I dont know what the feelings are

[SapphireStar]

Okay, been seeing my current boyfriend since 26th Jan this year. I was dumped start of August last year and my new boyfriend is the first guy Ive gotten with since. He was dumped last year also.

Now he has been out with other girls, but he said none of them made the effort to get to know him, give him a chance or be with him, so he said he sees me as his first proper girlfriend cause I do. We've only been together for a month and few weeks, yet we feel as though we've known each other longer.

We have alot in common and get on great. But when Im round him, I dont ever want him to go. I only see him on Friday-Sunday and its horrible when during the week. We text and use MySpace to chat during the week, but its like my heart is being ripped out when we're apart. He has said he hates it when we part and just looks forward to seeing me.

I cant say its love (its too soon) and it isnt lust, although we are attracted to each other like crazy. But I havent got a clue what the feelings are. I think this is happiness and I cant recall feeling like this wuth my previous boyfriends.

Im afraid to tell him these feelings as Im scared he'll freak and end it. But he has told me he cares for me alot and I feel the same way. I was thinking lovesick, but Ive had that and thats not what Im experincing. I had that with my ex. But what the heck is it? It cant possibly be love. Sorry, I just sound so messed up dont I?

Oh and for all those who believe in star signs and such, hes a Gemni and Im an Aquarius.

 

[Holic]

does it really matter what its called?
I mean, look at the warped meaning of love nowadays. Millions of people are falling in love and then falling out just as quickly. So the word isn't really important. Just be happy for the moment and hope it stays that way.

 

[SapphireStar]

Im just scared in case it is love. I was in love once before and he loved me back. But the love changed and became love for a friend. Im scared because what if it is love and its suddnely over? I cant face being heartbroekn again, yet I dont want to end things with him.

So damn confusing. My ex told me he had strong feelings for his new girlfriend and this was a month into their relationship. Even my friend told me that strong feelings can show even after a short space of time. My gran has said take each day as it comes, yet everyday is a day in the relationship.

When we first sarted dating, his mum was funny with me and I asked him if we should call it quits and he was almost in tears. I think he feels something strong too, but men and their feelings are difficult to understand.

 

[Holic]

but you should be old enough to be able to be mature about it. then again, who am I to say that age matters. Anyways, love is what you make it out to be. If it's just being comfortable with someone, then what's the difference between that and friendship. If it's lustful, then it's just physical isn't it. If it's love, well, I dont know. I've never experienced it. But maybe through another person's definition of love, I have.

Love is just a word.

"What's in a name?
A Rose by another name would smell as sweet..."
- by you know who....(not me, the old english guy)

 

[SapphireStar]

but you should be old enough to be able to be mature about it. then again, who am I to say that age matters. Anyways, love is what you make it out to be. If it's just being comfortable with someone, then what's the difference between that and friendship. If it's lustful, then it's just physical isn't it. If it's love, well, I dont know. I've never experienced it. But maybe through another person's definition of love, I have.

Love is just a word.

"What's in a name?
A Rose by another name would smell as sweet..."
- by you know who....(not me, the old english guy)

I should be mature enough, but Im one of those who gets very close to people and I become attached to them. Its not just all lust, we do meet up and dont sleep togther, happens 90% of the time. Mainly because the only place we get privacy is here in my university room! So I wouldnt say its lust. I think its just pure happiness and I have strong feelings for him cause I care for him deeply. Who knows.

 

[Holic]

yep. who knows? the only ones would be you and him. anyways, good luck figuring it out!

 

[OmniscientOnus]

There is no good explanation behind what you are feeling. We all go through it, and from as far as I can tell, we all will. Relationships are a fickle thing. Each day can bring something completely different. From what I can tell, right now you are experiencing happiness; nothing more, nothing less. What I mean is that you enjoy being around him. He's probably handsome (sexy even), smart, funny, blah blah blah, right? Not that those things aren't important, but there is more than a few people who fit that description. You are happy being with him, and as with all things, who wants the happy to end?

What I suggest is that you take things slow. I don't mean physically, I mean psychologically (which often means physically too when in a relationship, not to sound contradictory). What you should do is accept the times you get to see him and hang out with him, and enjoy other things when you can't. This way, you aren't going to be absolutely crushed if nothing comes of it later, and you'll be completely shocked and overjoyed if something does. Also, you won't be left with that feeling that you've wasted so much time on one guy.

See him when you can, don't always try to make it just you and him though. Go out with friends. Not every dinner has to be romantic, take your buddies to your local diner with you. Make some time for you two to be alone, but try to make it so you're not always craving him.

The chemicals your body sends you while in a relationship are addicting. Often times you will be more addicted to the chemicals that come with "love" and not so much the person who is supposedly causing these chemicals. I'm not saying that you two don't have something special, it just sounds that, like 99.9% of everyone in the world, you are trying to push yourself into a relationship. Take things naturally. Your boyfriend should be nothing more than a friend who you've decided to be exclusively physical with. Be it hugging, kissing, sex... wherever you decide to draw the line.

Over time you will either naturally fall apart, or become closer and closer. If, after a year, maybe two, maybe even three, you find yourselves becoming closer (and not because you forced it, but because it just seems right, even with you're just out with mutual friends) then you can think about the next step. Until then, play it neutral. Make him your best friend, probably with physical benefits (try to keep the physical parts purely physical, and not psychological) and just let nature do it's thing. Believe me, and all of the older people who agree with me, if you let relationships form naturally, you will be assured you have something that will last forever. If you try and fight to stay together, and to be together all the time, especially if you feel you're only happy while together, you're heading down the wrong path. If you have to be with him to be happy, what are you going to do for the 40+ hours he's at work every week? How are you going to feel when he goes on that 2 week business trip? Or... how are you going to cope if he doesn't love you in the same way you love him in the end?

And, remember, it is very important that while you try and let things flow naturally, you should make sure you both are aware of the fact that you are being exclusive. You're not being physical with other people, and you're not purposely seeking out other people to be on the same psychological wavelength as.

A note on feeling upset when he's not around:

Right now it hurts when he's not around, and that loneliness and pain only makes it that much sweeter when he is around. If you are spending too much time worrying about when you're going to see him again, you are most likely hurting the relationship. At that point you are feeding the habit in your own mind and body that getting to see him fuels you like a drug. But what happens when you can be together all the time? Will he still fuel you the same way? or will he instead just bore you? You have to make sure the time your spending together is what you love, and not the feeling of being reunited as so many young couples suffer with.

If you want a more in depth reasoning of my opinions, please feel free to contact me, preferably through e-mail or AIM, both of which can be found in my profile. That goes for everyone else out there too. Not that I know everything, but I feel that my long years of depression which allowed me to see things in an unfeeling "out of body" way, have gained me much insight that I notice most people don't have. After all, most people don't live outside of themselves all the time.