Serious Family Issues

[Bones]

Okay so my family has never been straight forward, I have a Mum and Dad, and a Step-Dad, but lately I feel like my Dad is not around and I am really angry about it.

In April I moved away from my parents into a town an hourish away with my partner, and started a new life there. I get occasional visits from my Mum and Step-Dad, who are lovely, but when it comes to my Dad I hardly see him any more, which makes me upset. And the reason why he never visits me is what makes me really angry.

There's this woman, really self-centred and a drama queen, who my Dad became friends with, and she has four kids, who my Dad used to occassionally look after, but now it's gotten out of hand, he looks after them all the time, travelling to hers and back home with them.

The big thing is my Dad is no spring chicken, he's in his 60s, has COPD (Cardiac Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) and has mobility issues with his knees, so I worry about him a lot, I've been with him when he's had surgery and I don't like seeing him so ill

But yet this woman takes up all of my Dad's time, I never see him unless I go up to visit with my partner, and sometimes he isn't around then. I mean this woman isn't even related to us, and makes me angry and frustrated.

I don't know what to do anymore, I've had enough of it all.......

 

[Amabdaan]

You should go meet your dad, and have a conversation with him, (only him, otherwise he might not listen to you, due to the evil-woman )...maybe meet at a coffee-place or something, and then tell him how you feel. Maybe he dosent see the problem, because he has this woman, (dont know for how long they have seen eachother, but if its a new relationship, then its normal that all his focus is on her...and her 4 rascals). But new or old relaitionship, 4 kids takes time, so maybe try to arrange that he visits you (and other way around) a couple of time pr. month.

Hope this helps you dealing with the problem

// Amabdaan

 

[SaShman]

There's this woman, really self-centred and a drama queen, who my Dad became friends with, and she has four kids, who my Dad used to occassionally look after, but now it's gotten out of hand, he looks after them all the time, travelling to hers and back home with them.

Is your dad in a relationship with her? You didn't specifically say if he is or not.

Anyway, I'd just suggest calling him regularly and talking to him about how you are feeling. Also I'd suggest maybe getting to know the women a little bit next time you are there or maybe ask your dad about her, there's always two sides to every story, maybe she is going through some tough times and needs someone to take care of the kids...Also, it's fair enough that you are worried about your father, but who knows, maybe he's actually enjoying looking after the kids.

But anyway, keep in regular contact with him be sure to tell him how you are feeling.

 

[Bones]

Is your dad in a relationship with her? You didn't specifically say if he is or not.

Anyway, I'd just suggest calling him regularly and talking to him about how you are feeling. Also I'd suggest maybe getting to know the women a little bit next time you are there or maybe ask your dad about her, there's always two sides to every story, maybe she is going through some tough times and needs someone to take care of the kids...Also, it's fair enough that you are worried about your father, but who knows, maybe he's actually enjoying looking after the kids.

But anyway, keep in regular contact with him be sure to tell him how you are feeling.

Oh I've known this woman for a while myself, 10 years, as of what I've said she's self-centred and a Drama Queen, she's all "me me me" I've fallen for the whole act a couple of times myself, she never does anything for my Dad, all she does is expect him to look after her kids while she goes out and socialise, my brother lives with my Dad and he never sees him.

My Dad has loads of health problems, and those kids are a lot of work, my Mum and her partner helps him out sometimes by looking after the eldest, it's not the kids I'm mad with, I think the world of them, but I'm concerned that it's tiring him out, when I do see my Dad he looks worn out and ill, and this woman once said that my Dad's gonna die soon, it makes me really worried.

And no he isn't in a relationship with her, this woman likes to think of him as a "Dad" herself even though they are no way related biologically or legally, it annoys me as he spends more time with her than he does his own 2 children.

And I've tried talking to him about it, but he doesn't listen, I try to ask him to come and see me, but it seems she's more important than I am....

 

[Amabdaan]

Hmm maybe you should approach this in another way...You have known this woman for 10 years, so I would say that you should confront HER, especially when your dad and her are'nt in a relationship. She has 4 kids = the father(s) should look after them. She must have some friend and family that can help her, instead of taking advantage of your dad. I would also be mad, and then confront her...without screaming and yelling Ask her if she cant see that he's not healthy enough to help her out.

 

[Kandy-Sugar]

Hmm that's a bit weird that he chooses to do this sort of thing for a strange woman who obviously doesn't appreciate it.

Does he think that he'll eventually get something from her? Maybe he really does want a relationship with her and so he does everything for her until then? Or maybe he really does enjoy helping with the kids.

Who knows, but either way, it's unfair on her kids that she ships them off to a strangers house to be looked after while she goes off and tries to be 18 again. Those sort of parents shit me off.

Where is the actual father in this equation?

It isn't fair that your father's time is consumed with her kids and not his own.

He needs to man up a bit and not be taking on so much from her and maybe occassionaly help out so that he has the time to spend with you and your brother.

The whole situation is just really wierd to me.

I think you really need to have a talk to him and explain how you feel. You're his daughter and he's neglecting you. Maybe he doesn't see that and if you tell him he may try and sort the issue out. =)