If you were...

[looneymoon]

Spun out of odd conversation with Aztec. ANYWAYS...

a) If you were the bitch of any celebrity/public figure of your choice, what would your job be?

b) If you were the celebrity/public figure, what would you make your bitch do?



As for me: I've already stated I wouldn't mind being Christian Bale's personal masseuse, or the maker of Jake Gyllenhaal's bubble baths. Also, I'd think Gerard Butler would have needed someone to oil him up during the filimg of 300...

Discuss

 

[Aztec Triogal]

If I was a celebrity's man-slave, I would want to be the person that brought my master his breakfast in bed. Why? Because I could walk in on them in the morning. lol Celeb guy would have hot girls over and hot celeb girls... well self explanatory. I guess the only way that would flop is if I worked for Rob Snyder or Connie Chung. In which case, I wish I mowed the lawn...

If I were a celebrity, I would want my servants to all be portugese midgets with funny high pitched accents. "Si senior, your waffles are done." Along with their typical daily chores of shoe shining, cooking, cleaning, and obeying my every whim... I think I would have them dig a complex series of tunnels under my estate for no apparent reason. Perhaps I would lock annoying poperatsie in there? No idea. It'd just be hard manual labor and a good way to legally torture them.

 

[looneymoon]

The way you describe it, it's almost as if you were opening Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. Willy Wonka kinda gave me a pedoish vibe.

Now, if I were an all-powerful celebrity I'd probably have a large, 50-something person crew to keep me and my house looking pretty. Kind of like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy except whenever I see that show I find what they do to be incredibley drab. I need top of the line stuff

and just for the hell of it, I'd have a marine animal trainer living on the estate so I could keep my pet giant octopus fed and healthy. That's right, pet giant, purple octopus.

Oh, and definitly have a tall, thin old butler with a British accent. I will call him Watson, even if his name isn't actually Watson.

 

[Ironman]

If i had to be the bitch of any Famous person i would be either Hayley Williams' or hayden Panettiere's 'honest opinion' For whenever they needed an honest answer to such Questions as 'do these jeans make my bum look big' and 'do these knickers go with this Bra' haha, kind of a dream job.

 

[Sir Kenneth]

If I was a celebrity bitch, I'd be the bitch of someone like Tommy Chong or Willie Nelson, and my job would consist mainly of rolling their joints. By the way, George Michael had a guy in his employ for this express purpose when he recorded Faith, so it is a real job.

If I was a celebrity, I would employ a big, scary looking, black mute to follow me around everywhere. His job would be to prevent people from messing with me, and imposing my will upon others (ie. force them to do stuff that they don't want to do and/or beat them up).

 

[anise]

I would totally be a bitch for Alan Moore. I would love to proof his stuff or be some lame copy editor or something.

I don't really need a bitch, I have a boyfriend

 

[Nalaar]

Spun out of odd conversation with Aztec. ANYWAYS...

a) If you were the bitch of any celebrity/public figure of your choice, what would your job be?

A celebrity is typically viewed as one who is in the public eye. However, there are differing classes of celebrity. There is the " Access Hollywood" type. Or there is my personal favorite, the individuals who are in so much control, They would not dare hang himself by becoming a household name. They are celebrities in the ways of the emotion, not the memory itself. They are top ranked in the halls of the UN, and yet their favorite colors will not be posted on the internet. They advertise nothing by their own namesake, but own the people who own every satellite network.

Their names are Mr. and Mrs. Gaudfuchingneaus

They are why we buy crap. They are why...we need crap to buy from them. They are why all the crap we never needed in the first place stands in the way of all the crap we will need in the future.

I would be their marriage counselor because I would have access to all the root reasons behind their investments. I would be sipping my chai, with my yellow legal pad and pen in hand on the top brick of the seal on the dollar bill. And I would post my findings daily on the bottom line of bricks, where resides the internet.

b) If you were the celebrity/public figure, what would you make your bitch do?

 

[Dolores Haze]

If I could be a celebrity's bitch.. hm. I would be Orlando Bloom's bitch. And do whatever he wanted me to

If I had my own bitch, I'd just make them cook and clean up for me. I'm massively lazy, so. xD