Need some help in helping my friend with depression.

[Big Boss]

Okay, I was trying to help my friend with her depression but I think Im doing no good, and would like an outsiders opinion on what can be done. Pleas help me out and tell me what I should tell her to get over this, or help her not be so depressed over it anymore. Thanks, I'll copy and paste the conversation I had with her.





έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
she only told me to make me stop crying about my flaws
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and she said there were worse things
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
what flaws
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
um
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
....no comment
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i never tell anyone about them
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i am way too scared
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
what is there to be scared about?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
if i tell you, you'll see it.
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
no i wont
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
anyways. these guys used to make fun of me in gr.1
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and they scarred me for life.
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
8 years ago
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i have like no confidence
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
it's stupid, but...that's how i am
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i am so self-conscious.
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
every single fucking move i make
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
explain. tell me what ahppened, if it doesnt hurt you to talk about it
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i think about so carefully
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i can't. every time i think back i start to cry.
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
thats not a way to live
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i know, that's what my parents say
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
there should be times when you just make a big decision right on the spot
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
and be happy with it
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
well, it's not like that really
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
it's like, i'm walking in the hall alone, and this is what i'm thinking:
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
okay, how do other ppl act when they walk through the hall? should i stand straight. ugh, they prolly think i am a loner
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and i don't even eat lunch at school
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i chew gum
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
word. people pity me and give me food
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
there are two reasons for that.
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
one is that i kinda need to lose weight. the other is that i feel weird eating in front of people who aren't my brother, mother, or father
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
why? they are eating too, aren't they
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
yeah
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i have issues.
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
belive me.
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
it gets worse....
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
well, when my friend died last year,
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
my mom told me a story about how this guy she liked (or something like that) was going away for the weekend and he was coming to see her on the monday after
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
but, he was in a car accident (like my friend) and he died
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and i feel so awful sometimes
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
when i talk about how much i hate myself
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i hurt my parents
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and they think its their fault
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
but it's not.
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and, i feel so horrible.
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i can see it in them.
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
it seems like they think they've done something wrong
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
well... in a way, maybe they did (im not judging). because of the way they brought you up, and you feel certain emotions to certain things, that other people would have a different outlook on. i mean, its not like people are just born with a personality that they are stuck with. its just a thought that could be possible
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i don't want them to feel bad
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
it's because of what those boys said
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
it wouldn't seem a huge deal to you
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
but, it just screwed me up
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
that's what i think
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
(because of the way i was raised)
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i have great parents
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i mean, they spent so much money
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
to send me to my old school
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
it's ridiculous
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
but then when you went back to this school you gfet taunted?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i don't know what you mean
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
you said you were made fun of
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
yeah
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
is this after or before your parents sent you to your 'old school'
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i went to that school from 3yrs old to 14 yrs. old
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
11 years
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
but was that the school were you were made fun of? wait.. you started school when you were 3?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
yeah, that was the school
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and yeah when i was 3
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
okay. so why did you want to go to that school if people were making fun of you?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
it was a good school other than that
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i was like 6
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
what could they have possibly said that was so bad at grade 1 though? i mean, at that age your still trying to make friends. im assuming that they were only saying that to get the approval of their buddies
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
no one wants to see anyone cry when your 6 years old
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
well, i told you
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i don't want to tell you
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
it messed me
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
up
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i am crazy
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i know that for a fact
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and for several very good reasons
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
are you confusing crazy for depression?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
well, you know how some people cut themselves?
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
yes
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
well, you know how cutting isn't the only form of self-harm
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
but its one of the only form of 'pain that you can control'
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
*forms
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
well, do you remember that csi episode i told you about?
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
about some chick who... i think was.. actually i cant remember what she was doing
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
well
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
she was anorexic and bullimic
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and she thought she was hideous
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and she cut up her face
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
well, more like dug at it
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
ok, what are you relating that to?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
um
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
nevermind
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
you dont...
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
cut your face do you
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
well
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
not like her
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
explain
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
um
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
kind of
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
...further
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i do similar to a far lesser extent
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
how do you cut yourself to a lesser extent
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
well,
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i don't cut up my cheeks
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and forehead
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and dig so deep
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i like die
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
you die?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
no,
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i don't die
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
she did die
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
so then how are you cutting your face in a way that wont kill you?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i'm not
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
so your not cutting anything?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
um,
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
nevermind
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
no
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
tell me]
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
but,
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
you'll think i'm crazy
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
i know a lot of crazy people, probably crazier then you. tell me
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
how crazy?
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
well
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
one claims he's killed someone, which i wouldnt doubt
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
another ro the shit out of people to support his alcohole addiction
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
*robb.es
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
ok, i'll tell you if u swear not to tell anyone else
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
yes
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
ok
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i cut my toes and lips
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
how?
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
just a razor to the skin?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
no
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
then what
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
well, nail clippers
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and my like hands
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
explain
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
ugh
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
why?
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
so i can understand further
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
do i have to?
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
well i doubt i'll be able to help without knowing exactly whats going on
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i don't want help
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
but you need it
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
as does everyone
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i'll tell you about my lips
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
okay
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
well, i pick at them
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
when their chapped?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
all the time pretty much
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
they get better for a while, and then they get bad again
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
and by bad you mean
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
bloody sorta, sorte
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
sore
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
and what do you gain from the pain?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
pain? i dunno
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
it's not about control
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
then what is it for?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
read the first paragraphish thing
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-harm
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
specifically:
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
a symptom of borderline personality disorder and is sometimes associated with mental illness, a history of trauma and abuse, eating disorders, or mental traits such as low self-esteem or perfectionism.
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
but what do you have to feel so bad about?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
my appearance
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
your not ugly
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i think i am
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i don't care what anyone else says
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i know i am. people just say that to be nice
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
thats because you judge yourself in comparison with everyone who is aolutely magnificant
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
FUCK im getting rid of that emoticon
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
well, i want to be as pretty as them
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and i dunno
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
but i g3g
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
g2g
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
okay.
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
night
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
have a good sleep
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i'm not going to bed
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
then where?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
downstairs
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
will you be comming back on msn later?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
probably not
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
would you mind talking about this tomorow
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
*tomorrow
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
fine
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
msg me whenever tomorrow
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
okay
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
have a good night

 

[Rydia]

Well I didn't read the conversation, but do her parents know? If they don't then you need to tell them because this could be very serious.

 

[Big Boss]

No, they don't. I don't even talk to her parents. I just started talking with her maybe 2 weeks ago.

 

[Rydia]

Well you should some how contact them then. Even though you think you really can help, someone needs to know. If she does something serious then you'll feel very bad about it. You can help just by being there for her and listening to her when she wants to talk. But you have to tell her parents, or if you have too, some at school like a guidence counceler.

 

[Big Boss]

Yeah, maybe I will. I think she blocked me with the "Im going to bed" excuse. Heres the rest of the conversation if anyone wants to read along.

έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i'm back
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
okay
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i wanted to go see my parents
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and hug them
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
but my mom is in a bad mood
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
why
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
because i got mad at her
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
over
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
her memory
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
did you freak out over the Justin Timberlake concert
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
no
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
okay
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
so do you want to discuss what were were talking about?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i dunno
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i want to curl up in a ball and sleep
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
but i can't
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
so do you want to talk about it or no
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
uhm
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
up to u iguess
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
okay
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
so why do you want to feel as pretty as the people you see in magaznines and TV]
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
why wouldn't someone?
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
i dont
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
a lot of people dont
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
really?
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
yes, because those pretty have pretty much sucked so much dick and have had so much surgery done to them its not even funny
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
and not to mention the fact that people edit the videos and photos to make it more sexy, so people will in turn by more
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
oh
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
but i mean, from time to time i think about what life would be like if i did look like some superstar. but then i wouldn't be me. it would be stupid and i wouldn't have individuality.
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
no one is going to be as pretty as them UNLESS they are one of them
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i guess
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
ugh
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i wish i hadn't said anything
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i always thought talking made a person feel better
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
it should
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i feel worse
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
you get another opinoio on things
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
how>
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
*how do you feel worse?
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
you probably think i am crazy now
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
no
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
i already told you
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and i feel insane
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
i know real crazy people
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and i feel so empty
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and alonoe
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
your never alone
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
and i really want a hug but i can't have that
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
you have friends
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
their not real friends
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
they probably just pity me
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
you said you never told anyone about this
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
never
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
well, not this much
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
i, for one, didnt know any of this, and im your friend
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
thankns
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
but i don't buy it
έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
i have to go to bed
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
buy what?
Hyndz (Avin) [ Still tired ] says:
i started talking to you through alex, and i just started talking with you after that.

 

[Rydia]

Sounds like she has some real self esteem issues... You did a good job talking to her. But if you think she really has depression then you need to tell her parents or some adult. I know I keep saying that but it's important that you do so, so she can get help.

 

[Big Boss]

Yeah, thanks Rydia. I think I'll talk to a councilor (sp) on Tuesday, as I get Monday off. Yay.

 

[Lord Kaos]

Oh come on... my god, people messed with her while she was little... So what? Turn the frustation into motivation. I was made fun of for 13 years, from when i was three till last year, when it stopped...(When i started maiming people badly for annoying me)... I got over it.

That whole conversation's just cries for attention... Sure, i'm a demented little smartass now, but that's not the point... I got over my issues and conquered the memories, and thats what your 'friend' needs to do too.

 

[Big Boss]

Thanks. I'll mention that to her.

'friend'

If your implying that I'm actually the one who this is about, your mistaken. Heres a screenshot,

 

[Lord Kaos]

No, i said that because she didn't even think of you as a friend when you were trying to help.... She said she didn't buy it, so i'm assuming she doesn't think of you as a friend like you call her.

Nice background, by the way.

 

[Big Boss]

Ah, I see what you mean.

And thanks for the background comment. I like it too .

 

[Lord Kaos]

I must get one myself, i'm tired of using default backgrounds. >.>

I'm surprised so few people are posting here...

 

[L]

She needs to be comfortable with her appearance.=[

People are just assholes to set the balance in our society. Other people's comments don't mean a damn thing. You really shouldn't think about someone that fucks with you so much. It's not fun.

People used to mess me around to my face about my appearance until I threw them up against a wall and punched them right in the gut. Sometimes you have to get rough to make people fuck off.

So I say the next time they say something to her, she says "Fuck you, why don't you go choke on your dick?" Or something along those lines. If I was thar, it would be lots and lots of lolz and fun.

Tell her she doesn't need to believe people say she's not ugly because they're being nice. They're doing it because they care. They could care less if you were screwed up so bad the horrific image would be burned into their mind and gave them nightmares, because they care. Things are different for guys and gals, so I don't have any awesome advice except for start lookin' happy and talking to people.

 

[Big Boss]

Thanks Moondoggie. I'll rise that up as well when I speak with her tomorrow.

 

[Lord Kaos]

Heh, you punched them up on a wall? I won't even hint at how i got my point across... But before you all start freaking out, IT WAS --NOT-- MURDER. I don't let my frustration take me that far.

 

[HalfBloodPrincess]

I haven't read this thread in its entirety so forgive me if this was answered somewhere but is this a girl you know offline or just online?

 

[Howl]

I don't understand it...
I've gone through phases of depression...not as bad as some people have, admited, but I know what it's like to be really run into the ground. To have harmful or mean things said about you, or even to have just a genuine hatred towards yourself.

It's hard to overcome depression, but fishing for compliments and waiting for someone else to talk you out of it...that's not the answer. You can't rely on the rest of the world to jump up and run to your rescue when you're fealing like an absolute miserable slob...

Look, if your friend thinks that she's fat, then she needs to lose the weight. Telling you about how fat she thinks she is...isn't gonna shed any pounds...honestly.

One more thing...posting this personal conversation that you're friend specifically asked you not to show anyone...this is the first step in making matters worse. If I were you, I would delete it.

Let me quote your friend...

"έммα! black tears are falling, falling. says:
a symptom of borderline personality disorder and is sometimes associated with mental illness, a history of trauma and abuse, eating disorders, or mental traits such as low self-esteem or perfectionism. "

She has her own personality dissorder down to a que. She's got it all figured out. She's so into her own depression that she can openly say "this is what I suffer from". People who suffer from personality dissorders...don't keep a reference sitting around so they can say "this is what I've got". People with personality dissorders don't realize thay they have personality dissorders, otherwise they would be seeking theropy.
Your friend wants people to think that this is what she's suffering from.

This is a serious plea for attention.
And like I said...fishing for attention...isn't going to make anything better.