Serious Personal Rant: Ignorance is bliss... For the Ignorant.

[RioDragon]

I've often asked myself why I try so hard.

As a little kid, I read books religiously and made consistently high grades so that my parents would be proud and I would have their attention. Soon, they started expecting it from me, so I got less and less of a reaction. Similarly, because they didn't seem to care as much, by the time I reached high school, I wasn't as obsessive about it.

When it came to friendships and relationships, I would always go out of my way to make others happy. I've always been the one in my group of friends that was the listener, the mediator, the one to break up all the disagreements and fights and hold everyone together.

But what did I get out of it?

A selfish question, I know. But I can't help thinking it. One of my friends in high school, I loved dearly, but I was always too shy. I still love her, although she is now far away, I wouldn't even doubt her being married by now. With all the effort I put into keeping my friends together, I defeated myself. I was the softest-spoken, and it was no secret that one or two of my friends liked her as well. And because I was the shy one, the one who does things behind the scenes, I was always ignored.

And I can't blame anyone but myself.

Why did I try so hard? Even when I saw things coming? I knew all the negative things that were happening, but I kept facilitating it because I wanted people around me to be happy and blindly hoped I would somehow be rewarded someday. I still seem to act this way. Though it's a lot harder. My college friends do different things go to different places, have different lifestyles. The only difference is now I feel like I have to fake happiness, as opposed to having hope keep me cheerful, I'm playing jester.

I guess a nice way to put it is in Alan Moore's words in Watchmen, from the speech balloon of Rorschach; "Heard a joke once: Man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. Great Clown Pagliacci is in town. Go and see him. That should pick you up.' Man bursts into tears, says, 'but doctor, I am Pagliacci.' Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on Snare Drum. Curtains."

 

[blakstang98]

You know something, you and I aren't all that different. I've experienced a lot of the same things in my lifetime, at the same times in life as well. So maybe I can be of some help.

I've always been a person to make things happen in a quiet manner. For the most part, it earned me trust, even now. I feel the same in the way that my efforts to make things right tend to go unnoticed. The one phrase I say to many people and completely stick by it is "nice guys finish last". It's pessimistic to think this, but life tends to be this way. So why do I continue to be a good person? Basically I do it for my own conscience. I can wake up in the morning, look myself in the mirror and know I did the right thing. Is this directly rewarding to me or others? No, not really. But I can't help to feel that it will someday (even though I've waited long enough damnit!).

For the gal problem however, I'm affraid I have bad news for that. In my experience of being the middle man, or the behind the scenes guy, the girl WOULD notice me through all the lead people and tend to give me extra attention to show that she liked me more. So I think that if you continued to go ignored, then she may not have had an interest in you to begin with. I'm sorry if that sounds bad or makes me sound like an asshole, but that's just my thought on that matter. But don't fret, I would doubt she's already married. I was very surprised to hear that a lot of people I went to high school with still aren't married, and they're in their mid-20's. And also, it's possible that she's seen some things in life now that would make her more naturally attracted to a guy like you. So if you do see this girl again, she may have a high interest in the person you were, and if you're still that same person as you said, then maybe she'll fall for ya.

I myself lack companionship, but that has not stopped me from being happy. I suppose it does make me lonely at times, but I have my career, I live on my own and that's enough to make me feel pretty good about myself. As for the companionship, I won't rush anything, I'd rather let it come to me naturally. So, you may feel like you have to fake happiness now, but try to muscle through it and continue to be the person you are. It's better to be yourself and fake happiness then to be a fake person all together. You may feel dissatisfied with the hand life has dealt you, but so long as you continue to go about life the way you want to, you'll see better results in time, even if it isn't immediate. Things will turn out better, I can't prove that to you, but take my word for it.

 

[SaShman]

I've often asked myself why I try so hard.

As a little kid, I read books religiously and made consistently high grades so that my parents would be proud and I would have their attention. Soon, they started expecting it from me, so I got less and less of a reaction. Similarly, because they didn't seem to care as much, by the time I reached high school, I wasn't as obsessive about it.

So you are in college now right? Well don't worry about your parents, get good grades for yourself as opposed to someone else.

When it came to friendships and relationships, I would always go out of my way to make others happy. I've always been the one in my group of friends that was the listener, the mediator, the one to break up all the disagreements and fights and hold everyone together.

But what did I get out of it?

Firstly, understand that you are not perfect (nobody is) so you don't have to try to be. If you can recognise your own faults, maybe you won't always feel so downtrodden. Do something for yourself once in a while, be assertive. No matter what you do at least someone will accept you. Hitler was probably the biggest fuckwit in history and look at how many people loved him

A selfish question, I know. But I can't help thinking it. One of my friends in high school, I loved dearly, but I was always too shy. I still love her, although she is now far away, I wouldn't even doubt her being married by now. With all the effort I put into keeping my friends together, I defeated myself. I was the softest-spoken, and it was no secret that one or two of my friends liked her as well. And because I was the shy one, the one who does things behind the scenes, I was always ignored.

And I can't blame anyone but myself.

Well it's true that you can't blame anyone other than yourself. But instead of blaming yourself, learn from your mistakes. I'm not going to say that this girl will come back to you and you will live happily ever after, but (and this is incredibly cliché) there are plenty of fish in the sea. Don't beat yourself up over the girl from high school who got away. Not only will it make you feel like shit, it could blind you from other potential relationships.

Why did I try so hard? Even when I saw things coming? I knew all the negative things that were happening, but I kept facilitating it because I wanted people around me to be happy and blindly hoped I would somehow be rewarded someday. I still seem to act this way. Though it's a lot harder. My college friends do different things go to different places, have different lifestyles. The only difference is now I feel like I have to fake happiness, as opposed to having hope keep me cheerful, I'm playing jester.

Don't fake happiness, if you feel like shit tell a friend about it. You want to keep the people around you happy, I'm sure they'd want the same for you.

Long story short, be more assertive. You're not a saint and you don't have to try to be. It's good to try and please everyone, but you can't let this effort impede your own happiness.