Serious I just don't know what to do anymore

[John Marston]

I'm trying my best to find a career and move out, so far i've had no luck. Some of you probably remember that i wanted to get into the navy, i went back for the test and i failed miserably. The thought of trying again is the furthest thing from my mind right now, so i don't see myself trying it again at all. I know i need to do something with my life but it isn't easy, everyone in the family (both sides) keep pressuring me everytime i see them.


I'm starting school friday, i just hope everything goes well when i do. The reason why i haven't gone is people i used to call friends are there and i don't want to deal with them. There are points where i lose it and i'm afraid i might do something i'll regret if and when i do cross paths with any of them.


I've already tried counselors, psychologists ( i fucking hate them, the ones i went to anyway) I'm not crazy, they took what i said to them and twisted it around. I haven't gone to them since, what bothered me the most was the fact that they persuaded my mother into putting me on meds (ones that people that have mental problems take) I'm not close with my mother, she's done alot of things to me to act the way i do towards her now.


I don't know who to confide in anymore, which is why i'm quiet and don't say much most of the time. I don't know how to talk to people, i was never let out of the house to do any sort of activities. The only time i could socialize was at school and EVEN then i didn't know what to say or how to approach people and engage in a conversation.


The times i did i didn't have anything to talk about but games, because thats all i did when i got home. Now, i don't like going anywhere. I only go to places to get things i need such as food, etc. I don't go out to parties, mainly because i have nothing to talk about. I haven't accomplished anything worthwhile.


I want to get out, i want to be independent, i want to fix all these things but there's one thing that's stopping me. Thats the fear of failing, i know in order to succeed most of the time one needs to learn from past mistakes. But thats all that has been happening when i try to accomplish things i always fail. Not because thats what i aim for it just happens, i don't know how to explain this in great detail so i'll just leave it at that.

There's alot of things i'm afraid of but this is the main one out of all of them. I don't ask either side of the family for anything anymore because...well thats another story for another time.


What steps can i take to get over and fix all this?

 

[CassinoChips]

What steps can i take to get over and fix all this?

Go to a psychiatrist, get a prescription for medication and stay on it.

Not trying to be funny about it, but it really sounds like you need some help with some things, espcially considering this....

I don't know who to confide in anymore,

this....

I don't know how to talk to people, i was never let out of the house to do any sort of activities. The only time i could socialize was at school and EVEN then i didn't know what to say or how to approach people and engage in a conversation.

this....

Now, i don't like going anywhere. I only go to places to get things i need such as food, etc. I don't go out to parties, mainly because i have nothing to talk about. I haven't accomplished anything worthwhile.

this....

Thats the fear of failing,

and this....

But thats all that has been happening when i try to accomplish things i always fail.

.... make it sound to me like you have some sort of anxiety disorder (possibly social anxiety), as well as possibly mild to moderate depression. You don't have to go to a psychiatrist right away. You can start with a family practice doctor who will start you on a low dosage medicine. But s/he may refer you to a psychiatrist, which wouldn't be a bad thing.

Also, don't get caught up in the stigma associated with taking medicine to help with psychiatric issues. It's no different than taking antibiotics to treat an illness, or taking painkillers. Your brain is a part of your body, and if there is medicine that can help it, there's no reason not to take it. And just because you do, it doesn't mean you're mentally unstable.

 

[blakstang98]

Well, I think you just have a problem with being overshy. You can label it as a "mental illness", but I don't think that's the case at all. I just think that getting out more will benefit you. You may say you have nothing to talk about, but you seem to hold enough conversation well enough. If you can manage to find a friend that enjoys video games, then you'll do fine in conversation.

I suppose I can't offer advice as to where you could hang out. You could always go to a game shop or something.

It's good to hear you're going back to school. I wouldn't worry about the old friends, at this age, people have grown up a little and won't hold old grudges. And if anything, just ignore them if they do start something. I also wouldn't give up on the Navy idea. You can really be someone who's valuable to the country, and thus nobody could ever call you a failure. Failure is a tough thing to deal with at times, but do remember, we all fail, nobody's perfect. Use failure as a motivation to work harder to get what you want. Not passing the test just means you need to be prepared more. Then when you take it again, you'll ace it. But I think giving up altogether is a mistake, there's no harm in having to take the test over.

All the best in your endeavors sir!

 

[Bustersword07]

hey Nick, it's me. I was EXACTLY in your situation you just described. Social Anxiety. Thats what you have. You worry too much about what others think of you and at the same time, watch too much what you say. You are unable to engage in any small talk. Amiright?

I tell you what?

Throughout my younger years, I was like that as well. It wasn't up until the middle of highschool. Preferably before my Sophamore year. And you know what I learned.....
Nobody cared. yeah. You worry too much of what people thinks of you, you end up getting judged. That's the way it goes. Even to this day, I still can't get engaged in small chit chat but I do satire and it's just as good. When you start feeling comfortable with talking to other people (and the only way is to NOT CARE). They will accept you for what you are so easily. You got to study how people talk to each other, what their characters are. and Bend you psyche around that with what you got. If they still got a problem with you. They are assholes. They are bad news. You will need to find different friends. But most of the time, they'll let you in.

I've been in the sunlight ever since and it was fantastic. I wouldn't resort to shrinks and psychotropic drugs AT ALL. They do nothing but control you. You become literally disconnected with reality when you're on psychotropic drugs. The best thing for yourself is to find the materials to help YOURSELF. Don't resort your fate and your luck in the hands of others. Especially those you don't even know. Shrinks are trained to give you medicine these days, not to help you get better on your own.

That's all I got. I'd have to say that I feel like a complete person now because I let it go. NEVER GIVE UP. For one day, you will too.

 

[Tmoo]

don't be afraid of others' opinions. what can they do to you? not much, unless they want to get violent or verbally harass you, which is cause for a call to the authorities. i'm diving off the deep end though - most people will be polite or at the least not care, so unless you dance around and spaz out they won't even notice you. Try talking to someone. A simple 'hi' or something small, or about any topic you want to talk about. It takes a bit of courage to talk to strangers, but do it once and it's easier to do it the next time. Chances are they won't bite, and likely, they want to be friendly unless they're a jerk, in which case they aren't worth your time.

 

[CassinoChips]

I wouldn't resort to shrinks and psychotropic drugs AT ALL. They do nothing but control you. You become literally disconnected with reality when you're on psychotropic drugs. The best thing for yourself is to find the materials to help YOURSELF. Don't resort your fate and your luck in the hands of others. Especially those you don't even know. Shrinks are trained to give you medicine these days, not to help you get better on your own.

None of that is the case, really. Some people are beyond helping themselves and need outside help, whether it comes from a psychiatrist or medicine or both. Not everyone becomes "disconnected from reality" while on medicine, but if your "reality" is severe anxiety, being disconnected from that might not necessarily be a bad thing. And I would tend to agree that medicines in general are overprescribed, but that doesn't mean that they don't work.

 

[.Ted]

My situation is kind of like yours. never gone out to parties, did nothing but play games, etc.

Since you can't find a career or can't join the Navy, I think the first step towards independence is finding a job. It's tough out there. My mom really thinks I should toughen up. She has no idea how tough I am already, and I want to prove that by finding a job and someday moving out of the house.

Prove everyone wrong. If you haven't got a job already, I suggest looking at the classifieds. I really don't know what else to say, since I really don't know the amount of anxiety you're going through. But you worry too much about other people's opinions. Just push yourself forward so you can get it over with. Getting through that first time will help you get through the other times ahead.

 

[John Marston]

I reason why i haven't taken meds is because well most don't work for me, even the ones that do just make things worse most of the time. Like you said some medicines work differently on some more than others. I don't want to take the risk of taking prescription meds such as zoloft,etc.


Regarding the i care too much about what others think, yeah that's true. I don't know why though, considering the fact that everyone on both sides of my family aren't that way. But then again i do let get stuff get to me sometimes and i guess that's how it all started.


I am trying to get a job even if it's part time but its hard right now, no one's hiring at the moment that or there's already too many applicants for the job. I'm not saying i'm giving up though, its just..well i won't delve into it right now.


I'm not saying either that everyone (well mostly everyone) i met is/was/isn't (honestly i don't know tbh) are who i think they are. I'm not pointing fingers, because i only have myself to blame for being the way i well still am can't say was. I'd like to think i have gotten better thoughout what little time has passed. Granted things are still the same to an extent but i try not to think about them too much.

I'd ask for another shot to try to converse again with some of those people but honestly i won't. Because even if i did i wouldn't get it anyway, like some of you have said i should just work on not caring at all about other people's opinions about me. I'll just focus on the ones i'm currently talking to and see where that goes.

That is what i have been doing, the times that i've been offline. I'm also trying to not be on so much either. Yeah that can be seen as a step back with conversing but it gives me more time to think about what i really want in life.


Apologies if some of what i said doesn't make sense, lack of sleep does that eheh. Thanks for replying (those that did) i really appreciate that you the took time to help me with this situation.


EDIT I think i missed some things that i should've addressed, i'm sorry about that i didn't address everything that was said. I'm not really good at doing that either =/

 

[SaShman]

I have been going through pretty much the same kind of feelings in regards to the social anxiety shit for something like 3-4 years. I did start opening up a lot the year before last year but I'll admit that it hasn't been easy and I still go in and out of my depressing moods but I feel a lot better about myself now. Like you I tried counseling back when I was in high school, but admittedly it didn't help me too much. However I'd pin that down to me not opening up to the counselor.

The truth is that my life took a big swing for the better when I talked about my problems with my friend. This is something that I'd recommend you try. I do not know you, but I'm quite sure that there is at least someone in your life who you can share these thoughts with. Be sure to get it all out there and be honest.

The thing about psychology is that a lot of it is just science trying to explain common knowledge in a logical manner. For example everyone knows that it is normal for some people to get shy in certain social situations and psychology just uses the term 'social anxiety' as a way to define this phenomenon. Terms like this should not define who you are but provide you with a scientific explanation of what is happening.

And for the record I'd advise against this kind of medication not because it won't help you but because you don't want to become reliant on it. It'd be quite easy for your mind to trick you into thinking that you need a pill to talk to someone but this obviously is not the case. Medication may help but ultimately the best solution is just to talk about your problems. *I know you aren't considering meds at this stage but I thought I should just throw that point out there.

One very valuable lesson I learned on my recent holiday to Japan was just how easy it was to meet new people. I'm more introverted than extroverted and I was traveling alone but I met so many new people some of which became really good friends. In other words meeting people is nowhere near as hard as you may think it is.

like some of you have said i should just work on not caring at all about other people's opinions about me

I'll admit that this is often easier said than done. You shouldn't work on specifically 'not caring' about what other people think but rather just relax. How can you not care about other peoples opinions if you are constantly trying to not care? Ultimatly what you are only doing is deciding that these people have a certain opinion about you and than trying to nullify this opinion that may not even exist.
Instead of thinking about what people may or may not be thinking about you and then deciding to not care, just relax and be yourself.

Good luck and everything

 

[John Marston]

It's not always easy some are difficult to talk to, i know my approach wasn't good but i've changed that now. Regardless, i'm just going to focus on myself for the moment. Sometimes though, it's not me that initiates conversation its the other person. But i digress, i'll update this in a couple of weeks and see how i am then.