Advice from a ghost...nevermind the ghost

[Korytco]

I just remembered this, I know its crazy, yep, I know.

I woke up from my sleep.

I was thinking about how I have to act , and if I act good enough to date a girl.

The "spirit " said " People date you for who you are"

Usually things that I hear in my sleep are real stupid and make no sense what so ever. I was awake.

However , when I thought about it, it did make sense to me. If someone is interested in you, have confidence go for it. You do not have to change, or worry about acting the wrong way because people date you for who you are. If you are interested then they are interested, just go for it.

I kicked at the ghost, and it left me alone....


Anyways forget about the ghost, let's not get into that. What do you think about what it told me? My subconscious or ghost, something spoke to me.

Importantly , what do you think about what it told me, good or bad advice?

As for the ghost...lets not get into that, just the advice or idea.

 

[Rockman X]

Oh wow, ghosts dole out advice to you?

But nevertheless, it's solid advice. It's almost cliche to say this, but it really is best to just be yourself around people you're interested in. You don't wanna put on a mask just for someone to like you, it'd be a hassle and if you slip up there goes the relationship. If someone likes you for who you are then you've made a good find. If someone doesn't like you, then fuck them (not literally, obviously).

I find a healthy dose of narcissism helps out with this too, because if someone doesn't like the real you, you can just be like "fine, you're loss, enjoy your half-retarded jocks, don't come crawling back to me when they get you drunk and rape you."

 

[Bambi]

But nevertheless, it's solid advice. It's almost cliche to say this, but it really is best to just be yourself around people you're interested in. You don't wanna put on a mask just for someone to like you, it'd be a hassle and if you slip up there goes the relationship. If someone likes you for who you are then you've made a good find. If someone doesn't like you, then fuck them (not literally, obviously)

Great advice there, there really is no point in pretending to be someoneelse in order to get some one to like you, because ultimaetly they will find out

If I see a hot bloke and he's like yeeeah I like da gangsta rap, I won't be like ooooh me too just to get him intereseted. I don't care what people think about me & my interests (which is probably why Im still single hahah) You take me as you find me, and that includes me slobbing around being lazy picking my nose nd playing computer games

 

[Blue Link]

There is no reason to pretend to be someone else to get someone to like you. It makes no sense, because when you do get together they will see your true self eventually. There is nothing more attractive than someone being themselves...well, except Scottish accents (for me), but being yourself is the second best thing you can do (again, for me).

 

[Erythritol]

Why do you keep making threads in this section. This is...not a serious thread. At all. Except maybe for the part where you might want to seek professional help for seeing and hearing things.

It's immature to just say "BE YOURSELF AND IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE YOU, SCREW 'EM!" That's not how it works; hate to break it to you. People alter their behaviors constantly. You don't act the same away around your mother, friends, or boss. If you do, you have serious social issues. Who we are hanging out with affects and shapes how we will behave, as well as our interests. I've actually discovered quite a few things I enjoy that way. I didn't particularly like volleyball, but I met a girl who does, so I showed interest in it because she enjoyed it. I then discovered I really love it. So in a way, I think saying you should just be yourself is kind of stupid. There is no definitive 'you.' There are just many facets to yourself that show at different times, depending upon who is around. I'm not advising that you completely alter your personality or pattern of behavior, but I think flexibility and an open mind is definitely a good thing.

 

[Korytco]

We are talking about a lovers relationship, not all relationships at once....

When it comes to intimacy , and self indulgers, then it is good to be yourself.

Their may be no definitive you, but there is definately things that are definitively not you, or who you are. People can lie all the time, and acting a part that you poorly suit, or are forced to act on in THIS CASE... is clearly wrong. Logically you will not be able to act the part well or for long if you simply do not suit it, nor should you if it's just not you....IN THIS CASE

This is about lover's relationships, and dating, not about how to act around your boss or whatever bs you brought into it.


You fail...

 

[Erythritol]

We are talking about a lovers relationship, not all relationships at once....

When it comes to intimacy , and self indulgers, then it is good to be yourself.

Their may be no definitive you, but there is definately things that are definitively not you, or who you are. People can lie all the time, and acting a part that you poorly suit, or are forced to act on in THIS CASE... is clearly wrong. Logically you will not be able to act the part well or for long if you simply do not suit it, nor should you if it's just not you....IN THIS CASE

This is about lover's relationships, and dating, not about how to act around your boss or whatever bs you brought into it.


You fail...

I fail? Wow, that stings coming from you. What I said is applicable to all human interactions, including romantically intimate ones. I honestly don't know what the hell you just said, so I'll try to reply as best I can.

As I said, there is no definitive 'you' that you can be. There are just different facets of yourself. And like I said, you shouldn't completely alter your pattern of behavior, but you should definitely keep an open mind and be flexible. And talk about failing, if you can't realize that romantic relationships are basically built off of friendships, you shouldn't even be talking about them because you clearly don't understand them. What I said about friendships is completely applicable to romantic relationships.

You talk about people lying...the lying is a part of who they are, isn't it? So aren't they truly being themselves? You can't say that "this is definitely not me" because people are constantly changing (though these changes are minor, for the most part). Often, your significant other ends up changing who you are. It's so childish to just break down complex and intimate human relationships into "BE WHO YOU ARE AND PEOPLE WILL LIKE YOU!" or "PEOPLE WILL DATE YOU FOR WHO YOU REALLY ARE!!" kind of crap. That's what elementary schools do.

 

[Moogles]

Anyways forget about the ghost, let's not get into that.

Alrighty. I'm slow to believe a ghost visited you in the dead of night with dating tips, though.

What do you think about what it told me? My subconscious or ghost, something spoke to me.

People date you for who you are? Not always. I've seen people date others for reasons ranging from favorable connections and money to dating for the sake of not being single.

Importantly , what do you think about what it told me, good or bad advice?

Does that constitute as advice? Sounds like a general statement.

 

[der Astronom]

Actually, I act the same way around everyone, and if it bothered them, I'd be unaware of it unless they went and told me about it. I had no idea that it was cliched to "be who you are", particularly when it comes to looking for a significant other because the worse thing that you want to do is be someone you're not and realize you have to spend the rest of your life being the person that you aren't--even if you can't keep it up or else face a worse fate. If the converse happened to you, you'd be screwed too. There are quite a few people in relationships that pretend to be people that they aren't, and they're somehow surprised to see that their significant other leaves them or does something they don't expect--it's all too logical.

If you change, that doesn't mean you stop being yourself though. If you change and you're still doing what you feel is right rather than pretending to be someone else for the sake of someone or something else, then you're not really pretending.

I do not like putting on faces. It's too lacking in consistency, and I hate lying to other people. Perhaps it may make me seem socially awkward, but I'd rather be consistent and "awkward" to people who think with their hearts rather than be inconsistent and "not awkward" to the same kinds of people.

 

[Rockman X]

Why do you keep making threads in this section. This is...not a serious thread. At all. Except maybe for the part where you might want to seek professional help for seeing and hearing things.

I lol'd.

You don't act the same away around your mother, friends, or boss. If you do, you have serious social issues.

Actually I do. The only thing I refrain from doing around my mother is cussing excessively like I do around everyone else, because her head would explode.

Actually, I act the same way around everyone, and if it bothered them, I'd be unaware of it unless they went and told me about it. I had no idea that it was cliched to "be who you are", particularly when it comes to looking for a significant other because the worse thing that you want to do is be someone you're not and realize you have to spend the rest of your life being the person that you aren't--even if you can't keep it up or else face a worse fate. If the converse happened to you, you'd be screwed too. There are quite a few people in relationships that pretend to be people that they aren't, and they're somehow surprised to see that their significant other leaves them or does something they don't expect--it's all too logical.

Sorry Eryth, but I'm gonna have to agree with Angelus here. And I wouldn't necessarily call displaying an interest in volleyball or another aspect changing who you are, either. People often feign interest in certain categories with people, usually it's so they don't upset someone or can manipulate them (like finding out what a teacher wants so you can write essays to make him/her happy). If a person I genuinely like as a friend starts babbling on about something I don't know about, or don't care about, I just pretend to be interested or know about it. I'm not changing my personality or anything, I'm simply doing it so they won't feel bad about boring me.

I do not like putting on faces. It's too lacking in consistency, and I hate lying to other people. Perhaps it may make me seem socially awkward, but I'd rather be consistent and "awkward" to people who think with their hearts rather than be inconsistent and "not awkward" to the same kinds of people.

Being the lazy bastard that I am, I've always found masking my personality around certain people to be a giant pain in the ass. Depending on certain people (like my mother, or teachers) I'm obviously going to act more polite and things of that nature...but I'm not changing my personality just for them. Like I said, altering one or two facets of your personality isn't changing who you are. I think Korytco is talking more about someone acting like two completely different persons around friends and a significant other.

 

[Erythritol]

Actually, I act the same way around everyone, and if it bothered them, I'd be unaware of it unless they went and told me about it. I had no idea that it was cliched to "be who you are", particularly when it comes to looking for a significant other because the worse thing that you want to do is be someone you're not and realize you have to spend the rest of your life being the person that you aren't--even if you can't keep it up or else face a worse fate. If the converse happened to you, you'd be screwed too. There are quite a few people in relationships that pretend to be people that they aren't, and they're somehow surprised to see that their significant other leaves them or does something they don't expect--it's all too logical.

If you change, that doesn't mean you stop being yourself though. If you change and you're still doing what you feel is right rather than pretending to be someone else for the sake of someone or something else, then you're not really pretending.

I do not like putting on faces. It's too lacking in consistency, and I hate lying to other people. Perhaps it may make me seem socially awkward, but I'd rather be consistent and "awkward" to people who think with their hearts rather than be inconsistent and "not awkward" to the same kinds of people.

It's not that it's awkward; it's a form of social retardation. I don't mean to be cruel in that statement, and I don't mean retardation as in a mental deficiency. One of the very noticable and unique social features of humans is their ability to put on fronts and faces. I think it's probably more noticable in eastern culture. Anyway, I don't know why it's viewed negatively, but putting on different 'faces' isn't necessarily a bad thing. I know we're talking about romantic relationships here, but again, if you spoke to young children the same way you would a teacher...that would just be very strange. To be completely consistent to every person would be a social disaster in almost every culture, I think. I'd also like to point out that you probably DO act differently around different people, but it's not a conscious decision, nor is it noticable to you. I almost feel like its something that is socially and culturally instilled into us from birth.

When we're talking about "who a person is," I think it gets very tricky. People are very strange and complex things, and I think everyone has a different definition of what 'being yourself' entails. I'd also like to point out that if a person is prone to being 'fake' or pretending to like things that they truly don't in order to impress people, they ARE being themselves. The lying is a part of their personality.

This is going to sound really sickeningly cliche, but I feel like living in a culture so drastically different from my own has given me a different social perspective. It's hard to put into words, I guess, but the western idea of "this is me, if you don't like me too bad!" is, obviously, not universal. I can sort of understand the immaturity in it. Now, tying it into the discussion at hand, I never said that you should pretend to like things you don't or anything like that to impress a potential lover. But dating someone isn't about "This is me! This is my personality! Accept it!" Dating really is about compromise and flexibility. I was trying to make the point that the idea of 'just be yourself and people will date you' is just very...elementary. It's a lot more complicated than that. This is Shinra Building, after all, so of course I have to go into the sociology of it. For instance: what if a person is extremely introverted and wants to find someone to date? If they become more extroverted and reach out to people, some might argue that they aren't being true to themselves. I think it's very difficult to definitively pinpoint when people are not "being true to themselves" and when they are, as VR said, just changing one or two things about themselves.

 

[Donald Trump]

It is as simple as this, its a bad idea to build relationships on lies....

I'm going to ignore the rest of that post, as I couldn't understand it.
However this part is fairly clear. Of course it is,
At the beginning of Julius Caesar, we can tell it will end badly for Cassius and Brutus because their relationship is built on deceit.

What Eryth is saying is that there is no one single 'you'.
Most of usact differently around other people. For example when I'm with my friends my attitude and to an extent my personality is somewhat different from when I'm having dinner with my parents.

What I think everyone means is to be yourself is to act naturally, which means you don't have to think about what you say or do, you just do it. It's kind of hard to put into words.
Frankly, I've forgotten what this ghost said, nor do I care really, I'm far better than a ghost
The important thing about relationships is trust and all those cliched things people say about them. They aren't always easy, they can be hard work, so you have to consider whether or not it is worth it.
If you just want to get laid, then you should try to impress the person you want to fuck. However, it'll only be sex and only one time.

 

[Korytco]

I agree but what people seem to not get is that you have a personality , which compromises. It does not change very much.

You can fake, lie about your personality, but its not a smart idea.

My main vibe here is SELF DISCOVERY and self truth, after all this was advice to me originally. A message to me, it was meant for me, not everyone.

Your personality is solid, yes it is created threw every day but you can not build a relationships on lies.

I can not magically like cars, or magically like this or that.

Therefor this logic, advice is not flawed at all.

We have personalities , and have certain feelings for things that can not change.


Blandly put everyone has a personality, in which everything revolves around. They may compromise but people do not change much spiritually if you will. The more you do , that just isnt right makes you loose your individuality , and soon you are selfishly the visioned person of another.

These type of people are called SHALLOW .

Love is appreciating, and accepting differences. Atleast mine is, I do not know what sort of love you experience, sure their are compromises but no one should change their selves, but instead alter the factors of the moment when necessary.

 

[Rockman X]

My main vibe here is SELF DISCOVERY and self truth, after all this was advice to me originally. A message to me, it was meant for me, not everyone.

Then why did you make a thread about it?

Blandly put everyone has a personality, in which everything revolves around. They may compromise but people do not change much spiritually if you will. The more you do , that just isnt right makes you loose your individuality , and soon you are selfishly the visioned person of another.

These type of people are called SHALLOW .

See, there's something interesting about personalities: they can change over time. With exposure to new ideas, new people, and the natural maturing progress, someone's entire personality can change. I for one am quite different now than I was three years ago in highschool.

So there's kind of a difference in pretending to change for someone, and naturally evolving as you get older. I wouldn't call that shallow.

 

[Korytco]

Then why did you make a thread about it?

See, there's something interesting about personalities: they can change over time. With exposure to new ideas, new people, and the natural maturing progress, someone's entire personality can change. I for one am quite different now than I was three years ago in highschool.

So there's kind of a difference in pretending to change for someone, and naturally evolving as you get older. I wouldn't call that shallow.

I would call someone requiring you to be a certain way, shallow, and unexplored. I never claimed that evolving was shallow, where did you get that idea? Demands that you must be change, do change in the vision of others is what I said was shallow.

Persons are in layers, I could knock your old layer out of you with a mind game, IF I was clever enough. You may think that you are a different person but it is only because that other person underneath needs to be kept their by this person you now claim to be. You can not erase layers of who you are. You are the same person and if I messed with your head, and knew where to hit you , you would scream out in your old voice in an instant.


Same person, same personality, different approach, anyone if smart enough could beat you back into any of your layers. It becomes natural , what is inside of everyone. Change is only strength, if probably weakened anyone could bring you back to who you were before.

The fact is that you can not change SOME things in life.

You can lie to yourself about anything, but the truth will always be a part of your conscious.

You take any Einstein IQ and he could make a man wear his own diapers again.

Thing is, that change is good, change is inevitable, but it should be truthful.People should not get into relationships in order to be put into shallow, cookie cutter molds, that they do not fit into .

 

[Rockman X]

I would call someone requiring you to be a certain way, shallow, and unexplored. I never claimed that evolving was shallow, where did you get that idea? Demands that you must be change, do change in the vision of others is what I said was shallow.

Ohhh....I got that idea cuz of the way you worded it. But I agree, someone forcing you to change is a bit shallow and selfish. Unless of course someone wants you to change an unhealthy habit, like overeating or smoking.

Persons are in layers, I could knock your old layer out of you with a mind game, IF I was clever enough.

Which you aren't. And besides, you are no Mentok the Mind Taker.

You may think that you are a different person but it is only because that other person underneath needs to be kept their by this person you now claim to be. You can not erase layers of who you are. You are the same person and if I messed with your head, and knew where to hit you , you would scream out in your old voice in an instant.

Confident, aren't we? You seemed to have misunderstood me. I never said that people completely erase their old personalities when they change, it's a gradual process that builds upon and alters the old personality. Of course there's going to be remnants of it left in the psyche.

Same person, same personality, different approach, anyone if smart enough could beat you back into any of your layers. It becomes natural , what is inside of everyone. Change is only strength, if probably weakened anyone could bring you back to who you were before.

Lawdy, you're really putting on quite the internet tough guy act today. And change isn't necessarily strength. It's a natural progression due to more exposure to things. If one is thrown in a rough environment, then yes, the need for strength would spur change. But that isn't an every day occurrence. We change when exposed to new people, new ideas, new cultures, etc.

The fact is that you can not change SOME things in life.

Obviously.

You can lie to yourself about anything, but the truth will always be a part of your conscious.

And yet, if a person hears a lie long enough, they eventually begin to believe it.

You take any Einstein IQ and he could make a man wear his own diapers again.

Thing is, that change is good, change is inevitable, but it should be truthful.People should not get into relationships in order to be put into shallow, cookie cutter molds, that they do not fit into .

I'd be put in diapers if I was paralyzed from the waist down. That's the only way I see it happening. And um, duh change should be truthful. That's what I've been talking about this entire time. The evolution isn't a forced, "cookie cutter" process.

 

[Korytco]

Where did I directly say that evolution was a cookie cutter process ? I am not trying to be a tuff guy .I could prob make an impressive list of people accusing others of that. It is a lame thing to say.

If I feel strongly about something it is my right to show it. I have not said anything rude yet.

 

[der Astronom]

It's not that it's awkward; it's a form of social retardation. I don't mean to be cruel in that statement, and I don't mean retardation as in a mental deficiency. One of the very noticable and unique social features of humans is their ability to put on fronts and faces. I think it's probably more noticable in eastern culture. Anyway, I don't know why it's viewed negatively, but putting on different 'faces' isn't necessarily a bad thing. I know we're talking about romantic relationships here, but again, if you spoke to young children the same way you would a teacher...that would just be very strange. To be completely consistent to every person would be a social disaster in almost every culture, I think. I'd also like to point out that you probably DO act differently around different people, but it's not a conscious decision, nor is it noticable to you. I almost feel like its something that is socially and culturally instilled into us from birth.

I don't recall being particularly different towards children than I am towards other people in general--at least not in tone anyways. The only "differences" I can find in talking to different people is the content. I don't recall lying about liking particular things just to please others either. Although I suppose it's difficult to compare how I treat a kid with how I treat a teacher because I normally leave the kids alone.

When we're talking about "who a person is," I think it gets very tricky. People are very strange and complex things, and I think everyone has a different definition of what 'being yourself' entails. I'd also like to point out that if a person is prone to being 'fake' or pretending to like things that they truly don't in order to impress people, they ARE being themselves. The lying is a part of their personality.

That's like saying they're a liar. Which would amount to the idea that it is important not to lie to others, or you may regret it when they discover it.

This is going to sound really sickeningly cliche, but I feel like living in a culture so drastically different from my own has given me a different social perspective. It's hard to put into words, I guess, but the western idea of "this is me, if you don't like me too bad!" is, obviously, not universal. I can sort of understand the immaturity in it. Now, tying it into the discussion at hand, I never said that you should pretend to like things you don't or anything like that to impress a potential lover. But dating someone isn't about "This is me! This is my personality! Accept it!" Dating really is about compromise and flexibility. I was trying to make the point that the idea of 'just be yourself and people will date you' is just very...elementary. It's a lot more complicated than that. This is Shinra Building, after all, so of course I have to go into the sociology of it. For instance: what if a person is extremely introverted and wants to find someone to date? If they become more extroverted and reach out to people, some might argue that they aren't being true to themselves. I think it's very difficult to definitively pinpoint when people are not "being true to themselves" and when they are, as VR said, just changing one or two things about themselves.

Then maybe you should ask yourself: are you going to be alright with changing yourself for the sake of one person, and if you do, would you simply be doing so to let them walk all over you and manipulate you, and could you regret such a change? I find it strange and irrational that one might change oneself solely for the sake of one person. If I could change myself in order so that I might survive or enjoy life better for reasons other than other people, then perhaps there's a good reason for it, but I don't consider changing oneself for the sake of others to be a good reason. People aren't logical; they aren't good justifications for any choice that might be considered rational.