Chuck Norris!!!!!!!

Tielknight

Tielknight

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Post Chuck Norris factoids here, or I roundhouse kick you!

  • Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
 
-Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
 
  • While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
  • For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
  • Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
 
  • Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
  • Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
  • Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
 
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris bleeds lava.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity... twice.
Outer Space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
 
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The reason the universe is expanding is because its trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
 
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When the boogey man goes to sleep he checks his wardrobe for Chuck Norris.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except for Chuck Norris.
According to the Relativity Theory Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you yesterday.
When you say "nobody is perfect" Chuck Norris takes that as an insult.
Actually Chuck Norris lives in a round house.
Superman cried himself to sleep after watching an episode of "Walker: texas Ranger"
 
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he needs.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
 
  • If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
  • A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
  • Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
  • When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
  • Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
  • If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Ill post more later on ^^
if isn't already too much ^^
 
Dangit that Amelia Earhardt one was what I was gonna post next... Oh well...

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Some men's left testicle is larger than the right. In Chuck Norris' case, both testicles are larger than the other.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun... and won.
 
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When Chuck Norris was born the doctor, realizing he was Chuck Norris, had sex with him. By now, this was the 3rd time Chuck Norris had had sex.
 
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

when you are chuck noriss anything + anything=1.
one roundhouse kick to head
 
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a condom because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

FACT - Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
 
Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands... When he left they were simply named.. Islands.

Chuck Norris was walking down the street one day and got a massive boner... their were no survivors.
 
  • Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
  • Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum
  • There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
 
  • Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
  • Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off
  • Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.
  • Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class.
  • Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate.
  • People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
 
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