Original [Discussion] Evolution

Gaige

Gaige

Mechromancer
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Dec 12, 2008
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Use this thread to discuss the story. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.
 
A very intriguing beginning, Diar. You've got some brilliant characters, their interactions are really great. I'm now wondering what'll happen with Lysander since what happened to him. Give us more soon!
 
I like the intro to the Prologue, but I think you can take it a little bit deeper and expand on it to give your backsetting a little depth and detail. Draw the reader in a little bit better. Like here...

Morality and respect were lost in bloodlust and rash hatred.
Click to expand...

How so? An example would be great here, something that shows the deterioration of the society.

Other than, and various little wording things that I would change if I were editing or whatever, I think it's well done. The dialogue and interaction between characters seems to be a strong point for you.
 
I made a few amendments, but I do intend to have the past revealed through flashback as the story continues, so I wanted to leave it obscure to an extent. But I get your point, so I've added a little to that apragraph.
 
That last chapter was quite chilling towards the end. I love the interactions between the characters, description and even Sasha's swearing in Spanish. Please don't leave us waiting for more too long!
 
I was meant to post a while ago, but my memory's been that of a goldfish lately.

Another excellent chapter, I liked all the action building up in each part you posted. It'll be interesting to see where you take this next.
 
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