Serious loosing best friend

[Starships]

I've had this best friend since, maybe 2005. And she's been there for me, through thick and thin. She's helped me through everything, and she's helped me with advice. Even though I can be annoying, she never gave up or stopped hating me, or even get frustrated.

But now she's leaving, overseas. All of a sudden she wants to work on movies. I asked her what if she doesn't get in, and she replied that there's always Europe and England. Basically, she's leaving town and the Continent no matter what. All of a sudden, we have this great friendship, and now she just wants to leave. Even if she doesn't get the job where she wants, she's going to be packing her bags and leaving anyways.

I want to scream, I want to yell out 'don't go ' I want to yell out 'please stay'. But I can't. It just seems so selfish and rude, and self-centered because she clearly wants to leave home. But I don't want my best friend to leave. Basically she's the only person that really understands me and helps me get through life. Basically people usually don't go near me, because they find me ugly or weird, or they end up 'pretending' to like me, and then finding out a few months later that they were just faking it.

But I just feel so greedy and so wrong, wanting her to stay. I don't want to miss her. I've already lost my old best friend because she decided to move as well, and I don't want to go through the pain of loosing another friend again. Loosing the first best friend basically left me in tatters.

What makes me angry, is that I've told her. I told her about the leaving of the best friend, and how I don't usually trust people, because all they do just leave. And yet she still turns around and wants to leave. I know that I can't tell her off for this, because I can't boss people around and tell them not and where to go. But I feel a little, used.

But instead of leaving empty and depressed like loosing the first best friend, I'm cold and careless. I've stopped talking to her on MSN and whenever she mentions going and her plans for the year, I either walk away, or log off MSN. We haven't really had a good conversation, or really bonded in weeks.

I don't want my friend to leave,but I feel like a huge selfish pig for wanting her to stay.
I know there's always skype, and things like that. But we're kinda poor and we can't afford things like that. Plus working on movies, she's going to be busy and won't really have the time to go online.

I feel like a horrible person, but loosing another really good friend is really hard.

Sorry for the rambles.

 

[Ayumi Hamasaki]

Well, for one, I'm pretty sure that if you're both using your computer Skype is free, because I've used it to talk to my parents before.

Other than that, I don't know exactly what to say. I've been in your shoes before, and had a friend who moved away, and I felt exactly the same way, and to be realistic I haven't talked to that person since they did. But I think that if you really wanted to, you two could make it work.

Have you tried just telling her how you feel? I mean, don't ask her not to go, but just explain that you're scared you won't be friends anymore. See what she says.

Other than that, all I can say is good luck and that I hope you don't lose your friend.

 

[blakstang98]

Well, there's nothing wrong with telling her how you feel. It doesn't make you selfish at all for not wanting to lose your best friend. The worst that can happen is you tell her and she still goes. But at least she'll know how you feel, and if she does leave, she might just make an effort to keep in touch with you as much as she can.

Personally, if it were me, I'd tell her how I felt. If it keeps her there, excellent. If it doesn't, then at least you tried.

Best of luck, hope it all works out for ya.

 

[Gingerbread Lesbian]

I know this isn't what you want to hear but I think for something like this it needs to be said how it is, but at some point we all have to let go of someone we don't want to. If she's set on leaving then I don't think there's anything you can do, you can tell her how you feel, sure, but you've got to respect that she's going to do something she wants to do - something she'll enjoy, and something she's going to better herself by doing.

Pushing her away by ignoring her isn't going to help, all it's going to do is make her feel like you don't care about her. There's no reason to feel used, she's been your friend through thick and thin since 2005, she won't have even began to think about her career back then. You'll be more of a friend to her by sticking by her and supporting her when she does leave than ignoring her because it hurts thinking about her not being there.

 

[Sum1sgruj]

Agh, best friends aren't all they're pumped up to be. In short time, things will become natural again. It's kinda suckish when we're young, but it becomes more bearable as we get older.
You probably figured out half them things she helped you on and didn't even realize it. We naturally manifest our thoughts and feelings in people we care about, and sometimes that can lead to us feeling dependent on them.
So it'll be fine. You just have to trust yourself.

 

[Ilyena]

I know this isn't what you want to hear but I think for something like this it needs to be said how it is, but at some point we all have to let go of someone we don't want to. If she's set on leaving then I don't think there's anything you can do, you can tell her how you feel, sure, but you've got to respect that she's going to do something she wants to do - something she'll enjoy, and something she's going to better herself by doing.

Pushing her away by ignoring her isn't going to help, all it's going to do is make her feel like you don't care about her. There's no reason to feel used, she's been your friend through thick and thin since 2005, she won't have even began to think about her career back then. You'll be more of a friend to her by sticking by her and supporting her when she does leave than ignoring her because it hurts thinking about her not being there.

This.

Believe me, I've been in your shoes before. Two of my best friends moved away. One of them ended up moving back in with her parents because she couldn't afford her rent (she got screwed by her roommate and left with the lease after the girl moved out). Turns out, her parents had moved about five hours away to Asheville and so she had to move out of town. Yeah, it wasn't overseas but it was still quite far and with both of us working full time, it wouldn't exactly be easy trying to find time to hang out. I've only seen her once or twice since then but we sill keep in touch.

My other best friend moved to California a few years later. I ended up moving out of the state as well but it was hard knowing I wasn't going to see her on a regular basis. We've been best friends for seventeen years and we used to see each other every day when we were in school and at least a few times a week after we both graduated and started working.

The thing is, you have to understand that people move on with their lives and sometimes that means moving away. She's not doing it to be cruel and I'm sure it hurts her just as much to leave you behind. She's trying to do what's best for her and what will make her happy. If you truly are her friend and really care about her, you'll understand that and support her. Ignoring her is just going to make you lose her as a friend for certain. If she's still your friend, she'll still be there for you, maybe not in person but there's always email, facebook, telephones and chat messengers.

Like I said, my two best friends moved away and I ended up moving myself but they're still my best friends and distance isn't going to change that. So even though your friend will be far away, that doesn't mean the friendship has to end.

 

[Big Casino]

Its a good thing that your tellin yer mate how you feel. If they never got told they were gunna be missed theyd probadly be equally as hurt.
Its a really crappy situation but shes got her own life to live, sure shes yer mate but she cant pass up on a lifetime opportunity just to keep you happy.
Staying angry wont help either. If she leaves and youv not made amends then your really really gunna regret it big time.
Phone her up and go out together. Better to spend the time you have doing something fun. You can still text her etc and if your really good mates you will find time to talk via skype/msn etc

 

[Meds]

Not to sound offensive, but this sounds very young coming from an 18 year old.. I think you need to get a better grip on your situation there.

Like, she is your best friend, so you should consider her perspective. What if you wanted to go off to school somewhere else? Would you refuse to go if she didn't want you to? Or if she wouldn't go with you?
That said, if staying close to her is important enough, have you considered going with her?

No matter what happens with you guys, you can (and should) remain close. Even if she does leave and you stay, it won't be forever (and if it is, visits are completely possible). And with the internet, friendships are pretty much impossible to "lose" unintentionally. So keep your chin up.