Serious How to handle this?

[DLFlux]

Not really one to do this on the internet but meh.

Ok, I have a question, to be a twat or not to be a twat?

Basically, some girl likes me, she's phoning and texting me all the time, now she's sent one saying "So Dan, am I gonna waste any more time on you? Do you like me or not?"

Now, here's the situation. Do I like her? I don't know. I got some other crap I'm dealing with right now, so I haven't even begun to think about it. Even if I knew I did, I still wouldn't want to get into anything right now.

So, I'm not sure of what to do. It's not really me to be a cunt for no reason, but the way I'm seeing it is, if I am then she'll leave me alone, leaving me to get on with things. That may sound selfish, but atleast I'm being honest. On the other hand, if I give the whole "not the right time" thing, then that could either turn out worse or leave her thinking that there's a chance (no ego boost)

So, scenario A: I be blunt, give her the message that I'm not interested, get her to stop phoning me and stuff. Allowing one thing to slide off my shoulders, leaving me with the major things I have to deal with right now. Problem being, if after I get shit sorted I realise I do like, I'm screwed.

Scenario B: I give the whole "not the right time" thing. She carries on phoning me, wanting to see me, I get my shit sorted, then turns out I don't want to be with her anyway, which could be worse for us both in the long run.

Ideas?

 

[Mokken]

Option C: you go out with her and don't even give the mention of having a relationship.

if she by chance mentions to be in a relationship that's when you spring up the "Not the right time" bs

You never know, she could just want a sexual relationship. And this is never a bad thing.

 

[Six]

Flux, hun,

If you give her the "not the right time" thing, chances are she either understands and backs of and leaves you be for a while. If you really just wanna be honest with her tell her that. That you JUST don't know for now.

A) That's not gonna make you sound desperate. Aka; Give me some time, and don't move on to anyone else while I get my things in order. and B) It's just a fair way of basically describing what you feel. You don't know, you haven't thought about it, and rather not at this moment either.

I'd be the kinda girl to get the message if you'd say it like that. =/ Now I know there's different types but I'm just guessing.

It's up to you if you want to or not, but don't do something you're not comfortable with just to make her feel better. That doesn't make you an ass or anything at all, that's just being honest with yourself, not giving her false hope, and not putting yourself in a position you hate.

Hope you can sort things out, babe. <3

 

[Bambi]

Just tell her it's not the right time, and you're not sure it ever WILL be, and not to wait around on you, just incase it doesn't go the way she wants? You don't want to lead her on, because you have no idea how you feel yourself at this time etc etc

that should do the trick, if she really DOES like you, chances are she won't move on anytime soon regardless, and i f she like, moves on in a week, then she clearly isn't worth it any way

 

[Totoro]

I think it's all pretty good advice. Basically be honest about it, I think it's always the best way. (to a point, like if you don't like someone there's no need to harp on about it etc) But just tell her what you're feeling and she'll either give you space, or not get the message in which case you'll have to be firmer!

 

[blakstang98]

Well Dan (awesome name by the way), I think it really comes down to how you feel about her. I mean that if the situation was ideal for dating, would you date her? If she is a someone you would date in time, then it would be better to tell her that you've got a lot going on in life right now and just don't have time for dating now, this way you can "keep the door open" so to speak. Now when the time does become ideal, then you've just found yourself a partner.

If it's a case that you wouldn't date her whether the time was right or not, then there really isn't a reason to "keep the door open". If the case, I wouldn't go as far as being an asshole to her about, but certainly let her down gently, but make sure she understands that the door is closed. I just dealt with this recently myself, but it was a girl I had history with, but she kept clinging to me and had to be told that it wasn't going to happen and it won't ever happen.

So more than anything, ask yourself the question "would I date her under ideal circumstances?" and the answer will be more clear to you. Personally, I'd prefer to always keep the door open, especially if she's a nice girl, but when she says "am I wasting my time with this? Do you like me?", tells me she's a girl who's very pushy, just like the girl I mentioned. If she's going to push you about that, then she'll push a lot of issues if you were dating, so that might be a red flag, but that's your call.

Best of luck!

 

[DLFlux]

Thanks all.

Said this to her. Don't know how she'll take it but meh.

"I don't know. If you feel it's a waste of your time then that might be your answer, I don't know. Either way, I don't think I want to get into anything with anyone right now. Want to sort a few things out before I even think about it to be honest. Not meaning to be a cunt or anything but I don't know how to answer your question, because I don't have an answer, if that makes sense?"

 

[Big Casino]

Uhm i think the simplest and best thing to do would simply tell her the truth. No bending words etc, just let her know straight up what happening.
f she chooses to wait around thats her choice, if not....well theres plenty more.

 

[blakstang98]

I'd say that you said it right. You weren't an asshole to her and you let her know that you're not interested right now because of what you have going on in life. Hopefully she won't cling to you, and you won't become her enemy.