Serious something that happened to me recently

[Richard B Riddick]

This is a story about something that happened to me recently.

There was this girl I knew. I thought she was a good and decent person. But, as far as I could tell everytime I saw her she was hanging out with the weirdest & most disgusting people. If there was a gay guy who bragged about he and his boyfriend selling their bodies to a pedophile for money - thats the type of person she would think is really cool, bro.

I would tell her people with high risk lifestyles with little reward are a bad influence. And that she should be more selective with who she made friends with and not hang around so many people who are douchebags. I didn't try to press the issue or force anything on her, I just told her what I thought.

Anyways, long story short, she didn't like what I was saying.

She started to ditch me and blatantly lie about things. She would say that she wouldnt be around past a certain time because her parents were making her go to sleep earlier. Then, she would be around during the times she said her parents told her not to be the following day. I guess maybe to jerk me around and screw with me. She did that more than once. I didn't say anything..

In another case, we were talking about ways to make money online & I sent her a list of links I thought might be decent. Then, she tried to pretend the links weren't showing up & didn't bother to read any of it.

So, I told her straight out if she was going to lie to me about things & try to pretend she was being a badass by being uncool to me, maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore.

For whatever reason we somewhat reconciled... But, I got the feeling she was talking shit about me behind my back saying I was stalking her and whatever else. I somewhat stopped talking to her at that point and hadn't said anything to her in close to a month.

I didn't think anyone would actually believe anything she said.

But, it seems some people did.. maybe because I used to talk to her a lot & I guess a lot of people saw us together. I don't really know. I guess I'm currently in the process of figuring out ways to clear my name & set things straight. I don't really care - its just an interesting problem to try to solve & one I've never had to deal with before... like a hobby.

I guess she took it personally when I said some of her friends were douchebags.. lol. But, unfortunately as may often be the case, she may be the only one who can't see that they are.

I got upset and told her I knew she liked to lay down with dogs & get up with fleas and some other things. And, that her problem was that she was attracted to guys who were complete tools, etc. It may not sound too harsh, but I wouldn't be surprised if those words cut deep -- as statements I would guess they're probably true.

Mostly, I only said it because I don't much like evasiveness, deceit and similar qualities. I tend to be more direct and straightforward about things. If I thought someone even a woman was saying things about me and trying to stab me in the back I would just straight up tell them what I thought about them and that's what I did.

I think I'm a decent judge of character & reading people.. And, I know that when you have a girl who probably has low self esteem & is starved for attention and approval, they can be very desperate. They don't feel good about themselves and find the biggest douchebags and losers to hang around with because that's where people with low self esteem feel most comfortable.

Having a lot of siblings is added pressure. In a lot of cases you have siblings who are successful and well balanced, then you have the other siblings who feel like they can't compete at being successful or normal so they decide they need to take a different road. In some cases, they'll become criminals or try to get ahead by being evil or other things due to them not feeling like they can compete with their siblings in other areas.

Based on experience, I've known women like that before. I've seen them surround themselves with douchebaggy people who have zero standards because they're too insecure or weak to deal with someone criticizing or disagreeing with them. I've seen them shoot for instant gratification only to neglect the long term and go down in flames...

And, I've seen them wake up one day to finally realize none of those people cared about them and were only using them followed by an eventual spiral into bitterness and disappointment.

It doesn't bother me. I've seen certain attitudes in the past & I know they're almost guaranteed to fail.

But, I guess what I really should be concerned with is myself and not so much others...



Anyway, what do people think? Am I an asshole? /other?

Where did I go wrong, le internetos?

 

[Shu]

It's really hard to say without actually knowing the girl. Meaning right now you just said a whole lot about someone that none of us know. You say she would lie to you, say shit behind your back, and not want to be near you.

Each person defines a friend in their own way. Some say friends should be people who bail them out of difficult situations. Some say they should let them do what they do, and find out the hard way.

She might have a different story altogether. Which honestly I wouldn't know whether to believe or not. Though it might go along the lines of you being a bit too intrusive or creepy stalker type. The reason she might of been evading you is because you might have been to clingy to her. These are things, I do not know, unless of course I knew both of you in person.

Women sometimes need a change of scenery. Men, we can stare at a box all day long, and be perfectly entertained. Women need to feel wanted, and not just in the sexual/loving way. Sometimes they need some attention to from the different crowd.

Just think about it like this. When you are bored... and you spectate folks who have always peeked your interest.. but they are a different type of crowd, what if they invite you to join them? Well automatically.. it's a brand new environment. That's probably what she is going through.

Though what I will say, is yes, you were an ass by telling her you were giving her an ultimatum. Aka threatening friendship. That never works in someone's favor. It just means you are willing to throw it away because "it" affects you, and not them.

I would suggest one thing. Say you are sorry.. and say.. if you ever wanna talk, just hit me up, otherwise I'll do my own thing.

I say this because you can never control someone's actions, in the end they are the deciding factor on what they will do. They will keep making these decisions until they die. I have a 45 year old female who was a good friend, in my eyes, yes she made many many bad decisions. But I did not tell her she did so. Only that if she chose to not hang out.. it was cool. We were all there for her when shit hit the fan though.

 

[Richard B Riddick]

It's really hard to say without actually knowing the girl. Meaning right now you just said a whole lot about someone that none of us know. You say she would lie to you, say shit behind your back, and not want to be near you.

Each person defines a friend in their own way. Some say friends should be people who bail them out of difficult situations. Some say they should let them do what they do, and find out the hard way.

She might have a different story altogether. Which honestly I wouldn't know whether to believe or not. Though it might go along the lines of you being a bit too intrusive or creepy stalker type. The reason she might of been evading you is because you might have been to clingy to her. These are things, I do not know, unless of course I knew both of you in person.

Women sometimes need a change of scenery. Men, we can stare at a box all day long, and be perfectly entertained. Women need to feel wanted, and not just in the sexual/loving way. Sometimes they need some attention to from the different crowd.

Just think about it like this. When you are bored... and you spectate folks who have always peeked your interest.. but they are a different type of crowd, what if they invite you to join them? Well automatically.. it's a brand new environment. That's probably what she is going through.

Though what I will say, is yes, you were an ass by telling her you were giving her an ultimatum. Aka threatening friendship. That never works in someone's favor. It just means you are willing to throw it away because "it" affects you, and not them.

I would suggest one thing. Say you are sorry.. and say.. if you ever wanna talk, just hit me up, otherwise I'll do my own thing.

I say this because you can never control someone's actions, in the end they are the deciding factor on what they will do. They will keep making these decisions until they die. I have a 45 year old female who was a good friend, in my eyes, yes she made many many bad decisions. But I did not tell her she did so. Only that if she chose to not hang out.. it was cool. We were all there for her when shit hit the fan though.

It has absolutely nothing to do with control.

I just have a tendency to avoid people who seem dishonest or untrustworthy.

If someone seems like they're lying to me about something or intentionally doing something to mess with me, I'll kick them to the curb and get rid of them. I don't care how gorgeous, special or awesome they are. They're history.

I'm not trying to control anyone or influence them. I don't want to surround myself with the wrong people. Through experience I've come to realize they're usually not worth your time. If they cared about you they would make at least some effort to be straight or honest with you and not leave you hanging.

As for me being "intrusive" and a "creepy stalker" I would very much like to know what you base that on. As far as I know, I've never stalked anyone, ever. But, that doesn't prevent people from saying it as if it were a scientific fact. Like the atheists say -- evidence, plz.

Likewise, I don't care if people evade me. The only thing that irritates me is if they're dishonest or lie about it. I don't understand why that's a difficult concept to grasp. People who lie about small things usually lie about big things.

I stick up for my friends and I back them till the end. But, I don't waste my time on liars. That's more or less the gist of it.

As for women, I'm in the initial stages of writing a book to help women understand themselves and their role in society. It doesn't even contain kitchens or sammich making, I swear.

If I finish it, I'll post a link & maybe everyone will see where I went right.... or wrong...

 

[Shu]

It has absolutely nothing to do with control.

I just have a tendency to avoid people who seem dishonest or untrustworthy.

That's pretty harsh. I think all people are pretty untrustworthy. We all lie. We can't help it, it was put in us too apparently. Darwin didn't give the details for me to tell me why. I don't make it a habit, but if I'm covering for someone I'll lie for them on occasion. Though I will never lie maliciously as to cause harm.

If someone seems like they're lying to me about something or intentionally doing something to mess with me, I'll kick them to the curb and get rid of them. I don't care how gorgeous, special or awesome they are. They're history.

Though you said she is talking behind your back. How do you know this?

I'm not trying to control anyone or influence them. I don't want to surround myself with the wrong people. Through experience I've come to realize they're usually not worth your time. If they cared about you they would make at least some effort to be straight or honest with you and not leave you hanging.

As for me being "intrusive" and a "creepy stalker" I would very much like to know what you base that on. As far as I know, I've never stalked anyone, ever. But, that doesn't prevent people from saying it as if it were a scientific fact. Like the atheists say -- evidence, plz.

I don't need evidence. You just said you knew where she was even know she said she was going to bed early on her parents' orders.

Though the intrusive, stalker type, is sometimes what irrational folks get in their heads, when they are bored with you and you keep on badgering. It sucks, but I am just thinking about what she might be thinking of you.

As in how did you figure out she might be talking behind your back, or how do you know she's lying to you? or how did you know she wasn't going to bed?

Likewise, I don't care if people evade me. The only thing that irritates me is if they're dishonest or lie about it. I don't understand why that's a difficult concept to grasp. People who lie about small things usually lie about big things.

Because no one likes to be assumed of anything:

"I knew she liked to lay down with dogs & get up with fleas and some other things."

That's pretty harsh bud.

As for women, I'm in the initial stages of writing a book to help women understand themselves and their role in society. It doesn't even contain kitchens or sammich making, I swear.

Wait, what? A guy writing a book to make a woman understand herself? That's pretty arrogant. Their role in society? Dude, you are about to open a can of worms on that one.

I can't say anything more on this subject, as you will crucify yourself if you try to act like you understand women. I'm married to one, I've dated 4 others, I still can't tell you the first thing that makes a woman tick. OR why their brains are so differently wired than ours. Why they have to feel the need to impress their friends by looks, watching entertainment television or reading trash novels. Why it's so rare you see women maintain friendships over a lifetime without a man getting involved to rupture that bond.

If I finish it, I'll post a link & maybe everyone will see where I went right.... or wrong...

 

[Richard B Riddick]

That's pretty harsh. I think all people are pretty untrustworthy. We all lie. We can't help it, it was put in us too apparently. Darwin didn't give the details for me to tell me why. I don't make it a habit, but if I'm covering for someone I'll lie for them on occasion. Though I will never lie maliciously as to cause harm.

In her case, I think she is being malicious. In case it wasn't obvious it was moreso malicious lies that I take offense to.

Though you said she is talking behind your back. How do you know this?

Experience. Sometimes, people have said things to me they shouldn't know unless she told them. They try to be crafty and slick about it, but I don't think they're fooling anyone.

I don't need evidence. You just said you knew where she was even know she said she was going to bed early on her parents' orders.

I was where I normally am. She says she won't be around because her parents want her to go to sleep earlier.

Then, the next day, she shows up during the time she said she wouldn't be around hangs around for a few minutes and leaves like she's going somewhere else.

I'm not following her around. I'm in the place I normally am and she's passing by so I know that maybe she's not being completely honest?

The fact that she shows up and somewhat flaunts the fact that she's doing the complete opposite of what she said she would do could show that she's deliberately trying to do something to make me upset or angry?

See what I'm getting at?

I didn't get upset or angry the first few times, btw. But, after awhile it seems like someone might deliberately be trying to screw with you & you can't let that slide, right?

Because no one likes to be assumed of anything:

"I knew she liked to lay down with dogs & get up with fleas and some other things."

That's pretty harsh bud.

I hope I was wrong about that... but wouldn't be surprised if I turned out to be right..

Wait, what? A guy writing a book to make a woman understand herself? That's pretty arrogant. Their role in society? Dude, you are about to open a can of worms on that one.

So be it.

Anything's better than dr. phil!!

I can't say anything more on this subject, as you will crucify yourself if you try to act like you understand women. I'm married to one, I've dated 4 others, I still can't tell you the first thing that makes a woman tick. OR why their brains are so differently wired than ours. Why they have to feel the need to impress their friends by looks, watching entertainment television or reading trash novels. Why it's so rare you see women maintain friendships over a lifetime without a man getting involved to rupture that bond.

Maybe so, but in my case, I think I've been able to predict exactly what some women would do months in advance.

When I think of things I've said to some women, I realize a lot of the time I turn out to be right about things & they're forced to eat their words. Like everything I said about that girl. Wait awhile, maybe in the end you'll see I was completely right about her. Then again, maybe not. I wouldn't claim to always be right about things.... but, maybe I have a decent track record.

Remember General Motors filing for bankruptcy in 2008? I predicted a year or two in advance. I even made a $50 internet bet on it with someone who disappeared when I tried to collect.

I called healthcare reform being a complete failure around 2007-2008'ish. That one may take awhile, but I think people'll eventually see my call was on the money.

There are other things, but less important and less well known.

Maybe, one of these days I'll go back and find forum posts I got right - as thats the only documentation I have, atm. There will definitely be some I got majorly and horrendously wrong, but I think some of my calls were pretty awesome and turned out to be accurate..

 

[Mermaid]

Hmm, this is an odd one. I am a woman of 20 years old who can be extremely melodramatic... I would say that her reaction probably depends on how quickly this whole situation blew up... If it was quite quick, I can see more so why she may get bitchy, alot of women are whether they want to be or not. Not saying it's an excuse... but I guess I could empathise more if this is the case as to why she would call you a stalker or something.

I always get on better with men anyway due to sense of humour & the fact I have Asperger Syndrome (which basically means I see things in a more 'logical' sense, kind of like men apparently do.). I had similar issues with girls myself if it all blew up within like a day, hence why I tend to avoid being friends with women cos I find them so hard to predict and bitchy. Not saying all women are because I do have female friends... I just keep them at arms length more due to my own difficulties with it.

Hmm, well if you were close and cared about her I could see why you'd be annoyed about the people she hung out with. Maybe she didn't realise your exact feelings on your friendship and got mean for that reason. Or maybe it was retaliation because she didnt like something you said.

If you feel you can get on with things without her friendship, then I'd say just leave her be. I know it's annoying when people don't turn out to be what you thought, but it happens.

 

[Squid]

From what I read it sounds like you're smothering this friend of yours a little too much. She can be friends with whoever she likes, you cannot tell her who she can and can't be friends with, you're allowed to express your distaste for her friends but you can't do much more.

You were also really rude to her :S Telling her she lays down with dogs etc, that's a pretty harsh thing for someone to tell their friend and you have no proof that she said anything behind your back either (unless you have forgotten to add that into your original post or I missed it somewhere) and frankly if a friend of mine had said something like that to me I probably would talk behind their back too.

Bitching and venting is a normal part of life, absolutely everyone does it, and it's fine to an extent. I guess if she was spreading rumours that would be bad of her but you haven't got any confirmation that she did

Either way I think you should let her be friends with whoever she wants and if she still wants to be your friend what does it matter who else she hangs with? Then if those friends end up being douche bags at least she'll know you told her so.

 

[Richard B Riddick]

Much thanks.

I need guidance and to hear that I'm being an awful person, sometimes. It doesn't really register that I'm crossing the line on some things. :x

Ooh, ahh. Ohh, ahh. Overly sensitive metrosexual guy post, ftw~

Also... how do I get away with being like Jim and walking around calling people shithouses and cunts? Do I need to become an atheist or is it an acquired skill?

In my mind, I think I'm being so much more mild and humane than a lot of people... but, I guess not.