Describe your anger

Describe my anger... It's been sooo long since I've lost my temper. I'm an implosive person and I can usually defuse my anger if given enough time to collectively gather my thoughts, or try to diffuse the situation using wit and trying to stay calm. I had a bad temper in my early teen years and know that I have said plenty that I shouldn't have and even been in some fights because I wasn't able to control myself. I will walk away now before things turn into a fight (after I've said what I need to say that is) but I do have a hard time trying to walk away if my temper is flaring and someone puts their hands on me, doesn't matter if it is a slight push, a poke, or even being so close to my face I can smell your breath, those are the hard times for me.

Hold a grudge.... I do kind of hold a grudge for a little while but am always willing to work on things as long as the other party is willing. If they aren't and I feel like I am wasting my time and oxygen trying to rectify the situation then sorry. I will quietly return to the corner of "my world".
 
*Life 3*


Part 1) Are you explosive? Are you passive aggressive? Are you more of a I'll tell it your face, but remain cool?

It depends. More often than not, when I'm in an argument, I am very cool but serious until it reaches the point of 'You know what? Agree to disagree' and then move on to just not talking for a while. I don't get mad with people very often unless we just don't normaly get along - I think I'm the kind of person who apologizes even when I'm not wrong just so there isn't confrontation, especially if I like the person. I like to keep the peace in normal settings, it just makes a better work environment. My husband and I... well, we bicker. Very few times have we had bad arguments. I've never yelled or screamed but I can recall a few times when I just 'exploded' and unleashed a wrath of words and a 'Let me tell you what I think!!' - But normally we just bicker with a tiny bit and let it go after some cool-down time. Passive aggressive comments though... makes my blood boil!

Part 2) Do you hold a grudge? Do you disassociate w/ the person? Do you forgive and forget really easily?

I tend to hold grudges if the damage is just right, but I've been working on letting things go & just forgiving. It's very hard for me to forgive and forget some things but I try not to think about them. 10 years ago one of my husband's friends called me shallow and I never forgot it, even though I never saw him again. :hmph:

I know it's not the healthiest method but I often just go to sleep after an argument with my husband. It hasn't always worked but I'd like to say that 80% of the time when I've woken up I just felt better and we move on from whatever it was that we were arguing/bickering about. It's always about something stupid and insignificant anyway - but sometimes after the sleep process we can talk about it a lot better and work it out if needed.
 
Part 1) Are you explosive? Are you passive aggressive? Are you more of a I'll tell it your face, but remain cool?

I absolutely hate passive aggression, so that's one trait I can say for certain that I haven't adopted. Explosive, however? Sometimes. I go through a few different stages. First, I usually just take whatever it is that's irritating me on the chin. Petty things like name calling, snide comments, etc. I can easily rise above that. Next stage after that, if something really is bugging me, I'll be straight about it. I'll keep cool, but firm about it. If I'm still provoked after that though, that's the tipping point where I just explode and start shouting. Basically, if someone really pisses me off, they get fair warning before I unleash the fury. :monster:

Part 2) Do you hold a grudge? Do you disassociate w/ the person? Do you forgive and forget really easily?

It depends on what the person has done to me. At worst, I'll disassociate with them. For the most part, I am very forgiving. I'm generally more forgiving to people who hurt me than I am people who've hurt someone else haha. Depending on how much time has passed and how that person has been acting since, I try to think of previous incidents as "water under the bridge". But then if it comes to things like if someone is a really vile person, or if they've done something to truly destroy my trust in them, then that's it. I'll be civil towards them if I ever see them, but that's all.
 
Part 1) Are you explosive? Are you passive aggressive? Are you more of a I'll tell it your face, but remain cool?

On these questions, I have certainly gone from one extreme to another over the last decade. When I previously frequented messageboards (est., 15-19 years old) I gradually turned from relatively chilled out to extremely passive-aggressive before I removed myself. When I say passive-aggressive, I mean all the traits: critical / resenting / disagreeable / stubborn / sullen / confrontational. Ultimately, choosing to be passive-aggressive is nothing short of a waste of time and mentally draining; particularly so when you log in knowing you're going to start point scoring against people you don't see eye to eye with. There are ways I went about situations that I unequivocally wish I hadn't, however, I haven't given it any thought in a long, long time. It's so long ago it would be pointless.

Nowadays, having just returned to messageboards at 27, I'm the polar opposite and as far from how I used to act as I could possibly wish to be. These days if things need to be said or discussed, particularly anything serious, I can be (positively) ice cold a la Mufasa, let alone cool. I am now more than happy to accept and understand I am not always going to share the same opinions and feelings as others, and people won't always agree with the stance I take either. The moment people become aggressive, passive-aggressive or immature towards me, they can shut the door on the way out because they will not be given one iota of my time. But, it's absolutely fine if people want to debate my opinions, because they're simply that - opinions - if done so maturely. I'll give all the time in the world to people who want to debate or need help / advice, if it's done respectfully.

My work situation also helps with this significantly as it's an everyday position; whilst I don't hold a managerial position, I am one of the longest serving employees at the company and thus hold a senior position, so my input generally holds just as much gravitas as most managers. Sometimes having to put people straight at work can be hard because they're friends, but I ALWAYS make sure that in no uncertain terms that it's strictly professional and never personal. I think most problems - tenfold more online - are caused due to lack of context and misunderstanding. Thus, in the real world, any issue I need to resolve is done face-to-face.

No ifs and buts and about it, it is has been simply about choosing to seriously grow up and mature as a person over the last decade. The greatest irony is that my older self, as I am now, would have shut that shit down in regards to my younger, passive-aggressive self, instantly. No exceptions.


Part 2) Do you hold a grudge? Do you disassociate w/ the person? Do you forgive and forget really easily?

Again, as a 15-19 year old, I unquestionably held grudges - but given traits of someone who is passive-aggressive, I think passive-aggression and grudges go hand in hand. I'm not sure how you can be one without the other.

Nowadays, I don't hold grudges whatsoever - as with passive-aggression, it's a mental drain and the majority of the time stressful and requires putting yourself into an angry / upsetting mentality. If I feel so wronged by someone that I need to hold a grudge, I will completely disassociate with them. It has, fortunately, only ever happened twice in my life. One is a family member in which she is nothing short of judgemental and money-orientated (ironically, she is neither 'above' or wealthier than anyone) - I have no time for judgemental people who look down on others, that shit in my life stops at the source. Whether or not it's family is irrelevant to me - though, it will be fun to address after wedding invites are sent (or in this case, lack of) haha. I'll be civilised if we're ever in the same room, but that will never be perceived as friendly, by anyone. The other was one of mine and my fiancée's closest friends at university who wronged my then-girlfriend, now-fiancée. It was sad really as it wasn't even anything major, I just wanted an apology out of principle and everything would have been water under the bridge; the saddest part is we lost two of our best friends because they were (and I still think they are) together. As they're 300+ miles away and we haven't spoken in over 6 years, it is what it is now.

In terms of forgive and forget, I am pretty easy on that. If people can recognise the problem or hold their hand up and admit what they've done is wrong, I'm more often than not completely happy to forget anything happened. Obviously, this changes if it's major and could go full-circle into disassociation; but at that point, every situation is based on its own individual merits.


Everything exists in a delicate balance.​
 
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