Original Something short I wrote.

[AhngelicDemon]

The sight of it..it released a flood, a flood of pure and extreme rage. The anger seeped into his being, fueling his heart to pump as it has never before. His heat levels accelerated at alarming rates, his innards melted, in such a way that anger does to one's soul and mind. His thoughts came to a halt, his strength tripled, quadrupled even! He gritted his teeth so tightly that they began burrowing deeper into his gums, and still his rage grew. The demon inside of him has awoken, lusting for blood, fueled by hatred. His fingers dug into the palms of his hands, digging into his skin, his eyes became bloodshot, and his veins grew fat from blood.

But as soon as it came, the demon fell back to sleep. His hands fell back open to his sides, his heart slowed down, and he grew cold. His teeth ached, his palms hurt. No damage was done, no one was hurt but the boy's heart, which was broken in two. Knowing he could change nothing, knowing he could only live like this, in a state of depression and love, he walked away.

Thus is the nature of suppressed love.

~Alright, so, does this give the feeling I intended it to have? Did I emote everything right? Please critique this.~

 

[Testra]

I am not the best critic but you have pretty much written how I have been feeling for the last few weeks Are you a psychic?

But I do believe you have emoted everything right.

 

[AhngelicDemon]

Haha, I do wish I was a psychic.

And I hope so too, lately I've been trying to get motivated to continue writing my story I've started, but my writing "want" comes in short bursts, so when I get them, they usually get written like what I wrote above. Short and full of emotion. [at least I hope]

Otherwise I do what I do best. Sit around and play video games. Yawn.

 

[Sepalcure]

You and me both, bud. I have to say that for a short writing piece, this is a very strong and emotive story. I'm intrigued about our tortured main character though I can't say that the concept of a demon locked inside a kid's body hasn't been tackled before (see: Naruto) but that's besides the point. The point is that emotive writing seems to be your strong point, there's a buildup of rage in this kid and then like the calming of a tempest, that rage just lays dormant in him again. I like that. I like your writing, it's descriptive, but without going overboard. It's spellchecked, has nice grammar, and pretty good sentence structure. So overall, it's a nice concrete short piece. Do I want to see more? Sure, yeah. I'd like to see how this demon interacts with other characters but it's still very, very good as a standalone short story.

Also, some of the best writers can and usually have to write in short spurts, or what's known as speed writing; which doesn't really result in these short one-paragraph type pieces at all usually. You normally time yourself for 10-15 minutes, maybe more, and get out a pen and some looseleaf paper then, for that alloted time, you just write anything that comes to mind: sentence fragments, descriptions, thoughts, words, lists, anything goes. It's a great way to jog your brain and fuel your creativity. Just thought I'd give it to you as a writing tip for when you're ever lost on what to write or how to write something.