Poetry More of Waytodawn's Poetry

Sexy Beast

Sexy Beast

A beast into the jungle of life
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Joined
May 20, 2008
Messages
3,064
Age
34
Location
I am at the horizons of the Stratosphere
Gil
5
Deep Hate
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I thought u liked me
Guess I was wrong
I’m following the beat of my heart
Going to place to place to find where I belong
Being lost in my own world
Being lost for words
Having nothing to say
Having no idea how to act
I know now that this pain I feel is tearing me apart
Apart from the world I know
Being my own enemy
Living alone, in a world full of sorrow
Doing things I regret
Always looking back, wondering if what I did was the right thing

Unification
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Dreams happiness love
These are the feelings I have for you
I want to embrace you
I want to feel you
I need to kiss your lips
I want our lips touching
I want the fire to stay lighten
I want our love to grow stronger
I would protect u from any danger
You are my light, the shining brightness in my dark cave
I want to be your knight in shining armor who will protect you from those who try to harm you.
 
Oooh i like the first one. The second one feels as if it has more feeling in it though. I get the feeling that you knew what to say with the second one but couldn't word it right, but it's really nice all the same.

I love writing love poems. My best so far is "Dream" which is hovering about somewhere in this section. Keep at it
 
I thought the second was well good, as was the first but I preferred the second one. The second just seems to have more of a deep and passionate meaning behind it which is definite positive in any poem.
Keep up the good work. ^_^
 
Brillian. I'm working on one the now actually. "Distances Apart"...one of my most recent love poems
 
I also have to say the first one was better. I don't know what emotions you're exactly trying to reveal, but when you say "U" instead of "you" and exchanges like that, it leaves me with a different image. I learned to read poetry in school, by learning based on how serious they seemed, and it feels like the difference between a social paper and a research paper, if that makes sense. Also, not that drastic.
The second one just needed rhythm.
 
Doaj said:
I also have to say the first one was better. I don't know what emotions you're exactly trying to reveal, but when you say "U" instead of "you" and exchanges like that, it leaves me with a different image. I learned to read poetry in school, by learning based on how serious they seemed, and it feels like the difference between a social paper and a research paper, if that makes sense. Also, not that drastic.
The second one just needed rhythm.
Click to expand...

Well the thing about the first one i wrote that one after i found out the girl i liked liked me but decided ot go for another guy. and i know the secend one is not in such great rhythm but it does have great emotion into it and it says a lot about my soft side just wait you guys i will write more poems and they wil be great.
 
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