Serious Dilemma, Dilemma, not another one ><

[The Illusive Man]

I swear lately I hack a knack for getting myself in these situations, but heres what is pretty much going on:

There is a girl that I really like, despite the fact theres about 200 miles between us, we would be what I'd like to call good friends and I've always had a bit of a thing for her, up till pretty recently I never really said all that much about it, but I decided to come clean and tell her.

Up until recently things were pretty much smooth sailing, however something happened that has caused her to back off from me drastically and I've tried everything I humanly can to try put things right, eventually we got back to talking terms and after a heart to heart we put things behind us, or so it seemed.

Now she has re-distanced herself, avoiding me like the preverbial plague, which has me feeling a bit trapped and I cant help but feel pushed away and rejected, I even asked her to give me closure because of the feelings of rejection which she didnt give me.

Now theres an ex co-worker thats been asking around after me, so I decided to go for a drink with her and see how things went, which seemed to be a disaster, despite wanting to show interest in what she was talking about I was too busy thinking about the girl I previously mentioned, the ex co-worker asked me out again and I cancelled on her last weekend but now she wants me to meet her this weekend, but I know the same cycle will repeat.

I dont post this for sympathy at all, more for advice, I really dont know what to do at all, confused as hell and dont know which way to turn or who to turn to, I've lost a lot of confidence in my friends and dont know if I can seek there advice without it coming back with some retaliation, and I dont want to confront the first girl because I dont want to scare her off completely..

So what do I do?

 

[CassinoChips]

To coin a phrase, she's just not that into you.

For whatever reason, she doesn't feel you're the one for her. You can't force a girl to like you more; either she comes around, or she doesn't. My suggestion would be to put her out of your mind as much as possible and hang out with co-worker chick. As she seems at the very least to be interested in you.

 

[DeadFantasy]

Well whatever happened between the girl you like and yourself isn't my business but, if she's already ignored you before maybe she wants some space? It's hard to say since I really dunno the details though, most girls like time to themselves and think about it. Has she said that she liked you back?? Maybe she just doesn't want to be with you. Like said above, you can't force someone to like you. I'd wait, then try and talk to her and get some answers. Girls can be complicated and whatnot... all I can say is wait, then ask and if she's still ignoring you chances are that she doesn't want to talk to you but is doing the 'cold shoulder' to get your attention and whatnot. Some people are like that they want you to keep going back to them and keep asking/begging/pleading it's a game to those types of people.
As for the other chick, just be friendly and get to know her. It's hard to get someone off your mind but, if your having fun doing something then you won't be thinking about it but more of whats happening at that moment. If your simply not interested tell her straight up don't lead her on.

 

[blakstang98]

By the sounds of it, I'm guessing you really don't know what scared her off? If she was spooked once already, managed to find it in her heart to forgive you (for whatever she thinks you did) and then she gets scared off again, then I would say that your name is being dragged through the mud by someone else. I mean, in my history, a girl won't just shut down to you without giving reason. She'll either suck it up (no pun intended) and deal with it or she'll tell you how she feels, then shut you out. But the fact that she randomly distances herself, I'd say someone else was trash-talking you to this girl. After the first time, she managed to forgive you, but then she had more information on you scare her twice.

I suppose there are a couple of things you can do. The first would be to find out who it is that's saying such things to her. With this information, you may be able to sway the girl your way (by whatever means you deem necessary). And naturally the second would be to just keep trying and maybe she'll forgive you (for whatever).

And if all else fails, you do have your co-worker that you can give a chance to in going out. Who knows, there might be more to her than you think.

 

[Benefold]

Here's my advice.

Don't do anything at all!

Confronting the first girl may be a bad idea and you're not even into your ex co-worker. Instead of dwelling on everything bad that's going on, it'll be much better to look on the brighter side of life and do the things that make you feel good.

Make the best out of the time you have cuz' really, there's no time like the present!

All the best!

 

[GBJoker]

I'm going to be the big bad meanie and say... You are the person dragging your own name through the muddyness of... dirt.

Hundred bucks says Girl1 either doesn't like the distance, or sees something in you that you don't see.

Girl2/co-worker, you either go out with her or not. I say you take advantage of hanging out for a beer or two or pizza, but based on your post, make it exceedingly clear that you aren't feeling her. There's no reason to date a girl who you aren't interested in, but there's billions of reasons to have yet another friend in this world.

 

[JesusVsThePolice]

She's obviously not attracted to you like you are to her. So, the more you sit there and try to talk to her about it or anything of the sort, just makes it worse. You don't want to date a girl 200 miles away, bro. No one has a dick that long, buddy. But I see that you are sad and I understand, pal. But the best way to get over one girl is to get under another. So go out with the Co-worker and have a good time.

 

[The Illusive Man]

She's obviously not attracted to you like you are to her. So, the more you sit there and try to talk to her about it or anything of the sort, just makes it worse. You don't want to date a girl 200 miles away, bro. No one has a dick that long, buddy. But I see that you are sad and I understand, pal. But the best way to get over one girl is to get under another. So go out with the Co-worker and have a good time.

First of all I have to say, I'm not highly appreciative of such comments, Yes I might be a guy but I dont think with my lower region since I believe I'm now old and wise enough to understand that thinking from that area gets you nowhere.

Secondly, we have managed to sort things out, I've told the ex co-worker I only see her as a friend of which she seems quite content with and finally hammering out the bugs and issues there were between me and the girl that lives long distance, things are looking promising.

Thanks for all your replies and advice, but to re-itterate something I've said a million times before, Distance has no bearing on romance in this day and age, in fact being apart will only make the heart grow fonder, so the time you do spend together, you cherish and enjoy every moment of it.

Long distance relationships, can actually work, you just have to have to patience to see it through and be able to trust that person fully, of which I do trust her fully (which is actually something thats not very common for me, since I am usually rather distrusting due to things that have happened in the past, but I feel a lot more at ease with her than anyone else I ever have)

What can I say, I'm looking forward to what could develop in the coming months, and I do so with an anticipation and fondness that I have not felt in years

Just to add to that, I actually prefer long distance relationships over short distance, In my experiences with short distance you feel compelled to spend a little bit too much time together and may end up living in each others pockets, that problem is less existant in long distance because you dont have the luxury of dropping in on each other whenever you feel like, so you look forward to seeing each other and count the days to when you do get to see each other xD