Poetry Poetry collection

[Sepalcure]

I gave you the taste of salt on your tongue . . .
I gave you the world to hold and caress . . .
The whispers of promised love to remember . . .
And in the haziness of heat you sat, fell alseep,
With flies buzzing around your lashes
Your lips murmuring what I couldn't hear . . .
A broken promise that greeted the sky
I gave you the taste of love on your tongue
Coppery blood and ocean spray to swallow
We swallowed whole
You swallowed whole
And in the haziness of the heat you sat, roused from sleep
By the delicate brush of my fingers against your skin
Your lips murmuring what I craved to hear
I want you, I'll take you, I'll never leave
We swallowed whole
I swallowed whole.

So yeah, this is my as of now, untitled poem. It's purposefully abstract and possibly sensual and stuff, yeah. Feedback is love. That's all folks. ^^

I'll post more when I can think of something else to write.

 

[Rasputin]

I gave you the taste of salt on your tongue . . .
I gave you the world to hold and caress . . .
The whispers of promised love to remember . . .
And in the haziness of heat you sat, fell alseep,
With flies buzzing around your lashes
Your lips murmuring what I couldn't hear . . .
A broken promise that greeted the sky
I gave you the taste of love on your tongue
Coppery blood and ocean spray to swallow
We swallowed whole
You swallowed whole
And in the haziness of the heat you sat, roused from sleep
By the delicate brush of my fingers against your skin
Your lips murmuring what I craved to hear
I want you, I'll take you, I'll never leave
We swallowed whole
I swallowed whole.

So yeah, this is my as of now, untitled poem. It's purposefully abstract and possibly sensual and stuff, yeah. Feedback is love. That's all folks. ^^

I'll post more when I can think of something else to write.

My first reaction was "Oh for Pete's sake, more incomprehensible romantic poetry. Why am I reading this again?"

After my second read through, my reaction was "Is this supposed to be a metaphor for fellatio? Because 'taste of salt on your toungue' and 'we swallowed whole' are pretty suspect."

After my third read, my reaction was "Okay, this is obviously entirely about sex, but she shouldn't hide it in the guise of incomprehensible romantic poetry. She's actually pretty good at colorful description and metaphor, if she gave this poem a plot thread or structured the poem in a relevant way then it would be a heck of a lot more meaningful to the reader."

Tell me if I'm getting the wrong impression somewhere.

 

[Sepalcure]

My first reaction was "Oh for Pete's sake, more incomprehensible romantic poetry. Why am I reading this again?"

After my second read through, my reaction was "Is this supposed to be a metaphor for fellatio? Because 'taste of salt on your toungue' and 'we swallowed whole' are pretty suspect."

After my third read, my reaction was "Okay, this is obviously entirely about sex, but she shouldn't hide it in the guise of incomprehensible romantic poetry. She's actually pretty good at colorful description and metaphor, if she gave this poem a plot thread or structured the poem in a relevant way then it would be a heck of a lot more meaningful to the reader."

Tell me if I'm getting the wrong impression somewhere.

Lol, very interesting response. You're partially right, it's meant to be romantic with a hint of sensuality but abstract and ambiguous in that it's meant to confound the reader to take it either way. Why would I do that? Simply because I like presenting something metaphorically that's really rather simple when you boil it down enough. So you're right on both sides of the coin. Will I be adding a plot thread to this? Eh, nah, 'cause it's about love and the sensuality of it. Nothing more, nothing less. I personally feel that I conveyed this artistically as is. I do appreciate the commentary however.

 

[Rasputin]

Poetry isn't about confounding the reader, it's about putting the right words in the right places. Are you trying to entertain people? Trying to make them think? Or is this simply a personal reflection that only you can understand the significance of? Personally, the reader's reaction means a great deal to me when I'm writing a poem.

I guess what I'm saying is, most people won't be able really identify with how the speaker feels in this poem. In fact I don't think anyone can. All I can see right now is that the two subjects here are in some sort of inseparable, Disney-esque romance. There's no hint that any challenges could arise in this relationship, or that the intentions of either player are anything less than saintly. How many people really experience that? If you really want to help people connect with this feeling of hopeless lust, I would give them a real world metaphor that people can easily identify with. I'd consider using the classic example of a fly hovering around a bug zapper- no matter how dangerous or how many broken promises a relationship between the two might bring, that mystifying light will inevitably attract one to the other.

Or, better yet, bring it down to earth and acknowledge somewhere in the poem that these romantic ideals aren't always reflective of reality. I think this tidbit from Sylvia Plath's "Mad Girl's Love Song" is a good example:

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

 

[Sepalcure]

Poetry isn't about confounding the reader, it's about putting the right words in the right places. Are you trying to entertain people? Trying to make them think? Or is this simply a personal reflection that only you can understand the significance of? Personally, the reader's reaction means a great deal to me when I'm writing a poem.

I guess what I'm saying is, most people won't be able really identify with how the speaker feels in this poem. In fact I don't think anyone can. All I can see right now is that the two subjects here are in some sort of inseparable, Disney-esque romance. There's no hint that any challenges could arise in this relationship, or that the intentions of either player are anything less than saintly. How many people really experience that? If you really want to help people connect with this feeling of hopeless lust, I would give them a real world metaphor that people can easily identify with. I'd consider using the classic example of a fly hovering around a bug zapper- no matter how dangerous or how many broken promises a relationship between the two might bring, that mystifying light will inevitably attract one to the other.

Or, better yet, bring it down to earth and acknowledge somewhere in the poem that these romantic ideals aren't always reflective of reality. I think this tidbit from Sylvia Plath's "Mad Girl's Love Song" is a good example:

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

Nice example there, but to answer your question, it is a personal reflection--a personal account really that's obviously specific to me. I mean poetry is different to many other people, it can be twisted and manipulated into something that's easily understandable at first glance or that can be dubbed as being completely misinterpreted or barely understandable. It's like any other form of visual art, it can be abstract or it can in your face. I understand that some people would prefer for this to be more concise or traditional or maybe even . . . clear in meaning, but that wasn't my intention. And in that sense, I am trying to get them to play with the meaning, to challenge them to sort of interpret it as they will. It has a specific meaning to me of course but I twisted that around, for entertainment purposes and to be metaphorical and abstract about it. Obviously, not everyone's going to find this poem favorable, not everyone will find a meaning in it. That's fine.

 

[Rasputin]

What good does it do sharing it then? Why bother writing it in the first place if you already know the answers and you're not looking for a response?

 

[Sepalcure]

What good does it do sharing it then? Why bother writing it in the first place if you already know the answers and you're not looking for a response?

Not everyone will find a meaning, which means that some people probably will find something meaningful in it, at the very least a handful. And I'm pretty sure I never outrightly stated that I posted it with the intent to never care for a response. I'm obviously curious to see how people will interpret it, what they'll think of it, or what they'll feel it's expressing.

What it means to me can be entirely different from what someone else may take from it.

 

[Rasputin]

See, I respect that sort of philosophy, but you have to understand why someone as competitive as myself would go bonkers trying to write poetry without demanding a response. For me poetry is as much of a performance as a personal reflection, that's why I like reading my poems aloud much more than simply having them read as text.

It's not necessarily a bad thing, though. Emily Dickinson never even shared her poems (during her lifetime at least) and she's considered one of the most influential and genius writers to have ever lived.

 

[Sepalcure]

See, I respect that sort of philosophy, but you have to understand why someone as competitive as myself would go bonkers trying to write poetry without demanding a response. For me poetry is as much of a performance as a personal reflection, that's why I like reading my poems aloud much more than simply having them read as text.

It's not necessarily a bad thing, though. Emily Dickinson never even shared her poems (during her lifetime at least) and she's considered one of the most influential and genius writers to have ever lived.

Lol, that's one thing Emily and I have in common. She wasn't too keen on having her poems publicized or vocalized, she'd prefer to write them. I love penning a poem and keeping it for myself and even when I joined my school's Literary Club, I would feel apprehensive about someone reading my work. Poetry for me is as much a sacred personal form of art as it is an interpretive one. It's fine for a few people to read it and come away with their own meaning, I don't look at it in a competitive way . . . just as a form of self expression . . . an outlet solely for myself. I'm very chill about it.