Poetry My Only Poem

[dimmufan]

Rhea just reminded me of this poem I wrote from my high school days. I'm not a poet and I think it shows. It's not much but here goes.

Have you ever been to the grassy plains
At night when the crescent moon wanes?
Ever watching the stars so bright
Feel the nice, cool breeze on a warm summer's night.
Millions of stars across the sky
I sit alone wondering how and why
I came to be the way I am
and how no one else really gives a damn.
Or are there "friends" out there who want to see
The smiling faces on you and me.
Oh, I wish I knew how I came to be
On these plains without you next to me.

A lady wanted to publish this about 5 years ago. Tis the only poem I have ever written. Tell me what you think. And be honest. I can handle the dislikes just as much as the likes.

 

[Howl]

That's a very sweet poem. ^.^
I don't like too many poems that I come across, but I like this one. ^.^
I like the cute jingle that it has. ^.^

 

[Ilyena]

I like this. I think you did a good job at evoking a feeling of loneliness.

" Ever watching the stars so bright" -This sentence is a bit ambiguous. It's a bit hard to tell what you're trying to say here.

 

[Lilly]

ohh how nice! its really good why dont u do more? yes i think u should publish it!!!

 

[dimmufan]

" Ever watching the stars so bright" -This sentence is a bit ambiguous. It's a bit hard to tell what you're trying to say here.

I was just lookin up @ some stars. Not really metaphoricizing anything.

 

[Ilyena]

I was just lookin up @ some stars. Not really metaphoricizing anything.

Ah, I see. I meant the way the sentence was written was ambiguous. But thanks for clearing that up.

 

[Erythritol]

Ah, nice. Lots of good imagery. I like it.

Just one thing: "Ever watching the stars so bright..." I'm not sure if that's a stylistic choice, but grammatically it's a little bit awkward.

Anyway, very nice.

 

[Casanova]

I like it, simple but effective.

You should try and write a few more.

 

[The Phantarch]

Possibly the second most simple poem I've ever come across but it does have a nice jingle to it and it doesn't sound at all pretentious. If you can work on it I think you may yet be a poetic great!

 

[Dark-Angel]

Possibly the second most simple poem I've ever come across but it does have a nice jingle to it and it doesn't sound at all pretentious. If you can work on it I think you may yet be a poetic great!

You didn't say that for me

anyway...i liked the catch at the end...its a nice poem...i've naught but good to say about it

 

[The Phantarch]

You didn't say that for me

anyway...i liked the catch at the end...its a nice poem...i've naught but good to say about it

True, I've been told that I have to be ever so nice and that no one does anything bad, it's just their own style by one of the mods on here so I'm not going to transgress again. Anyway, you shouldn't need telling now. You saw the response my last post got from the mods.