I remember when we were getting drunk around campfires because we had nothing better to do. This was back before things got bad between us all. To be honest, these are the times that I appreciate most. Back before I got paranoid, back before we all became the people we would soon become. Things were much simpler then. We all had these hair brained schemes that would one day make us rich. Of course, we never really put much thought into them. It wouldn’t be until a couple of years later that we would, of course.
We were ecstatic at first. How could we not be? We were the lowest of the low and were constantly told we would never amount to anything. Now we had the world in our hands and the winds at our backs and nothing anyone could ever do could stop us. Little did we know that we would soon be at each other’s throats. Late night campfires where we would all get drunk got rare and fewer and far in between.
That air of carelessness combined with drunken ramblings quickly downgraded to cautious evenings where we refused to trust each other as far as we could spit. Our friendship rusted like lead pipes in the rain. Yet we didn’t mind. We went from being the best of friends to acquaintances. We were now at the point where we simply stayed around because it was a convenience. Yet each of us knew that all it would take was one of us to ruin what we had built.
Of course, my vast sea of paranoia built up at that point. I no longer trusted any of you. So while we all worked, while we all toiled, while our blood, sweat, and tears went into building and going further… I worked harder than you all. I wanted to protect myself. Not only from what we all became, but from the potential consequences of what would happen if one of us cast the first stone. Our ship of dreams was built from glass; I just brought the biggest stones. You aimed at each other; I aimed for the ship.
You see, I knew I couldn’t win. Nor did I want to. I wasn’t the smartest in a competition of wits, but I could give you all a run for your money. I couldn’t play against you all, so I played against everything. If we were going to sink, I was going to make sure I had the lifeboat.
I’m lucky I did.
Now you all rot where I should now be. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about that. Yet, I know if any of you had thought about it first that I would be where you all now sit. None of you would have hesitated for a second, so I didn’t. I saved myself and condemned you all. I would apologize if I could. Yet I know it would mean nothing. It would take nothing back. You would still be where you all are and I would still be free.
Every now and then I go back to where we set up the campfires. I listen to tales of old from the ghosts of people that still live.
I think I’m the only one that died.
We were ecstatic at first. How could we not be? We were the lowest of the low and were constantly told we would never amount to anything. Now we had the world in our hands and the winds at our backs and nothing anyone could ever do could stop us. Little did we know that we would soon be at each other’s throats. Late night campfires where we would all get drunk got rare and fewer and far in between.
That air of carelessness combined with drunken ramblings quickly downgraded to cautious evenings where we refused to trust each other as far as we could spit. Our friendship rusted like lead pipes in the rain. Yet we didn’t mind. We went from being the best of friends to acquaintances. We were now at the point where we simply stayed around because it was a convenience. Yet each of us knew that all it would take was one of us to ruin what we had built.
Of course, my vast sea of paranoia built up at that point. I no longer trusted any of you. So while we all worked, while we all toiled, while our blood, sweat, and tears went into building and going further… I worked harder than you all. I wanted to protect myself. Not only from what we all became, but from the potential consequences of what would happen if one of us cast the first stone. Our ship of dreams was built from glass; I just brought the biggest stones. You aimed at each other; I aimed for the ship.
You see, I knew I couldn’t win. Nor did I want to. I wasn’t the smartest in a competition of wits, but I could give you all a run for your money. I couldn’t play against you all, so I played against everything. If we were going to sink, I was going to make sure I had the lifeboat.
I’m lucky I did.
Now you all rot where I should now be. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about that. Yet, I know if any of you had thought about it first that I would be where you all now sit. None of you would have hesitated for a second, so I didn’t. I saved myself and condemned you all. I would apologize if I could. Yet I know it would mean nothing. It would take nothing back. You would still be where you all are and I would still be free.
Every now and then I go back to where we set up the campfires. I listen to tales of old from the ghosts of people that still live.
I think I’m the only one that died.
