Jmariofan7
Member
Here is chapter 1 of my review commentary that takes the script of IX and comments on it and picks apart all it’s problems. It’s pretty detailed and covers the whole game.
Everything Wrong with Final Fantasy IX
*FFIX is owned by Square*
Hello internet! This is the first chapter of my "Everything wrong with FFIX" critique of said titular game. Now the FF fanbase has constantly whined about FFVII being "overrated" but that statement in itself has become overrated, VII does deserve a lot of its praise for being revolutionary and groundbreaking, sure there were some minor flaws, but the Remake is fixing these (let's leave the whispers out of this, I honestly saw them as more of a middle finger to nostalgia filter anyway that got too ham-handed at the end), whereas FFIX constantly gets shilled and overhyped by the "nostalgia" fanbase (even if it might just be a vocal minority) as the "best game in the series" simply because it has castles and airships in it and it re-uses some classic designs like the old Black Mage design, not to mention all these Youtube reviewer videos and other sites give it really biased positive reviews. IX is the overrated one, it has tons of problems that are constantly overlooked, either due to the smaller amount of players (it is one of the least sold FF games outside of the NES and most of the SNES games), nostalgia goggles or BOTH, and tries WAY too hard to give nods to previous games.
FFIX has an astounding amount of pandering to it. It's like those "[blank] Movie" movies where there aren't any actual jokes, just references to other movies. IX is a hodge-podge of references to previous FF games, and seems to want to hang its hat on that like every other FF sequel hasn't made references to previous entries. It's frustrating to see tons of plot elements and characters recycled, sometimes almost completely unchanged with no attempt to improve or mix and match with them, from older entries and is perfectly content to just ride the nostalgia wave. FFIV's plot structure in a number of places, right down to a nearly carbon-copy reproduction of the final boss switch is the most blatant.
But one of the biggest problems of IX is the poorly done love story that the game pretends is a bigger deal than it really is, along with many other problems, and that is what this fic is for, this is all constructive criticism, I don't want to hate on IX, it had a lot of potential that was wasted and this is going to point it out and hopefully make more people notice, especially with rumours of a IX Remake, not to mention the French animation announcement, so that like the VII Remake, it will fix these issues and do things better.
Now before we begin, I'm am going to point out that while this is inspired by Cinema Sins and another bunch of fics that uses its style called "Everything Wrong with Ace Attorney", credit to it's author, this won't be completely similar, I'm not doing a counter. I will also use some of the statements from another reviewer on a blog called "Final Fantasy? Whatever." who also gave IX a really critical review. Credit goes to him.
I will be using the copy and pasted IX script but I won't use every single bit of dialogue, just the notable bits. My comments will be in bold. Also SPOILERS of course, not that it matters since this game has been out for a few decades already and will have pretty disappointing payoffs.
Chapter 1: Disk 1.1 - Alexandria
[FMV. A big storm at sea, waves crashing & harsh winds, and a boat. The boat is being tossed around by the storm. Two people, faces unseen, are on the boat. A huge wave tosses the ship in the air, before crashing it down. A closeup of the faces shows someone who looks like Princess Garnet. Instantly, the scene shifts towards a scene with Garnet, sitting outside a window, waking up. Rubbing the fatigue from her eyes]
I want you all to remember this part, this isn't a critique against this scene itself, just that I will be using it as an example later on as to why Garnet's ignorance of the world is so nonsensical.
[Someone jumps down, with the head of a dragon. Battle ensues. By the end of the battle, it's revealed that the one you were fighting was Baku, leader of Tantalus, a.k.a. "Boss"]
Baku "Hey, fools!"
"You're lookin' a lot better!"
"Gwahahaha!"
"Alright! Let's start this meeting already!"
Not even going to explain what was up with that whole dragon head thing and attacking the others, huh?
Zidane "Okay!"
[Choose between "That's when I kidnap Queen Brahne, right?" or "That's when I kidnap Princess Garnet, right?". Choose the latter choice]
Baku "You bet! You're gonna kidnap the most babe-ilicious beauty in all of Alexandria, Princess Garnet!"
And said "Kidnapping" and first few hours of the game will all be rendered completely pointless, but we will get to that nonsense when the time comes.
[FMV. An orange-yellowish sky is above Alexandria. A small black mage, walking and stumbling, looks up to see the massive Theater Ship pass overhead, casting a shadow over him. The ship moves into place, near Alexandria castle. The crystal, in the center of the castle, is focused upon, as the words "FINAL FANTASY IX" appear on the screen]
Okay first thing, The Crystal.
As many know, crystals are a staple of the FF series, with most games having some form of crystals in it and varying story significance, this game being one of them, however this game and the advertisement for it really overhyped the Crystal, it being on the logo art, the tagline literally being "The Crystal comes back", etc… but there's no freaking crystal in 99% of the game. It's just thrown in at the last minute with barely any buildup and referencing throughout the entire game. They can't even get THAT right. Not that it's close to being one of the biggest issues with the game, it's just...really funny that even the most simplistic nostalgic promise of the game was an outright lie.
Speaking of "nostalgic promises" another thing to talk about is the artwork.
Now people have mocked IX's artwork in the past, but it's not one of the biggest problems and people focus too much on that as opposed to the other issues with the game and story, but I'm talking more about how the artwork is another one of the game's "nostalgia promises" being an absolute lie. The artwork in the older FF games during the NES and SNES was done by Yoshitaka Amano, and since FFIX was supposed to be using the classical style, that means that IX would use his artwork, right? Well not really, he did draw concept art, but the staff didn't use them and instead had the guy who later on did Crystal Chronicles (not a critique against that game, just a detail) do the art. They got this genius artist back to do the character art and… used almost none of it. The chibi art style would have been less controversial if they still looked like Amano characters! IX is supposed to be in the classical FF style and yet they didn't even use the artist who did that classic style.
Heck, FFXV (with all it's own flaws) handled this all better, not only did it have a Crystal that was repeatedly build up and referenced throughout the entire game, it used Amano's artwork! While Nomura's artwork was used for the human characters, Amano's classic designs were used for the creatures and monsters.
Ticketmaster "They're star performers from Lindblum, the regency from the west, with accompaniment from Lav Layderce!"
Where does Tantalus get such a reputation if they're freaking thieves? Who is this "Lav Layderce"?
There are also several other things that confuse me about this scenario. They have a theater ship, costumes, actors who know all the lines to a popular play, etc. Plus, they are performing for royalty, which I'm guessing your average theater company couldn't just show up and do. It seems like quite a masquerade for a bunch of thieves, unless they are also an actual theater company. But if that were the case, then why did Baku refer to them as the "infamous" band of thieves, Tantalus? Infamous, as in everyone has heard of them. I could buy the whole "thieves and theater company" thing, but who has the time to do both?
Ticketmaster "This play is a tale of romance between a noble and a peasant! You really must see it!"
"And it's also supposed to be foreshadowing and a reflection for the actual love story that is supposed to be a major focus in this game, but you'll actually find yourself seeing the play's love story as better done and preferring it instead!"
Ticketmaster "Unfortunately, I've heard strange things about Queen Brahne recently."
Oh really? JUST strange things? I want everyone to remember these words because they will keep coming back in full force, and ironically showing that even this simple random ticket booth NPC know's something is up with Brahne and how there is even gossip going around about the Queen, while the highly educated princess who is supposed to have an up-close view of all this is an oblivious and in-denial moron.
Got nothing to say on the Vivi and Puck segment, but I will briefly mention the Tetra Master card game, the tutorial for it sucks, all the tutorial says is "Hey, figure out the rules on your own." Hey, screw you. You made up the rules, you tell me how to play. Don't give me a card with a bunch of random stuff on it and expect me to do all the hard work. Even FFVIII explained it's own card game. We can just skip ahead now.
[FMV. Night Time, and Alexandria castle, with the theater ship stationed inside, is shown. The band is playing, and the audience is watching. Vivi and Puck run up, and start to clap. The face of Queen Brahne, fanning herself, is shown, followed by Garnet and a knight. Garnet looks a tad drowsy; the knight looks at her and smiles. He moves his sword forward, as the play starts. Fireworks and rambunctious music fill the air. Vivi and Puck look at it all with amazement. The knight looks at Garnet again, and his mouth opens with shock, as he sees Garnet practically falling asleep, eyes struggling to stay open. As the fireworks and music continue, the Queen is dancing around, out of her seat.]
Well here is Queen Brahne, one of the most cartoonish, over the top characters in the series. Sure, Final Fantasy has had cartoonish and exaggerated antagonists before, like the Shinra Executives and Kefka, but Brahne takes it to a whole new level, even by the formers standards! Brahne makes them look subtle and realistic in comparison. Watching her for too long can make you physically ill, and is also one big stereotype that "unattractive and/or overweight people are bad".
[Baku, dressed in a big robe, is in the center of the stage]
"Ladies and Gentlemen!"
"Tonight's performance is a story that takes place long, long ago."
"Our heroine, Princess Cornelia, is torn from her lover, Marcus."
"She attempts to flee the castle, only to be captured by her father, King Leo."
"When our story begins, Marcus, having heard this, crosses swords with the King."
"And now, Your Royal Majesty, Queen Brahne, Your Highness, Princess Garnet..."
"...noble ladies and lords, and our rooftop viewers, Tantalus proudly presents 'I Want to Be Your Canary'!"
Here we go with the 'I Want to Be Your Canary' play, which I have quite a few things to say about. I was honestly expecting the whole play to be huge forshadowing for the events of the story, VIII did something similar with the vocal Latin Choir in it's opening FMV sequence in which it's lyrics foreshadowed the game. I mean, the play in literally done in "book ends" with the beginning and end of the game. But no, the only real connection to the plot is the play's love story with the thief Marcus and Princess Cornelia (which is much better done than the actual love story with Zidane and Garnet, but I'll be addressing them soon), which is really disappointing. This just overhypes the love story of Zidane and Garnet.
It's just a retread of the opera scene from FFVI, but the difference was that in VI it was just at a random point in the game, and just a fun sidetrack to show off the capabilities of the SNES, here in IX it's at the beginning and end of the game and the developers could have actually done something more unique and different, like how about Lord Avon, 'I want to be you Canary's" author actually based the play off of a dream or "vision" he had which was actually a clairvoyant view into the future, due to some mystical or celestial event (details can be ironed out more), which was actually the story events of IX and thus the play all really was huge foreshadowing, almost prophetic, with the main characters of the play representing Zidane and Garnet, and other cast members can be other characters like Vivi, Eiko, Steiner, Beatrix, Kuja, Garland, etc.
Nothing else to say, skipping past the play itself and the Zidane and Blank dueling mini-game.
[The screen fades to black, as sounds of punches, along with "Doof!" and "Ungha!"-type exclamations are seen. When the screen fades into color, Zidane and Blank are wearing the armor of two knights, who are lying down on the floor]
They aren't going to lock those two unconscious guards in the lockers or a box so that their cover won't be blown too early if the unconscious guards are discovered or wake up?
[Zidane runs up a set of stairs, as someone else, face hidden, opens a set of doors and runs forward. The two of them stop, avoiding a collision]
Zidane (Hmm? She sure is dressed funny...)
Hooded Girl "Umm... Would you please let me pass?"
Zidane "Hmm..."
[Choose between "Let her pass" or "Examine her face". Neither choice matters, but, choosing the second one makes it more interesting]
Zidane "Let's see..."
Hooded Girl "Is there something on my face?"
Zidane "Oh, no. You see..."
"I just thought maybe you were the one I'd been waiting for all this time."
Hooded Girl "Excuse me? You were waiting for me?"
Zidane "Yeah! I've dreamt of meeting you here ever since I was born!"
Hooded Girl "Do you mock me?"
Zidane "No, of course not..."
Hooded Girl "Then, I shall take my leave of you!"
[She tries to walk by, but Zidane blocks her way]
Zidane "Just a sec!"
"Haven't we met before?"
Hooded Girl "No, I do not know you..."
Zidane "Hmm..."
"Maybe you're right... I'd never let someone as pretty as you get away."
"Say, you wouldn't-"
Okay I know Zidane is characterized as a flirt and all, but here, on a responsible mission, your timer is ticking, and you generally sneaked into a castle teeming with enemy soldiers (most of which are female, mind you), and you start flirting with the first girl you come across? They shouldn't have called him Zidane, but Bonobo.
[Blank runs part of the way up the stairs]
Blank "Hey, what's goin' on, Zidane?"
Hooded Girl "I..."
"I must go!"
[She runs past Zidane, spinning him around, then past Blank, down the stairs]
Blank "Who the heck was that!?"
Zidane "Get up, Blank! That was Princess Garnet!"
You didn't immediately notice when you where closely checking out her face?
Blank "Are you serious!?"
[The two of them run down the stairs and off the screen. Meanwhile, at the set of stairs near the entrance of the castle are the two Jesters, Zorn and Thorn, clad in blue and red respectively]
Ah yes, these characters, which according to the Ultimania are "over 80 years old" and "aren't actually twins" which never gets fully explained (expect to see that statement a lot).
Zorn "We are in trouble!"
Thorn "Trouble are we in!"
Zorn "This is terrible!"
Thorn "Our heads, Queen Brahne will have!"
Zorn "We must hurry!"
Thorn "Hurry, we must!"
[They run up some stairs]
Zorn "We are in trouble!
Thorn "Trouble are we in!"
[Next screen]
Thorn "The right way, that is not!"
Zorn "I know it is not the right way!"
Thorn "Really, do you?"
Zorn "I really do!"
Thorn "Wonder, I sometimes do."
Zorn "N-Now is not the time to wonder!"
Thorn "Hurry to Queen Brahne, must we!"
Zorn "We must hurry to Queen Brahne!"
[They run up the stairs which the Hooded Girl, Blank and Zidane ran down. Thorn runs towards the doors which the Hooded Girl exited]
Zorn "That is not the right way!"
Thorn "N-Not the right way, I know!"
Zorn "Do you really?"
Thorn "Know I really do!"
Zorn "I really wonder sometimes."
Thorn "Th-The time to wonder, now is not!"
"Hurry to see Her Majesty, we must!"
Zorn "We must hurry and tell Her Majesty!"
Thank you for wasting a bunch of time with this pointlessly dragged out scene, Sakaguchi and co-writers, and before anyone says anything, I have nothing against Sakaguchi as a person, he is just better as a producer than he is as a writer, and IX's writing, which he was heavily involved in, really shows. Also nostalgia shills like to toss around his "IX is my favourite FF" quote around like it actually means something, he said the same exact thing about FFV, this is also the same guy that nearly tanked his entire company with that awful "The Spirits Within" movie. Sure. "His opinion is gospel". I'd also like to point out he was going to do THIS in FFVII if Nomura hadn't stopped him and the others:
Tetsuya Nomura:
But if I hadn't stopped you, in the second half of the game, you were planning to kill everyone off but the final three characters the player chooses!
Yoshinori Kitase: No way! I wrote that? Where?
Tetsuya Nomura: In the scene where they parachute into Midgar. You wanted everyone to die there!
Yoshinori Kitase: Really? Wait, I'm starting to remember …
Tetsuya Nomura: Yeah, remember? You and [writer] Nojima-san were all excited about this. I was the one who said "No way!" and stopped you guys. You wanted to kill everyone except the final three characters the player chose for the endgame.
Of course Nomura had no involvement in IX, which is probably one of the reasons why it was so lacklustre and disappointing, he definitely would have objected to a lot of the questionable writing and tried to improve some things.
[They run into the Queen's room, and try to run to her, but the knight gets in the way]
Thorn "See the queen, we must!"
Captain of the Knights of Pluto "Her Majesty is busy! Come back later!"
Beatrix "Is it an emergency?"
Thorn "An emergency, it is!"
Zorn "A veritable emergency of terrible urgency!"
Beatrix "Very well. I'll see what I can do."
Thorn "Very grateful, we'll be!"
Zorn "We'll be very grateful!"
Captain of the Knights of Pluto "Grrr! Curse that Beatrix! Always trying to one-up me!"
I'd like to point out that Beatrix and Steiner are "in love" later in the game, this is the "chemistry" we get before that point.
Beatrix "So, what exactly is the problem?"
Zorn "Her Royal Highness..."
Thorn "Princess Garnet..."
Thorn & Zorn "...is in danger!"
Beatrix "I see. Wait right there."
[Beatrix walks down to the Queen, who is watching the play]
Queen Brahne "No interruptions! Can't you see I'm watching the show!?"
Beatrix "Your Majesty, I'm afraid Princess Garnet has-"
Queen Brahne "Ah, yes... She did leave her seat awhile ago."
Beatrix "Your Majesty, it seems that Princess Garnet has run off with the Royal Pendant."
When did Zorn and Thorn say that? They just said that the Princess "was in danger".
Queen Brahne "Well, of all the... What could she be thinking!?"
"General Beatrix!"
Beatrix "Your Majesty!"
Queen Brahne "And, Captain...uh..."
[Name the character "Steiner"]
This is Steiner, the guy who is basically a flanderization of previous knight-like characters like Frog/Glenn from Chrono Trigger, and his schtick of unfunny slapstick and denial of Brahne's crazy behaviour will get old really fast.
Skipping the "Steiner calls on Pluto Knights" part, nothing to say there.
Steiner "Whew... Fatigue rears its ugly head."
"No! I must perservere!"
"The princess must be found!"
[On the right tower, across from the left, Zidane is chasing the Hooded Girl]
Steiner "Wait! Over there!"
"It's Princess Garnet!"
"Being hounded by brigands! Fear not, Princess! Your knight is coming!"
This scene, where Garnet turns in endless circles over the tower roof from Zidane, is something with something. To be precise, these are rotten slapstick clichés with a smell. Like any Steiner scene.
[FMV. The princess climbs on top of the edge and looks at Zidane, then, falls off the edge. Steiner goes ballistic, thinking she's falling to her death, when, in fact, she's holding onto a cord of some sort. Zidane holds onto a cord as well, along with Steiner. Garnet and Zidane land comfortably on a mattress of some sort, while Steiner smashes into the side of the Theater Ship. The FMV ends, and Zidane jumps inside the Theater Ship, where a band with several members is playing]
I'd like to point out that the same girl that just did this will then, after successfully running away from Alexandria, devolve into a really cliché naïve princess stereotype with barely any real personality, and a lot of wangst.
[The Hooded Girl runs down a set of stairs behind Ruby. Zidane follows her and finally catches up. They're in the room where he first lit the candle at the start of the game]
Zidane "Whew... Well, it looks like you've finally made up your mind."
(Wow. We really had to improvise. But hey, we got her!)
Hooded Girl "Do you... do you work on this theater ship?"
Zidane (Aww... So she figured it out, huh?)
Hooded Girl "As you have no doubt suspected..."
"...the truth is that..."
"I am actually..."
[Removes her hood]
"Princess Garnet Til Alexandros, heir to the throne of Alexandria."
Garnet "I have a favor I wish to ask of you..."
"I wish to be kidnapped... right away."
Zidane "H-Huh!? I don't... I mean..."
To quote Rabtoon's "FFIX in a nutshell" video:
Zidane: "What's the catch?"
Garnet: "Four Disks of "will they, won't they" bulls*** between us."
That and as I said at the very top, one of the worst parts of IX is the poorly done love story, which the game makes out to be more of a bigger deal and focus than it actually is, it is really overhyped, and if you think I'm exaggerating, look at:
a) The "I want to be your Canary" play that represents Zidane and Garnet, and it being at the beginning and end of the game, which I've already discussed above.
b) The fact that the main theme "Melodies of Life" is a love song which plays constantly, in different mixes, throughout the game (even serving as the World Map theme! Until Disk 4 anyway), not even VIII's and X's love songs were played out that much.
And finally, c) The commercials and ads for IX generally gave off the impression it was romance focused with most of them playing Melodies of Life and showing off mostly Zidane's and Garnet's scenes, don't believe me? Look at them yourself.
As the game goes on I will be talking about how badly done this love story is, and before anyone says anything, yes, I am a big romance, love story, feminine grace guy, not embarrassed to admit it, so piss off with any toxic masculinity and testosterone poisoning. Now I don't judge other stories that aren't love story focused, heck, I read/watch One Piece, the best Manga and that doesn't even have love stories (though it does have a lot of teases), but I am judging IX on this so much because it acts like it is love story focused.
After FFVII, which had the love triangle with Cloud-Tifa-Aerith and that whole affection invisible score thing which determines who you date at the Gold Saucer, the three main games after it, VIII, IX and X (which I like to call the "love trilogy") all had major love stories of the main male and female characters, Squall/Rinoa, Zidane/Garnet and Tidus/Yuna, and Zidane and Garnet is the worst done out of these three, Squall/Rinoa and Tidus/Yuna had real developed romances while Garnet and Zidane fell in love for being within five feet of each other for a long period of time despite Garnet ABANDONING HIM and blowing him off, but we will get to that scene when the time comes in Lindblum. Heck, even VII's love story had more focus and better execution despite it not even having a love song as it's main theme, nor having the main couple on it's box cover or logo like VIII or X did, and the VII remake is even expanding on it.
[They hear a knock on the door, followed by "Princess! Where are you?". Garnet places her hood back on]
Garnet "Please... They've come for me!"
Zidane "Aha... So that's what's going on..."
"Alright! Leave them to me!"
Garnet "Thank you. You have my gratitude."
Zidane "Alright then, Your Highness!"
"I shall hereby do my best to kidnap you!"
And your best will all be rendered pointless at the end of Lindblum near the end of disk 1.
[Zidane and Garnet follow Cinna into the room where they first held their meeting at the start of the game. Meanwhile, the door which was knocked on twice is opened]
Steiner "Princess?"
[Walks into the room]
"Princess..."
"Princess!"
"Princess...?"
"PRINCESS!?"
"Princess?"
Best get used to this, you can have a drinking game for how much Steiner says "Princess".
[A knight runs into the room]
Steiner "Where have you been!?"
Knight "Sir! I'm sorry, sir!"
Steiner "Princess!"
[Meanwhile, in the other room...]
Zidane "Hey, Cinna! This is a dead end!"
Cinna "Hehehe. I thought this might happen..."
[Cinna exclaims "Open!" followed by "Sesame!", as the table lifts to reveal a passageway leading under the floor]
"So I set up this escape hatch!"
[Steiner knocks on the door, saying "Princess!"]
Zidane "Wow, you're really athletic, Princess. I think I'm falling for you!"
Garnet "This is nothing. I have been training to escape the castle, after all."
You've been training to escape the castle, and yet you don't know what knives and crops are (that's for later during the Dali chapter). I refer you to what I said above when she jumped off the roof and swung on a rope.
Zidane "What a waste. If only you weren't a princess..."
Yeah… this isn't going to stop you. (But it is going to cause some forced drama when Disk 3 starts)
Garnet "We have no time for idle banter. Come, let us move on!"
Oh just you wait, we'll be getting lots of obnoxious banter for a lot of the game, especially from Steiner.
[They run off the screen with Cinna, only to meet up with Steiner in the other room]
Steiner "Aha!"
"Princess! I, Steiner, have come to your rescue!"
[The Pluto Knight runs into the room the way Zidane and co. ran in]
Pluto Knight "You needn't worry, Your Highness!"
Steiner "Good work! This will be remembered as the Pluto Knights' finest hour!"
Pluto Knight "Hehehe!"
"Just relax, Princess. We'll get you outta here!"
Steiner "WHAT!?"
"You're not one of my knights!"
How did you figure that out? Blank didn't really say anything that blew his cover, was something lost in translation?
Zidane "You can just..."
Cinna "...leave the princess..."
Zidane, Cinna, and the Pluto Knight "...to us!"
[Zidane and Garnet run into another room. The scene then changes to King Leo, back on the stage, doing a monologue]
Skipping most of this, nothing to say here.
[The two platforms rise up, as Garnet, Zidane, and Steiner join the group of King Leo, Marcus, Benero and Zenero]
Zidane "(Guys! Just improvise!)"
Steiner "Ho? What's all this?"
[Marcus breaks free from the guards, runs up to Garnet, and proclaims "Cornelia!"]
Garnet "(Um...)"
Zidane "(Marcus is Corenlia's lover!)"
Garnet "Oh, Marcus!"
Zidane "(Yeah, you're doing great!)"
Garnet "(Ahaha. I have studied drama, you know.)"
Again, I'm going to remind everyone that Garnet is supposed to be highly educated and intelligent, she is even, in this very scene, improvising her way out on a dime, but once we leave Alexandria, she is going to be hit with huge character derailment, Flanderization and wishy washy behaviour, and I'm going to be pointing out every little bit.
Baku "(Okay, guys. Let's keep going. Brahne's still watchin', after all!)"
Garnet "Oh, Marcus! I missed you so!"
[Hugs Marcus]
"I wish never to leave thy side. Prithee, lead me from this place!"
Funny how the play has a better love story than the actual love story of Zidane and Garnet in IX, especially since Garnet leaves Zidane's side the first chance she gets in Lindblum.
Zidane "See, King Leo? Thou shouldst give them thy blessing!"
King Leo "Never!"
"Never leave his side, thou sayest?"
"Foolish banter! I'll not allow it!"
"Cornelia shall marry none other than this man - Prince Schneider!"
"Is that not so, Prince Schneider?"
Steiner "M-Marry the princess? Me!?"
King Leo "Aye! And this traitorous crew, I will put to death!"
[Zidane and Marcus attack the two guards]
Benero "Too many of them!"
Zenero "Run away!"
[They run off the screen. King Leo approaches Garnet]
King Leo "Pray, sweet daughter, come home to the castle with me."
Garnet "Nay, Father! I shan't return!"
Again, ironic considering what this play is supposed to be foreshadowing, but yet Garnet will suddenly, arbitrarily deciding to run all the way back home to the castle like an idiot after wanting to escape.
King Leo "Cornelia... Trouble me no more."
"This wedding is for thine own welfare. Be mindful of that."
Marcus "Not if I can help it!"
"Now is my moment of vengeance! For my parents, and for my love, Cornelia..."
[Draws sword]
"I shall cut thee down!"
[Marcus steps forward to stab Leo. Garnet goes in front of Leo, who steps back, and she gets stabbed by the sword, going "Ngh!" in the process. On the other side of the screen, Steiner begins to breakdown, thinking she was actually stabbed]
Marcus "No... Cornelia!"
Garnet "Mar...cus, forgive me. I still love my father..."
King Leo "Cornelia!"
Steiner "Princess!"
Garnet "Prithee, forgive my selfishness, Father, and spare my sweet Marcus..."
Marcus "What have I done!? Am I never to hear her loving voice again!?"
"Am I cursed never again to feel her soft touch!?"
"O, cruel fate! Thou hast robbed me of all I treasure!"
I've already said this about the play, but I'd just like to point out that I thought that this particular part was foreshadowing a later scene with Zidane and Garnet where he accidentally stabs her, but nope, we get nothing of the sort, there could have been a lot of great foreshadowing for the entire game in the play, but there wasn't any.
[Marcus stabs himself, exclaiming "Ngah!". Zidane exclaims "Marcus!". The screen changes to a view of Queen Brahne, who is watching the events unfold]
Queen Brahne "Oh, my!"
"This year's show is splendid!"
"Waaaaaaa!"
"Why did she have to die!? Why!?"
Funny coming from the psycho who commits mass murder later.
Queen Brahne
(Now, where could Garnet be?)
"Boo-hoo-hooo!"
[Over to Puck and Vivi...]
Puck "Wow, what a show!"
Vivi "Yeah, so sad..."
Puck "I'm glad we climbed all the way over here. How 'bout you, huh?"
"Uh oh! Looks like trouble!"
[Puck and Vivi both run away, as two knights chase them]
Haagen, Pluto Knight VIII "Stop, you!"
Weimar, Pluto Knight VII "Come back, trespassers!"
Shouldn't you knights be more concerned with finding the princess than chasing these two random kids?
Zidane "Princess Garnet! Let's get outta here!"
Steiner "What... What is going on!?"
Garnet "Steiner! Don't follow me anymore!"
Haagen, Pluto Knight VIII "Captain, sir! We await your orders, sir!"
Steiner "Hmmm... Well... Umm... Errr..."
"Princess! I'm afraid I cannot comply!"
Garnet "Stubborn as always, aren't you?"
Well you didn't really give him a good reason why. Seriously, you couldn't just simply tell him that the Queen was going crazy?
[Battle: Steiner & the two knights versus Zidane, Garnet, Vivi and Marcus. After the battle is done, the scene changes to the Theater Ship's bridge]
Cinna "Stabilizers configured!"
Baku "Good!"
Blank "Engine room is good to go!"
Baku "Alright!"
"We're movin' out!
Blank "Roger that!"
[FMV. The Theater Ship begins to ascend, with Garnet, Zidane, and Vivi on the deck. The Queen notices this and orders for it to be stopped. Several harpoons are fired, all of which connect with the Theater Ship, bring it down and crashing some Alexandrian buildings. The Queen signals for another cannon, which is revealed above where she's sitting, and something is fired out; after a few moments you notice it's a fiery Bomb! Battle ensues: Steiner vs. Garnet, Zidane, Vivi and Marcus. They repeatedly warn him that there's a bomb behind him, and to turn around, but he doesn't pay attention until the end of the battle, when he first sees it. By that time, the Bomb had grown several times during the fight to be alot bigger than when it started out]
Ah yes, a really dumb rendition of the "warn person of the enemy behind person and said person doesn't listen" schtick, first off, how did Steiner not notice the bomb being fired out of the cannon from the castle? Secondly, why is the party stupidly fighting Steiner when they can just ignore him and go for the bomb itself?
[Another FMV follows after the fight is over: the bomb explodes, and the Queen cheers, thinking that the Theater Ship was destroyed. But it emerges from the cloud of smoke, in one pieces, but with fire and smoke emanating from everywhere, as it departs Alexandria. The queen, visibly pissed, snaps her fan in half. The theater ship, losing power, barely stays afloat on the cloud of mist]
Why would she be cheering over the ship's destruction? You do realize that would mean that Garnet is dead and thus you lose the Eidolons rights?
Cinna "We're gonna crash!"
[FMV. The ship descends the mist, where it is much darker than above it; the ship lands smack dab in the middle of a forest area. A large explosion of fire can be seen some ways away]
Queen Brahne "Garnet..."
"I never imagined you would do such a thing. Perhaps you're not such a helpless little girl anymore..."
The dialogue with Brahne here is bizarre, considering this is the same person that throughout the rest of the game is portrayed as a murderous lunatic who was even willing to execute said daughter. She sounds less like a raving lunatic and more like a concerned curious parent here.
Queen Brahne "Zorn!"
[Zorn appears on the right side of the screen]
"Thorn!"
[Thorn appears on the left side]
"Is out little experiment ready?"
Zorn "Yes, Your Majesty. It is combat-ready."
Thorn "Easily terminate Princess Garnet, it can, Your Majesty."
Queen Brahne "I need her alive!"
"Bring her back at once!"
Than why did you fire a massive explosive onto the stage of the Prima Vista and highly risk killing Garnet? Also why are Zorn and Thorn automatically assuming that the order is to "terminate" Garnet? Aren't they part of the Eidolon extraction ritual (Which also never gets fully explained), don't they know this?
Also where is Beatrix? Shouldn't she be really concerned about Garnet and talking to the Queen about finding her? She doesn't seem to be questioning why the Queen is sending dangerous creatures that could potentially harm innocent people going after Garnet instead of simply sending Beatrix herself to get Garnet back. This is going to tie into my complaints about Beatrix's later behaviour and portrayal when she is in Burmecia and Cleyra.
End of Chapter 1
End of Chapter notes:
Welp, that's the first chapter of this big critique done, wasn't that long, nor that much commentary, but that's only because the real problems don't start until the ending point of Lindblum on Disk 1, before that point the beginning parts of IX are okay and tolerable, but once we reach said point in Lindblum, it will be a downward spiral of a train wreck and disappointment that many overlook due to nostalgia filter or focusing way too much of their hate on FFXIII (say what you will about that game, it's linearity and other issues, but it wasn't as painful for me to play through as IX was and still had a better love story).