyment in this seeing as how it causes others discomfort.

First Impression – At first glance she is merely attractive maybe slightly nihilistic in appearance. But vocally she is a jerk and a tease. She is very unpleasant to be around. She is disrespectful even around friends. She also has a huge temper and is quick to hit someone.

Strength – She is a pathetic hand to hand fighter with her strength in no way complimenting her martial arts. Though strong when compared to an average woman she is not strong in most cases.

60/500

Speed – Mortalia is fast and it shows rather well. A car is a turtle to her. She can out run most anyone in a race. And with a buildup her jumps look as though she is flying. And in close quarters her speed is remarkable. She has a high dodge rate seeming to do the impossible. And her striking speed is freakish.

Endurance – All in all she is still a girl. And in term of endurance though tougher than average people she still can't take a hit from a real fighter. Her ability to ignore pain though is top notch and she can keep fighting till her body gives out because of it. She seems to have the quality a runner should have this being stamina. She can run, swim, fight for extremely long periods of time due to her stamina.

Reflexes – She has incredible reaction time and is an average speed demon. Her ability to recognize an attack is simply astonishing and her ability to control her minds processing speed adds a terrifying addition. With that ability she can even see bullets fly in slow motion. Though she can see these things her body is still at the same speed as before. So even though she can see an attack if it is faster than she is she can't dodge it beyond normal.

Fighting Style – Her fighting resembles a mix of her fathers drunkard style and her mothers pro boxing. Her feminine frame allows her to bend and twist in such ways to add unpredictability. Her father a drunk taught her this and though she doesn't play the facade of a drunk she still possess the mobility of a top notch suiken fighter. She on the other hand was formally trained as a boxer till the age of 14. Her style though shows less discipline in stances but high discipline in strikes. All in all she is the mix of the stereotype drunken boxer and prison brawler.

Weapons – N/A

Armour – For the most part she wears no armors so as not to hinder movement and whatnot. But her clothing has enchantments commonly seen on robs. For the most part it is a a great defended against magic. This is because magic is used for most of the weaving process on the fiber creating a slight barrier. Afterward magic energy is released in her sleep to which the fabric absorbs. She can take a around 4 powerful strikes before sustaining critical damage.

Abilities
Bone Pierce - Her body as well as her spells negate magic fields and enchantments not of holy nature. Though imperfect this means that every strike and spell can do some damage if blocked though not as much upon impact if magically defended. Her magic still does nothing if dodged. This skill is automatic for all attacks. This skill only works if the skill can allow for it thus it won't override magic or attacks that state this cannot be done. This skill allows her to enter barriers and etc as though they do not exist.

Rib Cage - Her body naturally coats itself in dark magic when severely harmed. This is an innate ability and is visible by a purple aura. With this magic not attuned to good or holiness do slightly less damage. This skill is automatic and will always be active. If hit by holy magics it dissipates for ten seconds. This skill prevents enemy control and debuffs.

Dead Fragment - When her body is severely damaged she becomes slightly faster. This is because her body and mind take in some of the dark magic coating her body. Cannot be performed if Rib Cage is inactive and deactivates until Rib Cage reactivates. This skill in automatic.

Dark Pressure - Her body when severely damaged pressurizes all magical energies it contains. This means that magic becomes stronger. This increase is based on how long the charge time is. This skill is automatic. This also allows buff magics to last longer.

Black Plague - She can use the energy of life to fuel her spells. This can be combined with normal magical energy or standalone. This means that in areas of great death such as cemeteries she uses little to no magic energy. And in areas highly populated by life her spells cost less. This also make her so inclined to magic that she can perform magic beyond the typical limit.

Life Span - As she lives she can then use her bodies natural cycle as a source of dark energy. Feeding off of the death energy created by dieing cells. This creates energies of death that she can regenerate magic energies with. When a cell dies it is converted to magical energy. This skill is automatic. And with death energy as a source her spell cannot be negated so she may use it in all areas. It take her several minutes to fully recharge.

Over Growth - She may use small amounts of the enemies magic to fuel the cycle of her growth. This allows her grow and new cells faster but also allows them to die faster. This in turn takes an enemies spell and uses it as magical fuel for her life span ability. The damage is done by the spell. Though this skill can still work though not as well form near-hits. This skill is automatic.

Hell Ripper - This allows her to dissipate magical energy. The problem is that it is imperfect. It can only dissipate weak magic. This is done in destabilizing magic energies within the spell. When combined with her Rib cage ability it allows her to throw them back.

Black Book - The users spells and abilities cannot be learned or mimiced in anyway shape or form. The enemy may use similar skills but they may not be the users skills.

Consumer - She can go to areas of great death and consume the souls there to heal the injuries on her body. She simply opens her mouth and sucks them in. The time when used decides the affect. If in combat it can heal scratches because it can only consume 20-30 souls. Outside of battle the user can restore themselves to new by consuming 500-600 souls.

Magic
Shadow Alchemy - This magic allows her to make potions of life or death. This is done by liquifiying her own energy. Afterward the death energy may be left in making it a deadly liquid that kills what it touches. The ability to kill is minor so it could kill some skin if poured on it. It can kill animals and plants though rather efficiently. This is it in it's arcane magic form where it is purple. In its holy form to which it is light green the death energy is sifted leaving pure energy. This can slightly heal wounds and revive plants as well as heal animals though not revive them. In arcane form it may only activate if it touches living tissue. In it's holy form it only activates with dead or diseased tissue. The cost is based on how much liquid is created.

Unholiness - The user casts it which takes about 3 seconds. Afterward the target is bathed in purple light. This skill only hits if the user is within close range of the target. This purple light earlier mentioned on allies it makes them gain an increases in their strength greatly but varies. The energy cost varies on the strength boost.

Gluttons Meal - The target is bathed in purple light afterward the user opens his mouth and consumes this energy. This skill only hits if the user is within close range of the target. This purple light earlier mentioned on allies is their magical energy. The energy drained varies on the time the user takes to consume it.

Demons Crush - This skill affects gravity. An area of varied size is coated in a purple orb. After the orb is formed, it uses seconds to fully materialize. After that time, it gives the user full control of gravity in that area to lift tanks or crush them. The size and strength of said spell varies on size and power.

Soul Eater - The user casts it which takes about 3 seconds. Afterward the target is bathed in purple light. This skill only hits if the user is within close range of the target. This purple light earlier mentioned on allies it makes them gain a dark element to their attacks. The energy cost is low. The energy heals the user equal to 1/8 of the damage given out by physical attacks from then on out. This doesn't work on against those with holy enchantments and thus they do not benefit from them.

Forbidden Transmute - This skill can manipulate the users surroundings in anyway possible. From changing matter to color to shape to form. Every conceivable way possible. The energy cost of this spell in this form varies on how much is changed. In another form this skill takes the energy in a dead body and tampers with it. Either using it to alter the body to look different or even changing them into items. With some being as advanced as magical elemental grenades crystals. This spell in this form only affects the dead and undead and uses their death energy thus it needs none of the users energy.

Abyss Dragon - The user can shoot a jet of blue flames from their mouth. The name comes from the effect looking like a dragon’s breath. It extends on a cone shape from their mouth. The size and strength depends on how much magical energy is consumed. This spell is most useful because it burns using all available magical energy.

Minion - The user will begin by compressing their magic energies so well that it forms bones. These bones are then animated and obey their master. Some have swords and weapons. This energy drain varies on the number made. What ever part of the body is destroyed is still animate and they can only be killed by breaking their skulls. This creature counts as an undead.

Shikigami - By using a Shikigami summoning technique the caster can create and control any number of these small beings using small leaves or paper as their mediums which take the same state as their body. The user can almost constantly use these to do small tasks like fetching items. However, if he so wishes they can send verbal messages or even kill people, if they have sufficient numbers. These spirits appear to be particularly smart. The unique thing is that they vary in appearance most commonly being balls of energy with nubbish arms. This skill takes energy varied on how many are made. The spirits can fly through solid objects but can be killed with a swat of the arm.

Shinigami - Similar to the Shikigami and Minion technique. The user will begin by compressing their magic energies so well that it forms bones as black and hard as rock. These bones lack absolute solidity though and can be made similar to a specters body to which it can pass through objects. Afterward a mass of Shikigami are summoned and fused together to form the flesh. The being is of red skin color with a tengu-like face and horns only having a shorter nose and it wears black prayer beads on its arm and a white cloak. The user can then create a katana in the hand opposing the one with beads. These are again compressed magic energy. The beads function as a high strength shield and sword a near perfect cutting weapon. The creature can regenerate any lost limbs. The creature takes a lot of energy to create. The creature obeys its master.

Black Hole - By manipulating nearby energies the target is instantly soaked in purple light. This is pure death energy and gives the user ghost-like properties. Afterward the user teleports or rather moves at unfollowable speeds while passing through objects as well. And then loses their ghost like properties. All of this by the way happens at a split second. The amount of energy taken depends on the distance traveled.

Eden - The caster can create an energy shield in front of an outstretched hand. The shield is a semi sphere, and takes the location on the ground/floor where it was created. It forms in a heartbeat, and lasts up to half a minute. It can stand against arrows, and other projectile attacks. It can also take on some physical attacks, as swords, and punches, but as it is locked to the ground, it is not hard to go around. This skill takes little energy. This skill is stackable and can become stronger with every cast. This skill takes little energy.

Hiding - The user can hide every last trace of himself 100% and in every way. This skill takes little energy and is instant. If attacks are made the effects of this spell are ended.

Other Skills
Natural Causes - He body doesn't age. Rather it resets themselves to the age of 21 years 22 hours and 14 seconds old after each and every rest.

History – She lived with her parents till the age of 16 then went to lived with spirits in a kings cemetery. To which she learned her death arts and moved on. Then from their proceeded to the head-waters of the River Styx, in the province of Desu City. There she met a man named Byron. She hated him from the start and he didn't like that. He proved to her his power and earned her respect. In this time she was an aspiring Death Mage. She would soon marry him and watch his name become synonymous with the term back magic.

That is until there home was attacked by beasts. Her husband would be knocked off a cliff and even lose his memory. After some time searching she found him but different. He was a happy little nerd. Before she saw him as a brooding hating person and she liked it. But now she is conflicted. Let him be and live happy at her own sacrifice or... Fulfill her own dream at his sacrifice. To make her decision she randomly runs into him and spends time with him. And all the while not telling him her secret and being the "Common Stranger" in his eyes. She has however revealed her intense level of power to him being a slightly better mage than him but a worse hand to had fighter to boot.
 
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::Character topics Merged. This post should/will be deleted upon approval of any characters::
 
Mortialia RPG Biography: Evaluation No. 1 said:
ORPG/URPG/RPB - ORPG, URPG and RPB

Name – Van Magus, Mortalia
[Van is German for the while Magus is mage or magic in Latin. And Mort is French for death]

Title – La Reina de Muerte, Noir
[First mean The Queen of Death in Spanish the second means Black in French yes she is evil]

Alignment – Evil/Chaotic

Race – An al-bedh at birth. They have tan skin from desert life. And due to tedious work also have well tones bodies. Though toned they aren't large being average human height. Their eyes are a green but a light green. They most commonly have black hair. They are notable for their skills in engineering and the Al Bhed language that they speak.
[Didn't like the concept of swirled eyes LoL someone would yell sharingan and I'd smack them]


Gender – Female

Age – 21 Years
Whilsts it is acceptable for members to base characters on existing races in games, it is highly encourage for members to broaden their horizons and explore more the concept of originality. Then again, the slight reference is acceptable. Also "Reyna" is with "i" so it should read "reina" instead.

Appearance

Mortalia's appearance starts off as simple stated dark. He hair is a dyed blue and seems to swim down to her shoulders. Her eyes are a shade of blue close enough to being oceanic rather peculiar her races green is in there but in mere slivers. Her skinned is Caucasian in natural shade but has an affective tan. Her eyes have deep black shades of eye liner and her eye lids posses a unique shade of blue vaguely matching her hair.

This sentence could be worked in two or at least have some comas (,) because it seems like many ideas running as one which can confuse the reader. Re-writing the whole sentence could work as well.
Attire – Mortalia wears very form fitting clothes. Clothes that show her curves well. [what starts? -missing information?] It starts with a simple paper flower in her hair. But more or less it rises in intensity. The preferences she has is a dark blue dress, of course adorned with light blue prints of kanji and flowers. This is followed by by black leather pants that are rather tight yet unhindered, also adorned by light silver stripes and kanji. This is all wrapped together by piercings. One on her lip and four on her belly.

Short and simple, though there is a part which could lead to ambiguation.
Personality – She is in a few words a bitch. The type you want to meet until you speak to them. Afterward you regret it. She is cold cynical and an all around asshole. And she prefers not to interact unless she gains something out of it.
The usage of profanities is allowed to a certain extent, but we encourage more depth in the description. Try to add more to her personality, remember that you know her well because you created her, but we don't.
First Impression – At first glance she is merely attractive maybe slightly nihilistic in appearance. But vocally she is a jerk and a tease. She is very unpleasant to be around.

Same here, you can use this as the "base" of your first sentence in every RP. Try to add more information like how would someone react when she is in X or Y situation.
Strength – She is a pathetic hand to hand fighter with her strength in no way complimenting her martial arts. Though strong when compared to an average woman she is not strong in most cases.

60/500
Average? Like someone who does minimal exercises and has a minimal healthy diet? Ok ^_^
Speed – Mortalia is horrifiyingly fast and it shows rather well. She can out run most anyone in a race. And with a buildup her jumps look as though she is flying. And in close quarters her speed is remarkable. She has a high dodge rate seeming to do the impossible. And her striking speed is freakish.

Comparing her speed with real speed facts would make it easier for others to get a clearer view of how fast you want her to be. Horrifyingly fast is not a very exact way to portray the speed of someone, and it might lead to many interpretations. You can say that due to her light weight or build, she is very capable of overpowering characters with a heavier weight. I also forgot....how tall is she? How much does she weights? These facts could be included here or in her apperance.
Endurance – All in all she is still a girl. And in term of endurance though tougher than average people she still can't take a hit from a real fighter. Her ability to ignore pain though is top notch and she can keep fighting till her body gives out because of it.

I've seen woman besting the toughest of men. But in a battle, for how long would she be able to keep fighting?
Reflexes – She has incredible reaction time and is an average speed demon. Her ability to recognize an attack is simply astonishing and her ability to control her minds processing speed adds a terrifying addition. With that ability she can even see bullets fly in slow motion.

This gives her an unfair advantage if used in RPBs. If she can dodge bullets, then what about punches and sword swings? Those would be like a lot slower and easier to dodge making it impossible to hit her. Does this ability eats her stamina away? You can make her fast, but not impossibly fast and hard to hit. "Incredible" is not a word to define precission in description, and one should always be as precise as possible to help others understand our characters.
Fighting Style – Her fighting resembles a mix of her fathers drunkard style and her mothers pro boxing. Her feminine frame allows her to bend and twist in such ways to add unpredictability. Her father a drunk taught her this and though she doesn't play the facade of a drunk she still possess the mobility of a top notch suiken fighter. She on the other hand was formally trained as a boxer till the age of 14. Her style though shows less discipline in stances but high discipline in strikes. All in all she is the mix of the stereotype drunken boxer and prison brawler.
Good
Weapons – N/A

Armour – For the most part she wears no armors so as not to hinder movement and whatnot. But her clothing has enchantments commonly seen on robs. For the most part it is a a great defended against magic. This is because magic is used for most of the weaving process on the fiber creating a slight barrier. Afterward magic energy is released in her sleep to which the fabric absorbs.
So how many direct magical hits can she take before sustaining critical damage?
Abilities
Bone Pierce - Her body as well as her spells negate magic fields and enchantments not of holy nature. Though imperfect this guarantees that every strike and spell will do some damage even if blocked though not as much upon impact if magically defended unless dodged. This skill is automatic for all attacks. This skill only works if the skill can allow for it thus it won't override magic or attacks that state this cannot be done. This skill allows her to enter barriers and etc as though they do not exist.
You can't force damage unto players if they do not allow it in PPBs. No matter how small. That is completely in the hands of the opposing player.
Rib Cage - Her body naturally coats itself in dark magic when severely harmed. This is an innate ability and is visible by a purple aura. With this magic not attuned to good or holiness do slightly less damage. This skill is automatic and will always be active. If hit by holy magics it dissipates for ten seconds. This skill prevents enemy control and debuffs.

Dead Fragment - When her body is severely damaged she becomes slightly faster. This is because her body and mind take in some of the dark magic coating her body. Cannot be performed if Rib Cage is inactive and deactivates until Rib Cage reactivates. This skill in automatic.
Ohh condition effects! Nice ^_^
That's a new one :)
Got to give you more credit on this one :math:
Dark Pressure - Her body when severely damaged pressurizes all magical energies it contains. This means that magic becomes stronger. This increase is based on how long the charge time is. This skill is automatic. This also allows buff magics to last longer.
Similar to Critical Damage in games when HP is low. Good!
Black Plague - She can use the energy of life to fuel her spells. This can be combined with normal magical energy or standalone. This means that in areas of great death such as cemeteries she uses little to no magic energy. And in areas highly populated by life her spells cost less. This also make her so inclined to magic that she can perform magic beyond the typical limit.
Another conditional spell! ^_^
Life Span - As she lives she can then use the natural cycle of her body as a source of dark energy. This creates energies of death that she can regenerate magic energies with [?]. When a cell dies it is converted to magical energy. This skill is automatic. And with death energy as a source her spell cannot be negated so she may use it in all areas. It take her several minutes to fully recharge.
So she uses her remaining life span as energy source or the expiring life span as energy?
Over Growth - She may use small amounts of the enemies magic to fuel the cycle of her growth. This allows her grow and new cells faster but also allows them to die faster. This in turn takes an enemy's spell and uses it as magical fuel for her life span ability. This skill is automatic.
Does she takes damage from enemy spells? Do the spells have to make impact?
Hell Ripper - This allows her to dissipate magical energy. The problem is that it is imperfect. It can only dissipate weak magic. This is done in destabilizing magic energies within the spell. When combined with her Rib cage ability it allows her to throw them back.
Hmmmmm ok.
Black Book - The users spells and abilities cannot be learned or mimiced in anyway shape or form. The enemy may use similar skills but they may not be the users skills.
Fair!
Consumer - She can go to areas of great death and consume the souls there to heal the injuries on her body. She simply opens her mouth and sucks them in. The time when used decides the affect. If in combat it can heal scratches because it can only consume 20-30 souls. Outside of battle the user can restore themselves to new by consuming 500-600 souls.
Anoter "Soul Reaver" like Raziel? Just kidding ^_^
Nice touche ;)
Magic
Shadow Alchemy - This magic allows her to make potions of life or death. This is done by liquifiying her own energy. Afterward the death energy may be left in making it a deadly liquid that kills what it touches. The ability to kill is minor so it could kill some skin if poured on it. It can kill animals and plants though rather efficiently. This is it in it's arcane magic form where it is purple. In its holy form to which it is light green the death energy is sifted leaving pure energy. This can slightly heal wounds and revive plants as well as heal animals though not revive them. In arcane form it may only activate if it touches living tissue. In it's holy form it only activates with dead or diseased tissue. The cost is based on how much liquid is created.

Unholiness - The user casts it which takes about 3 seconds. Afterward the target is bathed in purple light. This skill only hits if the user is within close range of the target. This purple light earlier mentioned on allies it makes them gain an increases in their strength greatly but varies. The energy cost varies on the strength boost.

Gluttons Meal - The target is bathed in purple light afterward the user opens his mouth and consumes this energy. This skill only hits if the user is within close range of the target. This purple light earlier mentioned on allies is their magical energy. The energy drained varies on the time the user takes to consume it.

Demons Crush - This skill affects gravity. An area of varied size is coated in a purple orb. After the orb is formed, it uses seconds to fully materialize. After that time, it gives the user full control of gravity in that area to lift tanks or crush them. The size and strength of said spell varies on size and power.

Soul Eater - The user casts it which takes about 3 seconds. Afterward the target is bathed in purple light. This skill only hits if the user is within close range of the target. This purple light earlier mentioned on allies it makes them gain a dark element to their attacks. The energy cost is low. The energy heals the user equal to 1/8 of the damage given out by physical attacks from then on out. This doesn't work on against those with holy enchantments and thus they do not benefit from them.

Forbidden Transmute - This skill can manipulate the users surroundings in anyway possible. From changing matter to color to shape to form. Every conceivable way possible. The energy cost of this spell in this form varies on how much is changed. In another form this skill takes the energy in a dead body and tampers with it. Either using it to alter the body to look different or even changing them into items. With some being as advanced as magical elemental grenades crystals. This spell in this form only affects the dead and undead and uses their death energy thus it needs none of the users energy.

Abyss Dragon - The user can shoot a jet of blue flames from their mouth. The name comes from the effect looking like a dragon’s breath. It extends on a cone shape from their mouth. The size and strength depends on how much magical energy is consumed. This spell is most useful because it burns using all available magical energy.

Minion - The user will begin by compressing their magic energies so well that it forms bones. These bones are then animated and obey their master. Some have swords and weapons. This energy drain varies on the number made. What ever part of the body is destroyed is still animate and they can only be killed by breaking their skulls. This creature counts as an undead.

Shikigami - By using a Shikigami summoning technique the caster can create and control any number of these small beings using small leaves or paper as their mediums which take the same state as their body. The user can almost constantly use these to do small tasks like fetching items. However, if he so wishes they can send verbal messages or even kill people, if they have sufficient numbers. These spirits appear to be particularly smart. The unique thing is that they vary in appearance most commonly being balls of energy with nubbish arms. This skill takes energy varied on how many are made. The spirits can fly through solid objects but can be killed with a swat of the arm.

Shinigami - Similar to the Shikigami and Minion technique. The user will begin by compressing their magic energies so well that it forms bones as black and hard as rock. These bones lack absolute solidity though and can be made similar to a specters body to which it can pass through objects. Afterward a mass of Shikigami are summoned and fused together to form the flesh. The being is of red skin color with a tengu-like face and horns only having a shorter nose and it wears black prayer beads on its arm and a white cloak. The user can then create a katana in the hand opposing the one with beads. These are again compressed magic energy. The beads function as a high strength shield and sword a near perfect cutting weapon. The creature can regenerate any lost limbs. The creature takes a lot of energy to create. The creature obeys its master.

Black Hole - By manipulating nearby energies the target is instantly soaked in purple light. This is pure death energy and gives the user ghost-like properties. Afterward the user teleports or rather moves at unfollowable speeds while passing through objects as well. And then loses their ghost like properties. All of this by the way happens at a split second. The amount of energy taken depends on the distance traveled.

Eden - The caster can create an energy shield in front of an outstretched hand. The shield is a semi sphere, and takes the location on the ground/floor where it was created. It forms in a heartbeat, and lasts up to half a minute. It can stand against arrows, and other projectile attacks. It can also take on some physical attacks, as swords, and punches, but as it is locked to the ground, it is not hard to go around. This skill takes little energy. This skill is stackable and can become stronger with every cast. This skill takes little energy.

Seems fair.
Hiding - The user can hide every last trace of himself 100% and in every way. This skill takes little energy and is instant.
Hmmm so instant disappearence? If she attacks, would this null the effects?

Other Skills
Natural Causes - He body doesn't age. Rather it resets themselves to the age of 21 years 22 hours and 14 seconds old after each and every rest.
Why? ^_^
I am just curious ;)
History – She lived with her parents till the age of 16 then went to lived with spirits in a kings cemetery. To which she learned her death arts and moved on. Then from their proceeded to the head-waters of the River Styx, in the province of Desu City. There she met a man named Byron. She hated him from the start and he didn't like that. He proved to her his power and earned her respect. In this time she was an aspiring Death Mage. She would soon marry him and watch his name become synonymous with the term back magic.

That is until there home was attacked by beasts. Her husband would be knocked off a cliff and even lose his memory. After some time searching she found him but different. He was a happy little nerd. Before she saw him as a brooding hating person and she liked it. But now she is conflicted. Let him be and live happy at her own sacrifice or... Fulfill her own dream at his sacrifice. To make her decision she randomly runs into him and spends time with him. And all the while not telling him her secret and being the "Common Stranger" in his eyes. She has however revealed her intense level of power to him being a slightly better mage than him but a worse hand to had fighter to boot.

Nice


Overall it is very solid biography, however it still have a few areas that should be revised to improve it. There are a few "no-no" like the Matrix-like dodge speed but that is alright for a first attempt.

For now I declare it as "Pending Approval", seeing that is not fully "Not approved" and not close enough to be approved either, let's say it is right in the middle.

:math:
 
Whilsts it is acceptable for members to base characters on existing races in games, it is highly encourage for members to broaden their horizons and explore more the concept of originality. Then again, the slight reference is acceptable. Also "Reyna" is with "i" so it should read "reina" instead.
I picked Al-Bedh because her husband is AlBedh an existing RPC named Byron. And I don't use dictionary spanish. Though I look at one if I don't understand it. Also Reina has a double spelling. So knowing Rey means king and Reina means queen the similarity through me off.

This sentence could be worked in two or at least have some comas (,) because it seems like many ideas running as one which can confuse the reader. Re-writing the whole sentence could work as well.
Done

Short and simple, though there is a part which could lead to ambiguation.
Done... LoL

The usage of profanities is allowed to a certain extent, but we encourage more depth in the description. Try to add more to her personality, remember that you know her well because you created her, but we don't.
Added to it and note there are only 2 swears in the whole APP[I believe]

Same here, you can use this as the "base" of your first sentence in every RP. Try to add more information like how would someone react when she is in X or Y situation.
Done?

Average? Like someone who does minimal exercises and has a minimal healthy diet? Ok ^_^
Around there yeah...

Comparing her speed with real speed facts would make it easier for others to get a clearer view of how fast you want her to be. Horrifyingly fast is not a very exact way to portray the speed of someone, and it might lead to many interpretations. You can say that due to her light weight or build, she is very capable of overpowering characters with a heavier weight. I also forgot....how tall is she? How much does she weights? These facts could be included here or in her apperance.
That better?

I've seen woman besting the toughest of men. But in a battle, for how long would she be able to keep fighting?
El Done


This gives her an unfair advantage if used in RPBs. If she can dodge bullets, then what about punches and sword swings? Those would be like a lot slower and easier to dodge making it impossible to hit her. Does this ability eats her stamina away? You can make her fast, but not impossibly fast and hard to hit. "Incredible" is not a word to define precission in description, and one should always be as precise as possible to help others understand our characters.
Done?

So how many direct magical hits can she take before sustaining critical damage?
Done?

You can't force damage unto players if they do not allow it in PPBs. No matter how small. That is completely in the hands of the opposing player.
Fixed? Now if they don't want damage then simply dodge. It's not like she is really gonna attack you with hand-to-hand. So even when blasted by a spell getting hit will do something.

Ohh condition effects! Nice ^_^
That's a new one :)
Got to give you more credit on this one :math:
Thanks...

So she uses her remaining life span as energy source or the expiring life span as energy?
Cell Death. Fixed.

Does she takes damage from enemy spells? Do the spells have to make impact?
Done

Anoter "Soul Reaver" like Raziel? Just kidding ^_^
Nice touche ;)
Death Mage and eating sould seemed like a good combo...

Hmmm so instant disappearence? If she attacks, would this null the effects?
Done...

Why? ^_^
I am just curious ;)
To keep Byron's wife pretty forever of course though the time was a random one. No one wants scars and scrapes.

Overall it is very solid biography, however it still have a few areas that should be revised to improve it. There are a few "no-no" like the Matrix-like dodge speed but that is alright for a first attempt.
Fixed I believe

For now I declare it as "Pending Approval", seeing that is not fully "Not approved" and not close enough to be approved either, let's say it is right in the middle.
Thanks

:math:

Done? I used red to reply...
 
Double Post: :gasp:

Oh one thing I forgot to ask:


Black Hole - By manipulating nearby energies the target is instantly soaked in purple light. This is pure death energy and gives the user ghost-like properties. Afterward the user teleports or rather moves at unfollowable speeds while passing through objects as well. And then loses their ghost like properties. All of this by the way happens at a split second. The amount of energy taken depends on the distance traveled.

Is this spell going to allow you to attack while it is in effect? I kinda missed this teleportation spell which if used offensively, it gives you an unfair advantage.
 
Double Post: :gasp:

Oh one thing I forgot to ask:


Black Hole - By manipulating nearby energies the target is instantly soaked in purple light. This is pure death energy and gives the user ghost-like properties. Afterward the user teleports or rather moves at unfollowable speeds while passing through objects as well. And then loses their ghost like properties. All of this by the way happens at a split second. The amount of energy taken depends on the distance traveled.

Is this spell going to allow you to attack while it is in effect? I kinda missed this teleportation spell which if used offensively, it gives you an unfair advantage.

No I can't attack... Think of it as Shunpoing through walls...
 
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